I got bored and had a lot of time so I thought how about making a story just to let you know the guy is English so am I the author so maybe some of the terminology you might not understand but im just doing this to see if my writing is bad or good please no 1s i might cry ps after I post this im going to bed
kingdom of earth My name is Adam south I dont know what happend but I think im in a room but. I do not see the walls or ceiling I see the floor but it just keeps going on and on almost endless the colour keeps changing too from white to red to yellow to other colours as well I keep observing while trying to rember how I got here. Okay so I was on the bus back from work nothing unusual just working in the back of a shop scaning barcodes I got off a little late because my supervisor kept talking and talking I was there for almost a entire 30 minutes but then again I was able to get on the bus which takes a direct route from where I work too my home which is 5 minutes less time than the usual. Though it is proberly not that great considering what happend. later while on the bus I noticed that the bus driver stoped at the bus stop. and a man a bit older than me somewhere around 20 to 23 years old. got on he was wearing a dark purple hoodie black trousers white trainers and he had his hood up I did not make much of it then looked out the window at the back of the bus looking at the sky which still has a bit of light. When I got to my stop I got off the bus and started walking I heard the bus set off so I glanced back I saw that the man got off as well which is not too suprising a lot of people live here so I kept walking when I got to a corner I saw that the lamp posts where out I couldent be bothered to change paths so kept walking it`s not like thers anything to be afraid of a few lights where still on so I could see a good 10-15 meters then while thinking what to order for takeout I felt like something was poked at my back then I heard in a sorta chavy voice "what ive got er`e is a air gun dosent sound like much but it still has a good killing power so if you dont hand over your money and your phone or im gonna shoot ya". While listening I became stiff thinking `if this asshole does this im gonna be in trouble` so what do I do? I do the stupidest thing. I jump to the the side and run like hell shouting "the fuck am I giving you anything" then I hear foot steps loudly running after me and in just a few seconds he caught up to me and tackled me to the ground and hit my head then everything went quite I could still feel pain at the back of my head and the continuing hiting with thoughts such as "I im proberly going to have a hard time" "Im going to die hungry" and "if I could I would so kill this guy" with those thougts I drifted into dreamland. Then I guess that`s the end of that now im here in this strange space now I wonder if theres an echo "hello!" then "............." so no echo then huh then right after I think that a change happens in the space in front of me suddenly distorts then gets blurry and I could see a metal gate then it is no longer blurry and clear as day I look through the gate I could see normal grass, flowers and some small bushes I look away and walk around the gate but nothing is there and I can see where I was looking through the gate befor. I go back where I was and look through the gate now I can see the garden again I walk in an I can feel the gass under my feet and I can also smell the flowers and feel a slight breez I walk deeper into that garden and once I walk what I think is about half a kilometer I notice something in the corner of my eye I look at what caught my interest and see a women sitting on a wooden chair at a woven table drinking coffee from a small cup the women is beautiful her chest is not small but not large its just perfect I could try to find a weakness but it would take to long shes just that perfect. I try to get over my shyness to talk to her which is pretty embarrassing for a 19 year old I finally get the courage to talk when "hello there would you like to join me" in shock at the fact she talked first I frantically ask "um where is this? and ah could you tell me your name?" the beautiful women said with a smile which almost blinded me "for you first question this would be my home and for the second I am known by the name of Ariantia the goddess of fertility, forests and the earth in which all returns"
The grammar/punctuation is incredibly frustrating, sorry. Besides that I didn't see too many isses with the writing style. There's no problems with the language, it's just how you punctuate your sentences. There's a few spelling errors but it's nothing you can't fix with a spellchecker. You need to use alot more commas and fullstops. Take both of the last 2 paragrahs as examples. You need to break up the text a little more. I'd give you like a 10/20 maybe? Your grip on english is fine, but your work would need some serious editing to be presentable. Sorry
uh, a lot of grammatical errors, jana~ Let me fix your first "paragraph" Here's my version: My name is Adam South. I don't know what happened, but I think I'm in a room. I can not see the walls nor the ceiling, but I see a hallway which just keeps going on and on, seemingly endless. The colour of the floor keeps changing, too, from white to red to yellow to other colours as well. I keep observing them while trying to remember how I got here. Uh first, you have to capitalize both first and last name. If you use but it has to have a comma ( , ) in front of it. Rather than floor going on endlessly, hallway makes more sense here. You kind of have to specify what the colour of is changing. You misplaced periods a lot. You only use periods to end a sentence. You also had multiple runs-on sentences. Simple sentences only have one subject. You can make it compound with a contraction or introduce a dependent clause if you want though. I suggest getting something like grammerly to help out
hehe, lemme try, sounds fun -Adam South here. I have no clue what happened, but I assume I'm in some sort of room. There's no sight of any walls or ceilings although, a few feet in front of me, there appears to be a hallway; a depressingly endless looking hallway at that. As I stare at the seemingly enchanting floor, it transitions through multiple colors, mostly from white, red, and yellow. I stare entranced at the sight as I try to recall how my current situation came about.
Sorry for my harsh judging, it's 7/20. 1. use more punctuation(comma,exclamation mark, etc). 2. Try to think twice before writing and check if it's correct or not after writing. (you understand what you have a written, but that don't mean the reader understand) 3. Know your tenses, simple present, continuous, past, perfect, past perfect. And more. 4. spelling mistake. Use some software to check it(never use it though, mine iPad had automatic correction.) 5. Read more novel, to know how to write better. A good writer must be a good reader.
Just to let you know that's the second time I have written anything and the first was for a English test which I got a terrible score in I'm stupid so nothing unexpected
You gotta picture it and a Thesaurus and Dictionary are your best friends when writing I'm one to talk though, Ive read over a thousand books, from children to psychology to medical books. Words are entertaining.
I want to try too. There was no ceiling nor walls, and the floor my figure stood on appeared to stretch toward the end of earth and beyond. The ground beneath my feet kept changing from white to red, red to yellow, and a plethora of other beautiful colors which entranced my eyes... Meanwhile my head was stuck in the clouds, clueless as to how I arrived in my current predicament. I, Adam South, could only rewind time and try to apply the thing we humans call-- logic. (Sorry I was rushing) How was it???