So I started writing a one-shot type of novel and I was hoping on getting some feedback on the novel in what I could improve on or ideas to add to the story. Posted it on qidian since that is most accessible to me atm. (**Beware** It is a tragedy, though I am not sure how successful I was in writing that since it's my first time) https://www.webnovel.com/book/13438676005807005/The-Cursed-Throne
Umm...why did you use the format of a poem? Edit: I mean, it is interesting but the format lends me to look for rhyming. Which isn't there.
I was told to try to not add too much detail into a one shot. Plus, I tried to make every line sort of meaningful, thus the poetic style of writing. My main example for this was "Lament at Changmen Palace" in the way of describing events but with a different style of writing and perspective
Lol, just remembered. But as I am a bit more familiar with qidian, I choose their site for the moment. I might post a finished product on ScribbleHub later on
Give me a minute, I need to read that one. Right now I would put yours at a 3.5 star. It is interesting, unique writing but there is stuff missing. (Could be I am missing the rhyming).
I honestly never thought of writing a poem when I started and I do not exactly intend to at the moment but maybe later on if I want to perfect it. Thus, for now, it's probably the only similarity with poems will be its short but hopefully meaningful lines. It is also not finished. Though thank you for the feedback
That's probably a good idea, since no one would care if a robot died but humanized one they would be more concerned about, especially with the tragedy theme Btw, I do not know Portuguese but google translate helps
That was a beautifully written short story. Thank you for sharing it. I guess I missed it when filtering out tragedies. Anyway, a few things now that I've read both. You're missing emotion and details that add a richness to your text. There is no emotional connection, you said it was tragedy but I didn't get that sense. You can add details into a one shot/short story without going overboard. The difficulty I see you having right now is that your writing is currently in the relative style of verse, not prose. I don't know how familiar you are with verse, and honestly it's been ages since I've written any I can't really give you advice if you prefer to stay in that direction. Also, your tenses. Sometimes you are in past tense, and I get the feeling that this is a recollection. For example, "I chose to accept my fate"; chose being past tense. But then later you have: "I stand in red robes"; stand being present tense. It's up to you if you want it to have the feel of a recollection like The Lament, or feel like it is a current activity. But you need to be careful with the tenses. I hope this helped. It was different in a good way.
I eat tragedies for breakfast so the warning didn't stop me. It feels like you are not committed to it yet. If you want it short, then why are some lines unnecessary? Also, if you add more symbolic meaning and lots of foreshadowing then it would be better.
The main difference which makes it hard to determine between short story is your sentence length and formatting. "Lament" uses longer sentences and even paragraphs so it feels like a novel. You mainly have really short sentences so your chapters feel like poems. I don't mind archaic writing, especially for this type of thing, but if you want to write a poem (which doesn't seem to be your intention), you generally want to match syllable counts so it reads more as a poem.
Hey, Edit suggestion : (chap 3 planning a marriage) "Some choose my first brother for his birthright Some choose my third brother for his compassion" --> then he has three brothers, instead of to as you wrote before Maybe change brother to prince? Cheers Read it till the end. Nice, see potential in it. Suggestion: make it from a poem-type novel, into a song (the type they would sing in a historical novel), but keep it ambigious and tHEN, insert it into your full text-type novel probably at the beginning. And make the future emperor listen to the song. So you kinda foreshadow the plot.
Just a suggestions here, not really review. I hope that's ok. There's a site called Critique Circle where if you become a member, you can put your story up there to get feedback from fellow writers. There are guidelines on how to critique if you're new to it, and everyone there is genuinely trying to help each other improve. People can critique in line, so it can get quite detailed depending on who's looking at your work. It is a give a take situation, so the more you critique, the more chances you get to put your story up for others to critique. Some people form their own circle, and that's useful for longer works. You don't need to sign up for the premium feature if you don't want to. https://www.critiquecircle.com/default.asp When I saw your story that's in poem format, it reminded me of Ellen Hopkins. She published several YA novels in verse and has several New York Times bestselling novels. You might want to take a look at her books if you want some inspiration or just to see how she does it for reference. She's a social worker for teenagers, so her work can get pretty dark. You can try previewing "Impulse" on Goodreads. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/270805.Impulse
Your style is interesting..I hope there's more lines in each chapter. It looks more like a synopsis the way you've written it.