Family Problem

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by KizunaAi, Aug 5, 2019.

  1. KizunaAi

    KizunaAi {Cookie Lover} {Sad Lil Girl}

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    My family is a normal asian family ....Everyday since I was small , my family tease me by saying that Im adopted child and they don't love me....My sister always scold me even when I didn't do anything and she always say that Im stupid and etc also my mother always taking my sister side and my lil bro always whining and I have to take care of him . So since I was small I always thought that Im not this family real child

    And also right now I feel so tired and I always thinking about suicide since I was small ...How could I stop thinking this way ?
     
    Last edited: Aug 5, 2019
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  2. Kalto

    Kalto [ Somewhat meticulous ] [ Jack Kalto ]

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    You need to find your prince charming Cinderella or take a nap(seriously take a nap)
     
  3. Cherry_sakiera

    Cherry_sakiera Active Member

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    Yeah, I think you have to stop thinking it..you just have one life...just find your own happiness dear
    ~(つˆДˆ)つ。☆
    You can do it!!!
     
  4. DiabolicGod

    DiabolicGod Well-known lazy Member

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    gonna guide you here
    https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/

    Honestly, I just escaped reality. Novels, sleeping and dreaming a lot. Writing my own fantasies down.

    As for other things that kept me, apart from not wanting to do this to my family, Cowardice, and small things in life, like:
    Where I live there is often a stormy sky, and I like going out at night then, in absolute darkness towards the city far away. Going through the endless darkness, yet seeing the light of the destination. With a light breeze and fresh air. That is one of the nicest things I have in life and until I can't experience such things anymore, I will have a small amount of safety.
    copied from another post I made.

    tune down the things that make you tired of living and actively look for things you enjoy, even if they are small things.
    And most definitely sleep. Sleep 10 hours every night, don't stress yourself. If something is preventing this, cut it out of your life.
     
  5. otaku31

    otaku31 Well-Known Member

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    We used to tease my lil sister like that, telling her she's adopted and all that. It's just harmless teasing, but it can hv unexpected repercussions; not everyone can take it the way it's meant to be taken. Convey to ur family it may be just teasing, but it's hurting you.

    Talk to ur parents and siblings. Communicate ur issues, just like u r doing now. Tell them u r feeling insecure, tell ur sister her repeated scolding is diminishing ur confidence and self-worth, tell ur lil brother u not his keeper. Tell ur family u don't feel loved enuf. First, try all these. I'm sure a harmonious solution will come by.

    In short, LET YOUR FAMILY KNOW HOW THEIR WORDS AND ACTIONS ARE AFFECTING YOU. IF they care, they WILL change, and consequently, so WILL you.
     
    Last edited: Aug 5, 2019
  6. MangoGuy

    MangoGuy Rambling Mango

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    You say teasing. I hope that at least in the past, you felt it was just a joke.

    Firstly, even though your family is the only ones you have in the world, understand that the world is big. Stop thinking about just them. You need to keep yourself with either school, or some sports or activities. Don't let yourself feel alone, or just idle. Keep moving.
    Also, talk to your family. There might be a chance that they won't really get it, but explain to them how their jokes are actually hurting you. I know that doing this in an Asian family might seem tough to you, but it isn't. I am an Indian guy, and I was able to talk to my parents about their constant fights. I wasn't able to stop them, but I stopped feeling guilty.

    You need to also stop feeling guilty.
     
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  7. campfire

    campfire Well-Known Member

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    I don't really see any problem. What does it matter if you were adopted. Why would you care if your sister scold you; do they even give you a chance for reflection or telling what the problem is and why. Tell your lil bro he is adopted (or spoil him). Not really advice, but maybe you care a bit too much about this, and just ignore. Maybe, your sister and mother are just bullying you for no particular reason. Or maybe they don't think they are mean; you are maybe more sensitive.

    Anyway, not advice. Might be writing bullshit. I still hope some of it can give you some insight.
     
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  8. NoobSl4yer

    NoobSl4yer Active Member

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    Very difficult situation... i will say to follow standard scientific advice.. Trying to develop confidence without a plan is stupid
    Common life hacks:
    • Follow micros and macros when eating as what you eat has a great impact in your mood and mental health. You can feel tired 24/7 simply because you are missing a single nutrient. Check tdee calculator on google so you know what to eat
    • Watch your sleeping pattern and the hours you sleep. Getting quality sleep and a regular balanced pattern are mandatory in the majority of cases.
    • Do exercise and hit the gym. Your body needs to move in order to feel alright (a lot of people think it is hard and demanding but working with weights doesnt involve cardio so i find it very easy.. from someone who hates running.
    If you start doing this things you will feel invigorated every single day and with energy to spare.. also your body shape will become impressive in a year or so which is a plus ( think of it as a body refining stage XD )

    Get goals in your life, it could be the above ones but i also recommend learning a useful skill (cooking, investing, bakery, painting, etc...) this helps give purpose to your life and fills you with pride when acomplishing something.
    Doing all this will surely help with developing self-confidence, displine, and pride.
    Finally talk with your family about your problems and dont stay silent.
    Depending on your country you can use some lifehacks to join whatever college you want (Method of Loci, doing the college examinations in another language, joining international highschool, etc)

    Edit: cant say much about your family situation as i dont know the whole story but it might be posible that everything is in your head. You can either confront them, grow thick skin and hit back, or cut the from your life (not recommended). They probably love you a lot so if you are upfront they might change their ways, if not, you will have to stand up for yourself

    Edit2: also dont give up on yourself. You have a lot of time to live so you have a lot of potential Dont try to chase "confidence" as confidence is something that you find when you start to appreciate yourself. Doing everything above is a good start, but basically never stop trying to improve yourself and become a better person and someone you truly want to be. It might take a couple of years but i know you will finally become someone you are proud of
     
    Last edited: Aug 5, 2019
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  9. GonZ555

    GonZ555 Well-Known Member

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    If you want to stop your thoughts of suicide, you have to solve your emotional knot.

    I dont dare to tell you what you yourself should do. But i can somewhat relate to your situation. Someone near me expressed a situation much similar to yours.
    In my case, i can guarantee that "that" person's thoughts are totally wrong. She just too caught up in her negative thoughts that she cant see how much her family loves her.
     
    Last edited: Aug 5, 2019
  10. anon

    anon Well-Known Member

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    It doesnt matter if u were adopted or not. Any time your sister says that tell her "that if u are adopted its because she wasnt a good enough child for your parents. That is why your little brother always wants you to spoil him. Because you are better.". Besides that do whar everyone else is saying. Take care of yourself mentally and physically and get enough sleep

    Edit: also dont do suicidal stuff. Anytime you feel those bad emotions use them as fuel to make yourself better. Go for a run or workout. Study harder than your siblings. Go outside in the sun
     
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  11. Ilisle

    Ilisle Lord of the Northern Guards

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    Get involved in school activities, do something creative.
     
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  12. Nanolyte

    Nanolyte Active Member

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    I can't say I understand your problem because I don't, and I know this may sound insensitive or stupid, but this problem is a bit trivial to be considering suicide. Ofc u can call the police or whatever hotline your country has for child abuse if yours is a really serious case. I have my own set of problems, albeit probably not as bad as yours, and I just spend like half my day escaping reality by read novels bad watching anime. If you really have trouble and is suffering from depression / seriously considering suicide theres probably a hotline you can call to voice your problems too.

    My advice probably isn't that helpful haha
     
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  13. reagents 11

    reagents 11 disaster personified

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    You need to take some distance from family first. Make connection and circle of friends outside the family that you can comfortably work with (although keep in mind to be tolerant to most things except when you absolutely can't).
    Once you grow up some independence in yourself and growing outward you can then reevaluate your relationship with your family and try to make out what went wrong.
    Incidentally you can try asking for mediation from people that your parents would listen to such as your grandparents or people that they respected in general. Try finding someone in your relatives that do being nice to you since ever you've remembered to talk to. If there isn't then a friend would be necessary.
     
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  14. Bakaturq

    Bakaturq mudamudamudamudamudaitisiDIOmudamuda

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    Sonetimes, people get express themselves better with an outsider. Because if it's just within your family, the familarity may become an obstruction since you will see each other everyday.
    An outsider not only sees things from a objective point of view, but also gets a clearer picture looking ftom the outside.
    Get a counsellor to hold a gathering session with your family and let out all the insecurities and unhappiness built up inside.
     
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  15. fteg123

    fteg123 Well-Known Member

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    Not an expert. But, have you asked your family why they assume that you are adopted? If it's a joke, they might think it is harmless (an inside joke) so you might want to address to them that you don't like being told this. If it's not, then still tell them to stop.

    For your sister, tell her that you don't like being scowled, tell her to imagine that she is in your shoes (empathy). If she doesn't stop, ask what did you do to make her angry. If she doesn't tell you, then tell her to F- off and leave you alone or be super annoying to her.
    Ex.
    Your sis: You're stupid!
    You: I know I'm stupid, but what are you?
    Your sis: ... retorts back ()
    You: I know I'm blah, but what are you?
    [Hopefully this works, and she'll leave you alone.]
    Your sister is all bark and no bite. Once you start retorting back, she knows you are not weak and won't talk to you for some time. She will look back, realizes she is the wrong and feels guilty. She won't know how to apologize so when she does, you realize your feeling of frustration is already long gone. Your mother might also join in so expect some backlash. Sometimes, the first time doesn't work so you'll have to drill it in your sister head that you will bite when she barks.

    For your suicide thoughts think of it as a journey of independence to make you stronger.
    Thought Example: I've survived for this many years, but someone else has survived even longer. If they can do it, why not me? If they can find the place they belong, then I can too, so I can't give up.

    I know someone and they are the middle child. When they were little, they had the same problems but when they turned into adults (ie. started working), the middle child flourished. The eldest and youngest were too dependent on others and now they have problems of their own and their life is not very stable. The middle child became independent by leaving home early and is stable both financially and has great relationship* with her marriage. Now the oldest, youngest (and mother) would ask the middle child for help and advise.

    *note: If you get married and have kids, it is possible the kids might be overly SPOILED due to the parents being too independent from lack of attention and want the kids to receive the best. You have been warned.

    For your younger brother, how young is he? Maybe try and talk to him. If he thinks that you are an ally, tell him that you are on his side but you want him to lower his dependence on you. If he sees you as a mother-figure, either you don't mind or tell him you've got the wrong person.

    Same person I know, the middle child waited until the youngest got a girlfriend to be free from the role. But, this is when the youngest became too dependent and got his girlfriend pregnant so that's a big no-no.
    But hey, who knows what he would be like as a teenager. Or just tell him to ask someone else or say you are busy and avoid him. Don't worry, he'll find someone to depend on since that's a characteristic of the youngest.
     
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  16. MarxDarkBear

    MarxDarkBear The Great Man

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    If you have suicidal tendencies get professional help. This is not something you should take lightly, I can't give you any advice on the family part but try to distance yourself from them. Surrounding yourself with toxic people only increases the negativity in your life. I really hope everything gets better for you man. And if you need any help, don't be afraid to talk with someone.
     
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  17. GDLiZy

    GDLiZy Wise Deepsea Mermaid

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    Wtf is this? This is so wrong.

    Seek professional help and talk to your family. Don’t harm yourself.
     
  18. Novela

    Novela Food lover~~~☆

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    Well maybe you don't consider click with them too much and just feel lonely or so so. I'd say get something you like and do it or start something new and do it as that happens to my family too ish where mom says I'm adopted though elder brother is like a stranger to me, older brother is okay ish. I'd be the annoying one since I'm lazy and all *.*) (not doing much of the house's work though still some) but since I've started sports I've gained motivation and just enjoyment in life and look forward to something and it just made my life colourful *.*)
    Get some fresh air and walk outside and look at the scenery or lie down and be relief of having to do nothing.
    Or as people say go get help or someone to talk to (though you are talking to use but it might help with real face to face talk)
     
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  19. Novela

    Novela Food lover~~~☆

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    Actually in my case my mom just said one day being annoyed at me and me annoyed at her that why don't you take a knife and kill yourself '.')
    So it could actually backfire (though only did it once and since doing sports I've lots of fun and stuff ^3^ feeling alive I guess)
     
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  20. Femme Fatale

    Femme Fatale | Lady Schrodinger | Sublime Goddess Of Chance |

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    Lots of good advice here today. ^.^ I only have two things to add:

    1. Go see a doctor. A trained professional is always important in your mental health corner. They see things that we can't, offering short cuts we otherwise might not learn about.

    2. When clinically depressed, I found mornings particularly hard. I mean, I come alive at night as it is and no one likes waking up to go to work when depressed. Unfortunately, you still need to work if you want to eat and poop so..... I set a positive expectation of my day, instead of thinking damn it. When I woke up I would say outloud: ....I wonder what adventure I'm gonna have today. >_> Or Hells Bells, I'm up world watch out. Or Curiouser and Curiouser. Or such like that. ^.^ It beats thinking, oh f*ck