Discussion Is marriage a plan you have or had?

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Emissary Nouvelle, Jan 2, 2022.

  1. AliceShiki

    AliceShiki 『Ms. Tree』『Magical Girl of Love and Justice』

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2016
    Messages:
    23,903
    Likes Received:
    94,577
    Reading List:
    Link
    :blob_coughblood::blob_coughblood::blob_coughblood:

    Some customs are surely discusting...
    Well, the other paperwork being costly sucks, but it's nice that the documents are cheap.
    Ah, yeah, that makes sense~
    Ehe, glad to know that there are people that don't care about this kind of custom~

    Like, geez, if things go well with my boyfriend and we eventually get to marry, then like... I want our money to be spent on us, not on my family... >.>
     
  2. Suijin

    Suijin Blood God [Medic]

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2016
    Messages:
    4,418
    Likes Received:
    4,972
    Reading List:
    Link
    it's not so much disgusting as annoying. it's an obstacle to many relationships.
    this tradition is as old as china (well, not that old. but pretty old), and certain things did get changed or added on.
    each province also has different rules, each family different view of "cost".
    though to be fair and clarify. some parents give that money back to the bride immediately. some keep it in case the couple divorces so the wife has something to fall back on.

    the worst are the chinese muslims though. i heard some guy had to pay 300k rmb just for the bride. not including the house and car. and that's the minimum price from what they told me. no idea how actual muslims do it, and won't presume either. (though i do welcome a muslim here from ME to say)

    like. for a chinese couple to get married, they can just go the marriage registration office with their ID, a couple photo with a red background (80rmb), and that's it. they get a small red book (15rmb) that says they're married.
    for me though. i needed proof i'm not married. from my country published by court. translated, then stamped by the ministry of foreign affairs, after that stamped by the chinese embassy in my country. sent to china where I was. then translated to chinese by the official bureau in the city I was in (thank god not in beijing). the only good thing was I didn't have to pay for the red book. saved 15rmb. spent 9000rmb for other crap though. lol

    good luck. take it easy
     
  3. AliceShiki

    AliceShiki 『Ms. Tree』『Magical Girl of Love and Justice』

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2016
    Messages:
    23,903
    Likes Received:
    94,577
    Reading List:
    Link
    Oh, this does make more sense~

    I still don't like it, but I guess there is some use to it at least~
    Welp... At least it was 15 rmb cheaper! xD
    Ehe, thank you~

    We're still young, so we have time to decide things slowly, I suppose. No point in rushing it~
     
    Suijin likes this.
  4. Kuroihagane

    Kuroihagane Investi-gathor

    Joined:
    Feb 29, 2016
    Messages:
    744
    Likes Received:
    580
    Reading List:
    Link
    I had that plan when I was a teenager, but now I don't really care anymore
     
    Cream likes this.
  5. Mnotia

    Mnotia The Trash Man

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2017
    Messages:
    1,646
    Likes Received:
    1,270
    Reading List:
    Link
    I've thought about it and decided that I'm just gonna hold off on the marriage shit till I'm like 30+. I dont really feel the need of being with someone right now.
     
  6. Return

    Return Ṩ͢͢͢aℽonara

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2017
    Messages:
    688
    Likes Received:
    343
    Reading List:
    Link
    Marriage ? No no no no I plan to live my life single until I die and cut off all relationship with family or friends as I hate people and how complex a relationship can get so no and being a Muslim there was a time where I googled masturbating forbidden and the article says to encourage young people to get married fast which I strongly disagree with and hate that in my religion and hate my father for choosing my 19 year old mother and he was 29 to be his bride which says he is a coward that go for the naive and indecisive to scam them and about my uncle to got divorced with his wife cause she wants to not be bound and no one to keep surveillances on her and now my two cousins are living with the wife and uncle is practically going from work to rented home and his parents home and I hate my current generation mindset on marriage and relationship and sometimes I want to punch my best friend cause he wants to get married even though both his parents fucked up his life by their divorce while he was third year college student and made him take a full time job to give his salary which was 4500 egp to them every month and got nothing out of it so no and my other friend which is going out with his cousin (female) I hate when people marry in the same family too I feel it is incest and heard a lot about it being the norm in Egypt which makes Egypt more disgusting to me
     
    sonhot likes this.
  7. FIEND

    FIEND wild card

    Joined:
    May 17, 2020
    Messages:
    2,563
    Likes Received:
    4,053
    Reading List:
    Link

    It’s a norm in a lot of brown countries
    I think we often get culture and religion mixed up but tbh they go hand in hand
    I hate arraigned marriages particularly
    It honestly just demeans women even more and it’s one thing if you dunno know to marry and ur parents help set u up on a blind date but whole diff story where they pick one for u or force u to go for one
     
  8. Lovise

    Lovise Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2016
    Messages:
    100
    Likes Received:
    133
    Reading List:
    Link
    Ahhh, that is your opinion that it demeans women. Since you talk about culture, Anthropologists would disagree with you. Here take this article as an example: http://public.gettysburg.edu/~dperry/Class Readings Scanned Documents/Intro/Nanda.pdf
     
  9. FIEND

    FIEND wild card

    Joined:
    May 17, 2020
    Messages:
    2,563
    Likes Received:
    4,053
    Reading List:
    Link
    Kindly provide me a better source and one that’s complete. This seems a lot of first person accounting and personal observations, as there was no conclusion paragraph I’m not sure what point she was trying to making here

    demean was a bad word to use, but I think the fundamental issue with arraigned marriage culture is that it works only due to divorce process being extremely difficult and the families forcing miserable couples together. If the couple is harmonious then naturally it will work with the cohesive forces of cultural taboo against a divorce, religion and family playing a role.

    A lot of women don’t have much say in arraigned marriages and we can ofc go down the rabbit hole of negatives such as dowry scam, marital and in-law abuse, rape and so on and so forth.

    my point being that cultures with arraigned marriages tend to be on the more unfair end of the spectrum towards womens rights
     
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2022
  10. Lovise

    Lovise Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2016
    Messages:
    100
    Likes Received:
    133
    Reading List:
    Link
    Another source? mkay: https://www.gettysburg.edu/news/stories?id=95ebc288-f85c-463d-a841-3c9c129d3d74

    Novels tends to exaggerate reality and paint it in a bad light. Stories about finding love, conflict against families, scarifying for your love is much more romantic, trendy, and attractive for the readers. It is difficult to conclude that arrange marries are :sick::sick:.
    A few bad apples soil the barrel; we don't get to hear about the good ones. Bad cases are plenty as good ones don't get as much of the spotlights.

    Meh, might as well toss the boi in there as well. I don't think any of the boys and girls in the arranged marriage have a say in the first place.

    I do agree with the last statement. Though I kinda want a social experiment conducted in a modern western society. :blob_zipper_mouth:
     
  11. Suijin

    Suijin Blood God [Medic]

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2016
    Messages:
    4,418
    Likes Received:
    4,972
    Reading List:
    Link
    dude. use punctuations, space out your sentences. this is a pain to read

    first source and her quoting the indian women.
    yea. that's legit. with parents supervising everything they say. with those young women being told this fact that shaped their "opinion"
    she's quoting letters between nobles. european nobles at that. not much of arranged marriages, but more of women's influence in spanish court. irrelevant.
     
  12. FIEND

    FIEND wild card

    Joined:
    May 17, 2020
    Messages:
    2,563
    Likes Received:
    4,053
    Reading List:
    Link
    1000% with you
    I thought he’d give me actual papers done by people doing case studies with experimental and control groups. But no it’s just some biased interviews to support a biased opinion lol
    Where tf did u get novels from? I’m not delusional and I know how to separate novels from reality lol, I can make opinions based on reality not what I read in fiction.
    Boys don’t have a say true but women face far more consequences in terms of rape, monetary dependence and are statistically more likely to be abused in these relationships than not.
     
  13. AliceShiki

    AliceShiki 『Ms. Tree』『Magical Girl of Love and Justice』

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2016
    Messages:
    23,903
    Likes Received:
    94,577
    Reading List:
    Link
    Try to not get too political, folks. Remember to follow forum rules and stuff.
     
  14. Lovise

    Lovise Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2016
    Messages:
    100
    Likes Received:
    133
    Reading List:
    Link
    Aw :c mkay... Was about to pursue since peeps wanna start on experimental cases and statics.

    Apparently, most peeps don't seem to understand that many experiments fail the replication process. It has been a crisis in the community. So a bias has been generated. Here is a small example: Let A = arranged marriage and B = cultures where women have less rights. As the Fiend has acknowledged that A tends to be in B. In other words, arranged marriage happens in cultures where women generally have less rights. Basically the negative bias against arranged marriage is A ⋃ B. I'm not interested in the "proofs" people give when it is A influenced by B. What I'm curious about is arranged marriage separated from the cultural aspects.

    Also on statistic: Mark Twain once said "There are three types of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistic". Still big a problem today.

    Anyway, I drop this matter as it will get political.
     
  15. myfakeaccount

    myfakeaccount Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2021
    Messages:
    254
    Likes Received:
    237
    Reading List:
    Link
    I am Indian. Its almost a culture to have arranged marriages. My parents have told my brother and I multiple times that as long as we find a guy/ girl who is in the same religion, caste, education level, etc etc (although love is generally frowned upon in our culture due to various reasons) - They will be okay with it. Otherwise we will have to go on blind dates like the novels except in our culture, the "blind date" occurs with guy and family coming to see girl in girl's house. essentially a meeting of 2 families.
    Another thing is, unlike most novels where people tend to be unmarried as long as they want, parents will get their girl children married before 30 and guys before 35.
    Back to question, yes, its something I have on my mind but whether I will find someone or whether my parents will find someone, only god knows.
     
  16. sonhot

    sonhot Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2019
    Messages:
    17
    Likes Received:
    7
    Reading List:
    Link
    Its your life man. You live and decide, not your parents not your culture, not even god. Marriage is something one does when they find the right partner with strong bonds and high compatibility...anything other than that is not really "marriage" but a mockery.
     
  17. Lemonfairy

    Lemonfairy 〖a very sour lemon ♡〗〖cute but deadly ♡〗

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2019
    Messages:
    1,396
    Likes Received:
    17,832
    Reading List:
    Link
    lemon wants to marry a rich guy
    but rich guys probably don't want to marry lemon :blobcry:
     
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2022
  18. AliceShiki

    AliceShiki 『Ms. Tree』『Magical Girl of Love and Justice』

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2016
    Messages:
    23,903
    Likes Received:
    94,577
    Reading List:
    Link
    *hugs @Jeanette * Lemon-chan is being a meanie... T.T
     
  19. Lemonfairy

    Lemonfairy 〖a very sour lemon ♡〗〖cute but deadly ♡〗

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2019
    Messages:
    1,396
    Likes Received:
    17,832
    Reading List:
    Link
    I was talking about real life though?
     
  20. AliceShiki

    AliceShiki 『Ms. Tree』『Magical Girl of Love and Justice』

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2016
    Messages:
    23,903
    Likes Received:
    94,577
    Reading List:
    Link
    You're saying Jeane-chan isn't real!?!?!? :eek::eek::eek:

    You're so mean... :cry::cry::cry: