so i git bored again and wrote somethin else

Discussion in 'Community Fictions' started by EvilMc, Jul 28, 2016.

  1. EvilMc

    EvilMc 『Reformed』

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    As you get by the gist of the title I got bored and wrote a short prologue and wanted to know what people thought

    Well here you go


    High School, said to be the best time of your life or your worst. If you look good or are cool or good at a recognized sport you get in with the cool crowd your safe for the rest of your high but if your scrawny and awkward you have to .... You what I don't need explain but its going to be tough.

    As for me what crowd am I in ? I don't need crowds or groups or friends as I am some one they can never match up to. Today is the first day of high school and the day that marks my journey through puberty and it will be thing that will be stay with throughout the rest of my life.

    At first it didn't seem so tough all I had to do was to report in to my homeroom before 9.00 am but going through my homeroom door I felt something in my stomach but ill ignore it as its probably a small stomach ache but I cant go take a shit in the toilets on the first day and especially some one of my stature cant take a shit in the school toilets on the first day of school. My seat was by the window at the end but some girl was sitting there in my seat.

    " you your in my seat get out if it and stop wasting my time "

    Instead of getting out of my chair she just continues write on what seems to be a job application form. Now looking at her uniform it look a little to big for her probably a hand me down and I can even see stitch marks in arms and shoulder and her school badge was missing pieces of the illustrious golden tree and the name of the school. tch poor and she dares waste my time. I snatch her job application and wave it in her face before saying

    " oi are you deaf or something get out of my seat and take your poor ass-"

    Before I could finish I lost consciousness.

    Also I'm not a M so go light if you can
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 28, 2016
  2. VOLX98

    VOLX98 Well-Known Member

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    @Japanese MC fight him Naruto! He is pure evil.
    Great effort @EvilMc ! I will read your work later! *dribbles with a basketball*

    EDIT: It is abit like Disney series?
     
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  3. EvilMc

    EvilMc 『Reformed』

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    ??????

    Dmn it I made spellings mistakes on the title again
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 28, 2016
  4. VOLX98

    VOLX98 Well-Known Member

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    it's fine. I am here for you. But I am the wrong person to give help at writing! *eats a banana*
     
  5. EvilMc

    EvilMc 『Reformed』

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  6. VOLX98

    VOLX98 Well-Known Member

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  7. Lesbian Unicorn

    Lesbian Unicorn [Deamon Prince] [Absolute Xenophobe]

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    So he is basically a regular teenager?

    Extremely arrogant, probably leeching of his parents, hardships of live is unknown to him, a huge asshole (side effect of puberty) and can change to be a better person.
    And he is For some reason in a school full of ninjas.
     
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  8. Stormingtiger101

    Stormingtiger101 Procrastinator ○

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    Your missing capitalization here and there, also the dialouge. I assume you were trying to write it as a single sentence that was interrupted. Nvm what i said previously you just need to capitalize and add punctuation to it.
     
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  9. EvilMc

    EvilMc 『Reformed』

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    Yea he is a teen left to his own devices and somehow came out somewhat twisted
    Ok

    Why ?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 28, 2016
  10. Stormingtiger101

    Stormingtiger101 Procrastinator ○

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    Reread what i said i misread your dialouge, and edited my post.
     
  11. EvilMc

    EvilMc 『Reformed』

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    ?????
     
  12. VOLX98

    VOLX98 Well-Known Member

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    Because Darkness made bad threads. I asked him to fight parth. And you can't fight admins.
    You can blame me that darkness got banned.
    He was my kind master. Master Dankness, Master Hatred
     
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  13. EvilMc

    EvilMc 『Reformed』

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    Ohh ok got it
     
  14. Dragn555

    Dragn555 Writer of Unnecessary Essays

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    You should show more than tell. Got bored after the first paragraphs.
     
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  15. Stealth

    Stealth Elegant Lady

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    boring
    *not read
     
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  16. EvilMc

    EvilMc 『Reformed』

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    Ok what do you think I could do better

    I'm just trying to improve my writing
     
  17. VOLX98

    VOLX98 Well-Known Member

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    Guys I think the author is sad like us too now. *sigh* *eats a banana*
     
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  18. Lesbian Unicorn

    Lesbian Unicorn [Deamon Prince] [Absolute Xenophobe]

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    Ahh so is the life of the new generation.
    If you are going to continue the story and add supernatural elements i suggest going all out.
    Include sci-fi and make the poor looking girl an alien.
    That uses magic. -dun dun duuuun-(add sound effect here)
    Make the alien a space octopus like in octo dad. Then turn it into a rom com.
    ----------Television AD commences-------
    This summer comes the unlikely match of a regular teenager and an octopus alien girl bent on enslaving humanity.
    Stuck in the same class they experience hardships that comes with them living in close proximity and then they find love.
    -----------AD end----------
     
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  19. polokoi

    polokoi TVPropaganda

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    Pretty hard to rate when you don't know what happens after but the one thing I can say is that you need an Editor.
     
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  20. Westeller

    Westeller Smokin' Sexy Style!! Staff Member

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    Where's the rest?