Hello! This is my first time recruiting Need an editor for my new series, No Protection Tonight. It's a Chinese modern romance/fighting novel. Link in signature. The workload is light, about 1200 words average per chapter. Your name will be mentioned on both the chapter post AND page! Requirements: A text application that can open .docx files, Discord account (easy to make, easy to use), proficiency in English. Test: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Before, I always thought that even if the woman who got to see “that” wasn’t my wife, they should at least be my girlfriend. But it just had to be Tangsao; a feeling of indescribable grievance shattered my pride. They all say that men never cry, but who’s thought about the unspeakable horrors that they hold in their hearts? If she beat me or called me every vile name on Earth, I wouldn’t drop a single tear. But hurting my pride was something I just can’t swallow. Tangsao paused at my sobbing face, and started to chuckle, “Oohh, do you regret it now? Why didn’t you think for a second before you dirtied the underwear? Well, it’s alright if you cry a little upstairs; it’ll be downstairs’ turn very soon.” Saozi was so vile. To her, I'm no more than a helpless lamb. Her methods of slaughtering me completely depended on her mood. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Send me your edit of the test by private-messaging me on Discord. My tag is Serra#2892 bye~
The story sounds interesting. But r those paragraphs even from the actual story? Maybe I’ll give it a try.
No bully pls Criticisms are welcomed Spoiler I used to think that if a woman got to see "that", even if she wasn't my wife, she would at least be my girlfriend. However, an indescribable grievance shattered that thought--because it just had to be Tangsao. They say that real men never cry, but what about the untold horrors they hold in their hearts? I won't shed a single tear if she beats me or calls me every vile name on Earth. But hurting my pride is something I won't stand for. Tangsao paused, and then started to chuckle at my sobbing face, "Ooh, do you regret it now? Why didn't you think before you soiled the underwear? Well, it's alright if you cry a little upstairs--it'll be downstair's turn very soon." Saozi is so vile. I'm nothing more than a helpless lamb to her, and her methods of slaughtering me depends entirely on her mood.
I like it. Just some comments. Don’t think of it as criticisms as I am honestly not good myself. When I do editing, usually on my siblings essays, I stay as close to the original as possible. But your added words and restructuring made the paragraphs flow smoother!!! Though my concern would be if adding or removing words affects the meaning. That is a concern that I often come across when I help segment dramas. The ideal situation would be to have the editor and translator edit on real time so the feedback is immediate. Another thing I notice, there is a change from present to past tense. Not sure how people who writes novel or translates them do it, but I am teach in school to stay in one tense through out. But you did keep the same tense in each paragraph so I guess that should be okay. If I am a translator, I would recruit you!
Just for fun. Spoiler Before, I’ve always thought that even if the woman who got to see “that” wasn’t my wife, then they should at least be my girlfriend. Unfortunately, that woman just had to be Tangsao, my sister-in-law. A feeling of indescribable grievance shattered my pride. They all say that men never cry, but what about the unspeakable horrors (traumas) that they hold in their hearts? If she beated me or called me every vile name on Earth, then I wouldn’t drop a single tear. But, hurting my pride was something I just couldn’t swallow. Tangsao paused at my sobbing face and started to chuckle, “Oohh, do you regret it now? Why didn’t you think for a second before you dirtied the underwear? Well, it’s alright if you cry a little upstairs; it’ll be downstairs’ turn very soon.” Saozi was so vile. To her, I was no more than a helpless lamb. Her methods of slaughtering me ultimately depended on her mood.
Sister-in-law? You kidding me? Now that totally changes how I perceive what is going on in this isolated scene. Not criticizing, just making comments. I think "they" is not the right pronoun. Because it is "the woman," not plural. I think there is nothing wrong with this, but I would do it this way, " Unfortunately that woman is either my girlfriend or my wife---but my sister-in-law." Now that bring in some attitude and that OMG. I want to use "had" ( like " If she had..."), but maybe that's not the right form since this have not happen but uses "if.." However, I think your form of "beat" is wrong. I miss it too. After looking, beat is one of those irregular words. Simple and past tense is "beat", but past particular is "beaten". Also, I wouldn't use "then" without the "had." I feel that "then" proceed something that already happened. It's okay, but personally I would not include "started" because it is unnecessary. Pronoun + verb would be stronger as a sentence, unless the word "start" plays a significant role which I feel it is not. I miss the " ; " in my own editing, but I think this is not how you are to use it. I think it separates a run-on sentence that would make more sense together. But don't count my words on it, do your research. I am an amateur where the majority of my editing experiences come from editing my siblings' essay, so take my comments as a grain of salt. B-b-b-but, wait!! If that's his sister-in-law---the hell!! Polyandry? We have yet to read any good Chinese novel under this subject.
I agree with you with this one. The pronouns do not match. It should be "she". For this one, it should be "neither my girlfriend nor my wife..." Looking closely, "beated" doesn't seem to fit the bill. Maybe, it should have been much more simpler such as "physically attacked" or something along these lines. Or you can use your suggestion with "had beaten me". It seems "started" doesn't play a significant role so I think it can be replaced with a stronger synonym. "began to chuckle" or "started to chuckle slowly". The sentence was taken from the original post. I didn't changed it at all. To me, "started" doesn't sound that bad. "... face, and (then) she started to chuckle". The subject does not change so I don't think the pronoun+verb is needed for both before and after the conjunction word. -you can check the rules if you want. It depends on the comma. The most simplest answer is to put a period there or change it to "because" to make it flow better. We'll just let the editor do their own thing. You can add a semi-colon to independent clauses that are closely related and there is no coordinating conjunction. Or if there is a coordinating conjunction (for, nor, but...)). You can also add a semi-colon to independent clauses that are linked with transitional words (In fact, however, for example). "Well" doesn't see to fit in the transitional words category (it's a speech thing) which makes this sentence tricky because you'd think it is a transition word. Thanks for the feedback! Note: the sao is "嫂" for sister in law/ older brother's wife.