Please help me with these bolded line (again). I especially find the second phrase confusing. I appreciate your help once again. 真正面から見たサティエロイカは長身の美女だった。アレフと同じくらい身長ありそう。 桃色がかった赤い髪を耳の横にかける様は、仄かに匂い立つ色気があって大人っぽい。
Wait what?...... um.... this sounds a little like MTL to me. Or the grammar just seemed out of place. Its just that the context is about the woman right. "Her pink hair cast with red nestled just above her ears, faintly rising with a seductively mature scent. " That's just how I roughly understood it. I mean the context of the previous sentence was saying Satie Eroika was beautiful as she was tall, almost as tall as Aleph.
I made it into "The way her pink tinged red hair hanged on her ear faintly radiates sex appeal and/which seemed mature." Does it still sound wierd?
Actually, while their English grammar is kind of poor, @Noor interpreted the Japanese correctly. Think of it this way: "The way her pink-tinged red hair hung on her ear faintly radiated sex appeal and seemed mature." That 様 is the topic of the sentence, and it both has (あって) a certain sex appeal and seems (っぽい) mature. (Though, given that ある is in て-form, you can certainly interpret that clause as modifying 大人っぽい if you like, or combine them in another way.) Also, the 匂い in 匂い立つ is not a literal scent. 匂い立つ is a compound verb that can simply mean "to be attractive," and in this sentence, it is modifying 色気. The 色気 is doing the 匂い立つing. So the way the hair is tucked has a sex appeal that is a little bit attractive. I wouldn't recommend using a literal translation, but it helps to know what things are doing what actions. I'd go with something like this: "The way her pinkish-red hair was tucked beside her ears gave her an air of grown-up allure." Instead of trying to fit that 仄かに in as its own word, I think "an air of" captures the meaning of faintness well enough. Also, as it's always better to translate dull predicates like ある and です (implied after an い-adjective) into more active verbs whenever you can, I went with "gave her" instead of "had and "seemed". It says that "when seen in person" (or, depending on context, "when seen head-on"), "she was a tall, beautiful woman" and that she "seemed to be about as tall as Aleph."
"The way her pink tinged red hair hanged on her ear faintly radiates sex appeal and/which seemed mature." For flow & grammar. Past tense for hang is hung. "Hanged" is used for death, ie. when a criminal is hanged. The sentence mixes both past tense and present tense, it should be all one type of tense. (Past tense) Ting-ed, seem-ed vs (present tense) the way, radiates ------------- Here's a sentence in main past tense. "Her red hair was tinged pink and hung on her ear, it radiated a mature sex appeal." Here's a sentence in main present tense. "Her red hair had a tinge of pink hanging on her ear, radiating with a mature sex appeal" Edit: Thanks for clarifying that part, I was a bit stumped with it. Also I like your translation, it sounds a lot better.
This is true. Japanese allows for tense mixing, and there's a particular purpose to it. General narration is in past tense. Descriptions that the narrator connects to emotionally are in present tense. The present tense descriptions sound more vivid that way, like the reader is getting into the head of the narrator and experiencing the events as they did. But since English doesn't allow tense mixing, you have to stick with whatever tense you're using for the story.
By the way, may I just insert this question here @Kuro_0ni and @IlkatSumil May I ask your opinions regarding the names サティエロイカ and ハルアハンナ? Are they both separated into 2 names? In my understanding, there's a "bullet" or that big dot in-between the names as indication of separation. Am I mistaken in that part? I use Satieroica or Satieloica for the former and Haluahanna for the other name.
I mean, サティ and エロイカ are both actual names. Sati(e) and Eroica/Heroica. So I'd probably split them if it were me. ハルア is a bit odd, but ハンナ is a real name. If all the names are Western-ish, you could go with something like Halya Hanna(h). That looks better than something closer to the romanization. Japanese phonetic limitations aren't kind to foreign names, but that means you can take liberties going the other way.
I was able to find the WN raw you were looking into, their names are divided like this through out the chapter. サティ・エロイカ (Sati Eroika) サティcan be Satie or Sadie エロイカ Looking at it, its like another version of Eroica (Which is like Italian for "Hero") ハル・アハンナ (Haru Ahan'na) ハル can be Hal アハンナ could be as its spelled Ahanna, (I think it could be an Irish variation "from the little ford") So maybe Hal Ahanna Hope this helps.
Yeah, if it's ハル・アハンナ and not ハルア・ハンナ, then it Halya Hanna would be wrong. The kuro-ten (・) definitely shows a split in names. (I use it on my own name sometimes so Japanese people can see where the break is.) Also, how you transliterate each name would depend on the gender of the character, too. "Hal" is typically a man's name, so if that character is a woman, you might want something that seems more obviously feminine to the standards of an English speaker.
Satie Eroica Haru Ahanna Though, personally, I would go with Thirty Erotic Squids and Haluahana. It has a nice ring to it.