The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System fan fiction

Behold my response. Well, part of the response.
PEAR CAKE

Spoiler

ATDSVT
***
Dong Mei could not exactly claim to be one of those ladies who were in Cang Qiong, having made it in with support from their families.

While women from cultivator families of various levels could compete proudly until they got the right to enter sects, bearing the pride of their families in their pre-trained techniques, there was generally a bit more confusion when one of the women from the mortal nobility were picked out as having enough qi to become a cultivator. Any kind of cultivator.

On one hand, to have a female relative become an immortal was considered wonderful. On the other hand, becoming a fighter was unladylike, unnatural and possibly, in the eyes of the mortal nobles who followed Confucius, even unsanitary.

This environment tended to have adverse effects on those mortal nobles or merchant families of wealth and taste who, after a certain amount of time, realized that their daughters would be coming home as beauutiful, graceful veterans with more loyalty to the sect than to their families.

Loyal enough that they viewed their masters as parents rather than their own biological parents, when the latter started talking about spouses.

Especially when the latter was talking about mortal spouses.

Mortal spouses who would bear the same opinion of the four virtues.

Men that liked to think about marrying fairies but never once liked to think about the fact that to become fairies, the women in question could punch them through eight walls if they tried to get domineering. And in many cases really would punch men through those walls if they tried something that stupid.

In fact, if they knew such a thing and had it pointed out to them, those mortal men would run like little rabbits.

The only person who could actually dominate a female cultivator was, specifically a male cultivator stronger than herself. Handsome male cultivators with high levels of spiritual strength were highly sought after.

Dong Mei was perfectly fine with lusting after such paragons, but don't even think she wanted to marry one of them. That was more hassle than she cared to deal with.

Why in the world would she bother to tie herself to a man who thought he could bully her? Maybe some women liked that sort of thing, and indeed, Dong Mei really liked reading about it... but in actual practice? No.

Dong Mei would marry a man of equal strength to her own so she couldn't be used as a furnace or whatever fucked up thing people came up with... or she might marry someone weaker than her but who would be ludicrously grateful to have her attention and had the sense to treat her like an empress, a man who would put her on a pedestal and treasure her.

In truth claiming Wanyong was dating her served her purposes as well as his own.

First, it kept him from being propositioned.

Second, it made sure she too, would not be propositioned.

The problem was this. Dong Mei had recently come to the extremely unwelcome conclusion that Ma Kong -who may as well have been the little brother that she never knew she wanted until she actually got him- was in love with her.

She didn't feel that way towards him.

In fact, for the longest time she thought he was gay.

It wasn't her fault, okay?!

He was pretty. He had excellent taste in clothes and color combinations. He could cook really, really well. He had an encyclopedic knowledge of plants that could be processed into perfumes. He even had an interest in making jewelry. How the hell was she to know he wasn't gay?!

So.

Ma Kong was not gay.

Ma Kong was in love with her, of all people.

Ma Kong clearly needed a new girlfriend.

She should get started on helping the poor boy with that, because she might never be able to stop seeing him as that cute little eight year old boy in the pretty, completely androgynous, floral clothes.

In addition, there was also the fact that Ma Kong would likely end up being as pretty as Liu Qingge, or close. And while Liu Qingge was renowned to be one of the great beauties of the cultivation world, he just wasn't her type, okay?!

She can't even imagine being physically attracted to him, or by extension, Ma Kong. She goes for more cut men with more obvious builds, her actual attraction is to men who look like they are capable of building a massive stone tower. By hand.

This did not bode well for trying that kind of relationship with Ma Kong.

If anything, she was actually more attracted to Miss Changying, who looked like she could benchpress a three ton boulder, than to Ma Kong.

So clearly, her best option was to get Ma Kong a girlfriend.

 

Poor Ma Kong.
Does Guo Minghua need to be worried?
Thank you for the response.

 

Guo Minghua is flattered.

Also, behold Dong Mei's strikezone.

Spoiler

 

Ma Kong will need to do a lot of bodybuilding now.

 

Alas, bodybuilding is only half the battle. The other is bone structure. And Ma Kong has been doomed from birth to be slim, like a cat or like all those lithe swimmer's build bishonen, rather than MACHO.
/cue the Armstrong Flex from FMA

 

LOL hello Armstrong, haven't seen you in a while. Or your perfectly sculpted muscles.

 

But seriously, a Chinese version of Fatal Fury's Terry Bogard is totally Dong Mei's type.

 

Something like this?

 

Proportions are too unnatural, sadly. The arms are too wide to be natural, the face is too small and oddly feminine. :V
/has spent too much time in life drawing classes

 

Anyway, I will add more cake later. Still organizing stuff for some of the cakes.

 

Will wait patiently for the cake and set out tea to go with it.

 

running one cake past betas now.

 

XD miss Changying tell ma kong yer secrets. He too wants to attract fairies(well no just the one. Just Dong Mei), not BE one of them. (Miss changying sounds absolutely dashing~)

 

Sadly for many now gender confused women, Miss Changying really is very dashing.

Her father is so proud. Her mother spent ages worrying that she might never get married, but against all odds she lucked out on her first Immortal Alliance Conference, and Guo Minghua asked her out right after it.

 

Meanwhile, have this preview of a different cake.

Spoiler: THIS IS NOT DONE YET.MORE COMING.

***
The first problem with gaining a reputation for being a benevolent and superb ruler with a tendency to bring about Golden Ages is this. Politics.

As in, everyone wants you to enter politics so they can use you on their side against their fellow politicians. Or they are assuming you have already entered politics and are an obstacle to their power hungry plots, just by being who you are. Which only proves that the people here don't do critical or logical thinking.

The second problem of having a reputation for being a superb, benevolent ruler is when you really are a benevolent ruler who has done this sort of thing for ages and you have various people from different parts of society trying to get you to take over an Empire you don't need or want, because they really want you to fix all their problems and bring about a Golden Age.

In short, these people want you to break the system like an egg and rebuild everything because VIVE LE REVOLUTION!

This will involve going up against an Imperial family and some of the people of noble classes who are officially entrenched in the current dynasty, which you don't like or respect... but which are legitimately, and legally the rulers and nobles of this Empire.

What do?

 

G WIll have quite a large headache now. Let's hope no one sets up any cults to worship G.

 

...How did you know the contents of one of my other cakes?! Did you peek into my oven?!

 

I only took a little peak.

 

Fine.
/checks drafts