Let's share bad? puns.

Here are mine.
1) Man said to his friend. "It's late, gather your fishing tools and let's go home"
His friend agreed, picked his rods and whatnot and made his way toward the forest.
"What are you doing? Our home isn't in that direction" Man was confused.
"I'm looking for a bear" said his friend with a fish in his hand.
"Why?"
"Because without a bear, my life is unbearable"
2) The DJ was standing behind his equipment glaring furiously at one of the dancers whose movements disagreed with the rythm of a song.
"Hey, what's wrong?"
"He's so slow that I want to beat him up!"

 

Why did the crab cross the street? Because the chicken was on vacation.

 

Cough up blood.
Why?
because not enough is flowing out from the sword piercing my chest.
--You're a genius!
--Wait that doesn't sound right?!
The Red Lands