How to let go of envy?

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by cap.toon, Aug 8, 2019.

  1. cap.toon

    cap.toon Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2016
    Messages:
    838
    Likes Received:
    571
    Reading List:
    Link
    How do you?

    I am struggling to think of what I should do and how I’ll make more $$. We cannot deny it. $$ gives us options, time, and alternative.

    I know, I know, I need to just focus on myself . But I am after all I’m just a human. Seeing my co-workers, way older than me, making 80k or is already securing position that would make them that 55-80k a year—I feel envious.

    Why do I want so much money?? I know making more isn’t going to make me happy or is the cause of my happiness, but I can’t stop feeling envious not because of their line of work or some benefit—but the $$? I didn’t know when $$ became my owner.

    The pay does matter, but I feel it is one factor in the equation. But envy I am. How do you get over your envy?
     
  2. CoupDeFri

    CoupDeFri My shadow is my best friend.

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2016
    Messages:
    177
    Likes Received:
    161
    Reading List:
    Link
    God damn thy problem, i can relate
     
    ebonykun and Kiskaiya like this.
  3. Kiskaiya

    Kiskaiya 【Ane-san】【Leader of the Koucha-gumi】

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2018
    Messages:
    417
    Likes Received:
    4,256
    Reading List:
    Link
    Adulthood, it really sucks. The only immediate solution I can see is either working for yourself or working from home, that way you are not around others to be able to compare yourself to.
     
    Kalto likes this.
  4. chamchaworld

    chamchaworld Lazy Chibi

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2016
    Messages:
    932
    Likes Received:
    973
    Reading List:
    Link
    Accept the reality? It kinda helps for me, I mean since maybe I didn't have good enough degree (like them) or maybe put enough effort in my job (like them) that's why I can't make as much as them.
     
    ebonykun, Cite, Bloodysin28 and 5 others like this.
  5. replay

    replay ★Milk and Honey smelling Merchant★

    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2016
    Messages:
    3,661
    Likes Received:
    2,319
    Reading List:
    Link
    a snowflake?

    but welp jist accept it,
    feed it more and you'll regret it big time,
    don't fix that one day you'll wake up you got blood on your hands,
     
    Wujigege and anon like this.
  6. TwlLlghT

    TwlLlghT Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2016
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    29
    Reading List:
    Link
    Just think of unfortunate people without proper home and food... and be thankful for what you already have... though i said that i still envy rich people
     
    ebonykun, Cite, Wujigege and 3 others like this.
  7. hmz

    hmz Active Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2017
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    4
    Reading List:
    Link
    Be grateful, and focus on what you can do instead of what other people have
     
  8. Westeller

    Westeller Meatbun Panda a la MODe Staff Member

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2016
    Messages:
    6,214
    Likes Received:
    18,254
    Reading List:
    Link
    Idk about other places, but in the U.S., something like 80%+ of people live paycheck to paycheck.

    That means they're barely managing to pay their bills and often have to tighten their belts before their next paycheck comes in. It's not unusual to be broke or near broke. Skipping dinner for a day or not being able to buy stuff you want? That's so normal you'd have a hard time picking someone out of a crowd that doesn't have the same problem. And that probably goes for your "80k/year" coworker, too. It's very common for people to spend a month stressing about how they're going to make their house payment so they don't end up on the streets. Our economy is shit.

    So, with that in mind, it's not really weird that you'd be stressing over money, or be envious of people making more than you. It's normal. And fuck "money doesn't make you happy". Maybe it doesn't, but not having money definitely makes you unhappy. Your quality of life directly depends on having enough to support yourself, ffs. So if you're broke and unhappy, those things aren't totally unrelated, fuck what anyone tells you.

    I don't know how you can escape financial burden in an economy that seems to be founded on the concept of debt, but I suspect the answer is careful budgeting, reduction of luxuries and, yeah, getting a decent wage. What I do know is how you can escape envy. That one's easy: just realize LITERALLY EVERYONE IS FUCKING BROKE and putting on a damn show because they're embarrassed about it. Even if you want to be envious, you're going to have a hard time finding someone to be envious of, if you're really paying attention.
     
    Cite, Wujigege, Bloodysin28 and 9 others like this.
  9. peanutbutter_J

    peanutbutter_J Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2017
    Messages:
    174
    Likes Received:
    118
    Reading List:
    Link
    Well just realize that no matter how much you gain, you will never be satisfied.
    There's no enough in terms of money. So chasing that sense of satisfaction itself is futile I'd say. Just work hard and smartly as you can, let envy bcome motivation to be better and not to be greedy.

    Ps: ever heard out of sight out of mind?
     
  10. Kalto

    Kalto [ Somewhat meticulous ]

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2018
    Messages:
    3,284
    Likes Received:
    4,053
    Reading List:
    Link
    You don't let go of envy, it is alright to feel like that but you must learn how not to let it affect your reason and decisions and most of all don't let it show on your face and actions :blob_zipper_mouth:
    For example try to think of funny moments or happy thought to calm down, and it might be because of stress so see or try to fix your schedule to sleep for longer time and do take walks outside or play games online with some people (strange as it is as a solution it does help in such conditions speaking from experience :blobsweat_2:) basically, what I am trying to say is that, you need to learn how to quickly overwrite that envy as soon as possible whenever you feel it so you don't do anything stupid :sweating_profusely:
     
    Femme Fatale likes this.
  11. TheNewGuy

    TheNewGuy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2016
    Messages:
    311
    Likes Received:
    135
    Reading List:
    Link
    Embrace the suck.
     
    Femme Fatale likes this.
  12. Lirikan

    Lirikan [Charming Mollusca] [Cephalopoda Gentleman]

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2018
    Messages:
    269
    Likes Received:
    272
    Reading List:
    Link
    How about take a walk every morning and travelling once in a while, it doesn't sound that reliable but its work in my case.
    Or just do something new things like a hobby or anything and see things that you have not seen it will change your perspective and the way you think.
     
  13. VesperNyan

    VesperNyan Member

    Joined:
    May 27, 2019
    Messages:
    29
    Likes Received:
    38
    Reading List:
    Link
    Yea, but did your co-workers ever go on a trip to Egypt to kill a bisexual homoerotic vampire with the body of a super buff grandpa who uses sun magic and also have a ghost familiar with the power to stop time?
     
  14. Cutter Masterson

    Cutter Masterson Well-Known Super-Soldier

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2015
    Messages:
    2,235
    Likes Received:
    1,649
    Reading List:
    Link
    I live from paycheck to paycheck. The way I keep myself from being envious. Is by being grateful and being contented with my life. A large part of my childhood was being homeless. With parents in prison. I have a stable home and a steady paycheck. So I know I’m doing better than my parents did. I and my family are healthy. I have a lot to be grateful for. Sure I still wish for stuff, but with having nothing. I know what’s really important. I have less stress in my life because I’m not fighting to be number one. Sure I would love a Tesla, Mansion or a Jet, but at the end of the day. It’s a simple smile or I love that keeps me happy.
     
    Cite, Bloodysin28, OceanMagix and 2 others like this.
  15. Bias

    Bias Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2016
    Messages:
    42
    Likes Received:
    52
    Reading List:
    Link
    Easy enough. By accepting your own mortality. Always give yourself expiry date. When you live past it. Give yourself another date.
     
  16. Kadmos1

    Kadmos1 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2017
    Messages:
    502
    Likes Received:
    152
    Reading List:
    Link
    Easy. Try 1 of the other 6 cardinal sins!
     
  17. SolInvictus

    SolInvictus Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2017
    Messages:
    144
    Likes Received:
    128
    Reading List:
    Link
    Interesting question.

    whenever dealing with a problem that involves conceptual issues it's very important to get your definitions clear and understand them. Without that, you end up running in circles without solving the specific issues that matter to you.

    'Envy' is to desire for oneself something that belongs to another. The negative connotations come in because this desire is not an optimistic outlook but a painful one.

    Envy is an emotion and the function of emotions is to serve as a tool that indicates how we feel about the world we perceive around us. In the same way that pain in the skin can indicate that you are being hurt and need to move. Sadness can indicate that the state of the world you perceive is worse than the state you desire and may need addressing. However, all human beings require the same general physical conditions to survive. So our physical responses to stimuli like high temperature and cuts and bruises are automatic and innate. Emotional responses are different. They are self-programmed responses that in time become near automatic. This is because each human has a different set of values that make them 'successful' as humans. An I.T person needs to deal with threats with a calm head. They can't have the same response to a threat as a soldier would. Smashing up the I.T room in response to a virus would reduce their chances of (social and reproductive) success. So humans have flexibility in how we feel about things.

    A person can fear snakes, but because they've opened up a Taiwanese bar that sells snake blood wine (delicious) they need to handle snakes regularly. They can change the way they feel about snakes until they actually like them because the snakes are a source of income and not a threat to their lives.

    Unfortunately, the vast majority of people aren't taught about stuff like that. So our emotional responses are a default mess of bits-and-pieces picked up from our societies. If you grew up feeling disgusted by a certain race. It becomes near-automatic though there is no biological reason for that response and it doesn't benefit you.

    So the first step whenever you feel a strong emotion concerning something important to your life is to use your head not your heart. (Because, you know, one is an organ for reason and logic the other is for pumping blood).
    Ask yourself if those emotions are an appropriate response and help you in some way. Do they accurately reflect the world e.g is your fear of a flying cockroach justified by the threat it presents? Fear towards an intruder may be more accurate because an intruder may prove mortally dangerous.
    Next, even if that emotional response is accurate--does it help you achieve your goals? E.g does fear make you better prepared to handle the intruder or not? If you were an ape--perhaps--apes just run or fling themselves at a threat but as a man who can use tools and make plans cooling your head may be better.

    So ask yourself--does envy make you feel motivated? Is earning more money important to your life specifically? Are you willing and able to pay the price to get what you want?

    Depending on those answers, your emotions may be accurate and helpful or inaccurate and harmful. If your skin didn't tell you when you were getting burned then you could get crippled or die. Similarly, if your emotions don't tell you when your life is not as you'd like you could end up with regret and wasting it.

    A person who can't walk may want to play basketball, but given the current state of medicine and tech, it is not a feasible desire so holding onto those emotions would only hurt them. If their desire is to be athletic and famous then choosing a different sport to obsess over may be the way to go. On the other hand, if the person then dreamed to invent a treatment technology or die trying then having a strong emotion about it would be helpful.

    Your emotional responses are self -programmed. If you decide an emotion is inaccurate and detrimental to you then change it. Here are a few things that helped me.

    1. Reasoning and self-esteem. reasoning should be your only means of gaining knowledge and you should never integrate a piece of knowledge into your beliefs without first assessing them. Then re-assessing them any and every time a contradiction appears.

    My folks had racist beliefs, but when I met peopl of other races they didn't stack up and simply addressing that and swapping "X people are Y" you swap "X people are people and need to be judged as individuals". The change in your emotional responses is surprisingly quick because that's how we humans have evolved.

    If you see a beautiful person you might feel attracted, but if you find out they are your relative and underage--your emotions (an average person's) go through an instant and dramatic change. You rein in your feelings and they shift after a little while.

    2. Choosing a course of action.
    Even giving up is a course of action if you make that decision consciously. So long as you don't make a decision your brain keeps thinking about it, often in unproductive ways. i.e., not so much "how do I achieve this or that" but more "this sucks in this and that way".

    If you don't plan on pursuing an ambition or desire in the near future then make a decision not to. So long as you keep saying "I might" it will keep sapping your mental energy and your brain will seek examples of it in your surroundings to fuel that destructive cycle.

    3. Meditation.
    Sitting down with your eyes closed and having a focussed conversation with yourself is surprisingly difficult and surprisingly effective. A lot of times we think we're doing this but were not.

    Like how most people think writing a story is simple but when they sit down and try to put sentences together you realise that the vague general things floating in your head don't equate to precise and definite sentences. Meditation is a bit l;like putting pen to paper and writing out your life plan. It forces you to get specific.

    All the best.
     
    Last edited: Aug 8, 2019
    Femme Fatale likes this.
  18. tbchillin

    tbchillin Active Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2016
    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    8
    Reading List:
    Link
    If you dont mind being a jerk about it then go find someone who doesnt make as much as you and rub it in their face. make sure they know that their life is so much worse than yours. knowing that youre superior to someone will make you feel better.
    thats how humans work, they'll do what i just suggested but they'll just sugarcoat it with nice words so they can avoid the guilt instead of just being a straight shooter about it. either way the result is the same.
     
  19. Alundric

    Alundric Member of Gentleman Alliance

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2016
    Messages:
    509
    Likes Received:
    238
    Reading List:
    Link
    I only can suggest you to follow another main sin. There is seven of them and envy it's just one of them and it's quite weak.
    I did follow the sloth. So it's good.
     
  20. Femme Fatale

    Femme Fatale [ Bitty Kitty : A Discrete Purveyor]

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2018
    Messages:
    1,299
    Likes Received:
    6,394
    Reading List:
    Link
    To live through envy, I say, you have to first recognize it and embrace it. It's natural to feel that way, especially with the current US economy the difference between those that have and those that don't is getting bigger and bigger. I have a big extended family and some of my family members are rich. It's interesting to note that it doesn't make them any happier. They worry about bills to pay and are broke as too. They are then stressed about loosing their lifestyle. So...money is not the end all, but when you are running on empty in your pocket and still not having your basic needs met, it's hard not to feel bitter at times.

    The best way to respond is to encourage you is to start a dialogue with yourself and others. Write about it if you like, journal your journey. Talk to like minded people. It has helped me lots. It gives you perspective, which is the thing we loose when we are experiencing hardship.

    I struggle through envy, not for money though. My struggle is with people that get more freedom to live as they want: I have a family member that has what professionals term high and complex needs. I envy other mothers that can communicate with their children effectively. I envy mothers whose child will grow up and be able to take care of themselves. For one of my children, that will never be a possibility. :( She is beautiful and willful and so innocent.... I worry about what will be for her when I am not around anymore.

    When I have down days, I look for positivity. I surround myself with it. Memes, music, a cup of coffee in the warm sun. A walk in fresh air....nurture your soul with things that do not cost money. :) That reinforces a healthier perspective on life so you can then put more energy into finding a better way for yourself.

    I have learned to also focus on how to eliminate waste in my life. \o/ Which has also lead to improvements as well that puts more money in my pocket. Knowing how to manage a kitchen effectively is an important way of lowering your food bills. Buying things on sale or second hand is also great. Wastage is a big problem in the US so becoming crafty is actually pretty neat and may even lead to some interesting developments.

    I hope this is a helpful starting point for you. I'm always happy to talk about these things if you need a kind ear. :)