You are keeping a nice pace, but you need some extra experience with english. In long term, I'm pretty sure your translating quality will become nice, because it is already improving, at least the first chapter has some nice edits. But your boss should really hire a proofreader, It seems all translators in your site need one, at least until they improve a bit. When reading the first chapter, I felt like rewriting a chunk of it, I will post in at the end. Combine it with your current translation as you see fit, and view it critically, my writing quality is average. Btw, take note I based in on an old version of your translation Chapter 1 Paragraph 2 All residents in Fire Meteorite continent, from elders to toddlers, knew the danger of Yunmeng Mountain, a place forbidden due to its perils. Except for the strong martial artists, ordinary folk could not step into this zone. For this reason, the river cutting through Ynmeng mountain was known by few Paragraph 3 No one knew the origin of this river, as it was enveloped in thick fog. As the poem reads, "Deep clouds attract wanderers "... Paragraph 5 ... a closed stone door, one so mysterious, nobody could help but push it open, and explore what it holds P6 Lin Xiao felt the same urge. What was different was he was standing at the other side of the door P8 Earth P9 - P10 ... A scene was evoked to his mind, giving him a great shock P11 Generic comment : You use connectors too much. You can sometimes omit writing all of a sudden, which, etc. P11 A tall man in white snapped his finger from the skies , and it commenced. Stars started falling down and space itself was beggining to collapse. Then .... into his back, and a devastating explosion ensued P12 - P13 As time went by, Lin Xiao leanrt where he was P14 The dying grounds of of gods and devils , the Forsaken Cemetery P15 This place was isolated by a spell formation, so Lin Xiao could not walk out P16 In his previous incarnation, Lin Xiao had been a student, and he had read plenty of fantasy novels. This is why he did not feel dispirited, but enthusiastic, and so he searched the area, in hope to find a cultivation manual, and become unparalleled P17 He found manuscripts and jade slips. The jade slips could not be opened by a mere mortal, but the letters could P18 + 19 So, day by day , year after year, Lin Xiao learnt alchemy, refining and formations, but his cultivation stayed a mortal's, that is, null. The more he leared about his new home, the worse he felt
Great! You're so nice! Thank you for your careful reading and suggestions ,I really appreciate it! I'll keep working on it.