Discussion (Faux) Dating advice for a hopeless friend?

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Moonpearl, Oct 2, 2019.

?

Would you keep dating her?

  1. Yes

    19 vote(s)
    86.4%
  2. No

    3 vote(s)
    13.6%
  1. Moonpearl

    Moonpearl Professional Yuri Girl ❀ [Yuri Garden Creator]

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    (This is taken from a game I'm playing right now. I'm a little stuck on how to approach this.)

    Imagine that you have a very good, close friend that you've known your whole life. He's very straight-laced, handsome and accomplished, but he's kind of dense and useless when it comes to romantic situations.
    He attends a different school and it recently passed a rule where all male students have to play-court the girls and invite them to balls, or else they'll be punished. Although the idea is to play-court, many people do end up dating for real.

    Out of fear of receiving punishment, your friend panicked and asked out someone who would usually be described as "the school slut". He did it only because he's never known her to refuse a date with someone. He doesn't, like most people, have a negative opinion of her.
    He only expected to play-court her, though, and thought that she expected the same.
    Because he's a completely useless sheltered boy, you've had to be the one to give him advice on preparing for dates. He's guaranteed to take her to extremely expensive but extremely boring locations otherwise, and he'll definitely put his foot in it.

    For the first date, he took her out to dinner and played it entirely by the book. It was a little stiff, but it turned out that they had a common interest. He came home with a crush on her.
    For their second date, they ended up going to the aquarium and had a much more enjoyable time together. He's asked her on a third date, and she's agreed.

    However... He found out on the second date that she hates and distrusts men. She told him he's "trustworthy, as far as men go", but she clearly still has a low opinion of him and expects the worst of him.

    Common sense says that he should give up on her now. This is his first crush, but he's unknowingly extremely popular. There's no need for him to fight an uphill battle to get this girl's approval, and he's not going to enjoy the "challenge".
    He likes her a stupid amount, though, and he's reluctant to cancel the third date after they've already agreed to it.

    What advice would you give him?

    (P.S. Any misogynistic "advice" about dropping her purely based on her sexual history will fall on deaf ears, because your friend doesn't hold things like that against people.)

    TL;DR: Your friend is dating someone he really, really likes and who seems to sort of like him, but she hates and distrusts all men. He has plenty of other options but is reluctant to give up on her. What advice would you give him?
     
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  2. Wujigege

    Wujigege *Christian*SIMP*Comedian

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    What is the game? I dont know how to answer in a way you would like. There is plenty of fish in the sea.
    Crushes die out as quickly as they start when you find a new crush
     
  3. Arbelbyss

    Arbelbyss 『Abyss Scion』『Epiphron』『Tempestarius』

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    The guy is balancing on a tightrope due to his inexperience. If the girl has a distrust for men, then the guy has a chance of befriending her due to what he is. Become her friend that she can lean on so he can support her. With this becoming of friendship, it would heal the woman's heart while also making the friend a man.
     
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  4. Lurking

    Lurking Do the dead suffer, or is it a sweet release?

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    Don't give up and reinforce the bad view on men
     
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  5. Moonpearl

    Moonpearl Professional Yuri Girl ❀ [Yuri Garden Creator]

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    It's a roleplaying game that my friend and I write together. The setting is a little more complicated than what I wrote here, but it's not important to the question.

    In this case, your friend is really oblivious to love. He's never noticed girls in his life before and he's already 17. It's unpredictable how long it will be before he develops another crush again.

    You mean he should become her friend instead of dating her?
     
  6. Lurking

    Lurking Do the dead suffer, or is it a sweet release?

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    who said you cant be friends with who you date?
    *doesnt have experience* that seems like it would work better!
     
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  7. Arbelbyss

    Arbelbyss 『Abyss Scion』『Epiphron』『Tempestarius』

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    The way I see it, she already accepted the third date, right? So she has some inklings towards him. If the relationship doesn't work out then in the end it should fall into the safety net of friendship. But getting to know her and her getting to know him, to know about one another, on who they are while doing other things that they both enjoy together. This should foster friendship between the two even if they're in a relationship. And if it works out, it works out.

    Also men have this love at first sight/interaction with women or a softness towards them. They tend to develop many crushes without realizing it, so you know. It happens.
     
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  8. Moonpearl

    Moonpearl Professional Yuri Girl ❀ [Yuri Garden Creator]

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    You end up friends with your other half, sure, but that's a little irrelevant to the problem. :blobsweat_2: The issue is whether or not he should go on dating her at all.
     
  9. Lurking

    Lurking Do the dead suffer, or is it a sweet release?

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    Yes.
    Maybe ensure sees as freind first, help her overcome her misandry?
     
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  10. otaku31

    otaku31 Well-Known Member

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    I would advise him to not expend too much time/energy on her (i.e., no dating). He can continue to interact with her in a friendly, courteous way but shouldn't expect to start any form of relationship with her. If she sees he has no ulterior motives towards her and shows some signs of getting over her distrust of men, then there is some hope of a relationship in the future.
    If not, it was never meant to be.

    What's important is that he should expect nothing nor go out of his way to appeal to her or try to get her over her misandry. It's not his responsibility and neither should he take it upon himself to make that duty his. Not worth it, IMO.
     
    Last edited: Oct 2, 2019
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  11. AliceShiki

    AliceShiki 『Ms. Tree』『Magical Girl of Love and Justice』

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    Well, I wouldn't ever recommend him to give up on her just because of her distrust on men, like... If he likes her, he should try to date her. Also, he may also help her out through her distrust for men throughout this process.

    My advice to him would probably be to tell him to always be honest with her and for him to understand this won't be solved quickly, so he'll need lots of patience when dealing with her.

    And to like... Be there for her I suppose, while respecting her personal space of course. Relationships are built upon mutual trust and respect, so the first thing he needs to do is to build those two pillars, otherwise it won't work out.
     
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  12. Deleted member 155674

    Deleted member 155674 Guest

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    The girl got distrust of men, the guy got nothing when it comes to dating experience, his chances are slim if he wants her to fall for him.
    Easy solution: Someone needs to convert both of them into weebology and let things play out from there on
    Hard solution: therapy, and the guy got to stick with her
    Light romance novel like solution: Girl falls into some trouble, guy saves her, girl start to get a better opinion of him
    'Romance' novel like solution: Guy stalks the girl, gets obsessed with her, rapes her, breaks her mind etc... someone who loves this sort of novels knows the rest
    Another 'Romance' novel like solution: He becomes a she and start aiming for a lesbian relationship with her
     
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  13. Moonpearl

    Moonpearl Professional Yuri Girl ❀ [Yuri Garden Creator]

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    He still has to take someone out on dates to ensure that he doesn't get punished. If he starts taking someone else out, she'll probably think he's given up on her and stop paying attention to him.
     
  14. Lurking

    Lurking Do the dead suffer, or is it a sweet release?

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    Mm.

    Keep the dates platonic despite any feelings, make friendship bridge
     
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  15. otaku31

    otaku31 Well-Known Member

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    What @Lurking said. Date without getting feelings involved.
     
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  16. Nightow1

    Nightow1 Well-Known Member

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    You need to get with YOUR friend and flesh out where you want this story to go. Are you going to play it for the feels? The romance? The platonic friendship? The "Happily Ever After"?

    There is an old saying in shooting. "If you're aiming at nothing, that is what you'll hit!". And can I presume the friend coordinating with you is of the opposite gender?

    Though TBH the plot is a bit "iffy" in itself, if someone distrusts men, why would she go out with them? It's like sticking a leg in the shark tank and waving it around. Unless she does it to "prove" to herself that all men are scum, which would mean she really has an arrogant outlook in life and a bit of sadism to "watch the worm wriggle". Or really self destructive behaviour. Or severe male dependency she can't wheen off.

    Personally? I think it's time he put a card on the table. She admitted she has misandry, so it is his turn to tell her how he feels since she committed herself to admitting her feelings. It's his turn to tell her he likes her but has absolutely no experience so he has no idea where all this is going. Best thing is they just go along and see where it all ends up, will they just be friends in the end or lovers? I mean, just because they don't jump into the sack together does not mean they can't still be friends, unless you are the type that bonks all your other gender friends. :cautious:
     
  17. Moonpearl

    Moonpearl Professional Yuri Girl ❀ [Yuri Garden Creator]

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    Us two ladies know where the story is supposed to go. Realistically, though, the only advice I can think for this guy's friend to give him is "run for it". I just wanted to hear what other people might suggest, to see if I could use something else and make the plot go a little smoother.

    As for why this character is dating men... It's not clear to anyone. I think my friend mentioned that she feels pressured to fit in, but I don't know if that's the whole reason for this. It could also be because the girls aren't allowed to refuse too many dates, and she's asked a lot.
    The chances of this guy openly telling her he likes her on the third or fourth date are zero. He doesn't have the guts for that.
     
  18. Maid Chan

    Maid Chan [Professional]

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    Give him advice to stay the way he is. How dare he, already handsome and also accomplished, to aim for romance too! #WorstFriend
     
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  19. con

    con Well-Known Member

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    let him be honest with her about things, and respect her boundaries. i'd tell him not to expect anything, but to keep pursuing her (not dating, but just getting to know each other more) if she didn't reject him. go slow and enjoy the time he spends with her without investing too much into it.
     
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  20. oblueknighto

    oblueknighto Blue Person

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    He’s only taken her out for dinner and to the aquarium. I don’t think that’s even in a relationship yet. Especially since he hasn’t even told her he likes her.
    It’s not possible to break up with someone you’re not in a relationship with.