The story lacks a lot of detains mainly because I don't want to write too much, it's tiring to type with a phone. But the situation wasn't that bad. It was my grandparents that transferred me to another school, and since then, we lived with them. At least until they died which was about when I was 12. Those days were the good days. After they died, I kinda lost motivation in life and stopped my schooling, I graduated elementary then. And so my family took drastic measures, my older sister, who's living with our dad along with with our other siblings, came to the house one day and took me away to live with them. Things got back in track after that. At least, that's how it seems to have felt like.
Well said After my last hospitalisation I took a course in Mindfulness, which actually changed my outlook on life a little. I started paying more attention to the seasons and the nature, I started growing plants (as mentioned in your other thread) and I adopted pets.. At least now I have a reason to get up every day - I have to feed the bunnies or I get stomped to death
It's good to know that there's somebody out there with the same thought like mine. I think the same why try so hard anyway... You might die the next second and then it wouldn't matter whatever you may have achieved. But.... most other people can't comprehend this kind of thought process just try to talk to them about things like, why do you try so hard or why should I??? They said you should try hard so as to not disappoint your parents or become a man like ****(some well established person).. But they just doesn't understand the main thing.... That is what's the point??? What's the point of doing that when it's all gonna be useless in the end... Maybe I should also do that..... Stop trying to find connection with others...... Even tho there are people in rl who I interact with I just don't feel anything for them... Like even if they dies I'll not feel anything.... So although I may say that I don't want any friends or the likes deep inside I've always wanted a true friend... Who I can share my feelings with, without any worries.... Someone I care about and will miss them if they were to disappear...... I guess I try to stop doing that as I think I'll be disappointed in the end.... I've felt that...... But.... I've suppressed that feeling.... I thought... I might be wrong. Maybe there's a thing which others can find in life that I can't...... But I do not want to know what that is. I don't want to learn anything else and I just want the world to ignore me and move on it's own..... __________________________________________ Hey say.... Did I wrote more than you..... I'm pretty sure it was a long rant and nobody have read it
The trick in not trying so hard is by accepting things when they do come. Just because you're not trying hard, doesn't mean you close off all possibilities. Maybe it's your path, maybe it's not. How would you know without indulging your curiosity once in a while. Either way, it is your life, don't let others live it for you so find your own path and enjoy it leisurely!
thanks for those...(although I'm kinda suspicion how do you wrote all those... Were they inside your head already) I've tried to find some friends.... But well end result was kinda disappointing as I found out after not interacting them for a while... Those feelings disappears...... So I think I shouldn't try anymore... If it happens it'll or if it doesn't happens I'll continue living like this...
I usually write what comes to mind. I don't really do much editing inside my head. But considering that this is my usual writing style, it's not that hard. As for friends, as long as you know you're not doing them wrong, it's all good. Some people bemoan the fact that they lose friends when they treat them like schist.
Hm... Treating them like schist ... Hm.... I used to interact with them regularly,laugh and talk bout various stuff. So I don't think I've ever treat them like that... Or I might have, but from my perspective it might be nothing while for them it's a big thing..... But actually... I don't want to be friends with someone for whom I have to hide myself cuz I don't want a friend to pass time I've got various things for that... I want a friend, so that I can be my true self atleast in front a single person. But if I have to suppress myself, I think it's better not to be friends .... But I do think it's extremely hard to find a friend like that, given the fact that I'm extremely pessimistic and have a bleak outlook of life and relationships so I guess I'll not try that much anymore and be like myself in front of me.......
Thats a secret desu~~ btw sorry for the misinformation desu~~~ Though what I can say is that it was a time of turbulence in my life, many challenges, problems, embarassment, and depression happened in a few months that it was overwhelming for the 15 year ole me desu~ and i honestly hated it to the point that i'd rather forget if not for my best friend who stuck with me all through out. It was a period of learning for me though i can't say that i've matured fully... I agree finding a friend on which you can show your true self is hard to come by desu~! in my 18 years of living in this World i only found 2 people on which i can confide fully and not get disguted by meeeee
*pats Stormy* Just like the oatmeal comic you posted (nice read btw~) for a while now I've started to think about the values taught to us by our current society. Since when did fairness and equality become "good" and the "golden standard" we must achieve? That is, why do things have to be fair? Don't get me wrong; the first principle I've set for myself in third grade was the golden rule painted on the wall of our elementary school building. Equality is a...good ideal to aspire to, when you look at the effects of injustice and differences. But I still can't help but wonder, you know. What if...what if we turn around and head towards the opposite direction? Instead of striving towards an unreachable goal, what if we embrace inequality instead and deconstruct the current order of things? Make our own definition, break it apart, and create something new with the pieces? Lots of chaos will ensue, of course, but hey, things could get better eventually compared to what we have right now (or they could get worse ¯\_(ツ)_/¯). You never know. [---] Well that turned out quite philosophical and some meh ramble in some way, but just to throw my two cents in, whenever I get fixated on my past/self, I start thinking about how the people in the future will read about our current generation in their version of textbooks, and what they'll write about us. Will they see us the way we do with the people in the past? Thoughts like that are more fun and interesting than what's happening with my life lol
*pats back!* I've thought about that too, how I would feel about others whether the future generations or the current one would feel or think about us. I landed on a weird realization that I don't mind really what they think. Because I'm just a small person in the grand scale of things. I get lost in the crowd, my thoughts are but a drop in the sea. I don't get fixated at the past but I know it defined me, who I am, who I will be, it always is a factor. But that definition, it won't always be understood by others or even myself, because they could only see parts of me, and I could only see things from my perspective. And yet it will always be there, I find traces of it in random things. Have you ever heard of the difference between equity and equality? Equality is when you give everyone the same things despite their differences while equity reconizes that not everyone is equal so more resources are given to the disadvantaged, while those in advantageous positions receive little to none. Of this two, I find myself leaning more to equality. I don't strive for grand justice or fairness. But I hope that if you give something, people will recognise its worth and give you something in return, something with the same value. M There are times when my heart feels uncomfortable when it's not an equal exchange. Lastly, I like that comic too hehe