Discussion Help me

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Svl, Nov 5, 2019.

  1. Svl

    Svl Well-Known Member

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    Hi guys
    Sorry for the bad English

    Here's the story
    Few days ago,i had a fight with my female friend because i cussed at her.simple right but it's not.

    In my country we don't swear in front of females(I don't know about the other countries tho.).Because of that during the early stages of our friendship i clearly stated to my female friend that i swore frequently and she said that she's OK with it.Even so i tried not to cuss in front of her.

    But few days ago i unintentionally cussed at her something like 'f**k i don't care'.That's it and she didn't react to it at all so i thought that she didn't mind it.After that we talked for few minutes and went to our class But here's the twist,after class ended her friend came to me and yelled at me in front of the class that i should not say something like that and told me that I should apologize to my friend which made me surprised,So i simply walked out of the class without saying anything.

    But I'm so shocked not because she yelled at me but how my friend acted.If she told me before that she's hurt because of me i would have simply apologized for what i did.but instead she told this to her friend and insulted me in front of the class.i simply cannot believe that she would do something like this.For the past few days i didn't see her and i don't know what to do anymore.

    you guys may think that this is nothing,but to me it's so painful that she would act like this and insult me in front of the whole class for the thing which i did unintentionally.but how can she not able to understand that i simply didn't meant what I said before.so i don't want to simply apologize to her and done with it because i also got hurt during this situation.

    Please tell me guys what should i do?Am i the wrong one?Should i apologize to her? Or should I ignore her?

    Please tell me if you have experienced something like this and how did you solve that?

    Thanks guys.
     
  2. Not Red Yet

    Not Red Yet Well-Known Member

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    Apologize yet let her know that what she did was wrong also since she let her friend insult you in front of everyone. I'd expect an apology from her also.

    Just be the mature one since apparently your so called friend isn't considering what happened.

    Seems a bit weird to say she doesn't mind cussing yet pulls that when it happens, I believe there's a word for people like that.
     
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  3. otaku31

    otaku31 Well-Known Member

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    U should've apologized immediately after cursing. U should still apologize (IMO u had 2 chances but still failed to do so), but let her know u do not appreciate her letting her friend know b4 making things clear with u first.
     
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  4. IceLight303

    IceLight303 Well-Known Member

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    I don't like it when people curse either but I will always tell them in person. I think she was in the wrong, she should have talked to you. If it really bothers you just send her a text, call her, or talk to her in person and explain that you try not to curse in front of her and it was a slip up. Also I would tell her that you were very hurt/humiliated when her friend started yelling at you and she shouldn't have told anyone else before coming to you if she had a problem with you.
     
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  5. An Anime Addict

    An Anime Addict (≧▽≦)/̵͇/'̿'̿ ̿ ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿ ̿̿ ̿̿ (▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿▀̿ ̿)

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    First things first, it is common manners to not curse without context or anyway in general in front of someone else really. Now as you cursed unintentionally, i would really like to ask but is the second girl an idiot or what? Doesn't she have any brain to mind her surroundings!? Also it is your fault too. If someone doesn't complain, it doesn't mean that they didn't find it wrong. You should have just apologized then and there but you left and even the second time, you could just have said a simple 'sorry, it was my mistake' but you straight up left and so of course the others would consider you as some sort of rude dork. You know, you should just say sorry to your friend and make up with her and stop being acting like a beta jp character and then wonder where you went wrong:facepalm:
     
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  6. Madoqua

    Madoqua Well-Known Member

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    If she said she was okay with it there are two things that might have happened.
    ---
    Option 1
    She told her friend about it in an innocent way: you know that guy he cussed once I didn't know how to react. She didn't have bad intentions. A lot of people say stuff that they don't think about the consequences. Might be that she is embarrassed to face you now.

    Option 2:
    She did have bad intentions. If she did then she isn't honest to you, because she said she is okay. However in both options the friend is clearly fussing about something she shouldn't be involved in. It is both rude and disrespectful for her to intervene in such a way.
    --
    But really don't blame anything on yourself for this matter. Everyone cusses once in awhile. if you say sorry and you didn't insult someone their being, you should be fine.
     
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  7. Deleted member 155674

    Deleted member 155674 Guest

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    Was in somewhat similar situations before, your friend is either bored with you or she is a hypocrite (well most of us humans are and some are more so than others)
    In my opinion, you can try to go back being friends if you want or simply give up (everything comes to an end at some point)
     
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  8. fewer

    fewer Active Member

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    This is good advice, if she really did say that she didn't mind you swearing then she and/or her friend are 100% at fault. Make sure you get an apology out of her.
     
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  9. Not Red Yet

    Not Red Yet Well-Known Member

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    Then she should've stated early on in the friendship that OP should try not to curse around her but going off of the information stated she didn't so it doesn't seem like she was just being polite.
     
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  10. fewer

    fewer Active Member

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    Of course it is, even if she only said it to be polite how is OP supposed to know that she meant the opposite? Not only that but she and her friend handled it terribly. If you explicitly allow someone to do something then you have no right to be mad when they do it, let alone yell at and humiliate them.
     
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  11. Trane

    Trane Well-Known Member

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    She is a b**ch, just a bit of cursing. It's not like you told her to F*ck off or scram.
    If she did not mind at the moment, then fine.
    She told her friend and did not stop her meaning she did not like it, now she hasn't approached you or apologized.
    Sure, you cursed but she also shouldn't have done that.
    Be the mature one and talk to her about it. If your friendship is so fragile, end it after that
     
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  12. adorkablehiko

    adorkablehiko Ryuunosuke Tsunashi’s Hoe

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    I cuss frequently as well, but never gone/stayed in a country where you're not supposed to say that in front of females (officially, or just based on social rules). First off, that friend of yours is shady. The fact that she told her friend about something you keep to yourself (I assume based on what you said about your country, this isn't something you just tell to others all of a sudden?) goes to show what kind of friend she is. As others have said, be the mature one: Apologize, say your piece calmly, but that's it. Just because you're apologizing doesn't mean you trust her again. The fact of the matter is she didn't go to you first. She didn't trust you as much as she did the other friend, regardless if she told her friend to do that or not. Instead of coming to you to solve the problem, she blabbed about it to somebody else instead. Also, knowing that that friend of hers just called you out IN PUBLIC is a red flag. There's that saying that your circle of friends say something about you, so probably try distancing yourself from her.

    The point is, you trusted her enough to cuss (and even said it in the beginning, which is like nice of you????) and she said that's fine (regardless if she said that to be polite). She said yeah but then went back on her word. She broke your trust, and that's it. She didn't even apologize or maybe defend you after that happened? Think about that. And here's another thing: You didn't cuss at her personally. You didn't say she was a bitch (which, after this whole thing, she seems like it), or anything. You just cussed about something. But she took it personally. Another red flag right there. She takes things that aren't even directed at her personally, and those types of people LOVE to create drama without even realizing it. So for your feelings' and sanity's sake OP, just stay away after apologizing. Gotta watch out of yourself. Your feelings are important, and it's right of you to be hurt after what she did.
     
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  13. kfahad

    kfahad 『The Lurker Beast』『Beast fallen』

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    Become stronger! And rich! give her a shock if she saw you again. xD
    That's how the MC isi.
    "Thirty years east, thirty years west, don’t you dare bully me because I’m poor now!"
     
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  14. Tsukkin

    Tsukkin [is currently lurking]

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    Not trying to be a saint here, but well cussing is somewhat inappropriate when u do it in front of other person, whether u have close relationship or not it's all the same. And u probably should change that habit bcs we live in a bitchy society where everyone is trying to be the most righteous person.
    Well in this case, if i were you i would simply cut off the relationship, she should apologize and u should too then don't care about her anymore just simply erasing one's existence from your life, it's not that hard trust me. You see sometimes indifference can be useful at times like this. Don't waste your time and energy on something that's not beneficial to u. Pardon my harsh words, but i think this fight is stupid and i believe you are a wise person so just treat this as an episode of your life and move on.

    But if you still want to befriend her well it's your choice. A friend like that, it's not bad but it may bring u so much trouble later. I simply like ending a problem with a straightforward way, it may be harsh and cold sometimes but it works fine for me so far
     
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  15. Svl

    Svl Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for your advice guys.

    Like you guys said i will try to talk to her, apologize for my mistake and get her side of reasoning.but that's it.

    i simply cannot trust her after all of this happened.if she wanted my friendship i need an apology from her whether she did this knowingly or not.i don't care about her reasoning because i got hurt due to her loose mouth which should kept this whole situation as secret not blabber this to everyone.if she's hurt she should have come to me and talk about this instead she went to her friend which is the cause of this whole situation.

    I will never try to fix this relationship after me apologizing to her.if she is innocent then she will apologize to me.otherwise i simply don't care about her anymore.

    Some of you guys said that I'm the wrong one for cussing in front of her.like i said i unintentionally cussed in front of her which i never did this type of mistake before.

    i let my guard down because she said that she's OK with it for me to cuss in front her.even so i tried my best not to cuss in front of her.i accept that it is my mistake but that doesn't mean that she should tell this to her friends and insult me before the whole class and she didn't even defend or talk to me after the incident.

    Anyway thanks guys.
     
    Last edited: Nov 6, 2019
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  16. IceLight303

    IceLight303 Well-Known Member

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    Cursing every now and then isn't a reason to be publicly humiliated. He said it was an accident. If he did it frequently in front of her, most likely this situation would have happened a lot sooner. I don't like it when people swear and never swear either. However I do understand people will slip up. If she was that offended by it she should have brought it up with him. She should not have blown it out of proportion. He didn't curse at her just in front of her. He could have easily said, ughh, I don't care. I honestly feel she is probably more offended the he doesn't care about something rather then the cursing. When she told the story either she only emphasized the curse word or that's all her friend picked up on.
     
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  17. asriu

    asriu fu~ fu~ fu~

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    ah youth really fun to watch no?
    this kind of of story make this cute cat drooling
    nekopara1_144.png
    sorry bout that

    let see yes based on your info you should apologize, you broke custom no? so man up and apologize~ don't forget to tell her your reason~ be truth not excuse cuz there different on it~ don't be hasty to make you both cool down your head~ it is important cuz youth usually hot head and incline toward emotion more than logic~ as for how long that depend on both of you~ well this can used as experience to matured~

    as for her friend behavior hmm not enuf info~ as this cute cat stated before youth tend to use emotion rather than logic
    she is wrong berate you on public but she may think she is right cuz you hurt her friend quite bad~ how you handle her is different matter~ this is this while that that is that

    so let see since you seem care about your friend then you should apologize, for how you do that it up to you~ will she pardon you that another matter~ similarly how your relationship grow that another thing~ problem with her friend who berate you on public this cat will leave it to you to solve it by yourself~
    ah tea.png
     
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  18. Kadmos1

    Kadmos1 Well-Known Member

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    How about helping me get a job first? I do apply a lot!
     
  19. susanty.smile

    susanty.smile [Insomniac]

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    apologize and also tell her how you feel about her action...
    if you said things privately or just the two of you at that time, the way she publicly insult you is out of line...asked her to apologize for that...
    if you and her still consider your friendship, this problem should be your level up in understanding each other

    also asked her what should or could you do, in case you happen to accidentally cussed her again...i mean, you could apologize but considering her feeling, it won't be enough anymore... that's probably her bottom line and someone should crossed the bottom line over and over...so some action must be done in case it happen again (hopefully won't... FGS just stop cussing! it was frowned upon tbh)

    also tell her to tell you immediately if you hurt her feeling, or she felt uncomfortable with your action or words...
    you are friends, no need for courtesy tbh...i mean, no need to hide yours or her feelings...

    some of you don't know, in case of argument involving two people:
    1. first, try to solve it privately, just the two of you
    2. if there was no conclusion or solution, add a third party, who is in general side...still privately, just the 3 of you
    3. if there still no conclusion, go public as in try to find solution from a group of people, can be your friends, or strangers...this case it will be solution by voting
    this is what i learned from my Interpersonal Skill lecture (yeah! i voluntary go to this lecture cause i am a social interaction disaster)

    tell her those...maybe she doesn't know...but gently, lest she felt like you are lecturing her LOLOLOLOLOL
    relationship is hard
     
  20. Bitty Kitty

    Bitty Kitty Innocence ~ Purity ~ Hint of Soap!

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    Bitty Kitty zooms by .leaving behind a hint of soap!