[Poll] Would you become a house-wife/husband?

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by lychee, Nov 17, 2017.

Tags:
?

Would you marry for the money and become a house-wife/husband?

  1. I'm male, and yes I would marry for the money

    30 vote(s)
    37.0%
  2. I'm male, and no I wouldn't marry for the money

    35 vote(s)
    43.2%
  3. I'm female, and yes I would marry for the money

    6 vote(s)
    7.4%
  4. I'm female, and no I wouldn't marry for the money

    10 vote(s)
    12.3%
  1. lychee

    lychee [- slightly morbid fruit -] ❀[ 恋爱? ]❀

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2017
    Messages:
    2,156
    Likes Received:
    5,407
    Reading List:
    Link
    I've found it really interesting how split people are on this poll.

    Personally, I actually voted yes -- but I think a lot the responses varied based on our perception of the situation. Kind of like @Arcturus, I don't fully believe in "true love", yet at the same time I also believe that it's possible for me to find love in arranged marriages if I am open to it. In this sense, I don't necessarily believe it is wrong to marry for economic/strategic/rational reasons, and to some extent I believe it may even be more preferable than marrying thoughtlessly with lovestruck brains.

    Maybe it's somewhat of an old-school way of thinking, but perhaps it is more important to share values than "feel perfect for each other". Of course -- the basic compatibility (we-won't-murder-each-other) test needs to be passed -- but after that point, I think it is possible to develop love even if it wasn't there to start.

    The only other aside from that is that I definitely have an ego -- and I think I might clash a bit there (and perhaps want to pick up a few expensive/ridiculous hobbies...), but it should be healthy clashing... hopefully. I think I'd definitely be worried about divorce; I think that's definitely the nerve-wracking part, though it might get better if/once we have kids.

    Oh, I wouldn't deny that for sure! XD It is rather natural for us to care about (and think about) things that are in front of us (hence @lychee in morbid mode), and few people have the empathetic capacity to care about everything. From another's perspective, it can certainly seem entitled. It's very true!
     
  2. Deleted member 37987

    Deleted member 37987 Guest

    Reading List:
    Link
    Hmmm even a drug lord would usually have the civility of letting you go with some money especially if it avoids him problems.

    American law isn't too different no worries, hohoho.
     
  3. Mizura

    Mizura Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2016
    Messages:
    1,274
    Likes Received:
    2,114
    Reading List:
    Link
    I went to school all my childhood with the conviction that I'll be working when I grow up and not be a housewife. I didn't go to school for nearly 20 years just to get bored out of my mind at home.

    I watched my mom get so bored staying at home that she went to work, even if it meant working late hours. A friend of mine couldn't wait to get back to work after taking a break for a few years to raise her newborn, because doing nothing but taking care of a kid was driving her crazy. Sure, there's plenty to be had to slowly raise a kid, but at some point you miss interacting with intelligent working adults, the satisfaction of accomplishing things at work, and the self-confidence from being able to earn your own money.

    I'll not a greedy money-obsessed person. I have no interest whatsoever in fancy cars or designer bags or the likes. The extra money isn't worth it to me to give up the freedom of living my life the way I want.

    ... besides, I don't want to be a billionaire. I'd need to have bodyguards around all the time and have strangers (maids) around all the time to manage. I've eaten super expensive food a few times, and if I had to give up either super expensive food or cheap food stalls (because as a super rich, I doubt I'd have the freedom to go to cheap eateries all the time), I'd rather give up the expensive stuff (often, the expensive stuff doesn't necessarily even taste good). Many super rich send their kids to boarding school. I want a normal family life. :\
     
  4. iampsyx

    iampsyx Have some rest, and let's do better tomorrow

    Joined:
    Mar 29, 2016
    Messages:
    1,636
    Likes Received:
    21,446
    Reading List:
    Link
    Nope. Not agreeing.

    If the partner can't wait for a few more years while I get some real-world experience then it's goodbye for us. >___<

    Don't care about the money or the chores, but I'd love having all the time in the world to spend with the kids! Oh, but if by not being allowed to get a job means I can't write or take classes or practice what I've learnt...:notlikeblob::notlikeblob::notlikeblob:

    Well, my decision would really depend on what kind of person the partner is, tbh. If they're someone who needs to have everything go their way and won't...like, listen to me sometimes then I can't see the relationship lasting at all. Better break up before we regret it.
     
  5. Ai chan

    Ai chan Queen of Yuri, Devourer of Traps, Thrusted Witch

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2015
    Messages:
    11,278
    Likes Received:
    24,346
    Reading List:
    Link
    I have no problem with it. Ai-chan has always wanted to be a trophy sex slave and monster breeder. If my husband is a tentacle monster, that's even better.
     
  6. little king

    little king Ruler of Sloth [Neko-form]

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2015
    Messages:
    2,521
    Likes Received:
    2,423
    Reading List:
    Link
    Not bad for my sugar mama~

    . . .well of course it still depends!
     
  7. AliceShiki

    AliceShiki 『Ms. Tree』『Magical Girl of Love and Justice』

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2016
    Messages:
    24,647
    Likes Received:
    98,364
    Reading List:
    Link
    Hmmmmm... I feel like there are 4 different scenarios here...

    At the scenario of the OP, moving in to someone elses country for the sake of living with them while I'm not even sure of my feelings... No, I wouldn't. Sorry, it's too much of a big decision to just do it when I'm not sure on my own feelings.


    The 2nd option would be the pool's question... Would I marry someone for the money? No. I wouldn't, I think money is important, but it's not what moves 100% of our lives... Money is tight for me rn, but I can handle somehow, I can handle for a while longer.


    The 3rd is the question of the title. Would I be willing to become a house-wife? Yes! Absolutely! Honestly, it would be my dream actually! Like... Sure, I don't have independence and the like, I need my husband's money to do anything, alright, I understand that much, it is stressful as well for sure.

    But... This means that I can dedicate myself fulltime to my children and my hobbies? No need to worry about work schedules? No need to worry about making ends meet? No need to spend hours going to and fro my job everyday? Just full-time at home? Just me, my kids and my hobbies? How could I not want that?

    Like sure, I'd want someone to help me with chores, just because I'm a housewife, it doesn't mean I'll do everything on the house. My children will do some, my husband will do some, and maybe we can hire someone to help as well, depending on how much he earns per month... Sure, I can take the bulk of it, but I definitely won't do everything.

    I feel like recent society has a really big problem on free-time. We just have way too little time... Considering 8h of work, 2h eating, 1h traveling to and fro work, 1 of bath/peeing and the sort, 8h sleeping... You have 20h of your day taken. That means 4h left for taking care of your house, your children and your hobbies... I don't know about most people out there, but 4h seems too little just for my hobbies, not to even mention all the rest of those things. And I think most people agree with me... Hence, they cut on sleep time, bath time, and eating time. To have more time for themselves.

    So... Being a housewife would suddenly add at least 9h to my daily free time, it would add more on the chores of course, but no house I would be willing to live in would require 9h/day on chores, I would go crazy if I was in any like that. So... It would be a pretty wonderful thing for me, I would have a lot more time with my children, and I would have a lot more time for myself as well. I think both of those things are really really important. And I think we lack both of those nowadays.

    Like... My brother worked at an academy for a while, and they held summer camps... There was one kid that was really angered everyday they arrived there, you know why? Because their parents forced him there, he said "I could be at home playing my PS4, but I'm forced to come here instead!" I think this reflects a serious problem we have.

    We want more time, everyone wants more time, we want to be able to do more, and we want to rest as well... So when we finally get our vacations and can rest, what do we discover? Our children is also on vacations, and they want to enjoy our presence there as much as possible, because we're not there all the time, and they want us, so they drain all of our energies for them... And they aren't wrong on it.

    But we want to rest and to have our own time... So? Parents end up putting children on those summer camps even against their will, just for the sake of having some rest... Which I personally think is terrible, but I can understand the reasoning.

    Well, I derailed a lot here... My point is... Being a house-wife would reduce my freedom and independence, but it would give me a lot more time. Both for myself and for my children. And I would absolutely want them both. I think it's a very good tradeoff overall... Sure, divorce is always a worry, but... Well, that is dealt with as it comes, I don't think any married couple expects to divorce, and I wouldn't expect it on my own marriage either.


    Lastly, the last scenario that Lychee presented was on one of the posts, in which you had a hard choice to make, of either giving up on your dreams or on your partner... Honestly? I'd give up on my dreams on a heartbeat.

    I can find new dreams, I can find new universities, I can find new environments and things to make my life work... I would totally be fine with giving up my current aspirations to seek new ones on a foreign place, my only requirement would be that I would need to learn the language there, I could definitely not stay in a country I did not know how to speak fluently. I could learn while I was there though, but I would absolutely need to learn it.

    Besides, at my current point in life, many of the things I want are actually done through the internet, so... I wouldn't even be giving up on those?
     
  8. MEGA SPARTA CHICKEN

    MEGA SPARTA CHICKEN Planet sized warrior Tony without wisdom teeth

    Joined:
    May 15, 2017
    Messages:
    1,006
    Likes Received:
    1,223
    Reading List:
    Link
    You spent more time thinking about it then I did.
     
  9. Arcturus

    Arcturus Cat, Hidden Sith Lord

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2016
    Messages:
    9,273
    Likes Received:
    17,814
    Reading List:
    Link
    I find it quite interesting that you are willing to give up on dreams over a partner. Is it the situation presented that makes the partner more desirable, or are you romantic enough that love is sufficient motivator for you?
     
    AliceShiki likes this.
  10. doomeye1337

    doomeye1337 /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\ Incubator, the messenger of magic~

    Joined:
    May 7, 2016
    Messages:
    1,270
    Likes Received:
    4,155
    Reading List:
    Link
    pretty sure prompt said that you weren't sure if you loved him/her
     
  11. lychee

    lychee [- slightly morbid fruit -] ❀[ 恋爱? ]❀

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2017
    Messages:
    2,156
    Likes Received:
    5,407
    Reading List:
    Link
    Actually to be honest, what I meant was "not 100% sure", which is a little different from "not sure".

    So perhaps you do indeed love him/her (like 75% sure), but you're not sure if you love him/her to the extent that marriage would be a good idea.

    Which to some extent, does somewhat realistically reflect a college/university relationship. Not everyone is ready to get married right out of school. In some circumstances, maybe you haven't spent enough time with your partner (e.g. dated for a year and half), and then a life event occurs prematurely where it becomes necessary to gamble because you'll physically be split apart.

    Do you gamble on a relationship you're not 100% sure on, and give up your current ideal career promotion track/dream? Or do you let the relationship go and assume that maybe you'll find a better one in the future?
     
    AliceShiki likes this.
  12. doomeye1337

    doomeye1337 /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\ Incubator, the messenger of magic~

    Joined:
    May 7, 2016
    Messages:
    1,270
    Likes Received:
    4,155
    Reading List:
    Link
    if I had a dream to pursue, I wouldn't even think about a marriage for the relationship in which I wasn't 100% sure that I was indeed in love. I was never much of a gambler. And the college age only makes it more likely that I and my past self wouldn't agree to such a thing : considering how much of my personal development happened during and immediately after college (sheltered earlier life), there was already enough variables in my life without having to gamble on a lifetime commitment. Even if this same girlfriend happened to be someone I knew from high school and ended up together at the same college, the past and current me would never roll that dice. To be fair, the reason why I'm so unlikely to gamble with whether or not I am indeed in love or not is because of how clear-cut my previous stirrings of such feelings were. When you combine that with my general lack of loneliness and passion for time consuming hobbies, such a gamble has no possible value.

    if that one condition was changed, there might be a small chance of me taking this arrangement.
     
    lychee likes this.
  13. SilverFeather

    SilverFeather [Seeker of Yuri]•[Likes tomboys]

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2016
    Messages:
    732
    Likes Received:
    435
    Reading List:
    Link
    Love for money? like the koreans in their novels...
    You forgot sonething in the 3rd scenario, the other party would be rich, as in RICH, so maids and stuff would surelly do the work at home for you and bam, now you have all the time for the children and hobbies!
     
  14. Arcturus

    Arcturus Cat, Hidden Sith Lord

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2016
    Messages:
    9,273
    Likes Received:
    17,814
    Reading List:
    Link
    I wasn't addressing the prompt. I was explicitly talking about brasca's comment when she was discussing a situation other than the prompt that I found interesting. Please read before responding.
     
  15. doomeye1337

    doomeye1337 /人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\ Incubator, the messenger of magic~

    Joined:
    May 7, 2016
    Messages:
    1,270
    Likes Received:
    4,155
    Reading List:
    Link
    my bad. guess my head was jumbled when reading <.<;; happens sometimes
     
  16. Raneday

    Raneday Not Rane

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2016
    Messages:
    16,645
    Likes Received:
    36,625
    Reading List:
    Link
    no for me
     
  17. AliceShiki

    AliceShiki 『Ms. Tree』『Magical Girl of Love and Justice』

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2016
    Messages:
    24,647
    Likes Received:
    98,364
    Reading List:
    Link
    *puffs up cheeks proudly*
    Hmmmm... It's a combination of things I guess.

    To begin with, I'm at a moment of change in my life, I abandoned my previous plans and am searching for new ones... This kinda made me realize that our convictions of "this is the only possible work that would make me happy" don't quite stand true. Life moves on and we change, and so does our dreams and plans.

    With this in mind, I would feel comfortable enough to give up on my dreams to pursue a relationship I'm in. I am confident enough in myself to adapt and find some new dream to pursue, or maybe I would pursue some old dream that I gave up on... The point is, I don't think I would lose that much by stopping college/work midway for the sake of love, I would just need to start anew.


    The other part, is my own personal experience with love... I was in a long distance relationship, and we were still at the beginning stages of it... Still, if we were able to overcome the initial problems (which sadly, we didn't), I was dead set on finishing uni, getting any job, saving up money, learning my partner's language and moving to his country...

    I was way too much into that relationship, and it's the only relationship I have to base my feelings and reactions on... So... It felt natural to me to be willing to give up on my dreams for love.


    I'm not sure if it's because I'm romantic enough... I do think my view on love is too idealized though. But I can only base myself on my own life and my own experiences, so... For me, a dream or two don't matter much if it's for the sake of getting together with the one I love.

    ... Maybe it's because love seems too unobtainable to me. 21 years and only a single relationship probably made that... While dreams, I already had tons of those, still have them... So... I guess it's natural for me to give up on what seems to be easily available (dreams) for the sake of that which is really hard to get? (love)
    Hmmm... Well, my 3rd scenario was more of a reply to the title of the thread itself than to the prompt as a whole... So, no guarantee that my partner would be rich or not.

    My aunt was a house-wife for example, she decided it together with my uncle because they came to the conclusion that having them both work and have someone taking care of the house for them, would be less beneficial than having her at home and him working.

    They decided on what was best both financially and for their children, and it worked out well. On the current society that is pretty strong on the importance of women working, I think hers is a good example that it can work out if only one side works, even if they aren't rich or anything like it.