Resolved [JP] Please help me with these lines.

Discussion in 'Translator's Corner' started by Takeba, Jan 9, 2019.

  1. Takeba

    Takeba Well-Known Member

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    Please help me with the bold lines.

    王宮へと向かう馬車の中、仕立てのいい貴族服を着た黒髪の少年と、同じように上質な生地をたっぷりと使った正装を纏った金髪の美青年が、緊張した面持ちで揺られていた。

    少年は幼いなりでも麗しく、見た目は若いが実際はもう少し年嵩な印象を受ける。エルフ交じりなのかもしれない。

    金髪青年の耳は尖っており、エルフの特徴を示していた。
    少年とはまた違う精巧な美を持つ青年、二人は兄弟には見えないが、エルフ交じりの少年とは遠縁にあたるかもしれないと、二人の纏う雰囲気になんらかの繋がりを感じさせられた。

    The rest for context. Many thanks. :notworthy:
     
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  2. Milanin

    Milanin [Reader] [???] [Freeloader]

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    The man who holds a different elaborate beauty than the boy, though they don't look like they are siblings, the elf-mixed boy could be a distant relative, is what the atmosphere the two are giving off seems to be saying.

    My attempt.

    P.S. Needs (a lot of) editing to make it flow better.
     
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  3. Takeba

    Takeba Well-Known Member

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    Thank you.
     
  4. IlkatSumil

    IlkatSumil 意地悪師

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    That is an awful sentence in Japanese, and the writer should be smacked around with a sack full of style guides for defecating it into the world.

    If you want to make it sound a lot better, what the writer is trying to say is this:
    → "The boy who was part elf and the young man, who possessed a different sort of delicate beauty, didn’t look like brothers, but there was something about the both of them that made one feel they might be distantly related."
     
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  5. Takeba

    Takeba Well-Known Member

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    Lol, thank you! I had to ask my older sister how to make it understandable even if it will be cut into two sentences.