I'm in a bit of a social pickle...

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by ATrueStory, Sep 24, 2020.

?

Should I go or stay?

  1. Stay and leave them be

    25 vote(s)
    75.8%
  2. Go.

    8 vote(s)
    24.2%
  1. ATrueStory

    ATrueStory Villainesses, Historical Shit, Noble Circuses

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    I'm still at loss on how to resolve this and hope you could chime to give some family/relationship advice.

    Right now, my brother and his family moved out of the family home. This was days after I complained about my nephews' shouting and jumping in the middle of the night. I was tired, stressed and eager to sleep but since my nephew caused a ruckus, I was ill-tempered and stressed. I complained to the SIL and I said some rude words. The ruckus is a almost a regular occurrence.

    Come morning, I apologized to my SIL because I was in the bad mood and it wasn't exactly her fault. Other family members were also bothered by the noise but kept their mouth shut because of its a kid. I know its a kid, but I'm a working adult (got a promotion so I'm super busy). Later that evening, my SIL announced to everyone but me that they are moving house and renting from her cousin. It's not like I'm changing their decision so I said okay. Now, I don't really know what's changed because they still drop the kid and the dog to our place to be taken care of.

    They invited my aunt's family over to the housewarming and in a way, I'm expected to be there. I don't want to go because:
    1. I don't really feel they are extending an invitation to me. To be honest, I feel like their maid sometimes.
    2. The place they rented into is small and it will be full of my SIL's relatives. I don't feel I'm gonna be wanted there.
    3. I'm tired of people being fake to me and me tolerating other people. I have to endure it during work. I'm frankly exhausted and I don't feel I have to put all this effort for a family who needs me rather than wants me IMO.

    The people I asked were divided. Some say to go because they are family and it might give the wrong impression. Others told me not to go and just give any excuse. I'm just drained form this and the work I have to do.

    Probably useful info:
    - I'm an introvert; bordering on being a hermit
    - I'm not close to my SIL, we're different personalities
    - your typical Asian household dynamics
    - My bro's tells my Mom, that this is only a temp arrangement but I am willing to guess that my SIL has other ideas (from my cousin who she is closer to).

    For anyone who likes to give their piece of advice, I'm thankful in advance.
     
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  2. Serapheid

    Serapheid Well-Known Member

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    I’m not sure this is the right place to be asking this, but if you really don’t mind, then I’ll drop off my personal 2 cents. Belonging to an Asian household myself, it should be okay not to go as long as the reason is not shallow. It’s vague, but what would pass would be reasons like sickness or any similar sort.
    From my perspective, if they’re family, then they should be understanding as to let you off if you’re sick or not feeling well.
    Edit: To not come off as rude, I usually prepare some food (purchased/made) to be brought or dropped off at the relative’s place whenever I can’t go.
     
  3. etherealbao

    etherealbao Well-Known Member

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    I would say don't go, but as an Asian myself I would end up going no matter how awkward it will be... or maybe feign sickness on that very day haha
     
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  4. SomeKindOfUser

    SomeKindOfUser Well-Known Member

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    The decision to go or not is entirely up to you. After all, it's your life. Just don't force yourself into things you don't want to do.
    However, in my opinion, you shouldn't go. If they didn't invite you personally and you don't wanna go, don't go. And, if they later complain, use the excuse that you weren't invited.
     
    ATrueStory likes this.
  5. MangoGuy

    MangoGuy Rambling Mango

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    I faced a slightly similar thingy recently. I just told them that I have a cold, and I don't want to risk it so I am avoiding public gatherings. Did a short 5 minute video call during the event to congratulate them.
     
  6. KageTokage

    KageTokage Well-Known Member

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    Not an Asian, but I AM an introvert. I say don't go. You can just tell them you don't feel safe due to COVID.

    Or, if just not going makes you uncomfortable, stop by briefly. Make an appointment or some type of deadline, so that when you arrive you can say, "Hey, glad to see you! I'm sorry, but I can only stay for a little bit. I've got a doctor's appointment (or something)." Do not lie, you will be caught. At the very least, use work as your excuse.
     
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2020
  7. YoriMei

    YoriMei (ㆁᴗㆁ✿)

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    I’m Asian as well and I still say stay at home honestly. You only have a finite amount of time on this world, do you really want to spend a few hours bored out of your mind hanging around people you don’t know?
     
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  8. Olives

    Olives Professional Basement Dweller

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    It's always good to take a step back and breathe.

    Personally, I'm super blunt and would say if I don't wanna go. Close family (mine atleast) don't need drawn out excuses about blah blah.

    If you're real worried for an excuse, just tell them how you feel- like "I'm really stressed, recent promotion means I have to work up to expectations, and I think I need time to settle down after having the outburst against [SIL]."
     
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  9. otaku31

    otaku31 Well-Known Member

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    You don't have to go, but don't make it look like you're ignoring them. Talk, congratulate, maybe have a gift sent over... let them know you're regretful that you couldn't make it.
     
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  10. Kuronairo

    Kuronairo Well-Known Member

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    Though I replied to go. Let me argue that more in depth. The best decision for your own preference is probably to stay and fake an illness of some kind. But as it's family , it might be good to just show up for a bit as family is also important even if it's just in law. And it's also about your brother feelings. It's just one day after all. Both decisions are fine I think .
     
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  11. rhianirory

    rhianirory Well-Known Member

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    I would stay home and then point out that I wasn't invited when asked why I didn't show up. I can and have said exactly this to my own family in laws before.
    if you need an excuse there is always Covid, or you can fake food poisoning or a bug.
     
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  12. Suijin

    Suijin Blood God [Medic]

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    no point in having family relations with those who don't want you.
     
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  13. mahina

    mahina Well-Known Member

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    So, can’t speak to the asian family aspect but...

    Why are they having a big indoor gathering during COVID???????

    Tell them you’re not comfortable rn going to a large event where social distancing will be impossible, and clear your conscience. Even if your parents go, and you live with your parents, you’re not obligated to compound the problem.
     
  14. Illisaide

    Illisaide ╰(✧∇✧╰) Venti!~

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    Don’t go, but send a gift!
     
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  15. Damsell in Distress

    Damsell in Distress Waiting for dashing MC to save me...!!!

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    I think you should go with the group of your family together, to at least give your brother some face..
    At their house tho, you could enjoy the food and ignore the others and simply talk with your own family and ignore the rest if they don't talk to you first..
    If it's really becoming uncomfortable there, maybe because the stares certain people give, you hate loud noise, or certain people give you a hard time(who knows, it might happen..), then leave, but with a good excuse, say you have some call and have work to do, ask your close friend to give you a call or something and say goodbye, at least to your brother..
     
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  16. mirfn

    mirfn Well-Known Member

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    If you decided to go, probably you can build a good relationship rather than before, even you didn't like them but they’re still your family. You shall face it and can not avoid them forever, maybe you'll feel uncomfortable a little bit but you can get the peace eventually.
     
  17. apricotsoda

    apricotsoda Shy Shy Shy

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    You have few "reasons" already like your recent promotion and just say you have a work to finish or health/covid reason.

    You asking us for your decision means you already have a final answer you just need a final push or a valid reason.
     
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  18. Chu2

    Chu2 Sunshine~

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    go and give your greeting and congratulations, then slip out while everyone's distracted. if anyone follows up, just vaguely say something came up
     
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  19. spchntrt

    spchntrt Well-Known Member

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    i'm asian and introvert too, so i would definitely advise you not to go. i could imagine my soul being drained if i were in that place n situation. if you really do feel bad about not going, then tell you bro about the reason. at least, your bro knows about it. not everyone needs to have good relationship with their relatives. also, we're in social distancing phase now, and you said it's a small place that's going to be crowded by people. you could get infected!! just don't go.
     
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2020
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  20. asriu

    asriu fu~ fu~ fu~

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    if you still on bad mood then nay don't even bother~ welcoming party for socialize? hah no that not the most important~ birth, birthday, marriage, death those kind of stuff is da most important~ as long as you pop up on that kind of gathering your family can't say too much about about your introvert personality~
    this cat kinda lazy bum in family gathering only on occasion this cat mention this cat rarely miss (well irl stuff), this cat doing fine~
    19656.png
     
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