WARNING: This storytime is about avoiding molestation Today, the man who once molested me on the bus appeared again. I haven't been caught by him since the first time - he really relies on social pressure and pity to do what he does, and if you resist his trap, he slinks off immediately - but it shakes me every time I come across him. Lately, I'm always late getting up, and so I have to have breakfast on the bus to university. Today's was baguette bread cut into slices and buttered. I was just minding my own business, chomping away and scrolling NUF on my phone, when a strange man leans across the aisle (no one is sitting next to me because my bags are there) and asks, "Is that garlic bread?" Honestly, at this point I wasn't sure it was him - he's grown his hair out since then - but I still thought this guy had the same face and, if nothing else, the same wild, not-quite-right look in his eyes. I also now know from experience that confusing women into engaging them in conversation and then escalating things is a tactic that perverts use. So, I looked this man over briefly, and decided not to engage. I just turned back to my food and kept on eating. Who even expects to talk to women on the bus that way anyway? At this point, I was completely okay. I didn't know for sure it was the same man, and I was just congratulating myself on having evaded a bad situation. Then he starts complaining loudly about how everyone "walks around as if they're dead", how they're barely alive, he's going to a funeral today, he's just glad he's alive, blah, blah, blah... Let's imply she's an unthinking zombie with no appreciation for life until she feels angered/shamed into talking after all. And you know what? Some prick at the back of the bus joins in and backs him up. Now I have two men - complete strangers - throwing shade at me in public because I don't want to talk to Mr Rapey. It's difficult to explain how that feels, and how bloody difficult it is to resist falling into the trap of answering back in that situation, but I'm pretty upset that this pretentious prick decided it was okay to put pressure on a woman to talk to a stranger on a bus just so he could get called a "cool guy". And frankly, thanks to him, I ended up being shaken by the incident after all. Incidents like this leave behind such a fear and resentment, though, and it's difficult to shake off. I know many men who would never be so disgusting, and I don't feel like being mistrustful and angry of them for the next few days (or however long natural restoration takes). The only thing that particularly helped (and is actually comforting) was realising that I have one good male friend who would have called that guy's bullshit as soon as he turned to draw him into it. But I forgot to talk to him to feel better before he turned in for bed. So, this might be a stupid thread, but can people tell stories/post videos/share stuff of men being nice and helpful so that I can overcome the after effects faster? TL;DR: I avoided getting involved with our local molester today and ended up getting shamed for it by him and an unrelated man on the bus. Please help me recover from irrationally (but naturally) resenting men for it by posting evidence of men being good. (I'm going to try and sleep because I'm up in only a few hours, but I'll see anything that gets posted soon, and many thanks!)
If you wanna find good you'll find good people. If you wanna look for bad, you'll find bad people. Sorry this happened to you, but if you hate an entire half of the world and resent them for what one did to you. That's on you. I have a friend who works in an office environment who was falsely accused by his co-worker (female) for assault and HR threw his ass out no questions asked, and his reputation was destroyed, and yet cuz "believe all women" he was never even given a chance to prove his innocence. Should I think all women are manipulative and liars because of this and paint them with broad strokes. He doesn't and neither do I. If you wanna paint a group of people with broad strokes for the action of a small (but impactful in your case) selection of monsters, go ahead.
Wow, ok sorry for what happened to you, but resenting all men for the actions of 1 man (technically 2 in this case, but I think the second guy is some human-looking subspecies of ape) is kind of an overreaction. That's like me saying, oh a Christian man acted all high and mighty towards me, telling me I'd go to hell since I'm not Christian (I won't disclose what religion I am, but this was an example, I've never actually had this experience) and me responding with "all Christians are disgusting self-righteous pricks". It's an overreaction because suddenly I'd be hating a large portion of the world for the actions of one person. Anyways, that was a bit of a rant if you want videos of MEN being nice you can watch this: the MAN in the video (MrBeast) is honestly one of the nicest people I've had the pleasure of meeting. If you want to see People doing nice things you can google it or go on a Reddit like this one: https://www.reddit.com/r/ExamplesOfGood/ Anyways, your reaction to this is still incredible, why would you need to restore your faith in men? Do you have no men in your life? A father, brother, cousin, boyfriend etc. if you do, why ask for videos when you can just recall times you shared with them? P.S this might seem a bit preachy and for that I apologize but the way you phrased your request "posting evidence of men being good." as if the idea of men being able to be good needs to be proven and that you need to REQUEST for videos because men being good is such a RARITY, pisses me off beyond belief
You can go to r/niceguys to find the nicest of men out there telling about their niceness on the internet.
There alway be asshole in the mix. There also njce geniuine people regardless of their gender but since this is a special case for women. There would be encountered of piece shit in the world. You cant deny it. There saying great mind to think alike but this included with dumbassed also. It really sucked that happen to you but not all guys are that. If that happen again. My advice to confrontational in order for them to get message directy with affirmation and strong warning.
Still haven't found the WORLD RESET BUTTON yet. So much fuckery going on I just wanna smash it. That is when I find it... I'll smash it... maybe tomorrow? Oh and just find something to distract you. Assholes are EVERYWHERE. SO many assholes on this planet.
Events like these can be traumatizing and it would be easy to fall into generalizations and demonizing people but you shouldnt because if you do that that fucker will have destroyed a huge part of your life. Someone above said confront I would somewhat agree with that poster you shouldn't outright ignore but politely reject and if they persist then it turns into a problem. Edit: I guess clarifying that Im a man might help see my standing. Also woah whats with the hostility people.
Honestly, I think everything like that comes down to power dynamics. Those guys were probably acting as a squad, with the accompanying group mentality that usually results in bad behaviour and lawlessness. The easiest way to deal with them would be to have a backing of individuals to scorn them, but that wasn't an option in that situation. Its pretty easy to find men who aren't twats if you speak to them individually. The trick is to find a group of them that can maintain good morals even in a group like that. As for his weird rant, I think this comic is a pretty good response:
That's why I don't use public transportation. Also I once out of fuel in the middle of nowhere(I have the habit of not checking my fuel meter). Then there were two kids, around 17 to 19 bought some fuel for me. I was so thankful.
I feel like I should be heartened that #notallmenz wasn't like, the 2nd post to this thread. HOHOHO, PROGRESS!! ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ Anyways, you just wanted some stuff to bolster your faith in humanity so here is a list of fictional char- Oh right that wouldn't work. Well maybe some humor that understands some nuance of the situation? I would link but apparently I'm too poor to at the moment. So just look for "Leave me Alurn" on YT. Also, my brother brought me some food the other day. /these be but humble offerings
I recommend taser or pepper spray on hand in case of another approach or an ambush when inattentive. Are they bad men? Yes. Are they the worst of men? Hardly. Are there better men? Definitely. Will you in particular meet such men? You do every day. All the men that don't approach you in this undesirable manner are by default much better men than the two that disturbed you. The encounter is unpleasant, yes, but it teaches you caution. The world is not without perils, despite mankind's desire for a completely safe environment. Because, while safety is good, it leads to complacency and complacency is bad. Finding comfort in routine makes it harder to prepare for any deviation and life in itself is disruption of a constant. 'Hope for the best, prepare for the worst' is, like most of lessons, learned through experience and sacrifice. As such, you may not wish for a confrontation and may have taken steps to avoid it, but on the off-chance it will happen anyway, it is better to be prepared to deal with it than to be blindsided due to hopeful ignorance. It can be better and it can be worse. Confidence is not gained by depending on others, but by being able to deal with either situation on your own terms.
Warning: I am going to be callous, but it will be short, and read it only if you want to know what I have to say. Spoiler Your "TL;DR" needs to state what you want from us. Instead, we see what happened to you and are devolving the intent of this thread into a reminder of how lost we all are from our parents and teachers neglecting to give us a backbone to stand up. Now as for finding you a nice pick-me-up... lemme see what I can find. >.> (I asked the ScribblyHub for help searching for warm and fuzzy feelings.) And here are the recommendations. 1. The Founder of Diabolism - Novel Updates 2. Reborn as My Love Rival’s Wife - Novel Updates 3. Don’t be So Proud - Novel Updates 4. Ambiguous Relationship - Novel Updates 5. Love You 59 Seconds - Novel Updates 6. If It’s for My Daughter, I’d Even Defeat a Demon Lord (WN) - N... 7. I Reincarnated into an Otome Game as a Villainess With Only Destru... 8. Chongfei Manual - Novel Updates I hope at least one of these might help cheer you up. I was told they would, if not right away in the first chapter, at least later.
If this helps you feel better, this is one of my stories where i helped some girl who was about to get raped. This happend when i was still boarding to my college at the time. Now, i was really pissed off due to my brothers ordering me to buy stuff at the convenience store. I was just about to head to a net cafe to cool my head for a bit when i saw two local thugs ganging up on a girl. 'Meh, they probally just friends with the girl' since normally thats the logical thing that would happen in that sort of situation. I would then entered the net cafe when the thugs dragged the girl into an alleyway and proceed to rape her which i then looked at the nearby people who just casually walk away(since the thugs look pretty tough). Because of that, i came towards them and proceed to talk nicely to them to stop which they just laugh at me and continue on. I was kinda pissed off at that time but as i am a pacifist, i tried talking to them again nicely but this time, one of the thugs nailed a slugger to my face which i had a bloody nosebleed. My pacifism goes back to heaven and i basically nailed the guy who hit me and slam his head to the ground as i became pure gangster like look around me. The other guy who saw his friend nailed to the ground, proceed to fight as he landed a blow through my stomach but i headslam his face and gave a strong hook to his face, knocking him out. I had to spit out blood and wipe my face since i look horrible but the girl whom i rescued started thanking me and i just waved at her and told her to becareful next time. And that was pretty much it.
@Moonpearl -- I really hesitated for a long time before finally responding to this thread because honestly I couldn't really find words to say. Reading your post (as well as many of the comments) filled me with lots of gloomy feelings. At first, honestly I really couldn't think of anything positive. If anything, I felt slightly upset by the fact that how easily so many responders just... missed... the point. I also felt saddened by the fact how callous and heartless the Internet seems to be. Frankly, I don't really have positive anything to add. All I can say is that I'm so glad that you're safe and finished with that awful experience. It's horrible that you had to go through all of that, and I just feel sick that you had nobody to turn to this entire time. These really aren't reassuring words at all, but my heart definitely goes out towards you. I hope you recover soon.
Okay, I'm not sure this counts, but I'll tell one brief story about a classmate of mine. Two years ago, I participated in this elective workshop thingy where everyone in the elective was randomly assigned into groups of six distant acquaintances. The point of the elective was to see how well you could get to know your own group in a deep and meaningful way after just five sessions. I basically didn't know anyone in my group (except by superficial reputation), so at first I was really reluctant to do this activity because we were basically locked in a room and told to go around in a circle and share really personal/heavy stories with each other while practicing a communication technique called active listening. One of the group members I had a very very bad impression to begin with. He was... well... kind of always the jokester type who would play pranks and laugh really loudly in class. I'm sure you can probably think of somebody similar in your own life. In either case, I had always had him pinned as the type of person who I would never get along with because I more or less assumed he would be one of... well... those people. In either case, over the course of five sessions, I gradually got to learn a lot more about him. By listening to him talk, I learned over the weeks that actually he does tons of meditation (like super seriously, and even traveled internationally for it), and is extremely active on campus on Mindfulness-related stuff. I found out that he's actually incredibly self-aware and conscious of the fact that he plays the role of a "class clown" in the social dynamics of our class, and in fact he's really thoughtful/philosophical and aware of the fact that many people see him negatively. However, he does so anyways because he values his relationships to the degree that he believes that his comedic disruptive behavior reduces the tension in the atmosphere around our hyper-competitive academic environment. Overall, he turned out to be a really nice guy, and I definitely wouldn't have learned all this about him if I didn't go through this workshop. It was definitely a very memorable five-sessions of my life, although it was painful in multiple other ways to go through this crash-course environment of forced intimacy (I had to share a lot of things about myself too!) with five other classmates/strangers. It was definitely an experience for sure.......... an intense one, by all means....... but emotionally powerful.
Thank you, everyone who spoke up to help and shared stories and examples! I ended up not sleeping for a bit after I got into bed after all, and scrolling NUF on my phone and seeing your posts really helped. I woke up feeling pretty much normal again today, which is a relief. With any luck, that will be the end of it. If only that would solve all my problems~! Pepper spray and tasers (for civilians) are illegal in my country. Carrying a weapon for self-defence is also illegal, even if it's an improvised weapon. I remember I once thought about carrying deodorant to use as a makeshift pepper spray, and I found out that I'd just get into trouble if I used it. Apparently it's because, if you're carrying things like that, you "have the intent to use the weapon". There's only one spray you can have and it's only so-so at warding off attackers. I'm pretty sure people around here would just think I was crazy paranoid if I bought it, though. I chose to stay silent because he wanted me to speak. This particular man creates confusion in his targets to trick them into getting into a conversation, and then uses that to move across next to them and escalate things. The first time, when he actually succeeded against me, he said "Hi!" to me suddenly, exactly as if we were already acquainted, and then used that moment everyone goes through when they go along with it and try to remember who the other person is to move into the seat beside me and keep talking. Because everyone thought I knew him, nobody intervened - not even my gran's friend who was sitting right behind me. I don't know where "Is that garlic bread?" was going, but I'd rather be rude than fall into the same trap. Besides, people who want to make light conversation with you do it in a much, much more natural way. You both speak as if this is a choice I'm making but, if you read my post properly, you'd see that I actually made the choice not to believe the worst of all men. But feelings don't change just because you snap your fingers and demand them to. After hours of trying to reason against the irrational feelings stirred up by this incident, I came to ask other people whose minds were less impeded by emotional distress to assist me. I'll give you an example you might understand better, although the feelings in this comparison are nowhere near what you feel like in the situation I was in. There must have been a time in your life when someone you loved hurt you - whether a friend, a parent, a lover - and you were incredibly angry and hurt. There must have been a time where you tried to give such a person the benefit of the doubt and reason on their behalf, that they didn't fully understand what they were doing or how much it would hurt you, etc. But sometimes you just can't stop your feelings even though you try your hardest, because your ability to reason properly is impaired by your emotions. Also, if you want to override a powerful thought or feeling, you really have to provide a strong counterargument. I unfortunately know an incredible number of shitty men who have had a terrible impact on my life, which an irrational feeling like that can put forward as "evidence" of men as a whole being like this at the drop of a hat. To override, I need lots and lots of evidence to the contrary. My very sweet friend is one such example, but he's only one good example set against a shocking number of bad ones, and the odds are stacked against you when you're distressed and more or less trapped by tunnel vision from finding any more. Although I logically knew men being good is not a rare incident (otherwise why would I ask expecting to actually receive examples?), it wasn't within my power at that time to recall any or track them down myself. I also know that there are plenty of awful, terrible women - just this year my father's work friend was falsely accused of sexual misconduct by a vengeful, predatory woman and he was framed by the company and fired - but arguments against women aren't arguments for men, so they don't help in these situations. As for recalling good acts of men in my life... I mean, it's a mistake to assume that everyone has good male role models in their life in the first place. Sometimes life deals people a really shitty hand. It's difficult to recall specific memories in that state of mind anyway, but the majority of my cousins are women, and the men are either just little boys, barely known to me, or just trainwrecks that can't be used as good examples. My uncle's a bit funny. My dad and brother are... Acquired tastes, to say the least. I wouldn't ask strangers to love them. And no boyfriend, just a girlfriend who has her own horrible experiences. So, no. Nobody who would readily present themselves at that specific time. Thanks for the novel suggestions! As for the TL;DR, I think it pretty much captures what I wanted. You can't fit very much context into two or three sentences no matter how hard you try, and I always think it's a mistake to just read that bit anyway. If it brings up bad feelings for people, I can't really help that - it's as bad as it is and I can't soften it without destroying the purpose of that section.