This is merely practice for me. I want to see if I can accurately depict a fight scene using my own unique style. Of course, helpful criticism would be welcome. Any characters included in the following excerpt are all from my own making, but I either haven't completed their story, or I dropped it. One of the biggest wonders of mine would be to make a crossover using my characters and see how they would interact. This is the conflict between two unrevealed characters of mine. >>><<< Four beings were summoned into a strange area. The surroundings consisted of white panels in a massive square room. The only thing of interest would be the people who had been brought to this place. On one side stood a young man with a thin build and plain appearance. His long dirt blonde hair covered the top of his face, his blue eyes glaring from underneath his bangs. To his right stood a beautiful blue haired swordswoman wearing a dress with chest armor. She had already retrieved her slender blade and used it to cover the young man. The opponents merely stood there while looking around. The only human among the two was a stocky fellow with parted curvy auburn hair and a short trimmed beard. He was scratching his chin as he observed around him. Meanwhile, his partner, a floating skull, absentmindedly turned in midair like a ball floating on water. And yet, while they looked defenseless, the attractive blue haired woman couldn't attack. She sensed a dreadful aura from the both of them. "David, isn't that the aura of Death Magic?!" "Riviera, calm down. They don't seem like they wish to fight." However, interrupting their conversation, the skull began to clack its jaw together. "Kek!" "Hm? You guys use magic, too, huh? Then I guess she is your Summoned Beast? How lucky." The man wiped his sweaty body with a handkerchief and began to mutter under his breath. His business suit and tie didn't seem to fit the image of a necromancer, but it did seem dangerous all the same. "David! He is using a Spell!" "Get ready!" The man named David raised his hand and a floating rectangular thing appeared in front of him. He reached inside and pulled out a spear. It shined with a resplendent light, as if it was a holy artifact. David prepared himself while Riviera dashed forward. "Surround thyself with decay. I [Shroud] thee in Death." Suddenly, a gray fog descended onto the skull and it began to change. The fog solidified and became floating hands. But the fog didn't stop extending from the chubby salary man. This time, a gray cloak wrapped itself around the skull, but the form was forever changing, making it appear torn and tattered. And with the last of the fog, a weapon formed in the hands of the monster. From a mere floating skull to this poster child of death, the Reaper cackled, its jaw clacking annoyingly. "Kekekekek!" "Benson, go easy on them. The Voice mentioned all we have to do is defeat them and then we can return." "Kek..." The Reaper paused and looked at the man. For a few seconds of silence, neither side moved. "Benson..." "Kek." And like its lack of movement was a lie, Benson flew into the air, wielding its weapon, a curved scythe, at the couple. However, Riviera sidestepped the attack and thrust her sword into the chest area of the Reaper, but to no avail. "Dodge! Look to aim for the skull!" "Yes!" Without even looking back, Riviera backed off before the scythe could cut her. Instead, where she was standing, a spear blocked the swing of the curved tool. "So...are you on the side of Chaos?" "..." But the other side remained silent to David's question. He clicked his tongue and broke away from Benson. The Reaper cackled again, swinging the scythe like a baton. "Stop showing off. You're a Lich, act like it." The cackling Undead dropped its hands in defeat and seemed to stand up straighter. A different feeling permeated the room, like the stench of blood seeping into the air. The weapon distorted and disappeared, reforming itself into a strange set of symbols. "You guys focus too hard on one person. [Shroud]." Again, more fog appeared, covering the area with the aura of death. But this time, instead of being formed around Benson, the fog moved towards the floating symbols. after only a few seconds of time, two fully formed light gray skeletons landed down onto the ground wielding menacing looking swords and shields. Seeing the disadvantage already setting in, David narrowed his eyes and looked towards his partner. "Riviera. Can I leave these three to you? I will deal with the Necromancer." "Of course!" However, things went against their expectations. The two skeletons immediately rushed over to protect the man while Benson used the leftover fog to make an orb. Right now, David was facing off one on three, while Riviera was fighting the Lich Benson. "You evil thing! I will defeat you!" "Kekekek!" Holding up the orb, Benson clacked ominously and gray lightning extended from it, striking her sword. "Eek!" The shock traveled up her arm and she fell to the ground. David spun around and tried to run to her, but the man's voice called out from behind him. "Mortal Strike." A fierce burn spread from his back, sending him hurling through the air, landing beside Riviera. "Kekekek!" "Benson, don't be rude. It's time to go." Struggling through the pain, David did his best to stand up. However, his body would spasm, and the best he could do was sit up. "W-wait! Who...who are you?" "Hm? Oh, the name is Larry. Nice to meet you. Have a good day." And with a wave, both he and Benson began to fade away. Actually, it wasn't just them. The room seemed to be fading as well. Soon, everything disappeared.
Pretty good. The action is clear throughout. Some of the voiced lines could use a little more clarity as to who is speaking. (E.g. "Stop showing off. You're a Lich, act like it." "You evil thing! I will defeat you!") Since we the readers are unfamiliar with their personalities and backstories, there isn't much inference we can make as to who would say these kinds of lines between David, Larry or Riveira. Also, while you do use a good amount of emotional language at during the calm moments, it would also be nice to show just a bit more emotion when David and Riveira react to the actions the other two make in the middle of combat. However, this could be because of the POV perspective. You're mostly using third-person external narrator, with descriptions of emotions inferred from people's body language and situation. Sometimes you describe internal states ("Struggling against the pain, David did his best to stand up"), but just more of those in the middle of combat would be good. Like when Riveira got shocked and David spun around. Some description of internal emotion states there for either of them would be good.
And a Larry to go with him. *Edit, forgot to put in his beard. I will keep the first one to see if people like beardless Larry more.
As I was making her, I realized I made her look too...butch. But I think it kind of fits....there is a lot I can't emulate with pixels, plus I haven't really been successful when drawing or creating female characters visually. Any tips would be appreciated.