Discussion I'm 19 and my parents want me to get married

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by AneeChan, Jun 5, 2021.

  1. Halcyon Observer

    Halcyon Observer Full stop

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    Oh, that's easy.

    Just tell them you will get a corporate job. One that just happens to work indoors. A domestic job since it's in your country, and a domesticated job since society "domesticates" humans to do some type of labour. Then your parents will tear up from such an amazing, foolproof argument, the elders will fall to the ground in anaphylactic shock from discovering a loophole, you get awarded thirty international accolades, and then everyone else claps.

    Jokes aside, you will probably have to fight tooth and nail to hold your ground. Your parents may in the future tolerate it, but the people around them will be much harder to convince.
    In fact, if your parents ever do allow this, I wouldn't be surprised if the "elders" start to consider you "a disgrace" and consider your parents horrible at "guiding their children." So do prepare yourself for that kind of negative reaction.
     
  2. Fictionaddiction

    Fictionaddiction Well-Known Member

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    Alright so coming from a similar culture I understand where you're coming from but I must ask this.

    1-What is the difference between them disowning you, and handing you over to someone else?
    2- Your parents want you to get married because your society (like mine) values virginity and so girls marry young (mostly) so they could preserve themselves.
    So before fully rejecting this think for a minute, can you hold out? , what is the maximum marriageable age in your country?

    If you have .. say till 25-30 you can use that as an argument and tell your parents you won't date or be in relationships etc... (what they're probably afraid of, you losing your virginity before marriage) .
    Or if you decide through seeing those around you that you don't want any part of this at all (like this whole society) it's not impossible to drag out the marriage interviews by bringing out flaws in all candidates or just moving out all together after school.
    You know your situation best. it's your life. Don't let me , other posters or your parents live it for you. Think well and make a decision and work for it. (You can PM me anytime if you want)

    Good luck.
     
  3. AneeChan

    AneeChan Active Member

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    Hai...the difference is that they would probably stop visiting me, cut all ties with me, consider me like some stranger/deceased and basically expel me from the entire family (Including my Aunts, Uncles, etc) which I actually don't care about. Idc what they tell or do but what I do care about is my sister. If I get out of their clutches they'd probably ban my sister (who's turning 17 this year) from having contacts with me and that is something I can't afford. She'd have to choose between me and my family and tho I hate to say this I'd lose a sense of fundamental security from general sexual harassment/abuse a girl would undergo when she's got no background support. Even workplaces exploit singular women and it isn't safe even for adult women to walk about in the streets.
    Them giving me in marriage would mean they'd provide me a substitute to that sense of security, I'd have done them "pride" by not getting my name tainted by "relationships" and I'd have the complete support of my family if I'd fall into a setback even if it's career-related. As you can see disownment is as bad it is for them to me too:blobdead:
    My cousin sister eloped 2 years back and to this day we're not allowed to have contact with her, she's not invited for general celebrations and she's excluded from anything joyful involving the family. She comes to visit her own parents like a fugitive with utmost secrecy and is basically taboo subject in the family. I've seen the damage one individual can inflict upon the entire family and I honestly I don't want any of them to go through the same thing. This may seem sentimental but my cousin Sister's wedding was one that was anticipated by everyone, one that was lush with the entire family's blessings and the devastation they faced when she eloped with a stranger was one reason why I chose to remain single and not worry about my partner. Because I wanted to give them a chance at the wedding they dreamt of...an arranged marriage that would come with the blessing of everyone. What I never thought was that they'd start looking for proposals RIGHT NOW:blob_teary: The general matrimonial age us between 18-22 for women. 25-28 for men.
     
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  4. Fictionaddiction

    Fictionaddiction Well-Known Member

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    That's so sad this whole emotional blackmail it's like instead of being safe with your family you're scared of their judgement the most (I know because it's the same in my country) .

    Still this is not the end of the world for you, if you go on many marriage interviews you could find someone who shares the same goals as you do and would let you have a corporate job.

    You mentioned you wanted to do online jobs before but didn't have time because of school? Well although I think independence is a must, but imagine with me that you do have the money right now.

    Would that give you leverage with your current situation? If you want to stay within your family that is. And are you absolutely sure they'd disown you if you refused till say age 22?

    And how is your cousin? Is she happy where she is now?
    And are you sure things are as severe as you say regarding the sexual harassment for disowned people? So if someone who has a family and their boss molests them does the said family beat the boss up or what...? No police no law suits?

    I found that in patriarchal societies that the dangers are overplayed so much to prevent you from thinking of stepping outside their control.
    I used to think that all men were so lecherous that you could never be alone with in one room. Till I read novels targeted to both genders and realized that men were actually more restrained and women's novels were way more dirty LMAO.
     
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