Discussion OEL - My Dungeon Life

Discussion in 'Novel Discussion' started by Gin_Hindew, Oct 2, 2020.

  1. Gin_Hindew

    Gin_Hindew Well-Known Member

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    There is a guy who is writing his own version of Slave Harem, its a pretty solid read even among non-harem stories

    My Dungeon Life: Rise of the Slave Harem

    The author is actually good at writing light entertainment, and his output if so damn high, its pretty impressive to be honest
     
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  2. sgrey

    sgrey Well-Known Member

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    actually this novel is much better than the one discussed in here.
     
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  3. Amplify

    Amplify Well-Known Member

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    I'm trying it and so far I have to hard disagree, though I'm only 10 chapters in. The world building (so far) looks pretty weak, and even though I'm not very far in there's a noticeable plot hole with it being established that the MC can't read that world's language, then within the same chapter he's reading the descriptions for enchanted items. That doesn't bode well.
     
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  4. sgrey

    sgrey Well-Known Member

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    erm, the original novel didn't really establish anything in regards to world building as well, even 200 chapters in. All you know are names of one or two feudal lords, maybe a name of one country and the fact that there are multiple races. You don't actually know almost anything about the world of the novel here at all. In addition it only establishes some rules only for the MC to break them to prop him up and for the comedic relief of the dwarf girl asking - you can do that? And "because it's master". What world building? And I am not sure what kind of world building you expect to get within 10 chapters. That new novel is on the slower side, but it's staidly moving forward and the explanation of things in the world building sense are quite detailed. In addition, you actually should expect not knowing the world when you just moved in there. It wouldn't make any sense that he would know everything right off the bet. As for reading - he has analysis skill that is produces descriptions written in the language he knows, why wouldn't he be able to read them? You also have MC who actually have personality, unlike in the original novel where his only trait is telling people to keep things a secret. There are also actual obstacles and problems that MC has to overcome with real dangers and problems, unlike the original where his biggest problems are bedding the slaves and getting enough fish for the catgirl to be fed. It's by no means a masterpiece, but it's better then the original.
     
  5. DeirdreH

    DeirdreH Well-Known Member

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    There are certainly aspects of it that are good but I liked it better before the Old Chalm arc. Nothing ruins a story faster than simplistic and heavy-handed lecturing about muh racisms.
     
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  6. sgrey

    sgrey Well-Known Member

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    yea, I agree. But this type of thing is kind of a staple in the novels. There is always one race that mistreats another in every single novel. Therefore I don't pay much attention to it anymore, even though it is a bit annoying when it is so blatant.
     
  7. DeirdreH

    DeirdreH Well-Known Member

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    Everybody hates the foxkin with more that three tails for absolutely no reason at all. Once the hero delivers a soliloquy about the world would be a better place if everybody just stopped doing racisms the town realizes he was right all along and so they make him the mayor.

    If this novel was intended for grade school children it would be one thing, but this story has explicit sex scenes in it so it's supposed to be for adults right? Surely the intended audience for this novel is of and age where they realize that society is just a bit more complex and nuanced than that.

    Sure the author needed some kind of plot trigger to make the MC into the ruler of a town but surely he could have come up with something a little bit less childish. It really doesn't fit in well with the other aspects of the novel.
     
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  8. sgrey

    sgrey Well-Known Member

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    this is more of a witch hunt rather than racism, or I guess you can also call it racial-based witch hunt. Anyway, it's not like everyone suddenly stopped hating foxkins there, but rather they started to cooperate with the MC and they wanted to make him the town's mayor before that, at least that's the impression I got. Because he was a hero and was strong. In addition it didn't happen immediately, but several weeks have passed between the events. It's not really that outlandish of an event. It's not like the whole world suddenly became unicorns and rainbows. He just persuaded a small group of people to cooperate. There are probably only a few hundred people in that town, so it's not like it was huge. In addition they didn't really have any sort of personal grudge, it was just a superstition, so it's not out of the ordinary to alleviate it to some degree within a few weeks of hard work. This kind of thing often happens in real life as well.
     
  9. Amplify

    Amplify Well-Known Member

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    Didn't read that rambling as I don't take people seriously if they've yet to discover what a paragraph is.

    Predictable progress and more plot holes so far, with the floor they were on changing between paragraphs and then the 10 second casting time of group heal suddenly being ignored when a skeleton is about to attack him. Not really a plot hole but there's also a line about how he tested 'Return' in the dungeon already so he knows it won't work, meaning he had to have tried to abandon the people next to him at least once which doesn't sit well with me. You could call the first one a typo if you want to be generous, because it brings me to my second nitpick:
    There's a lot of weird errors, the sort that happen when you're daydreaming about something else while writing and end up typing a word related to that thing instead of the one you meant, that's happening on average around half a dozen times per chapter and it's wigging me out.

    So far it just feels poorly thought out. Slave Harem in the Labyrinth of the Other World started basically from nothing and the author had to create everything from scratch, while My Dungeon Life: Rise of the Slave Harem is straight copying all of the major plot points in many ways and only taking slightly different paths to reach them. The dungeon system seems like a neat idea with lore and grudges, but it has no excuse if not a straight upgrade and it's worse in any other ways.


    *edit*
    I might occasionally update this post with plot holes I've found:
    -------------------------------------
    Deek is established as being unable to read the language and then within the same chapter is able to read physical cards with item enchantment descriptions written on them.

    Establishes group heal takes 10 seconds to cast, then instantly does it in the face of a charging skeleton that's almost on top of him.

    Says they're on the 5th floor then spends the rest of the chapter saying the fourth floor and then back to the 5th in the next chapter.

    Establishes swap freezes you in place for two seconds after use, then about 1 chapter later he instantly jumps under the first living armour right after using it.

    The Tigerkin slave girl was established to be too weak to close the cathedral door when healthy, but is then somehow able to physically drag a large, fat man halfway across the dungeon and up a flight of stairs while she is heavily bleeding, weakened and cursed, and even presumably close the door too she previously wasn't able to shut.

    Establishes you need to be the right job to use skills, then uses weak heal in a situation where he is a hero moments before and after.

    Somehow knows the turkey legs will be dried jerky after a week, when he hasn't even been in the dungeon for an entire week yet, it's been less than a day since he got the turkey legs and we already know he doesn't have any sort of item identification skill to fill in the blanks for him.

    Skeletons are summoned and then they're Zombies, he has Mana potions and then suddenly they're Health potions.
    --------------------------------
    That's just the logical errors I've spotted in the first volume, not including things like testing Return in the dungeon when it could potentially led to him accidentally abandoning the people with him at the time, or using precious drinking water to wash her ragged clothes when they had no way to replenish it at the time.

    The story so far is so porous it could make a sponge jealous. Add on to this all the grammatical errors which make me feel like I'm reading an MTL novel done by an N2 level English speaker and I have to wonder what drugs the author is on. Speaking of the author, seen him comment a few times and my impression of him is that he's somebody not even his mother can find it in herself to love.


    *edit*
    Holy shit I'm only a few chapters into volume 2 and I already feel like I could write a PHD dissertation on how shit this is.

    This guy just made up a bunch of contrivances and forced the story repeatedly, just so he could go with a way of resolving the problem that doesn't advance the story in any meaningful way and isn't interesting or funny or clever, while the only surprising thing is that he can't figure out why everybody is angry at these developments. All it has done is force things in the direction he wanted them to go in (MC is forced to quickly go make more gold, get the fox girl next) in a contrived way and ended up devaluing Deek as a character and making him look like a wimpy idiot.

    The entire novel so far has been a series of plot conveniences so far that have basically become contrived already.
    Short on water? Here's a create water spell.
    Need a light source? Here's a create light spell.
    Oh no there's too many people in need of healing at once, good thing you just learned group heal!
    This guy's cursed? Wow good thing you learned remove curse 0.1 seconds ago.
    The list goes on and on, but the start of volume 2 so far hasn't just been rocky - it's a vertical mountain range by comparison.

    Calling this guy an 'author' is a fucking war crime and should be treated as such.


    *edit*
    The MC is able to scam lifelong Merchants with a level 2 Merchant skill for a 50% price differential, using skills that presumably they also have. Why the fuck am I expecting this novel to make any sense?

    Oh boy time for a 'Muh racism!' arc so the author can be the hero the world needs and establish once and for all that "Racism = bad" because nobody in the world knows that yet, reading this poorly shoehorned in BS by an author who's shown repeatedly that he can't properly think things through and I'm pretty sure is somewhere on the autism spectrum is going to be an absolute joy to do.[/sarcasm]


    *edit*
    1. Gets a new slave to handle the upcoming ghost dungeon, author immediately writes her out of the story to make room for the next girl before he even enters it - because plot.
    2. His return spell now arbitrarily sends him straight into the 5th floor of the next dungeon when he's never been there before - because plot.
    3. He just happens to have his dungeon diving backpack with him filled with a month's worth of supplies even though it made no sense for him to be carrying such a heavy load while doing unrelated stuff - because plot.
    4. There's no exit to the dungeon and he's forced to go down with the new slave girl instead - because plot.
    5. He doesn't think to use the portal ability to escape it once the 24h cooldown for it is over - because plot.
    6. He immediately and randomly sprinkles the fairy dust he just found over himself - because plot.
    7. This fairy dust is an incredibly strong aphrodisiac for the new slave - because plot.
    8. If she starts getting horny for any reason and doesn't get the D from somebody who has to be her master, she will die - because plot.
    9. He doesn't want to leave the dungeon to get the rest of his party even though he's struggling in the dungeon with only the help of this new slave girl - because plot.
    10. He randomly gets teleported back to the midway point - because plot.
    11. Surprise! It turns out he could have actually left the dungeon at any time and simply didn't bother looking properly for the exit - because plot.
    12. Completely randomly his first two slave girls rushed into the dungeon looking for him not too long after his disappearance, despite having zero reason to believe that he should be in this dungeon that none of them had ever been in before - because plot.
    13. The two of them are now high level, much higher than they really have any right to be for only fighting on the first 9 floors when he's a lower level after fighting his way down to floor 19 - because plot.
    14. Instead of using the checkpoint teleport system to warp back down, swap place with one of the slaves, warp down again and repeat so they can all be together, he tells them to go fight their way down without him while he abandons them to go back alone to the 3rd girl - because plot.
    15. Instead of getting the new 3rd slave (who happens to already be registered with all the checkpoints) to go to the checkpoints in turn and swapping places with her so he can register the checkpoints too, he insists on fighting his way down the hard way - because plot.
    16. While stuck against the boss of the 20th floor, he tries the Fairy Dust again and it magically becomes the one skill that will not only let them beat the fight, but true clear the lore of the dungeon as well later on - because plot.
    17. Oh shit he's about to sensibly leave the dungeon, better railroad the MC back on track by having the new girl suddenly rush off to the final boss so that he will switch places with her - because plot.
    18. The skill he gets from completing the dungeon just happens to prevent the MC from releasing slaves, after spending the entire novel droning on about how he's going to free his slaves - because plot.

    Holy shit this entire novel is a raging dumpster fire and the "author" keeps adding more fuel as fast as he can. Absolutely fucking nothing about this festering heap feels natural at all, how anybody can think this novel is good blows my mind. I've read some shitshows in my time, but this is genuinely the first and only one I'd give the abysmal one star rating for.


    *edit*
    I'm at the end of volume 3 and can push on no further. In future I will be hard avoiding this 'author' at all costs and the fact that he is managing to fool some idiots into paying for this bilge writing enough to turn it into a job is proof that there is no god.

    I wish him the very worst.
     
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2020
  10. Ketri

    Ketri Active Member

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    Please rest assured that that 'novel' gets exponentially worse. I stuck with it for a while when I was craving trashy isekai fic, but one of the volumes involves a complete tonal shift for the entire thing, completely dropping any pretense of seriousness while also escalating powerlevels at whiplash speeds accompanied by multiple short timeskips.
     
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  11. Amplify

    Amplify Well-Known Member

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    https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/2...f-the-slave-harem?review=839981#review-839981
    https://www.scribblehub.com/series/...e-harem/comment-page-2/?tab=review&cid=462792
    Thanks for the warning. Well, finally got around to writing a review about it, really couldn't stand it for any longer. Anybody saying it's a good novel or better than this one, really needs to be incarcerated in an asylum for the good of themselves and all the rest of us.
     
    Last edited: Nov 1, 2020
  12. Overlord2019

    Overlord2019 Well-Known Member

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    Same could be said for people who go around cherry picking what they don't like about a novel, ignoring the in-universe context, nuance, and subtlety, so they can go around on various blogs and forums tooting their own horn, boasting how much "better" they are and justifying, in their own minds, why they don't like it.

    Different people have different tastes, mkay?

    Objectively, there are parts where the novel you call "trash" is better. The villains get more characterization. It's never a case of "MC shows up, kills a bunch of dudes, and why should we care again?"

    The pace of the releases and the plot are both faster, and this has its pros and cons. I get that the original is a "slice of life" story as its focus, but this can only go so far to justify how long it takes for Michio to get around to doing stuff and when the release dates are few and far between, this can cause interest in the series to stagnate, at best, or plummet into a quagmire at worst. Though as you've demonstrated, when the plot goes at a fast pace, it's very easy to completely miss the subtle nuances and context to explain why what's happening happened, especially for people who apparently love to skim through a novel until they come across something they don't like and then extrapolate entirely in their own head-canon so they can run off and say "STAY AWAY FOR YOUR SANITY, THE STORY SUCKS" ( Puff up chest and start pounding on it, bragging about how he can "write a novel" about how bad the novel is.)

    There is an overarching plot. Even though "My New Dungeon Life" might qualify as porn in places, that doesn't take away from the fact that Deek actually has a goal other than "let's see how many girls I can round up to warm my bed at night," which, by the way, came to a screeching halt the moment Rutina was literally shoved onto Michio.

    Your original criticism of the novel is also a bit ridiculous when given even a bit of thought. "It's just a copy-paste of Harem in the Labyrinth until..." Well, there should be parallels early in the story since the latter is specifically inspired by the former. It would be like complaining that a movie inspired by "The Martian" also centers around an astronaut stuck on Mars and waiting for rescue rather than do something else entirely, like say, "a green skinned space-babe landed at the White House looking for former president Bill Clinton because Mars needs his vaunted sexual prowess" which admittedly could be a fun way to spend a couple of hours but would have a hard time trying to justify being "inspired" by the former flick by anything other than the title. "Well the green space babe is from Mars, so my movie was 'inspired' by 'The Martian.' No, I didn't watch the original movie, why do you ask|?"

    That being said, the story does have its flaws. Whatsawhizzer could stand to use an editor; the writing is full of typos, grammatical errors, and the entirely wrong word or phrase, in the wrong place, and in the wrong context. It can take several reads to understand what's trying to happen in a scene and why. Natives in the new world use colloquialisms and idioms that make no sense for anyone that's never been to Earth, let alone know of its existence. For example, Prince Aberis at one point uses the phrase "thrown under the bus." Now, granted, we soon learn that Deek is not the first to transmigrate to this new world, nor the only current "immigrant," but Prince Aberis was born in this new world. He shouldn't know what a bus is, let alone what it means to be thrown under one.

    The fact that Lydia, a girl raised as a courtesan, doesn't know about menstrual cycles or contraception is also an early plot point that is hard to justify, but whatever.

    If you don't like the work, that's fine, but questioning the sanity of those that do is uncalled for.
     
  13. Amplify

    Amplify Well-Known Member

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    I didn't "cherry pick" anything, I have a long, long post at the top of this page detailing all of the good and bad of the novel, which I condensed down to the main points for my review. There's no nuance or subtlety to the novel at all, it's all heavy handed and in your face. If you're trying to accuse me of missing details that aren't there because I'm a skimmer, you're barking up the wrong tree to an extreme degree there as I've not skimmed one single time in all my years reading WNs and LNs, no matter how good or bad a novel or given chapter is. Hell, hakatri gin who originally tried shilling the novel here attempted to debate me and claim my points were incorrect, but I was able to pretty easily quote the relevant passages from the novel proving what I'd said to be true and him to be misremembering as I had read it that carefully, he went completely silent on the matter after that.

    If a novel is about a slave harem, then the focus should be on the slave harem - focusing too much on the dungeon backstories only serves to dilute that. I've absolutely zero problem with the porn side of things and the interesting idea / concept behind the third one is one of the very few good things I have to say about this novel, however I do have a problem with the girls getting shoved to the side and especially how it was handled, as well as the overall characterization being so weak.

    I don't mind a homage or a tribute to something, what I do mind is that I felt like there had only been one thing I could call a "good, original idea" in the first 178 chapters and other than that the whole thing felt like the same foundation and structure as Slave Harem / A Harem in the Fantasy World Dungeon with a new coat of paint and more focus on the weaker aspects at the expense of the important aspects. I especially mind the author's attitude to his own novel in combination with it feeling like a rip off of a novel I do enjoy, seeing it only as a tool to generate money rather than caring about the quality of it and how it is presented to others. It is still riddled with errors that he is intentionally not fixing and even has a few out of order chapters he either can't be bothered to correct or is intentionally not correcting on Royal Road in order to make people go to his site instead and give him money.

    "Whatsawhizzer could stand to use an editor; the writing is full of typos, grammatical errors"
    [​IMG]
    This is when I especially became leery of the author, that is not the attitude of a man I ever, ever want to come into contact with any of my money. He can quite frankly get fucked with that attitude and that wasn't his only post like that.
    If it was his first attempt at writing, I'd forgive a lot of other things - but it's not.
    If he wasn't charging people as much as he can possibly gouge out of them for a story that is ""heavily based"" at best on the original, I'd forgive a lot of other things - but he is.
    If he was at least trying to make the public face of his novels (read: free versions) look better, instead of intentionally not fixing them to force people to buy the novels if they want something that isn't somewhere between 'spotty' and 'awful', I'd forgive a lot of other things. - but he isn't.
    Put all three of those together though and I wish the author the absolute worst and pray people will get some sense and stop giving him money and views. There's tons of great novels that people should spend their time on instead, this isn't the only story in existence to read.
     
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  14. NuckinFutz

    NuckinFutz Active Member

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    Whatsawhizzer is cranking out 3 chapters a night of MDL on top of weekly updates of 7 other stories and you wanna complain about typos? And all of this is ultimately free but you're upset he has a Patreon? Yeah, I wouldn't recommend interacting with him either though, even if you aren't wasting his precious time with this nonsense. As much as I really loved Harem Dungeon for all the reasons he didn't like it and he took his Novel in a different direction I still say it's been an excellent read. The only real thing you can say he copied was the way he can reset his "Dungeon Points" and that skills have tiers but even then he's used it in more creative and original ways. His MC couldn't be more different. His concept of dungeons is unique, each one is different and has it's own backstory that adds to the plot. The girls all have unique personalities and have actually had character growth unlike certain WN's MCs.
     
  15. Zones

    Zones Well-Known Member

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    People are in here to bash on Whizzers stuff? I actually subscribed to him because I enjoy MDL. Your complaints are weird.
     
  16. Amplify

    Amplify Well-Known Member

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    The two of you are free to completely ignore why valid complaints are being lobbied against him and use cognitive dissonance to tell yourself comforting lies as you fabricate your own reasoning for it, but don't be surprised if you're not taken seriously in the process.
     
  17. NuckinFutz

    NuckinFutz Active Member

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    Because plot? Yes that's how stories work... Damn he got an editor a while ago and fixed the "plot holes" but you still got a list... This isn't that serious but yeah its certainly above average for a web novel. I subscribed for quantity so I'm just pleasantly surprised by the quality. What's confusing is that MDL is objectively better than Slave Harem even though MDL isn't perfect. I still personally love the strengths of Slave Harem and haven't found any WNs that match the excessively methodical nature of the MC earning his casual Slice of Life and can only laugh that Whatsawhizzer specifically disliked it for the same reasons. If you don't like it cause reasons that's fine too. At least it's not like Spearmaster and the Black Cat that started so strong and showed potential until the first love interest is introduced and the author seems to suddenly be a creepy 13 year old.
     
  18. Amplify

    Amplify Well-Known Member

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    Why the hell did you make the font white? Why are you so afraid to quote me and instead stand there talking to air?

    "Because plot? Yes that's how stories work..."
    No, stories are logical series of events, things don't happen without proper reason nor explanation outside MST3k tier absurd comedies.

    "Damn he got an editor a while ago and fixed the "plot holes" but you still got a list..."
    He didn't fix typos and mistakes on places like Royal Road, he *intentionally* left them there which was part of my complaints in my post from November the 5th. As for actual plot holes etc, you can't simply sweep them under the rug like that you'd have to be an idiot to think so. The fact that he's the author and is so poor in his writing quality that he kept introducing plot holes that had to keep being fixed by others for him, clearly demonstrates the extremely sub-par nature of the novel as a whole.

    "This isn't that serious but yeah its certainly above average for a web novel"
    It isn't even equal to drek like Martial God Asura and Arifureta which are already below average, and that's not something I say lightly.

    "I subscribed for quantity so I'm just pleasantly surprised by the quality."
    You won't find quality with this crap, there are MANY series that are so far beyond it that it's like comparing heaven & earth - stuff like Lord of the Mysteries, Mother of Learning, Worm, Dungeon Heart, Forgotten Conqueror, etc. You just leaped head first into a pile of manure and assumed that all of the shit surrounding you is every other series and not Rise of the Slave Harem itself.

    "What's confusing is that MDL is objectively better than Slave Harem even though MDL isn't perfect."
    objectively
    adverb
    1. in a way that is not influenced by personal feelings or opinions.
      • in a way that is not dependent on the mind for existence; actually.
        "the physical world we think of as objectively true"
    Go ahead, explain what makes it 'objectively' better. The moment you say anything like 'I think that' or anything else that is subjective and don't list concrete terms only, you fail utterly and permanently as all your drivel is invalidated.

    "I still personally love the strengths of Slave Harem and haven't found any WNs that match the excessively methodical nature of the MC earning his casual Slice of Life and can only laugh that Whatsawhizzer specifically disliked it for the same reasons. If you don't like it cause reasons that's fine too."
    That's not why it's getting disliked, but you're incapable of understanding things on a logical level and you are resorting to emotional drivel to fill the gaps in your understanding. The author is a hack and a nasty piece of work, as for the novel itself it is a gong show and so incredibly poorly thought out that even the average reader is capable of instantly poking holes in it that need to be fixed urgently. The readers have had to fix so much crap in the novel for its author, that they might as well be listed as co-authors at this point.