Discussion I'm 19 and my parents want me to get married

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by AneeChan, Jun 5, 2021.

  1. AneeChan

    AneeChan Active Member

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    Ah haii, I'll try my best! Thank you for replying :blobReach: Today I spoke with them but they were as inflexible as ever but yh, I'll not stop trying to drill my thoughts into their own:cookie: Hopefully everything works out:blobicecreamlove:

    The marriage delaying thing and even divorce in general has a drastic affect upon a girls' reputation in the society I live in. Going by the second plan you elaborated, to get engaged and have it broken (For even something reasonable) is something irredeemable in the eyes of the society and families. Also divorce is something so unheard of that there are people in my own family that refrain from despite their husbands practicing bigotry :sweating_profusely:. Marriage is kinda like a once in lifetime pilgrimage and divorce is something people look down with contempt as horrible as it sounds:blob_teary: There are so many women and men struggling with marriage concerns because of divorce or because the marriage broke off at the last moment (apparently by the fabricated notion that something is lacking in the bride/groom). I'm afraid faking engagements, breaking them off and even mentally preparing myself for divorces can have abominable consequences on my own life:sushi_sleeping::sushi_sorry: Going independent is an option but I want to keep it as a final resort because regardless of what happens even independence has its negatives because I'm not allowed to date, walk out of my house without a chaperone or refuse proposals.... can you imagine what going independent can actually mean:notlikeblob: I'm sorry if I come across as loser:blob_teary: and if I keep bringing excuses :blobsneeze: I'll try my best and keep going despite how hard it gets and MUCH LOVE FOR REPLYING :bloblove:
     
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  2. Dreamy girl

    Dreamy girl Member

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    I am curious about your country
     
  3. HamsterOverlord-sama

    HamsterOverlord-sama Silently preparing for a Hamster military invasion

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    stay strong!
     
  4. Nyann

    Nyann NyanyanyanyanyaN

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    There are newspaper ads here, that's so fucking weird. You get to see very depressing descriptions of what they want. "Looking for a tall guy/girl not shorter than (this)" "looking for a fair girl with slim body" "looking for a man with at least master's degree in (some) engineering"

    I am not sure if those columns are in America.
    Oh and there are some people who are like "matchmakers" they tell you about single people around. And yes matrimony sites.
    This really sucks. Yes I knew right away you are asian and the parental and educational values suck in here. Getting a job before college is seen as tabboo but getting married before having a job isn't, especially for girls.
    I can only suggest financial independence through your hobbies. Do you perhaps have some talents? Like singing? Dancing? Drawing? Writing? Do you have a bank account and do you have a method to get paid online? If so, I suggest trying to develop your skills and try to many money off of them through commissions or donations. That's what I do.

    For the problem itself I don't know how should you change their mind... But this is what I can suggest for financial independence if you haven't even been able to go to college yet.
     
  5. Westeller

    Westeller mochi mochi Staff Member

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    Ooh. It's like a job.

    Required:
    * Bachelor's degree in business and home planning.
    * At least 5 years experience as a spouse.
    * References from previous marriages.
    * Willingness to do all housework preferred.
     
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  6. AneeChan

    AneeChan Active Member

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    The marriage delaying thing and even divorce in general has a drastic affect upon a girls' in the society I live in. Going by the second plan you elaborated, to get engaged and have it broken (For even something reasonable) is something irredeemable in the eyes of the society and families. Also divorce is something so unheard of that they're people in my own family that refrain from despite their husbands practicing bigotry :sweating_profusely:. Marriage is kinda like a once in lifetime pilgrimage and divorce is something people look down with contempt as horrible as it sounds:blob_teary: There are so many women and men struggling with marriage concerns because of divorce or because the marriage broke off at the last moment (apparently by the fabricated notion that something is lacking in the bride/groom). I'm afraid faking engagements, breaking them off and even mentally preparing myself for divorces can have abominable consequences on my own life:sushi_sleeping::sushi_sorry: Going independent is an option but I want to keep it as a final resort because regardless of what happens even independence has its negatives because I'm not allowed to date, walk out of my house without a chaperone or refuse proposals.... can you imagine what going independent can actually mean:notlikeblob: I'm sorry if I come across as loser:blob_teary: and if I keep bringing excuses :blobsneeze: I'll try my best
    Haiii, I've been told I'm good at writing in general?:cookie: But honestly I have no idea how to go about earning money with writing other than publishing an Ebook in Amazon or getting into traditional novel publishing:sweating_profusely:
     
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  7. Nyann

    Nyann NyanyanyanyanyaN

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    Join scribblehub, novelupdates sister site. You can set up a patreon and promote it along with your novel. Its a fairly professional community as compared to NU/nuf. You can take writing commissions too. You don't need to deal with expensive things like publishing. Making money through digital writings / drawings is a thing in SH.
     
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  8. AneeChan

    AneeChan Active Member

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    ARIGATO FOR THE ADVICE!!!:blobmelt: MUCH LOVE NYAN~~SAN!!:blobicecreamlove:
     
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  9. Nyann

    Nyann NyanyanyanyanyaN

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    No problem! I want to help people I can relate to:blobsalute:

    The irony of asian families tho... Can't have a boyfriend but must have a husband...
     
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  10. Dreamy girl

    Dreamy girl Member

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    Start acting like a psycho girl.Maybe your to be husband will be scared and run away.Or act like you are possessed before marriage.It's common superstition in Asia(I was kidding)
     
  11. AneeChan

    AneeChan Active Member

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    :blobjoy::blobjoy::blobjoy: Bold of you to assume I'm not psychotic
     
  12. Dreamy girl

    Dreamy girl Member

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    Or you can try to commit suicide(Acting) to threat your family
     
  13. AneeChan

    AneeChan Active Member

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    I'm sorry but I'm both a simp and wimp so no can do:blobReach::blobicecreamlove:
     
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  14. Almaa

    Almaa The Friendly One

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    Woah... I looked a bit at this and woah.. This seems like something really annoying :blobsleepless: You really have good nerves, i'd be really annoyed if something like this happened to me. About the advice side, i can't say much since the things i would recommend don't seem to work with the way you want to do things. There's also the part that you have to choose what to do since you know the ones that are trying to force you to marry and it mainly depends on what you want to do and be like in the future, you should choose what you want do to after considering what you want to do in the future and what options you have right now and in the near future.
     
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  15. Jojo775

    Jojo775 Honorary Algae Knight

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    Not your fault you live in a fucked up country. How bout breaking the engagement and then moving to another country where you can live freely and without being discriminated for something so silly.
     
  16. AneeChan

    AneeChan Active Member

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    Haii Jojo-san... it's like this so I'm barely allowed to take a step out of the house without a chaperone so flying overseas without a guardian is a no go:sweating_profusely: A guardian will most likely spiral down to a husbando again:blobastonished:But yh, I do plan on getting out of this country once I start looking for employment opportunities cuz honestly this country unsurprisingly has gone into self-destruction and would most likely end up being a colony of China in a few years:blob_pout:
     
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  17. Jojo775

    Jojo775 Honorary Algae Knight

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    Good luck, it will be tough being alone for a couple of months but it's easy to get job abroad now. Don't let them crush your spirit and be constantly aware that culture like yours makes women even more submissive than normal( women are only subconsciously slightly submissive in the west, it's a natural thing that will take thousands of years to go away), so resist that shit. You can mend relations with family after you get your own life, if they don't want to it's their loss. You can do it.
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2021
  18. AneeChan

    AneeChan Active Member

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    Arigatou Jojo-san!!:bloblove:
     
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  19. Passerby7

    Passerby7 Well-Known Member

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    Aneechan, I’m sorry to hear what’s happening on your end. I suggest to try to talk to your parents to understand better why they want you to get married so young and talk to them about your goals in life. If it doesn’t work, try to talk to other close relatives that your parents listen to or respected so that they can act as mediator to dissuade your parents from pressuring you to get married early. Worse comes to worst, you probably can find a job with only high school requirements or start looking to earn living from hobby perhaps. You can also ask friends or bigger family circle to help you with finding some jobs to support yourself if it comes to the point you have to leave your home. I hope things work out well for you.
     
  20. AneeChan

    AneeChan Active Member

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    Haiii, Arigatou. If I had to tell those so called "elders" around my parents are the people fanning the flames into getting me married so I'm not sure anybody would be of help:sweating_profusely: They would absolutely not support because others with the exclusion my parents find it disagreeable for women to even find their own careers other than Artistry/baking/or any other domesticated job that would lock women indoors. I had to put up a fight to tell them I wanted a job in the corporate world :blob_teary: and even then there are some who find it hideous. But yh fighting!!:blob_pompom: I'll not bury my dreams under the hatchet for a husbando and if worse comes to worst I'll just think of him as a readily available sex partner :blob_blush: