Hi guys Sorry for the bad English. Here's the story. Today, I had a fight with my friend for not getting her a chocolate.simple right but it's not. Every day during lunch break,i always eat at a nearby restaurant.i only get 40rs( equal to 4 dollars) for my daily needs from my parents,so i need to eat some cheap foods to save this money and i don't have part-time job which makes it harder for me.Most of my classmate bring thier own lunch with them. But today during lunch break, one of my classmate asked me to buy her a 10rs chocolate.Normally she will never ask me to buy for her,but due to being lazy to go to the store she asked me to buy for her which i understand that.After hearing that my friend also asked me to buy extra 2 chocolates for her & her friend. Also i didn't promise my friend to buy her chocolate,i said ok only to my classmate only.maybe my friend thought that i said that to her. After finishing my lunch,i had a balance of 10rs(also I had my savings of 50rs which I never use until it's emergency).so i thought that maybe i should buy only 1 chocolate for my classmate because she rarely asked to buy for her. So i bought 1 chocolate and went to the lab to complete my project.my classmate came to the lab and asked me for the chocolate so i gave that to her which i thought she would share with my friend. And i don't know anything after that. But here's the start of my problem. During the entire day my friend didn't say anything but when we went outside the campus, she suddenly got angry at me and yelled at me for no reason and after asking what happened, she told me that i purposefully didn't buy her chocolate and insulted her by ignoring her request. I told her that i lack money to buy her a chocolate & i thought she would share with our classmate,but she told me that she didn't need to beg for the chocolate from someone.(also my classmate give her the share but she said that she didn't need and rejected it). Also she said that It hurt her pride that i didn't buy her even after she told me to buy and ignored her and she said that this is very insulting to her that i brought one for someone but not for.she also told me that if i don't have the money then i shouldn't buy for my classmate also. I thought why she getting so worked up over some stupid chocolate but i didn't say anything to that and just listened to her because i don't want to ruin our friendship.because i have to work with her for projects in the future because in our class only 10 students were there. Things can really become awkward if she tell this to other classmates.well i don't care if they ignore me but i don't want that type of situation which may affect my education. But i thought why should I listen to her,she know that I'm poor,my classmate rarely ask me to buy for her & it'll be bad not to buy for her because she even said that she will give the money for chocolate but I said i cover the money.also i always buy my friend snacks during evening and even these chocolates even though i don't have enough money for next day. Because of this incident, things became awkward between the two of us and I'm not mature enough to understand others and their feelings. I Know that I didn't have any bad intention in my heart and even after explained my situation to her,she told me that i insulted her by not buying her. So tell me guys whether am i the wrong one or my friend is the wrong one. If I'm the one is wrong help me to understand what i did wrong. If she is the one is wrong then tell me guys what should i do next. Thanks guys.
The one is in the wrong is the chocolate. If there are no chocolate in this world, those situation would never occurred. Banned all chocolate related product, use potato instead.
Your friend is the wrong one, you’ve already stated that you’re poor, thought your classmate would share the chocolate, and didn’t intentionally ignore her, so the disrespectful one is her. It’s just a chocolate, if she wants one so badly she can buy it herself and if your friendship is ruined over a piece of chocolate, you’re better off without her. EDIT: actually now that I reread and saw that you usually buy her stuff, forget her. She’s not your friend, she just likes getting things for free. If you didn’t buy her something ONCE and she’s throwing a fit, just imagine what will happen in the future. She’s a spoiled brat and overreacting big time. If you want to keep the peace, apologize but do not feel ashamed or try to accommodate her, she’s the one in the wrong and taking advantage of you. If awkward feelings arise, power through it.
She is the one in the wrong and she has too high pride you could try talking to her and explaining it again but if it doesn't work I don't think she's a friend worth keeping also if you are worried about your schooling because of it you could ask your teacher to not have you guys be partners and explain the situation
From what you said, it seems that your friend didn't mind to share the chocolate at first, but her friend is the problem because her reaction is what caused your friend to react like that As for a solution, there isn't exactly a right or wrong one here, just do what you feel is right and try to minimize any emotional 'damage' that might affect your studies (don't dwell too much on the problem, focus on your studies)
It is wrong for you to agree to buy something but then back out without even letting your friend know. You told your friend you would buy her a chocolate, and then a classmate came by and gave her some scraps because you couldn't be bothered to tell her yourself that you didn't have enough money. You had all day to say, "Hey, I didn't have enough money. Sorry." On the other hand, towards the end it sounds like your friend expects you to buy her food for free, and that's wrong of her. She should be giving you money or repaying you to cover whatever you spend. If her parents don't give her money, then she shouldn't be eating chocolates. And as an aside, while you say she knows you're poor, don't assume that's true. She sees you buying food everyday. It even sounds like you buy snacks with her in the evening. Even if at some point you mentioned you only get 40 rp, she probably would not remember your budget. She would remember how you always seem to have extra. That's how people work. tl;dr you are at fault for backing out of a promise without telling your friend. But she sounds like she is taking your money for granted without repaying you, and you should have a conversation about that. edit: After rereading your post, I'm starting to believe it's again more your fault than your friend's. Per your words, you bought your classmate a chocolate because "my classmate rarely ask me to buy for her & it'll be bad not to buy for her because she even said that she will give the money for chocolate but I said i cover the money". You are actively choosing to honor a promise to a classmate over your friend, even though neither are paying. If you consistently refuse to accept money, then you should not be surprised if people take your money for granted. Have a talk with your friend and please stop buying other people stuff. Or at the very least, when you don't have enough, tell others upfront you need them to give money for their share instead of expecting them to understand. They are not you. PS: I think your best bet is to pull your friend aside, apologize and say you ran out of money. And then just walk up and talk to them, invite them out, or whatever you normally do with her. One of you has to reach out and might as well be you.
Just to make sure... you’re talking about South African Rands right? Edit: Changed my thoughts on this topic. I feel like you’re the one that broke the promise first. You should apologize to her. Also don’t complain about money if people are offering to pay you for whatever you’re getting them.
^ You need to read more manga, or even just watching some drama. This is easily one of the most common plot involving some naive characters and bullies or something. We don't know if everything you said are true, or maybe you were missing something and all the stuffs you wrote were just part of your point of view. BUT, if everything you said were really true, then obviously, you guys aren't even friend from the beginning. It's probably just you are the one thinking that. With how you usually buy her snacks, she probably thoughts you were an easy target. So I guess, she tried to up it a notch to see how far you were willing to go, and if she were already with high pride from the beginning, then I guess she also tried a bet with her friends to see if she could make you do this or that. And since you failed, we got the result. No matter how you look at it, if it's from everything you said, then she is the one in the wrong. But on the other hand, like someone once said, you are also the problem for not speaking out 1st and kept on doing what she wanted. You might hate or afraid to ruin the "friendship" between you guys, but if's something that you "doing something for her and not reverse", then that isn't "friendship" but what @otaku31 said For what you can do, then there are several scenarios If she's just a common friend and even without her, you can still enjoy your school life normally, then obviously, cut that "friendship" already. If she's like a "queen bee" or something, or like someone the head of the class or something, then if you are afraid of being a loner or possibly bully, if you can't fight back, then just stick with what you are right now. If not, then 1st option If she's a close friend of your and you don't want to lose that friendship no matter what, then take the blame as being wrong, even if you are only partly at fault for promising her, and keep on convincing her to give you another chance or something. If she can't even do that, then obviously, you guys aren't friend, and it will follow the same case as 1 This one is even rarer, or even unrealistic, but if she's a Tsundere, then be the one taking the blame. If that didn't work, then it will work it out on it own.
I used to be just like you. If people feels so entitled to get whatever you own, then stop being friend with them, real friend will not do that. Real friend share or treats you for free, not expecting anything in return, yes, just like how you did. But if you need to have a good relationship with her no matter what, then i suggest you buy her the same chocolate you gave to your other friend, and give it to her later on, dont forget to said that was as an apology. But really, if you want a healthy relationship with anyone, you shouldn't be "paying" them to be your friend. Don't go giving others something you can't afford in the first place, because someone else might feel jealous of it
Unpopular opinion. You are at fault. You said your friend hardly ever asks you for anything. She asked you to get chocolate. She offered to pay you. You said yes, you will get the chocolate. You said I will cover the cost. You didn't get the chocolate and then you were surprised she was mad at you. It wasn't about chocolate. It was about trust. You didn't fulfill the promise you made her and she felt disrespected by you. It has nothing to do with 10rs and everything to do with honouring your word. It is not her fault you buy her snacks either. She doesn't force you to buy snacks - you chose to. Be honest. Don't make promises unless you are going to fulfill them. Don't buy anything for anyone unless you can afford it and you want to. This is not healthy behaviour. You are only hurting yourself. EDIT: Slight edit as @Ral pointed out the other friend didn't offer to pay you back. Doesn't change my overall judgment as you still should have either said no or followed through with your word.
I didn't read most of the replies, so sorry if I'm repeating something that's already been said. Why are you buying people snacks without wanting to be reimbursed for them in the first place? It's one thing if you buy snacks for yourself and share them with people, but if somebody asks you to buy something for them, you're doing them a favor - they should always pay you back. Better yet, if you know you don't have much money on you, you should always tell them you're short on funds, and they should pay you beforehand. And it seems this happened in the case of your classmate, but you... refused the money? Why? Doing the errand is a favor in itself, not expecting payback is overdoing it. I could understand not wanting the money from a close friend that you exchange treats with ever so often, but not from somebody who you aren't close with. Still, since that what you decided, it's okay... However, if then your friend asks you to buy stuff for her (and one more person) as well, you must know you don't have enough to cover the purchases (without getting into your emergency funds). This is where you should inform your friend you don't have the funds to cover for them and ask them to pay you upfront. They really shouldn't expect to get a free chocolate from you, especially since they wanted a second one for their friend as well. If, however, they didn't expect a free snack and they intended to pay you back (and you, for whatever reason, didn't ask for the money upfront), you should've gotten into your emergency fund to make the purchase. Don't agree to do somebody a favor and then decide to not deliver on it - the exception being there was no chocolate, or you miscalculated your money and actually didn't have enough to buy what you promised. In the first case you'd only need "sorry, they were out", in the second - you'd need a sincere apology "I'm really sorry I didn't get what you wanted. I miscalculated my money." Though, you should probably check before you agree to something like that. ~~ Anyway, am I correct in understanding it like this?: 1. A classmate asked you to buy them a chocolate. They offered you the money, but you refused. 2. A friend asked you to buy two more chocolates and they didn't intend to pay you back. If that's the case, then: 1. Like I said above, you shouldn't have agreed. 2. If you agreed, you should have followed through. Even if that meant getting into your emergency fund. 2.1. If you really didn't want to shorten your emergency fund, you should have either: a) split the chocolate yourself and gave one half to the classmate and one half to the friend b) give the chocolate to the classmate, explain the situation and ask to share it with your friend, and if they agreed, apologize to your friend and tell them the classmate agreed to share the snack c) get your friend and the classmate together, explain the situation to both of them at once and have them deal with it themselves. ... Still, I'm of the opinion you should have accepted(/asked for) the money beforehand.
Please read the OP again. You're mistaken. There were two(/three) people involved. 1. A classmate that doesn't ask for favors often. They offered to pay. 2. A friend that also wanted to get in on the action and get two chocolates (for them and another person). It seems like they didn't offer to pay.
Made a slight edit to reflect it doesn't change my judgment the OP should have either said no or bought the chocolate.
It's entirely your fault. 1) You should've made it a habit to ask her to pay you back, since she knows you're poor. Why didn't you ask her to pay you back? Even back in school, we always pay each other back when we asked our friends to buy us something (regardless of it being a classmate, best friends, boxom buddies or whatever). Debts incurred must be paid back. It doesn't need to be said, we were wary about someone buying us stuff because chances are, they'd expect us to pay them back. 2) You should've bought her another bar of chocolate. Then slap her across the face with it over and over and over again. Why? If she wants to be a bitch, treat her like a bitch. 3) The moment you agreed to give them a freebie, you open the path to being their gopher. It's fine if you can say no. But chances are, you can't say no and your friend will continue to treat you as their free lunch because "She won't say no" and she will tell her friends that she has a dumb cow who'd do anything she tell her to do, so they should ask for freebies too. Friends are not parents. You are not their mother. You have no responsibility, duty or expectation of feeding them free stuff. If they want something, tell them to pay. It's different if you buy something then decide to give it away. They ask for it, they should pay. If you don't have the money, say it from the very start that you don't have the money. Back in school, whenever a classmate gave Ai-chan something edible, Ai-chan would always ask her, "Is this free or does it come with strings attached?" In college, Ai-chan would ask, "Is this free or do you expect me to get naked on your bed?"
I didn't promise my friend that i buy her a chocolate. what happened was after speaking to my classmate, my friend suddenly asked me to me to buy her a chocolate while I'm existing the classroom.(srry i don't know how to word it).As I'm in hurry i didn't have an opportunity to deny her request.