Discussion (Faux) Dating Advice round 2

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Moonpearl, Oct 8, 2019.

?

Would you keep dating him?

  1. Yes

    5 vote(s)
    35.7%
  2. No

    9 vote(s)
    64.3%
  1. Moonpearl

    Moonpearl Professional Yuri Girl ❀ [Yuri Garden Creator]

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    (This one is taken from the same game as in this thread here: https://forum.novelupdates.com/threads/faux-dating-advice-for-a-hopeless-friend.93690/
    But this time it's just for fun~! I don't need help with creating advice for the character.)

    So, the setting's as before~! Your friends go to a different, quite odd school, and it recently passed a rule where all male students have to play-court the girls and invite them to balls, or else they'll be punished. (The girls also can't turn down too many invitations, for reasons I'm leaving out to make this simpler.)
    Although the idea is to play-court, many people do end up dating for real.

    You have a friend who's dreamed of having a romance ever since she entered this school. She tried her hardest to dress up and attract various boys, particularly targeting one boy she thought was the most likely to like her back, but she's had no luck.
    For her, this new rule was a gift from the heavens that she thought would bring her love. But when she was finally asked out, it turned out that the boy was gay and just wanted to play-court her.
    She then found out that the boy she'd been specially targeting for years had instantly started dating the most popular girl in school.

    This friend of yours took, well... A small mental breakdown. On the same day she found out about her crush, she asked the girl who runs the school hookup ring to arrange one for her. She reasoned that it was the closest thing to love she was ever going to get from any of these boys.
    By complete coincidence, her hookup ended up being with the boy she likes the most in the entire school - who she never thought she had a chance with (NOT the boy she was aiming for in the past few years; she never thought she had a chance with this second boy, so she never tried).
    She considered it fate, declared that she was through with love, and entered a purely friends-with-benefits relationship with him.

    Although she wasn't expecting to get more than that (even though she wanted it), he later saw her looking mesmerising at the ball with her fake, gay boyfriend. He's since asked her out on several real dates.
    However... The girl who arranges hookups is quite familiar with him, and she thinks that it's unlikely he could ever commit to monogamy. She says that your friend is making a terrible mistake by going out with him. It's also known that this girl hates and distrusts every boy in the school, though.

    Even your friend has her hesitations. While everything seems to be going well, she can't help but feel that it's too much like her wildest dreams, and that she might be overlooking some serious problems.
    She has asked you, her dearest and closest friend, for your opinion.

    What advice would you give her?

    TL;DR: Your friend went seeking comfort sex and ended up with a friends-with-benefits situation with her biggest crush. He's now started dating her, but someone who's more familiar with him says she's making a mistake and that he'll cheat/leave her. What advice would you give her?
     
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2019
  2. Ashley123

    Ashley123 Your senior | Mama sita

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    Omg, that’s longgg
     
  3. Kalto

    Kalto [ Somewhat meticulous ]

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  4. Moonpearl

    Moonpearl Professional Yuri Girl ❀ [Yuri Garden Creator]

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    It was as short as I could manage. Also, there a TL;DR.
     
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  5. ANonMouse

    ANonMouse Member

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    "The girl who arranges hookups is quite familiar with him, and she thinks that it's unlikely he could ever commit to monogamy. She says that your friend is making a terrible mistake by going out with him. It's also known that this girl hates and distrusts every boy in the school, though."

    Girl who arranges hookups hates and distrusts every boy in the school? Something doesn't add up :blobowoevil_horns:

    "You have a friend who's dreamed of having a romance ever since she entered this school."
    "She then found out that the boy she'd been specially targeting for years had instantly started dating the most popular girl in school."
    So.... she's already the other girl? Eh, if she's morally ok with this, you'd proly lose friend points for discouraging her. All you need to do as a friend is make sure she isn't 100% fully blindly falling into this so your friendship will still be strong enough to help pull her out when she really needs the help later.

    "Even your friend has her hesitations. While everything seems to be going well, she can't help but feel that it's too much like her wildest dreams, and that she might be overlooking some serious problems."
    This proves she's already not 100% fully blind. Just gotta reinforce the "don't trust 100%", and she'll be good to go. Repressing her romantic desires is counter productive to personal development. If it works out, she'll have an amazing memory. If it doesn't, she'll come out bruised, but stronger. As long as she's in a healthy mindset coming in :blobsweat_2:
     
  6. Moonpearl

    Moonpearl Professional Yuri Girl ❀ [Yuri Garden Creator]

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    Indeed - she says they're all after only one thing, no matter how romantic. She won't let boys arrange hookups. The girls have to be the ones to ask, so that she can check they're not being blackmailed.

    The boy she's with now and the boy she was trying to attract beforehand aren't the same person. There was nothing between her and the first boy.
     
  7. An Anime Addict

    An Anime Addict (╯°Д°)╯︵/(.□ . \)

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    You really like to play with your own life don't you?
     
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  8. KukiAme

    KukiAme Well-Known Member

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    go yangire
     
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  9. Innieminnie

    Innieminnie Well-Known Member

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    Better to have loved and lost than to have not loved at all...not a direct or correct quote, but it was spur of the moment, and accurately represents my views on this. She already went yolo, might as well yolo some more..it could end badly, but she entered with no expectations anyway.

    If you do decide to place more feelings into this relationship, don't let naysayers like your friend hurt your relationship. Be honest and talk to him about your hesitations. Always be open to communication, in order to head off the drama before it becomes bad shojou!
     
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2019
  10. ludagad

    ludagad Addicted to escapist novels

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    My advice: I'd probably have stopped my friend from getting in a FWB relationship with him in the first place, it's so pathetic. But say, that's done and over with and she's given up the goods for free and is happy with it, who cares. I'd still say keep fucking him, but don't go romantic on him and don't expect anything other than being his side-chick. You weren't his first choice and he's still hesitating about it, and the thing that made him hesitate was you changing your dress and make-up. What do you really expect with this guy? Then again, after proving he's a douche (dating one girl while fucking another), and my friend still likes him, she most likely doesn't like him for his character, but for his appearance too (maybe he's good in bed as well?) So, if she takes the advice and grows emotionally cold - he uses her and dumps her when he's done, but she leaves with her heart intact. Or, she can give him an ultimatum - "Call me when you're single". He either doesn't and she gets her answer, or he does and she gets him (for at most 2 years before he goes off to cheat with someone else tho, let's be real). Or, she falls for him, maybe he falls for her, they get their happy end. Fast forward 2 years and they've still broken up, but she's left a mess. Girls really need to have some more self-respect, but that's just my opinion. If you think love is suffering, then sure.
     
  11. Moonpearl

    Moonpearl Professional Yuri Girl ❀ [Yuri Garden Creator]

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    Err... Maybe I should fix the OP to be clearer. :blobsweat_2: The boy she's currently dating is NOT the boy she was originally aiming for. She likes this one more, but thought he was out of her league, so she didn't even try.
    The original boy never had anything with her. He didn't even realise that she liked him.
    Current boy was sleeping around but single.
     
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  12. ludagad

    ludagad Addicted to escapist novels

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    Oops, I get it then. Still iffy on the FWB, but at least it's not with a taken guy, so it's fine. Hmm, my advice is take the relationship as it goes, but don't invest too much emotion into it, so if he ends up backstabbing you, it won't hurt as much. I don't know how feasible that is for people, maybe you need to be cold-blooded or mind-over-heart for this. But honestly, where there's smoke... I wouldn't blindingly trust someone's advice if I don't trust them 1000% already, but I'd keep it in mind and adjust accordingly just in case it's true. But really, just observe how the guy behaves. If he really likes her, he'll do what he can to secure a relationship with her and his kindness and love for her will shine through his actions. The longer it goes on, the harder it is to fake. And do look out for hidden cameras and take care where you sleep with him. I don't know, I don't trust strangers that easily, regardless of how much I like them. Just watch your back cause no one else will.
     
  13. fuyuuri

    fuyuuri 『 冬瓜 』『 ☀ and ☾ 』『 hibiscus 茶 tea 』

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    I voted yes in the poll!

    But it's mostly for personal philosophy reasons!

    I don't really believe in discouraging friends from pursuing their loves, because I think the experience can be life-changing and filled with many opportunities for growth! This is a general policy of mine regardless of how compatible I think a couple is or not! (and also, sometimes couples can prove your expectations wrong!)

    There are two caveats:
    • I would interfere if I believe the other party poses a legitimate threat to the safety of my friend
    • I would try to make sure my friend has a realistic outlook on the situation

    If the guy doesn't look like he's the type that would be going for marriage, I would try to gently communicate that to my friend if it seems like she's head-over-heals set on this fantasy of getting married when clearly it isn't happening. Basically, I would temper any lofty expectations, but I would also give occasional nudges to indecisive friends if only for the reason to stop them from being paralyzed forever!

    I think the situation would be a bit different if like... my friend was a 35-year-old single mom looking for a partner to help her raise a kid, because then I would evaluate the guy against those criteria and convey my thoughts to my friend whether I think the guy would be a good fit for the specific things she's looking for.

    However if it's general love/intimacy/companionship (particularly for younger friends), almost anything goes for me!
     
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  14. AliceShiki

    AliceShiki 『Ms. Tree』『Ophi-kun's Survival Teacher』

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    Go for it! Like... You're in love and dating the guy you love? Why would you not go for it!? >.<

    Sure, take some steps back and try thinking carefully on the topic before deciding on an engagement or something more serious... Try living together for some time before that too, since some issues will undoubtedly arise when living together.

    But for dating? What are you waiting for to make your dreams come true!? xD
    Your dream man is at an arm's reach and you're gonna let him escape? Keep your arm next to him! \(^^)/

    If anything, I'd tell her to try having some serious and purely hypothetical (and tell her to make it clear she is not thinking of it at the current moment) conversations with her partner over how he feels about marriage and commitment... To set expectations on the table and let them both know what they are looking to come out of this relationship.

    Still, last thing I'd say is that she should give up on him. Love is a very powerful and important force in our lives, we shouldn't give up on it willy-nilly just because of some fears that at the moment feel groundless.
     
  15. mir

    mir 『Has a Bad Memory』

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    This part confuses me. If she hates all boys, why is she arranging hookups?
     
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  16. gastoon

    gastoon Member

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    maybe if I was a girl. lol
     
  17. Innieminnie

    Innieminnie Well-Known Member

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    If this weren't a Light novel scenario...I would have given this advice as well. At the same time however, if (realistically) your friend was in love with him and was already going all the way without any expectations...naturally it should just be a fling to her, or an unhealthy way to be close to a person you never thought you'd have a chance with...in which case, she'll be heartbroken either way when he wines and dines. Then again, it sounds to me she's depressed and even admitted thinking this way was the closest she'll ever get at romance...methinks if It's that bad, and she either has no one comforting her that that is not the case, or she does but ignores them because they must be biased...

    Ahh, I got lost...my personal opinion however, is that a depressed person should not start a relationship on the grounds that they'll probably be very dependent on that person and maybe eventually start to see them as the only light in their life...which could put an enourmous burden on the one they're dating and turn into a toxic relationship of guilt/hate/dependence/abuse.

    That said, you cannot stop someone from forming a relationship if they really want to. This alienates them from you and you won't be able to help them if they truly need it. There's also the fact that you could destabilise the relationship by causing your friend to distrust their lover and cause drama...starting a relationship on suspicion is not a good thing either! If you cannot trust them then you're just wasting both of your times...if you want to trust them, talk it out and give them a chance. Yes you are putting yourself on the line, but real relationships that last are built upon trust, communication, and adversity!

    And by adversity, I do not mean relationship drama! Of course, coming out of that could also strengthen your bond, but 90% of the time, in my experience, it just sours the partnership further.

    I seem to have gotten a bit off track though..
     
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  18. ludagad

    ludagad Addicted to escapist novels

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    I agree. But regarding trust, to me that's earned over time. So you could start a relationship with about 10% trust and just let it grow the longer that person proves to you they're trustworthy. Same goes for you proving your trustworthiness to the other person. And when the trust reaches around 80%, that's when I'd sleep with them, but that's a personal choice. And I recognize I have some trust issues, but it's not impossible to earn it. That's why my advice will always be, don't completely trust him right from the get-go, and be prepared for betrayal, so you don't suffer as much. At some point, he'll either prove he deserves trust and then you can rest easy, or he'll get impatient and his facade of goodness will fall off and then you can slip away with your heart whole.
     
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  19. Moonpearl

    Moonpearl Professional Yuri Girl ❀ [Yuri Garden Creator]

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    This is a boarding school, and there's a legendary house off-grounds that's used for hookups. She's the one who "inherited" the keys to it and arranges the schedule. I don't know the story behind that yet, though.

    Hm... Can't you stretch your imagination to help your friend?
     
  20. Innieminnie

    Innieminnie Well-Known Member

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    Sounds reasonable, I must confess I don't take into account the pain you may get from heartbreak seeing as I have never been in any serious relationships before. I do however, have experience witnessing relationships from my friends and cousins...they don't usually take my advice though haha. Their love is as fast as the quick-wear light novels we read. It just boggles my mind that they count months of a relationship working out as success...then again, I always think long term and life partner..but what else do they expect me to assume when they're waxing sonnets from atop balconies?!

    Haah....everyone has my admiration for bravely wading through the monster known as dating. There's no use thinking about it, you'll just psych yourself out. Simple is best, I like your way of going about things.
     
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