Discussion Depression/anxiety

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Jojo775, Sep 3, 2019.

  1. Jojo775

    Jojo775 Well-Known Member

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    I have a cousin that suffers from this shit or something similar, not sure. She barely managed to finish hs 2 years late. Not coz she's dumb, not at all. She refused to go to school mostly, went trough dozens of hours at therapists, has trouble sleeping and doesn't have interest in any job or hobby. She's some kind of fashion hipster, obssesed with makep - like won't get out of the house if she doesn't spend 2h on it, not that she leaves the house much.
    I thought she was just spoiled by her rich parents, but looks like she has serious issues. Can anyone relate, what would take for that kind of person to get out and start doing something? Force is not an option, even if it would work which even I don't believe anymore, her parents wouldn't do it.
     
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2019
  2. OceanMagix

    OceanMagix Catnapping periodically. Existence is oblivious

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    Forcing to have to go out would suck.
    Having an interest, and thus a reason to go out. But you’ll probably have to slowly let her take her time to be willing to really go out?

    Well, half the time my mom plans to go out which I usually end up backing out of cause my mood just wasn’t in it at the last minute and her ranting over my actions probably didn’t help.

    Perhaps having a friend to meet-up with would be a better initiative/appeal?

    Or just make a plan to eat out for starters
     
  3. MangoGuy

    MangoGuy Rambling Mango

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    She has serious issues, for which a therapist is the best person to advice you.
     
  4. OceanMagix

    OceanMagix Catnapping periodically. Existence is oblivious

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    Right, you will need to be patient with her.
     
  5. Walter vi Britannia

    Walter vi Britannia Well-Known Member

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    Maybe hook her up with somebody, she'll find love and some dramatic story will unfold that will eventually lead her to finding herself and being born as a new person to better herself for the person she loves...

    ...or have I just been reading too many novels?
     
  6. Alexander Valdimir

    Alexander Valdimir Well-Known Member

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    I'm curious, I'm having this feeling that she once had a relationship that ended badly to the point where she's insecure if her fashion, makeup or whatever isn't up to the standard. Or if she never did had one than perhaps more towards a masquerader, Where if she doesn't put on a mask than she'll feel like too many people will judge her. Naturally this is all my speculation.
     
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  7. OceanMagix

    OceanMagix Catnapping periodically. Existence is oblivious

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    ....
    To much yy.
     
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  8. Vilidious

    Vilidious Well-Known Member

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    Let's see, I've had at least mild depression for a long time.

    The thing with therapists and outside help is that they can at most try to show a way to a person who already wants *and* is able to change.

    I'm not one of those people, as my trouble comes from personality.

    The best thing I have found to work for normal random bad days is simply to give up on that day.

    I go to sleep early and the next day is rarely that poopy.

    In your cousin's case, maybe she is in fact octrasized/bullied at school?

    Since she does a lot of make up (self improvement), I feel she really cares about what others think, and there is likely a reason for severe distaste for school.

    Imo depression is targeted more towards self. Feelings of own worthlessness irrespective of outside society. F.ex. I don't really care if I wear somewhat embarrassing clothes and went to school since I didn't have better things to do. Even if I die in a plane crash, it'd be closer to "meh, okay then".

    Anyway, first thing that can be done is a change of diet to a balanced one, it may help her energy levels to cope with it.

    Second, she'd need luck and to find someone she cares about and *who she can safely care about*. So not a jackass who tears her brittle self to pieces.

    Even if the feelings are one sided, she will mature and hopefully realize that, after all, she is just a normal person.

    It's imho about acceptance and coping, not about being *labelled* sick or different or being shunned because of it.

    In the end, she is just a normal girl, and she has to realize it herself even if the society doesn't, and feel accepted.

    Because I'm pretty sure her former different behavior gets her treated like a weird/sick person and/or bullied, even though she could be fine as is.

    Oh yeah, maybe just crush the hamster wheel around her and get her to a different *safe* environment that doesn't know/care about her old stuff. It might make things easier for her.

    In the end, the only thing a person can *never* escape is own self.

    Old friends and "life" changes even if you don't want to.

    Short Extension:

    The message she needs to understand, first and foremost, is that her close ones "want to cheer her up because she is sad". Only that.

    You wouldn't post what you did, if it wasn't so.

    All these labels and technical terms like depression, therapy, her having problems that need professional help, her family's wealth, school, society's expectations, and so on are all only making it worse and harder for her to understand what is the point of it all.

    Just look at her for what she is and sincerely show with words and deeds that she is loved, good enough, and people only want her to be happy for her own sake.

    Clinical depression and medication comes when everything else has really really been attempted and *she is willing to try them*.

    I feel too often people medicate problems that could have been solved sinply with effort and care, and only create more problems.
     
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2019
  9. Ignus

    Ignus Philosopher of Flames

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    Take away her entertainment.
    Social Media, Cat Pictures, Light Novels, Anime, whatever she is into.
    Boredom will help her spread her wings out.

    You can pick up lots of useful info from people like Jordan Peterson.
    His books, lecture series on Psycology (Not his Political stuff)
     
  10. dawdling137

    dawdling137 Member

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    Firstly, have you had a conversation with your cousin about her condition? Or are you basing this off of relative’s gossip? Have a chat, ask for her opinion, let her know you want to help in a way that won’t trigger her anxiety/depression. (By the way, these are two different conditions and she may have only one or may have both, which will affect what and how much your cousin is able to cope with.)

    If that conversation goes well and she wants and can accept your help, find ways to encourage her interests, but don’t force it. You said she’s into fashion and make-up. Why not ask if she’s interested in something like cosmetology, make-up artist certification, fashion design/styling, or starting her own beauty/fashion YouTube channel.
     
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  11. ludagad

    ludagad Addicted to escapist novels

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    Honestly, pills. If it's a brain chemistry problem, only pills help, not talking.
     
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  12. bgta

    bgta Well-Known Member

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    I have some close friends who also suffer from depression. Most of the days they are completely normal, look happy and able to joke around. But, then, they suddenly disappeared. No contact whatsoever, no replies on my messages.

    Given that I live far away from them, all I did was constantly reminding them that I'm there. I spared my time writing long emails, just talking about my days. Asking them if I can help with anything, if what I did was too intrusive, and so fort and so on.
    Things got better eventually, but the depression is never fully gone, or so they told me.
    So, what I'm doing is just be a good friend. Reach out regularly, ask them how they are doing when I thought they are a bit down, joked around.

    I also have another friend who was kinda clammed up when things went bad for him. This time nearby. I tried to pry him out. Making appointments just to study together or have lunch. He bailed out a lot, without reason or news. I didn't have the mental capacity to be patient, so I gave up in the end.
    So, yeah, if you decided to do something, just know that it won't be easy. It will be frustrating at best.
     
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  13. OceanMagix

    OceanMagix Catnapping periodically. Existence is oblivious

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    ....... really?!?!?
    #%*+^..............
     
  14. Jojo775

    Jojo775 Well-Known Member

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    Not bullied. She went to a good school, then transfered to a private one due to lack of attendance, she didn't go to a private one either really, only her mum helping her study(otherwise she wouldn't), money and connections helped her finish school. Basically 6 years of this, her parents really suffered.
    Her parents tried this though it didn't sound like they enforced it for long or overmuch.
    It's not gossip. We're not that close and I don't wanna bring up something that she won't wanna talk about(I did once and somehow we ended up talking about my problems lol, guess she's good at deflecting), or bring my aunt's mood down.
    She did, she "fixed" her nose. It was fine. I guess she's insecure coz she's skinny and tall, but she's pretty and there are plenty of guys who are into that and she has dated.
     
  15. Beer_Kitty

    Beer_Kitty Just a very very drunk kitty that likes beer

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    Seems like shes one of those people who will get into plastic surgery if she got her own money.
    Just my opinion, she is kinda insecure rather than depressed. Insecure of her image. Maybe got dumped by some guy and got criticized for her dull looks.
    If she is close to one of her parents or relative, let them have a try to talk to her.
    Or simply go to her former school and ask the guidance councilor or something.
     
  16. Bloodysin28

    Bloodysin28 Well-Known Member

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    Enlist her to the military and ship her to the front lines then she will know real depression and anxiety.
     
  17. Ignus

    Ignus Philosopher of Flames

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    Yah, really.
    The simple things really do matter.
    Maintaining a healthy sleep schedule, exercise, and person to person socialization are paramount when dealing with depression.

    Entertainment is used to avoid dealing with reality, going outside, socializing, as well as can and will interrupt sleep schedule. Stuff like turning off your phone 1 hour before bed keeps you from using it past your bed time etc...
    This person has little motivation, purpose, or self discipline. By taking away the crutches used, entertainment, to pass the through the day... her time will need to be filled with other things.

     
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  18. Vilidious

    Vilidious Well-Known Member

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    Well, female bullying is very hard to notice and largely aims at excessive mental damage.

    Even using words that say she is 'depressed' and 'needs help' indirectly express that *she is faulty/wrong*, and they come probably from everyone she knows.

    If I were her, I'd feel like crap and trusting/relying on none of the people who said that.
     
  19. XXOOMEPLS

    XXOOMEPLS [Friend A][Passer by][Random Person]

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    Send her to the ranch.
     
  20. OceanMagix

    OceanMagix Catnapping periodically. Existence is oblivious

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    ....
    I see
    It might just become a mess right from the start though

    Unless the person himself is willing to do it, otherwise counterproductive
     
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