Discussion my grammer

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by kgggdkp2012, Feb 28, 2019.

  1. kgggdkp2012

    kgggdkp2012 Void ReapeR(8th grade syndrome patient)

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    So, the paragraph below is a synopsis for a novel I want to try to write.
    please check if the grammar is ok.


    Our story starts with people that were travelling to Florida but as they were heading towards their destination they were hit by a storm in midway and had to reroute from the middle of Bermuda triangle, but they soon found themselves in the unknown world so what's gonna happen now was something they never imagined.

    Thank you for reading
     
  2. SoulZer0

    SoulZer0 Heaven Refining

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    First two words are already fucked up. Dude.

    Damn you already edited it :(
     
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  3. kgggdkp2012

    kgggdkp2012 Void ReapeR(8th grade syndrome patient)

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    Now see
     
  4. xiansho

    xiansho Well-Known Member

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    You should use punctuations,
    Change 'that were travelling' to 'who were traveling' ( just a single 'l' in traveling')
    You should use 'an unknown world', not 'the unknown world'.
    It's better to change the word 'reroute' to something else.
     
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  5. kgggdkp2012

    kgggdkp2012 Void ReapeR(8th grade syndrome patient)

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    Thank you.
     
  6. SerialBeggar

    SerialBeggar Hate your family? Got no friends? Gimme your stuff

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    Rewrite suggestion:

    Our story begins with a group of friends/strangers flying to Florida. Their routine trip turned ominous when their plane ran into a storm while passing through the Bermuda Triangle. When they escaped the strange storm, they were surprised to find themselves in an unknown world! What happens next was something none of them could have imagined.
     
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  7. Devil of Boredom

    Devil of Boredom Exists.

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    Our story starts with people that were traveling to Florida but as they were heading towards their destination they were hit by a storm. Their lives were in danger and to save themselves they had to pass right through the infamous Bermuda triangle. Once the skies cleared they were in an unknown world. What would happen next was something they never imagined.

    This is a suggestion and there might be mistakes. It may also not have the same connotation as what you aspired to give.
     
  8. zloi medved

    zloi medved Well-Known Green Tea Bitch

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    Punctuation is free. It costs $ dollars to use, no need to be stingy. Here, a gift: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
    Take these commas and make full use of them. :blobok:
     
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  9. All mighty Asian

    All mighty Asian Well-Known Member

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    First, ignore these people because they will say nothing except negative things and you're asking in the wrong place
    If you want to write something and you like doing that so why are you asking
     
  10. Arexio

    Arexio Blob Fanatic | AG Player

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    If you (or anybody else) wants a place to practice their writing, there's always the subforum AG *inserts plug here*.

    It's a pretty fun game and place to practice your writing/RP/hang out with cool people like me hahaha.

    Just make sure you read all of the rules in the first post before you join. You can also just lurk around there if you want to check it out first. If anybody has any (non-official) questions about it, feel free to PM me!

    Peace out~