Oneshot Tough Choice (to heroes and webwrites dedicated)

Discussion in 'Community Fictions' started by Hatka Bobra, Jan 28, 2021.

  1. Hatka Bobra

    Hatka Bobra Active Member

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    Synopsis
    That's a short but unbelievable event taken place right here on my writer's desk. You may see it as my fantasy all you want, it doesn't make it less real to me. Anyway, here's a reader's chance to reach enlightenment about life and death, tough choices, literature, writing skill, career opportunities, mental conditions, pain, pleasure and bullshit - all in 4 minutes (as the reading mode in my mozilla promises).
    Please, feel free to comment on my clumsy English (not my 1st language) and weird punctuation.
    Thank you all including me for inspiration.
    Genres: Fantasy
     
  2. Hatka Bobra

    Hatka Bobra Active Member

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    Tough Choice
    "A man..." I started.
    "A man?!" bursted out SShmurr in excitement. "Your story is going to be about a man? How unusual!"
    All his eyes were brimming with purple light, some of them turning almost red.
    "Er... It's not such big deal. Half of our planet's population are men,"
    Me, being a proud soul, wouldn't accept praises undeserved. SShmurr dimmed and plopped his whiskered head on my paper in disappointment, an easy-to-do motion with him occupying leisurely my whole desk.
    "Then, what would the other half be?" he asked, obviously just being nice, bearing little expectation for such shithole.
    "Those are actually women."
    I knew he wouldn't like the situation. It was even worse than he'd thought.
    "You are saying some of you are men and others are wo-men, which is very much the same as I see it. Don't take it to heart, I'm just summarizing."
    Looking at devastated Sshmurr I didn't have the nerve to tell him we can't even levitate and radiate multicolored rays.
    (Sshmurr, murmurs gloomily: ) - Why would you do such a thing? Why would you write about somebody so boring?.. Why wouldn't you write a story about somebody magnificent like... me instead?
    (Me: ) - You? What are you by the way?
    Sshmurr rolled on my desk playfully making mobile chargers, pens and spectacles fall down like spring rain on the floor with melodious thumps and clinging.
    (Sshmurr, coquettishly: ) - What do you think?
    (Me, sincerely: ) - Hm. A hallucination?
    You can definitely recognize a bad answer when your cellular hits the ground and acquires a granny-willow-from-Pocahontas-looking crack across the screen. For Sshmurr, unhappy is very much the same as evil.
    (Sshmurr, unhappy: ) - F-f-f-f! A muse! I'm a muse! Can't you tell?!
    Despite Sshmurr's gorgeous blue-and-orange-and-octarine fur and his iguana-like snout, for some short time I couldn't, but seeing my 10' PocketBook crawl towards the edge to join the cellular, in an instance, could.
    (Sshmurr, scornfully: ) - Writers! (keeps sulking) ...pathetic... writes about men... doesn’t write about magnificent ones…
    (Me: ) - You see, it's not about who, it's about tough choices, despair and sacrifice, life and death problems. Important stuff, you know.
    "And then what?" my muse asked without excessive interest. "Are you going to walk barefooted but hopeful from town to town telling your story at markets and pubs? Will anybody listen and pay?"
    (Me: ) - ... Mda...
    (Me: ) - That's not how we do it here. I will publish it on a website among thousands of other novels, where nobody will read it, and start writing the next part. Meanwhile I'll waste a tremendous amount of time promoting my publications at social nets and conferences where no one gives a damn. To say nothing of writers' communities where millions of graphomaniacs gather in forlorn hope to make other graphomaniacs read their opuses.
    Babam! That was Sshmurr, shock-stricken, having followed cellphone all the way down to the floor.
    "What the f-f-f-f?!" he asked in disbelief without even paying attention to his suddenly shifted vertical position.
    (Me, afraid and startled: ) - Have you hurt...
    Sshmurr was struggling to get his elegant and yet well-fed body back on the desktop using the unlucky drawers as stairs and the floor - as a renewable starting point. Now my desk was a mess inside as much as outside.
    (Me: ) - Have you... (looking around to esteem the damage) I feel like I hope you have... Oh, anyways. My character dies in the end, you know, sacrifice and all, so most likely those teenagers and housewives wouldn’t really care...
    "Why would you..." - started Sshmurr again but interrupted himself and took my face in his two first paws.
    (Sshmurr: ) - You know what? You and your character, that boring man... I really sense big problems, sister. Dunna know about life and death, more like the head and brain...
    He took some time to find good words for me.
    (Sshmurr, cordially: ) - Do not write anything... ever again.
    (Me: ) - ?..
    (Sshmurr: ) - Better... rub my belly!
    (Sshmurr: ) - ... and keep drinking from that bottle for me to never disappear.
    Now, that was a tough choice indeed: to continue as a web-writer exploring life and death problems in my masterpieces or to rub Sshmurr's belly. Still, there remained one unsolved matter.
    (Me: ) - But who will call me a good writer in the comments? At least once a year?
    (Sshmurr, already on his back, readily: ) - You are a good writer!.. Purrr... Yeah, so good... a bit lower, please.
    (Me: ) - Say that again.
    (Sshmurr, happy and relaxed: ) - Next year.
    THE END
     
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2021
  3. Silver Snake

    Silver Snake Magician of NUF|Show-off|Awkward|Genius

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    "All his eyes were brimming with purple light, some of them even turning almost red."

    even almost turning read > even turning almost red
     
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  4. Hatka Bobra

    Hatka Bobra Active Member

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    Thank you. So I can't say 'almost' with the action here? Only with the quality.
    With 'almost' before the adjective the phrase doesn't look slender.
    I'd better erase that 'almost' at all, even better.
    Erased 'even'.
     
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  5. Silver Snake

    Silver Snake Magician of NUF|Show-off|Awkward|Genius

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    I don't know about actions qualities, and adjectives. It just didn't sound right to me.

    I'll read the rest later. My head's pretty tired right now.
     
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