Looking for reader opinions on a novel i'm writing.

Long story short, I had been toying with the idea of trying my hand to write a novel for decades now, an idea I only very recently put into practice. While I have gotten reasonably good reception at Royal Road where I posted it, I would greatly appreciate a second opinion from a different crowd.

Link to my novel below, and thank you for your time!


https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/45898/the-blood-demon-is-retired

 

What kind of different crowd are you talking about? Nuffian, royalroad and scribblehub is basically the same reader all around, for example there's a certain meatbun that shows up everywhere, summoning @GonZ555

 

I thought you would only have 1 chapter, but did not expect to have 21 of them.

 

People eventually cross over and end up on all the different communities no matter which one they start from. I've got accounts on all of them too although the names are different.

 

I have yet to explore Royal aroad properly even though i spend most of my time on scribblehub and NU

Really liking your story so far. Loving the world building

 

Truth, I also got accounts all over, though usually with the same name.

 

Thanks for the compliment!

 

There is that fanfiction net spin off site for original works too

 

I think this is not the proper place to ask for a story feedback

 

I read up to chapter 6, there was still no story.

- Main character: Why did you just randomly out of nowhere start calling her "Cal" which makes no sense as a shortened version of Celeysria?
- Background: You explain a lot about a world the main character lives in, but you still haven't given us a reason to follow your main character through this world. So far it's like an acquaintance telling you stories about their vacation you really don't feel like hearing.
- There is no drama. I am not talking about romance, I mean your main character quits her job and gets on a boat... That's about it. You've written a lot about the place she is and what happened there, but nothing makes you want to follow that character as she vacations during her retirement.

Think about the story you want to tell us and not about the world that the story takes place. I can tell you know that world well and your passion for that world is deep. The details and backstory of that world are seasonings for the story. So far, you have given too much seasoning and no meal. Celeysria should be pulled into your story from the first chapter. We need a reason to follow her into the rest of this book. Give us the world as she sees it during her travels and try not to info dump it on us. You as the author care about that part, we as readers only need to know about it when it becomes important to the story.

Keep writing, the more you write the easier it gets!

 

Chapter 3, post-chapter author's note.

 

If you have to explain it in an author's note, it's a problem.

 

Unless somehow readers are fluent in a made-up language, I don't see a different solution.

 

You really shouldn't ask for readers' opinions if you are just going to argue. It sounds like you are not really interested in getting honest feedback.