ORIGINAL NOVEL: I need some serious opinion

Discussion in 'Author Discussions' started by Jinnai.l, Dec 3, 2018.

  1. keny2020j

    keny2020j Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2017
    Messages:
    77
    Likes Received:
    47
    Reading List:
    Link
    You need to stated down these kind of info to start. What are the geography are like? Is the non-earth Continent also booted up somewhere or they are native? Which level of technology the earth continent currently processing? or your earth also currently a ancient magical world or modern magic like mohouka?
     
  2. Rosver

    Rosver Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2016
    Messages:
    274
    Likes Received:
    162
    Reading List:
    Link
    Nice backstory of a character, but what about the story itself? The one we are actually going to read?

    And Naruto? He is ostracized or something? He wants to be the greatest ninja or something?
     
  3. Jinnai.l

    Jinnai.l The Jerkaiser, Ruler of 108th dimension,Jinny

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2017
    Messages:
    640
    Likes Received:
    257
    Reading List:
    Link
    Dude the level of technology is hinted in a very subtle manner in the first chapters...in fact knowing nothing about the world help threw you into the MCs shoes...
     
  4. UnknownSaint171

    UnknownSaint171 To Something Sounds Cooler

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2016
    Messages:
    1,744
    Likes Received:
    738
    Reading List:
    Link
    Yeah but it’s a good way to get readers. I’m all for being unique and all but if it’s to different it would go off course, don’t forget the type of people the site attracts and what genres or tastes are most are there for,
     
  5. Jinnai.l

    Jinnai.l The Jerkaiser, Ruler of 108th dimension,Jinny

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2017
    Messages:
    640
    Likes Received:
    257
    Reading List:
    Link
    No the entire plot point of Hikma is the way I reveal the inner system of the world and how much he got nothing on him...

    Naruto, especially Rock Lee, suppose to represent those who have no talent fighting those who have genetic advantage (Sasuke and amenities etc)... Until the entire manga defend into a biju vs eye ball measuring contest. Being a traveller with no friends or connection and how the magic of the world and races work make Human in Hikma position the Ultimate Underdog...that why it meant something when he eventually triumph (he is the ultimate late bloomer)
     
  6. Rosver

    Rosver Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2016
    Messages:
    274
    Likes Received:
    162
    Reading List:
    Link
    I don't think the level of technology is an important information to put in the synopsis. What is important though is details that could attract the readers. The closest the detail get is this:

    Ever wonder what would happen when Earth got booted up into the magical world?
    I mean literal assimilation. Someone just plops the seven continents of Earth onto a massive world several sizes of our planet.​

    Which isn't really that interesting. This is no different from those stories where Earth suddenly have magic in it. It is also explained later that we wouldn't be bothering with the continents since the characters are out there.
     
  7. Rosver

    Rosver Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2016
    Messages:
    274
    Likes Received:
    162
    Reading List:
    Link
    Agreed. You should put your readers into consideration.
     
  8. Rosver

    Rosver Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2016
    Messages:
    274
    Likes Received:
    162
    Reading List:
    Link
    It sounds, okay I guess. An underdog story essentially.
     
  9. Jinnai.l

    Jinnai.l The Jerkaiser, Ruler of 108th dimension,Jinny

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2017
    Messages:
    640
    Likes Received:
    257
    Reading List:
    Link
    Dude is worse than that...way worse than that... Earth getting stuck in another world is different this time because everyone wants a piece of our bloody planet...and the reason the MCs is outside of Earth is that you will likely be fucked if you stay in it. The first chapter foreshadow this and all the other arc go in detail that all is not nice and comfy in home front...

    And trust me... Earth existence will become a plot point much later...
     
  10. Jinnai.l

    Jinnai.l The Jerkaiser, Ruler of 108th dimension,Jinny

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2017
    Messages:
    640
    Likes Received:
    257
    Reading List:
    Link
    Who says there is only 1 MC? Hikma didn’t even come into the story until the third Arc...this is the story about an organization...How could the organization be about the fifth member alone?
     
  11. Rosver

    Rosver Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2016
    Messages:
    274
    Likes Received:
    162
    Reading List:
    Link
    That isn't what I meant. It isn't interesting as a synopsis. The story could be incredibly great, but the synopsis isn't.
     
  12. Rosver

    Rosver Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2016
    Messages:
    274
    Likes Received:
    162
    Reading List:
    Link
    I know. But an underdog story can be a story about a group or organization. The only requirement for an underdog story is of being at a disadvantage or expectation that they would lose.
     
  13. Jinnai.l

    Jinnai.l The Jerkaiser, Ruler of 108th dimension,Jinny

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2017
    Messages:
    640
    Likes Received:
    257
    Reading List:
    Link
    The main MC introduce is Rem Breaker. Hikma was introduced in the synopsis because him being a son of an Archeologist and raise by his father is the most likely to wrote a journal...I think Hikma should write the synopsis more than Rem.

    Rem was defined by wisdom and Spite

    Hikma on the other hand is reliability and curiousity
     
  14. UnGrave

    UnGrave I really like Nanahira

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2016
    Messages:
    3,609
    Likes Received:
    10,994
    Reading List:
    Link
    Just want to ask since I don't have enough time to read through it right away, but what happened to the boats, planes, satellites, and anything else that was off the surface? Was it just the continents that moved or did the oceans go as well. How has the earth's magnetic field changed after the crossover, and how has time changed? Do the ICBM's work? Can we nuke things? And how have the laws of physics changed? Does chemistry still work? The the fundamental laws of nature still act the same way?

    You don't necessarily need to answer all of those questions, just maybe think about them and anything else in that vein of thought.
     
  15. Rosver

    Rosver Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2016
    Messages:
    274
    Likes Received:
    162
    Reading List:
    Link
    It seems you are withholding too much from your synopsis. You are essentially keeping all the interesting stuff and leave the synopsis with nothing interesting to show. Everything you told us here are interesting but nothing appear in the synopsis.
     
  16. Jinnai.l

    Jinnai.l The Jerkaiser, Ruler of 108th dimension,Jinny

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2017
    Messages:
    640
    Likes Received:
    257
    Reading List:
    Link

    We still have nuke...but given what we are fighting Earth are basicallly outgun. And as for Satellite we still have them but the range was too limited to matter

    Chemistry and physic still function but now magic was thrown into it as well. Cy will demonstrate this sooner or later. Basically most of science and magic merge and coexist...infact the answer the MC(s) become part 2 main power up
     
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2018
  17. Jinnai.l

    Jinnai.l The Jerkaiser, Ruler of 108th dimension,Jinny

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2017
    Messages:
    640
    Likes Received:
    257
    Reading List:
    Link
    Well, Synopsis act to draw people in.

    Seriously speaking, I don’t know how much I should put Without ruining it...you got Ishtar, a goddess, appearing in the first Chapter. Then the third one hit you with a whammy that completely set the MC up for potential a uphill war and tips my hand at the power scaling of the novel. The following arc focus on the elves but not much in detail (too much variable) but I will say this the size of the Elves’ forest is comparable to Earth. The elves history is deeply involved with the Empire down the south. This is not to involves the Holy Order, The freaking Vampire (totally a bastard but for a good reason), The Demon continent, Egypt controlled area and whatever force I decide that populate the Other continents. There are also a power hungry scientist researcher on the island somewhere, a second kingdom I need to come up with a name by Arc 3, a Multi-continent Enterprise hell-bent on raking all the money in the world, four senior sisters for the literal support character, your trauma obsess elf bastard of a dad and your little sister who was totally on his side because reason, a badger wielding spear (I know bizarre right?), Discovery the entire Horizon made along the way and of course the Seven Forbidden Zone and the Multiverse...

    Yeah, all of them worth putting on a synopsis...I plan to use this novel to try and explore I could play with the concept of another world... So anything that sounds remotely interesting and workable got thrown in the pot and incorporate into the system which was constantly got grind over because the MC(s) main cheat is that they are the discoverer of the unknown and untested.

    Just like how Charles Darwin break down genesis and insert in theory of evolution. The MC(s) main cheat is that they went against common sense and ask the question no one want to ask and went against the flow of the setting. For the start they broke spellcasting down and replacing it with (well that will be a the spoiler isn’t it)...

    The goal is that every Arc is an adventure of there own one moment they try to recruit and elf while fighting off (Spoiler). The next moment they fight a terrorist who hijacks a train utilizing space altering magic, the next moment the MC basically play a game of strategy against an Enterprise planning to take over the entire town (with the gimmick being a huge spoilers) while the other character scrambles to make a sword... The game whose MVP was the living embodiment of good itself. Not to mention the third arc that I plan as a detective mystery, with the substory of Hikma first crush... And epic battle focus solely on how much he has grown.(yes the Arc 3 introduce Hikma and he needs a drink...)
     
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2018
  18. Jinnai.l

    Jinnai.l The Jerkaiser, Ruler of 108th dimension,Jinny

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2017
    Messages:
    640
    Likes Received:
    257
    Reading List:
    Link
    But Kingdom name anyone had a good Kingdom names...anyone?
     
  19. Feng Tian

    Feng Tian Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2018
    Messages:
    936
    Likes Received:
    758
    Reading List:
    Link
    Kingdoms are either named after the ruling family or after the place they were founded in. For VERY old realms this might be distorted due to language changes over the centuries. The same goes for empires.
    Also be VERY careful with the big 3 (fatalistic, temporal or spatial powers) or their upgraded versions (ie truthspeaking). They break settings quicker than you would imagine.
     
    Jinnai.l likes this.
  20. Jinnai.l

    Jinnai.l The Jerkaiser, Ruler of 108th dimension,Jinny

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2017
    Messages:
    640
    Likes Received:
    257
    Reading List:
    Link
    So how should I adjust the Synopsis