Discussion people who have had a relationship, what is it like?

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Meloonseed, Jun 3, 2021.

?

Have you ever dated someone?

  1. Yes

    17 vote(s)
    45.9%
  2. No

    20 vote(s)
    54.1%
  1. Meloonseed

    Meloonseed AaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaA

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2019
    Messages:
    262
    Likes Received:
    276
    Reading List:
    Link
    The first two sentences sound awfully abstract :blobtired:
    But I do agree with the 3rd and fourth sentences...
    :blob_patpat:

    they're venting a little i suppose, they are answering the question...
    i just dont know what to say or how to react to it :sweating_profusely:
     
    Aix_Anra and HarukaNise like this.
  2. Elementarteilchen

    Elementarteilchen Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2018
    Messages:
    260
    Likes Received:
    292
    Reading List:
    Link
    It's all about procreation. Our body is built that way and influence our thinking and acting a big time through hormones. The really "exciting" part is nothing more than endogenous drugs.
    The nature of humans regarding this topic is very ugly, but also very simple to understand. Both men and women are "as*holes" and very selfish on this level. Men want to spread their seed to a lot of women, because it increases the chance of healthy offspring and women want the most healthy/strongest and resourcful guy, she can attract, to increase the chance of the offspring's survival.
    She needs to be protected until the child can survive on his own. The evolution decided it was around 7 years until the child could somehow survive, give and take some years. Just imagine, back in the past the life expectancy of f.e. neanderthals were only 30 years on average anyways.
    How did nature achieve to glue a man and woman together for give and take 7 years? It's through a hormone called oxytocin. It plays a role in social bonding and also makes you feel like sh*t if you decide to separate from your partner. After all you need to protect your woman and the woman needs you to protect her child until he could survive.
    Now you know, why "the seven year itch" in marriage exist and why the relationships usually decline after this period of time. Our bodies don't need as much oxytocin anymore from an evolutionary point of view.

    Now with all this out of the way, humans aren't animals, that only react to our instincts and nature. We have something like social conventions, our believes and a totally different life than our ancestors. All of this and more are on top of our human nature and here are the things, were it starts to get really complicated.
    I don't want to delve deeper into this topic. I just wanted to tell you, that "relationships" in manga aren't as "romantic" and lift the "magic" of relationships a little bit. In fact romanticism is a philosophy and another view on relationships invented in the late eighteenth century. It's a relatively new thing to begin with.
    Our human nature plays a bigger part in our life than you think, but you can't ignore everything else. For a really longlasting and healthy relationship, you can't depend on our hormones, the tingles and the excitement. What you really need is much more than this and you have to put your share of work into it.
     
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2021
    ANonMouse, nyamachi and HarukaNise like this.
  3. Vorpal

    Vorpal 「Anhrefn's Meat Toilet」

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2015
    Messages:
    1,288
    Likes Received:
    1,055
    Reading List:
    Link
    Relationships are all about balancing the expectations of each other.

    As a man, you go into the relationship expecting a certain set of things.
    As a woman, you go into the relationship expecting a certain set of things.

    Most of the time, these expectations are not the same which is what leads to conflicts and arguments. By learning to work with the expectations of each other, you can have a harmonious relationship.

    The confession stuff you asked doesn't really work in the real world.

    Here's how it works. You have some you like, so you ask them out. If they say yes, you got yourself your first date.

    If your first date went well, you can go on another one. From the 2nd date and on is the window in which you can decide to commit to each other, officially establishing the relationship.

    The most important thing you need to understand here is that just because you are securing dates with them doesn't mean they have a relationship with you. Oftentimes, they are going out on dates with multiple people before choosing who to commit to. It's something most people forget and they get mad when they find out.

    My advice would just be to treat whoever you're interested in as a normal person. Tease them, joke around with them as you would with a normal friend. Don't be too nice, too mean, too close, too far or whatever. Just treat them as a normal person.

    If they reject you or have no interest in going out with you, just move on. Don't orbit them, they're not going to like you back. This is an overgeneralization of course and there are exceptions.

    However, to avoid getting hurt I recommend just moving on to another person when you get rejected.
    And if you're a guy reading this, also remember that dating out of your league is a myth. You should never need to work your way up.

    Source: I'm a married man
     
  4. xilef000

    xilef000 Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2021
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    3
    Reading List:
    Link
    Painful
     
    HarukaNise likes this.
  5. HarukaNise

    HarukaNise Member

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2021
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    8
    Reading List:
    Link
    LOL isn't that the same for everyone :blobcat_hyper:
     
  6. Lois.

    Lois. ❲.❳ ❲woh.❳

    Joined:
    May 19, 2021
    Messages:
    378
    Likes Received:
    255
    Reading List:
    Link
    Ok here's the thing for everyone to know. Not all people that's been single their whole life wants to in a 'romantic' relationship. Simple right? Apparently not so much for other people. As someone who's been single for bout my whole life no, my view of a relationship is purely realistic why? Because of stories, what I see and reality.

    First and foremost I'm too young second of all I'm too immature for something like that. Yes us single people give good relationship advice not because we want to be in one but because we just have to as the third party that's solely neutral most of the times at least.

    If hypothetically I would have a relationship with someone I don't expect the world I know we all have flaws but don't just go and bs "you should love all of me" or go "I will love all of you" because you won't, I won't love someone for everything but we are bound to learn to accept it.
     
    ANonMouse and HarukaNise like this.
  7. reagents 11

    reagents 11 disaster personified

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2016
    Messages:
    3,620
    Likes Received:
    2,554
    Reading List:
    Link
    Well the rosy bittersweet relationship in the romance depicted in media can only be felt by young and naive couple usually first time or a bit more. The older you get the more casual and business like relationship we experienced with.
    My current girlfriend is ex girlfriend of my friend which he accused of being too cold to him despite being his girlfriend (in reality he's just serial cheater) as the reason for the break up. We just click and hook up somehow after she went and show that she had apparently saved recording of my friend caught red handed proving her side of story.
    Now i love my current girlfriend is because she's very thoughtful despite her outwardly shown to be apathetic. She always ordered food whenever I've come over to visit in example and somehow would find what I'm troubled with even before i disclosed them to her. So yeah. Just two peoples that find better understanding and less pretentious with each other perhaps ?
     
  8. Lissi

    Lissi 『Queen of Lissidom』『Holy Chibi』『Western Birdy』『⚓』

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2021
    Messages:
    3,297
    Likes Received:
    17,277
    Reading List:
    Link
    A relationship sounds nice but it mustn't happen until I am in college. Before then, idc.

    As for falling in love... probably if you work on enough assignments together, you get close? XD
     
  9. babybb

    babybb Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2021
    Messages:
    381
    Likes Received:
    501
    Reading List:
    Link
    Someone else already said it but I’m the same, all of my past relationships have been toxic and Not At All Happy. Sooo.... to someone who never dated before, here’s my advice!

    Date yourself first. I know this sounds weird but if I had done this before getting myself into that whole mess, my standards would have probably been a whole lot more healthy than they were. So take yourself out to dinner. Go buy that convenience store ice-cream and sit at the park in the sun. Don’t invite anybody, just go by yourself. It’s so important to learn how to treat yourself well first, before expecting anyone to do it for you.

    Once you take yourself out on a few dates, and get to really know yourself, the world is less scary since you’ve got your own back.

    Of course, it’s not a bad thing to want a relationship. The world is a lonely place, and I think a lot of people would agree that having a partner makes it easier. However, a relationship isn’t just the honeymoon period, it’s giving and taking and trusting your partner to give and take equally, it’s all in that communication, baby~

    Anyways, I can say without a doubt that I’m the best partner I’ve ever had lol. 10/10 recommend.
     
  10. Mysticant

    Mysticant Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2021
    Messages:
    64
    Likes Received:
    56
    Reading List:
    Link
    I cannot add any more to whatever else people have said. My impression of romantic relationships is that both sides have to give and take. Hormones scale love up beyond necessary, when the fire burns cold in a relationship is when things actually get serious in my opinion. You cannot really judge love better based on the happiest of times, but rather during the bitter times.

    Let's just take imagery of love for example (which I have heard from somewhere):
    Love is not only that sweet pink heart-shaped thing you see, where all the happy things in life intersect.
    Love is also that patched-up piece of rag that includes every discord, argument, difference taken into account with compromise.

    I don't know what other people think, but before you should love others, you should love yourself first. I cannot imagine any happy outcome if the latter is not achieved first.
     
    babybb likes this.