Planning to Revise my Novel, Please give feedback

Discussion in 'Author Discussions' started by DalangTala, Mar 28, 2020.

  1. DalangTala

    DalangTala Active Member

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    If you don't mind, can you please give it a bit more detail on the grammar inconsistency part? Lol. Or specific examples because that will help me a lot.
     
    Last edited: Mar 28, 2020
  2. DalangTala

    DalangTala Active Member

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    I'll keep that in mind. Actually the start is also one of the reasons why I want to revise it. It kinda felt like I started with the wrong foot. (Lol)
     
    Last edited: Mar 28, 2020
  3. DalangTala

    DalangTala Active Member

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    Really? Can you remember one or some of the less common phrasing? I guess I'll place a footnote. Actually I'm also not a native English speaker so feedbacks in that regard are really helpful.
     
  4. Amaruna Myu

    Amaruna Myu forgetful procrastinyator

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    took an example out of the 1st few paragraphs
    "The glassed windows were covered with thick curtains"
    "Only a brave or disgusting person can enter and survive in this apocalyptic world."

    I never actually remembered what grammar stuff were called but is this a case of past tense and present tense?
    i just feel a sense of discordance
     
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  5. DalangTala

    DalangTala Active Member

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    I should make it glass windows. And at this point, I guess I should just stick to present tense. It will be easier on my part and a lot less awkward.

    As for the latter excerpt, that's just my kind of humor. We often talk like that at home~
     
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  6. Amaruna Myu

    Amaruna Myu forgetful procrastinyator

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    if you want to use present tense, the glass windows will become "are covered by curtains"
    maybe it's just be but that sounds weird for a book. generally a book will be written in past tense.

    the second part being your humour is understandable, but the part is the word "can", which does not match with the previous paragraph's were.

    if you're sticking to present tense, sure, but remember to proofread to check if it feels awkward
     
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  7. Ner0

    Ner0 Well-Known Member

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    @DalangTala so, did you find the feedback you were looking for?
    Restructuring the beginning of your novel was the way to go, you think?
     
  8. DalangTala

    DalangTala Active Member

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    Yep. If I have to tighten the chapters and give the story a direction, it has to be now.
     
  9. Ner0

    Ner0 Well-Known Member

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    I'm glad you found the path forward.
    Hope you'll stick to it and not wander too far away from your goal.
    To me, the song "Phoenix" (League of Legends Worlds 2019 Anthem) best represent that goal.