Gender treatment in your family??

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by cap.toon, May 28, 2020.

  1. cap.toon

    cap.toon Well-Known Member

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    I stirred the fried noodle when my mom came in the kitchen. “Why didn’t you make enough for everyone?” She asked.

    I rolled my eyes and annoyingly huff out, “ why would I, when I only have 30 minutes before I leave? Why is it that no one cook!?” She didn’t respond. I made my point.

    It’s not early morning but the late evening and everyone was home. What important events were they doing that the kitchen had nothing cooked? My mom knew my work schedule and for her to ask this—she knew I am unhappy. Why wouldn’t I? Had it been my brother, she wouldn’t have said anything.

    My mom has gradually come to accept that I am quite the bi*** and stop her usual “when you cook you should cook for everyone, don’t be selfish and lazy.” That’s what she said, but not what she taught “everyone.” My brother has gradually come to accept that they can only get my scrap if I make too much and a happy meal when I have the time.

    Do my siblings cook? My older brother only cooks when he wants to experiment. My younger brother only cooks when he feels “good and has the energy”—his words, not mine. But honestly, the only thing he can and would cook, is scramble eggs.

    How does your parents treat each gender in your family? Any personal story?
     
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  2. Donuts

    Donuts Endless surge of emotions

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    Well my parents told me that no matter what gender that lives in our house is they got to do chores ( LOL)
     
  3. reagents 11

    reagents 11 disaster personified

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    Eh quite similar except there's little gender plays part in it. There's just routine. So basically if you went to cook for everyone for weeks they do start to wonder why you suddenly only make for yourself, just like when you do laundries for everyone. It's just perception that roles are being taken.
     
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  4. Kalto

    Kalto [ Somewhat meticulous ]

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    I don't think your problem is a gender equality problem from what you said but more like, you are the only one who knows how to cook in your family :hmm:, your brothers would probably die without someone than can "cook" and I mean properly not "experiment" or "scramble eggs" :facepalm:
    I also don't think it is a bad thing to let the best at cooking to cook, otherwise, there will be no home cooked foods :blobexpressionless:
    ps: btw @cap.toon, your older brother seems like the type that would put poison just for the taste or mistake it for something else, my advice for you, that sort of person should stay away from any place that looks like a kitchen :blobfearful: and your little brother needs to learn more, tell him that he will be more popular or something like that, scrambling eggs isn't enough as food :blobexpressionless:
     
    Last edited: May 28, 2020
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  5. TokioftheBel

    TokioftheBel Well-Known Member

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    It's not really gender treatment but since I'm the older sister my parents let me be more independent and trust me, but on the other hand my little brother gets watch over a lot and nagged and I see he gets annoyed often because of this
     
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  6. Okoron

    Okoron [Code of conduct]

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    Wow, you act like everyone knows how to cook. Also, in a general family setting, we assign roles, regardless of gender. So, ya, when parents see that you're capable of something, they tend to make you use it for the family.
     
    Last edited: May 28, 2020
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  7. LK

    LK Well-Known Member

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    in my family everyone cooks food for themselves even the nine year old there is a slight different treatment in regard to chores but its mostly an age thing as the two oldest are girls and all but the infant are boys but they still get the way easier chores (unloading the dishwasher is not a chore)
     
  8. Darkcrow.

    Darkcrow. Mr Gentleman

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    In my house ,it's quite the opposite actually .my sisters got have expensive jewelry, while I am still stuck with this damned phone.
     
  9. cap.toon

    cap.toon Well-Known Member

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    I’m using cooking as an example. I don’t expect everyone to know how to cook. But my brothers can cook even if it is scramble eggs. And I’m not a good cook myself—it’s fried noodle for a reason .

    This is one scene in my story—there is a gender issue in my family.
     
  10. Milanin

    Milanin [Reader] [???] [Freeloader]

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    I don't cook much at all.
    If my parents are around, my mother would cook most often, my father when she asks him to.
    I occasionally help out with lasagna or moussaka or such things where it would be better to have more people just to do it quicker.
    When I'm alone, I mostly cook sausages, fry up some meat, do some scrambled eggs, prepare bread and spread or on the off chances make stew/goulash/boiled assorted vegetables.
    (Man, now I remember the times when I used to have home economics classes in grade school, those were the times when I was really proactive in trying many recipes out... Even used to make Menus daily based on the available choices in the fridge and print them out like it's a restaurant... Never really know why I stopped... Just didn't feel like it one day... Probably because my mother's cooking was so good to be honest...)
    As for gender in the family... As the only child, I don't know how it is to be honest. Used to do and doing everything.
     
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  11. lnv

    lnv ✪ Well-Known Hypocrite

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    To me it sounds more like since you cook often, they assume why not as well cook for everyone?

    Kind of like when someone works at IT, they are expected to fix everyone's computers.


    In my family, gender doesn't matter much, even my dad cooks. As for me, I don't mean to brag but I'm good at eating delicious things! I am also very good with the microwave in worst case...
     
  12. Fran.2424

    Fran.2424 Well-Known Member

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    Well my mom cooks for everyone since my sister doesn't really know how to cook and no one trust me in the kitchen
     
    Last edited: May 28, 2020
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  13. animanaicT

    animanaicT Nobody Important

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    Everyone cooks but my mom is a traditional asian so she pushes for the girls in the family to learn to be more ladylike. However, no woman in my family is ladylike except 2. 8 siblings in the family. We all know how to do chores and cook. When i was growing up men were pushed to do more yardwork and the woman housework. However everyone helped in doing everything so it was more like whatever. Tilling the garden sucked and usually everyone helped on that. Basically if you weren't making money to help pay the bills you were expected to do more chores. If you cook for yourself you were expected to cleanup. Everyone eats dinner together so if you plan to cook dinner it was expected to cook for the family. If there is a car issue the men in the family was expected to fix it, includes maintenance.
     
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  14. animanaicT

    animanaicT Nobody Important

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    Oh laundry i do it myself grouping up but my sisters and mom didn't like how i folded thier clothes so they often redid them, my mom even refolds my clothes saying that my clothes will get wrinkly and im just like a wrinkle or two is fine and I hang important clothes anyway. But oh well.
     
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  15. Invisalats

    Invisalats The Bearded One

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    Well as children me and my siblings never had to cook, as adults if we are living with our parents then we are expected to cook dinner 1-2 times each a week. The gender bias of my parents mainly comes in with other things like accepted behavior... Like if I was living with them and drank and drove I'd be given an ultimatum my sisters on the other hand are free to do whatever they want and if it angers my parents they take it out on me by being rude or intentionally being difficult but will never say anything to or in front of my sisters.

    It's the same with help, if my sisters need help financially or vehicle wise they will move heaven and earth to help, but if I need 20$ till payday I'm worthless and need to manage my money better and I may or may not be allowed to borrow the money.
     
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  16. Ziavory

    Ziavory Well-Known Member

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    My parents know i can't cook so they never force me to cook. Although cuz of my culture my grandma thinks i should be taking care of the house like a proper wamen but I honestly can't be bothered. Although my mom keeps repeating that I'm gonna have a family one day so i should possess some domestic skills and she's right, but that's a problem for the future. My mom does all the cooking and sometimes also my older brother cuz he cooks better than me. I always try to stop my younger brother from cooking cuz he mostly makes trash. There's s still a hint of sexism in my parents expectations of me but I'm doing way better than my brothers in school so lol, they don't really complain.
     
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  17. juniorjawz

    juniorjawz Well-Known Member

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    This is a brother. :blobfistbumpL:
    This is a sister. :blobfistbumpR:
    This is an incest. :blobfistbumpL::blobfistbumpR:
    This is the parents. :blobfearful::blobfearful:

    :blobpeek: don't mind me making jokes
     
  18. pass1478

    pass1478 A girl in a bear suit pajama

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    What kalto guy said. Less of gender, more of ability.

    In my family, my dad was quite open to most things, while my mom was very traditional (in terms of gender roles.) Guys had to do physically taxing chores, girls had to cook or clean. She wasn't strict about it, though.
     
  19. Little Potato

    Little Potato Sexiest Potato Alive [SpaceBar's Master]

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    Coming from your typical Asian family, gender stereotypes are still enforced by my parents.
    Girls should cook and clean. Guys will work to make money.

    And as the oldest sister in the family, my mom often nags me to learn how to cook and clean and set a 'good role model' for my younger sister while my brothers don't do any of those. She even tells me that a woman's worth is based on her kitchen and household skills, often citing relatives as an example of a failed marriage to scare me into doing housework.

    It sucks really but you can't change your parents.
     
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  20. Snowbun

    Snowbun

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    Yes, there was a gender disparity in my family though it's not as pronounced now as it was when I was a kid.

    I grew up having to make dinner for 6 but my mother never forced my brothers (both older and younger than me) to step into the kitchen until she became worried that they would have a hard time during college if they moved away. But that was how she was raised and I don't blame her anymore. In the end, I became very good at it. I even took extra cooking and baking classes. After everyone went their own way, they ended up learning too. My mother actually asks me for recipes now. And on a weird twist, my youngest brother became the official "homemade granola" supplier of the family (after he became a vegan, his dedication to cooking soared up and I got admit it looks pretty good from all the pictures he sent me).

    I think a great deal of the pressure she put on me as a girl to learn all house chores (cooking, cleaning, sewing, laundry, ironing, etc.) was because she struggled with that when she was a newly wed. My dad was always busy working. And while raising four kids, the pressure to keep track of everything was too much and she started to rely on me to help out as soon as I could. Cook dinner while she washes our uniforms? Ok. Read books to my younger brothers? Ok. Pack my own lunch? Ok. Wash and clean the whole bathroom on the weekend...? ...Ok.

    So far, I'm the only one who married and I can't say if my future child will grow up with a gender bias because of my family or not. I hope I can do better and they'll realise that me and my husband try to share chores and tasks according to our abilities and through mutual cooperation than just attaching the "you're always at home" or "you have more idle time" label.
     
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