Novel 王妃渴望復仇 Wangfei's Desire for Revenge

Hey there! Honestly, I literally thought of the title just now because I needed to put something in the header, but this story is my lovechild from reading so many revenge transmigration Chinese novels. (There's just something so satisfying about revenge... what can I say, I'm addicted!) In the future, I might also post updates and chapters in a different website for easier reading, but as of right now, I think I'll just put a bit of what I have here for now!



You can also find this novel at ScribbleHub now! Click here to go read it there!
Also available on Royal Road as well!

Original chapters (with little to no edits) will be posted here at NUF with an earlier and faster release.
Heavily edited and most updated chapters will be posted on ScribbleHub.
Every finished five or so chapters will be released on Royal Road in bulk.

Old Synopsis: Su Jing Fei awakens to find herself stuck in some ancient historical Chinese world from a movie called Blossoms in the Wind! Honestly, it wouldn't be much of a problem if she had transmigrated as some side character, but she finds herself in the body of one of the main female villains with the same name as her! Stuck in an unfavorable position, Su Jing Fei must fight against the biased protagonists of the movie and survive with only her wit and knowledge. However, it seems like the world is more than it appeared in the movie... because the "good" guys are definitely not as "good" as they seem, and the "bad" guys seem to be "good"!?

[new] Synopsis: Su Jing Fei awakens to find herself transmigrated into the Chinese world from the movie Blossoms in the Wind. The body she now inhabits is one of the main female villains with the same name as her! Destined to be cast aside, she accepts her ill fate against the protagonists of the movie. However, it seems that fate is not done with her as she becomes entangled in secrets darker than she had imagined. Her desire for this world is only the revenge she must partake for those she loves!

Warning: This novel contains sexual content and mature content such as rape. Please read at your own discretion.

I know most people don't like rape (I don't either), but it's a pretty common occurrence in CN novels, so I'm going to include it. The scenes will never be explicit. Read the spoiler to learn more:

Spoiler

The MC is not raped. However, there are other females around her that are.

Genre: Action, Adventure, Drama, Josei, Romance

Tags: Alternate World, Ancient China, Transmigration, Broken Engagement, Female Protagonist, Clever Protagonist, Handsome Male Lead, Politics, Love Interest Falls in Love First, Slow Romance, Sharp-Tongued Characters, Power Couple, Devoted Love Interests, Revenge, Royalty, Scheming

*note: important updates to a chapter will be listed after chapter link
Table of Contents

First Arc

• Chapter 1 Part One
• Chapter 1 Part Two
• Chapter 2 Part One
• Chapter 2 Part Two
• Chapter 3 Part One
• Chapter 3 Part Two
• Chapter 4 Part One [important update 3/9/19]
• Chapter 4 Part Two
• Chapter 5 Part One
• Chapter 5 Part Two
• Chapter 6 Part One
• Chapter 6 Part Two
• Chapter 7 Part One
• Chapter 7 Part Two
• Chapter 8
• Chapter 9 Part One
• Chapter 9 Part Two
• Chapter 10
• Chapter 11
• Chapter 12
• Chapter 13
• Chapter 14
• Chapter 15 Part One
• Chapter 15 Part Two
• Chapter 16 Part One
• Chapter 16 Part Two
• Chapter 17 Part One
• Chapter 17 Part Two
• Chapter 18 Part One
• Chapter 18 Part Two
• Chapter 19 Part One
• Chapter 19 Part Two
• Chapter 20 Part One
• Chapter 20 Part Two
• Chapter 21 Part One
• Chapter 21 Part Two
• Chapter 22 Part One
• Chapter 22 Part Two
• Chapter 23
• Chapter 24
• Chapter 25
• Chapter 26
• Author's Note: End of First Arc

Second Arc

• Prelude
• Chapter 27 Part One
• Chapter 27 Part Two
• Chapter 28
• Chapter 29
• Chapter 30
• Chapter 31
• Chapter 32
• Chapter 33
• Chapter 34
• Chapter 35
• Chapter 36

Extras/Side Chapters (Note: to avoid spoilers, read extra disclaimers first)

• Extra Story 1: Glimpse Into the Future

 

Chapter 1 Part One
(Also, I added colors to the names and some important words because for me, it's easier to read it this way since honestly, I'm not too familiar with Chinese names and words, but if it's a distraction, let me know and I can change it!)

Spoiler

Su Jing Fei awoke to a throbbing pain in her head and winced as she moved to sit upright from the ground where she laid. Her mind was hazy, and her vision blurred from the noise of chatter and a constant ringing in her ears. The last thing she remembered was a shaking of the earth, then the lights of her room went out and everything had been engulfed in darkness. She was sure it had been an earthquake, but… as she glanced around, shock and fear struck her heart. She was no longer in her room back in the present, but she seemed to be sitting in the ground of a courtyard bearing an ancient style. It was similar to the courtyards styled in the large inn she managed for the corporate company, but this one looked highly authentic. Not to mention, the people surrounding her wore robes and dresses of the ancient style as if she had just suddenly landed in the past! For a moment, she thought she had maybe just dozed off and awoken at work, but this place was unfamiliar. However, someone seemed to know who she was as they shouted her name.

“Su Jing Fei! You vile woman!” An angry voice shouted, catching her attention. It was an exceptionally handsome young man looking to be in his late teens. His handsome face was twisted in anger and through clenched teeth, he shouted more at her. “Know your place! It’s not enough that you have to brag everyday about our engagement, but to attack and injure an innocent girl is too much! I won’t stand for your evil ways any longer!”

The people on the side clamored in agreement, shouting “You should have just died!” “Shameless!” “Bully!” “Serves you right!” Their shouts seemed to grow louder, and Su Jing Fei winced from the growing headache and pain radiating from her head. She reached up and carefully touched the back of her skull to find blood wetting her hair and clumping it together. She was dumbfounded at the situation she found herself in. She didn’t know where she was, who she was, but even just looking at the pale white hands before her, she knew she wasn’t in her same body. Could this be the rumored transmigration she’d heard about?

“Da xiaojie*(eldest daughter) please be careful,” cried a small girl at her side. The girl looked to be around 14 or 15. “Your head is bleeding!” The young girl kneeled beside Su Jing Fei and rested a small trembling hand on Su Jing Fei to help her sit upright.

“What’s going on here?” Shouted an angry voice. An older woman broke through the crowd and glared at the people at the center. When her eyes landed on the angry man, she automatically kneeled in greeting, speaking the words “Greetings, your Highness, third prince Chen Hui Zhe. My name is Fu Bao Zhai, and I am the manager for Oak Tree Courtyard. I apologize that we have to meet under such circumstances, but may I inquire what is happening her to cause a ruckus in our Oak Tree Courtyard?” Although the Oak Tree Courtyard was usually a place of scholarly discussions and occasional entertainment, this particular place allowed for men and women to mingle casually. Men would naturally seek to impress young women by outdoing each other, and young women would sometimes argue and fight for the attention of the young men. Fortunately, Fu Bao Zhai was used to such disruptions, and she even had the backing of the Emperor to discipline as needed. Though, this was the first time a prince had caused such a scene in her Oak Tree Courtyard.

“You may rise,” spoke third prince Chen Hui Zhe in a restrained voice, as though he couldn’t contain his anger at the next words. “The peace of this courtyard has been ruined by this vile woman Su Jing Fei!” His finger rudely pointed in her direction.

Su Jing Fei looked up to face him and finally noticed that there was a small girl in his embrace. She looked young and had an innocent and pitiful appearance, trembling in his big arms. However, Su Jing Fei definitely caught a look of satisfaction and pleasure on the girl’s face as Chen Hui Zhe continued to berate her. This girl definitely wasn’t as innocent or pitiful as she seemed.

“She attacked an innocent girl, harming her. Using her power, she bullied and attacked this girl, and she has no conscience to even apologize!” Chen Hui Zhe placed full blame on her, but Su Jing Fei saw that the other girl was unharmed at all. It was she who was injured. However, memories seemed to flow into Su Jing Fei’s mind. She remembered the original body’s owner seeking out the young girl, indeed berating her with words and bullying her. When the original body’s owner was just about to pour hot tea over the girl, the young girl had screamed loudly and the prince had come to save her. In his anger, he had thrown the cup of tea at her which hit her on her head as she could not dodge it. This scene… looked familiar. Felt familiar. And before Su Jing Fei could figure out why, she found herself being dragged to her feet by two women. They must be yatou*(servant girl(s)) of the courtyard.

“Your Highness,” spoke a soft trembling voice. The young girl with the pitiful experience somehow had mustered up tears in her eyes and flashed a look of fear and sadness. If Su Jing Fei hadn’t seen that look earlier on the girl’s face, she would have indeed also pitied the girl. But she knew that the young girl was no more innocent than the original body’s owner. Chen Hui Zhe turned to the young girl and stopped his shouting to speak softly to the girl.

With the momentary silence, Fu Bao Zhai took in the scene before her. She saw the young prince fawning over an young unknown girl in his arms, and although Chen Hui Zhe had spoke of the young girl being harmed, there were no such wounds on the body that could be seen. However, the woman had noticed that Su Jing Fei was the harmed party, with blood still dripping from the wound on her head. Everybody knew the situation. Chen Hui Zhe never wanted to marry Su Jing Fei who had been his betrothed since young. Su Jing Fei, however, was madly in love with the third prince and would be arrogant and brag about it so much that her arrogance and love was known throughout the capital. Fu Bao Zhai didn’t know what to do. On one hand, it was clear that Chen Hui Zhe was a prince and she could not offend him; however, Su Jing Fei was also his future wife and future wangfei.*(wife of a wangye/prince) On top of that, her father was the Right Prime Minister Su Xuan Mo and her maternal family where the esteemed military Qu family. Her background wasn’t light here either. Fu Bao Zhai’s eyes suspiciously narrowed onto the young girl in Chen Hui Zhe’s arms. What kind of girl would cause such a ruckus in her Oak Tree Courtyard?

Suddenly, Su Jing Fei had a terrifying realization. All of this looked really familiar because she recognized the scene from a movie she’d seen before! The movie was called Blossoms in the Wind, and the only reason she had watched it was because a friend had recommended it to her due to the fact that Su Jing Fei managed a prestigious old-style inn and also because the villain of the story had the same name as her! She can’t believe she actually fell into the world of Blossoms in the Wind! Or wait… had she died from the earthquake in the real world? Su Jing Fei’s thoughts were interrupted by a sudden dizziness that washed over her, causing her legs to tremble in weakness.

Fu Bao Zhai noticed Su Jing Fei’s condition and immediately spoke. “Your Highness, if I may suggest, it would be best to invite a doctor to come tend to the injuries. Although there has been a disturbance at Oak Tree Courtyard today, it is important to tend to wounds immediately. We need to take care of leaving no injuries to scar for the future of these guniang*(young unmarried girls).” Her words spoke of concern and were reasonable, but there was also a hint of warning in her tone at the ‘guniang.’ Everyone heard it, and their eyes locked onto Chen Hui Zhe who was quite closely embracing one of those guniang in his arms rather shamelessly. But he was a prince, and no one could really reprimand him. But they knew that the Emperor had strict rules for the Oak Tree Courtyard about propriety and manners in regards to male and female interactions, and Fu Bao Zhai’s strictness was also a reason why she had been hired as the manager of Oak Tree Courtyard where such interactions took place.

Chen Hui Zhe swallowed his anger, glaring once more at Su Jing Fei. Although he hated her, he couldn’t afford to let her die or else his father would be angry with him. Little did he know that the real Su Jing Fei had already died and been replaced with another person. “Call the imperial doctor to come quickly! After the imperial doctor has come, I’ll be bringing Su Jing Fei to the Imperial Palace to discuss this matter with the Emperor!”

Now that Su Jing Fei recognized the scene, she knew what was going to happen. In the movie as well, Chen Hui Zhe had brought the original Su Jing Fei to the palace in order to break off the engagement. This was good for her though, because now that she had been forcibly transmigrated into the body of this villainous Su Jing Fei, she wanted to avoid trouble so breaking off the engagement would be best than fighting for it when she didn’t even want it herself!

“Fu Bao Zhai thanks the third prince for his kindness and will be escorting these two guniang to rooms where their injuries can be attended to.” With a flick of her wrist, the two yatou supported Su Jing Fei as they move away from the courtyard and into a room. The young girl at Su Jing Fei’s side followed. They helped her lay down into a bed and left.

“Da xiaojie,” cried the young girl at her side. The young girl was kneeling and sniffling, holding back tears. “If it wasn’t for that horrible girl Jiang Li Ling, you wouldn’t be suffering like this!”

Now that she was lying down, Su Jing Fei found it easier to think and she recalled the face of the young girl in Chen Hui Zhe’s arms. From her memories, she only remembered a little bit about the plot of the movie Blossoms in the Wind. That young girl… was the protagonist Jiang Li Ling! In the movie, Jiang Li Ling was the daughter of a concubine, and although she was of low birth, Jiang Li Ling was known for her kindness among the common people and nobility. She happened to meet the third prince Chen Hui Zhe and they fell in love. He fell in love with her kind and quirky demeanor, and she fell in love with his heroic nature and handsome face. However, Chen Hui Zhe was engaged to Su Jing Fei who was the eldest daughter of the Su family. Her father was the Right Prime Minister and her maternal family was the military Qu family that were stationed at the border of their Chu country. The details were hazy, but she remembered that the fate of Su Jing Fei was for the engagement to be cancelled and for her to be sent to the countryside. Beyond that, she didn't really remember much about the original Su Jing Fei in the movie. If that was her fate, then so be it. It would be easier for her to live in the countryside where she wasn’t around people who knew the original Su Jing Fei, and it would also help her avoid all the troubles of the capital city where officials and families were always fighting. As Su Jing Fei closed her eyes, she quietly spoke some words of prayer in her mind for the original Su Jing Fei who had already passed. However, she didn’t know if she wanted to thank or curse whoever gave her this second lease of life because it seemed to be an ill-fated one.

 

Chapter 1 Part Two
(I know, I know, a lot of the beginning is explaining the situation but the plot will move forward quickly! I promise!)

Spoiler

Meanwhile, Fu Bao Zhai greeted an imperial doctor at the entrance to Oak Tree Courtyard and guided him to the adjacent rooms where the two girls were resting. Because it was improper for a man and a woman to be alone in a room together, she had originally advised Chen Hui Zhe to wait in the courtyard but he demanded to be at the young girl’s side and so she had a mama*(old female servant), a eunuch, and two yatou watching the room under strict orders. Just was they reached the rooms, Fu Bao Zhai hesitated between entering either the room with Chen Hui Zhe or Su Jing Fei. She knew Su Jing Fei had a more serious wound, but Chen Hui Zhe was a prince and she couldn’t afford to offend him since he had the Emperor’s favor. With a sigh, she pushed open the door to Chen Hui Zhe’s room and entered with the imperial doctor.

“It hurts, wu.” Sniffled the young girl on the bed. Her arm was being tenderly held by Chen Hui Zhe. Fu Bao Zhai’s face stiffened, and she announced in a sharp tone, “The imperial doctor has arrived!”

Chen Hui Zhe jolted in surprise, but recovered quickly with a smile. He didn’t seem ashamed of holding the young girl’s hand and instead, gently laid it on the bed before turning to greet the imperial doctor.

“This imperial doctor greets his Highness, Chen Hui Zhe.” The doctor kneeled before the prince.

“Rise, and I thank the kind doctor for coming so quick!” He helped the doctor up and led him to the bed. “This is a friend, Jiang Li Ling. Her father is the Minister of Justice, Jiang Wen Chang.”

Fu Bao Zhai gave a momentary look of surprise. Who knew that the young girl was actually the er xiaojie*(second daughter) of the Minister of Justice’s Jiang family. However, her eyes narrowed in slight annoyance. She knew the er xiaojie of the Jiang family was shu born*(born of a concubine), and at 14 years old, she wouldn't even reach marriageable age yet for another three years. Although presently, the rules weren’t as strict about male and female interactions before marriage, it still adhered to much of it. The rules were mostly lightened in terms of allowing men and women to meet to further allow compatible marriages; however, many still looked down upon unsupervised prior meetings between an unmarried man and unmarried woman. Judging by the familiarity between the third prince and Jiang Li Ling, they had met up before; and it seemed to be even intimately at times. Her dislike for the er xiaojie, and even a bit for the third prince, grew even more since Fu Bao Zhai had a strict attitude to adherence of propriety and rules. But she kept her mouth shut, and let the imperial doctor examine Jiang Li Ling in silence.

It didn’t take long before the imperial doctor sighed. When he had first been called out of the imperial palace and invited by the third prince, he thought it would be for a more important matter but the girl he was tending to was barely injured. A waste of time, honestly; but he had to give face to the prince and spoke in a calm and decisive manner. “Miss Jiang, your injuries are minimal. There is only a small bruise on your wrist that should heal in time. There is no need for medication since the injury is so small and should heal in a day.”

Jiang Li Ling’s face turned red as she lay in the bed. She had been complaining about her wrist because Su Jing Fei had grabbed it to take the tea from her, and she had indeed felt pain so she had cried about her wrist feeling weak and unable to move. She had wanted her injuries to illicite more pity from people, but it was also so that Chen Hui Zhe would hold her hand. Who knew that it was only a bruise… and that her tolerance for pain was so low…

Chen Hui Zhe furrowed his brows. “Are you sure it’s not broken?”

“This imperial doctor is sure. The bones are uninjured, and there are no external wounds. Only a small bruise. Perhaps Miss Jiang had been frightened, but there is no need to worry. It should heal within a day.” The imperial doctor confirmed.

Fu Bao Zhai gave a look of disapproval at Jiang Li Ling because she had also seen the young girl making a big deal of her wrist, but the imperial doctor had just confirmed that it was only a small bruise. However, Chen Hui Zhe breathed a sigh of relief and smiled at Jiang Li Ling who gave a small pitiful and shy smile back. Fu Bao Zhai and the imperial doctor both sighed. They knew that the third prince was already engaged to Su Jing Fei, but for him to be here smiling like this at a young girl… it really was too improper. But they couldn’t reprimand a prince so they could only watch in disapproval.

“Is there anything else this imperial doctor can do for his Highness?” asked the imperial doctor with a bow.

A look of anger flashed through Chen Hui Zhe’s face and he turned away with a cold look. “Go tend to Su Jing Fei in the next room. Make sure she doesn’t die.”

The imperial doctor gave a surprised look and glanced at Fu Bao Zhai who only shook her head in response. Why was the third prince here in this room with the young miss Jiang when his betrothed was in the next room? He knew there was a story here, but he didn’t dare ask what had happened. Fu Bao Zhai and the imperial doctor respectfully left the room and entered the adjacent room. Seeing the blood soaking the bed coverings near Su Jing Fei’s head, they rushed forward. The doctor took ahold of Su Jing Fei’s wrist and checked her pulse. It was only a little abnormal, but that was probably due to the blood loss affecting it. Luckily, there was nothing worrying about it. He sighed and turned to speak to the yatou. “How long has the young miss been unconscious?”

The young girl was still kneeling at her master’s side and cried. “For a few minutes now. She fell asleep after closing her eyes, but I’m afraid to move her or try to wake her in case her wound worsens.”

Fu Bao Zhai furrowed her brows and glanced worriedly at Su Jing Fei’s weak figure on the bed. “Is it fatal?”

The imperial doctor shook his head. “No, but the blood loss most likely caused miss Su to fall asleep. The body is able to repair itself faster without the worry or the pain endured in consciousness. She will be fine after I clean and bandage the wound.” With those words, he set about helping to clean up and bandage the wound on Su Jing Fei’s head. Luckily, it was only a small cut. It had only bled a lot due to its location on the head, where wounds tend to bleed more profusely. “Make sure the young miss Su takes one of these pills when she awakes to help with the pain and once the wound scabs, apply this cream to increase healing and also avoid scarring.”

The young yatou took the medication into her hands and handled it with extreme care. She thanked the imperial doctor profusely and kowtowed three times on the floor. Fu Bao Zhai breathed a sigh of relief and also thanked the imperial doctor for his help before guiding him out of the room and away.

Once Su Jing Fei awoke again, she found that her wound had been tended to and got the whole story from the young yatou. Su Jing Fei wanted to thank the young girl but didn’t remember her name; however, a word popped into her head like a memory. “Yi...ze?”

The young yatou’s eyes lit up. “Yes, da xiaojie! It’s me, Yize!” The yatou quickly got the pill from the table gave it to Su Jing Fei. “The imperial doctor also said for you to take this pill. He said it should help with the pain.”

Su Jing Fei gave a small smile, thanking Yize before taking the pill. The pain in her head became a dull ache, and she sighed in relief. With this, at least her headache will be less and she could think more clearly. She found that although the original Su Jing Fei was no longer, the memories had still remained within the body and occasionally she’d get a flash of a memory. Similar to how currently, Su Jing Fei’s mind showed a memory of a young beggar child on the street. It seemed that the original Su Jing Fei had picked up Yize from the street to become her playmate at home because she had thought the girl was cute and the selfish young Su Jing Fei had wanted someone to boss around secretly. Luckily, the Su family had indulged her because Yize was brought home and played with her. But it was only for a couple of years before Yize had to leave to train to become a proper yatou. Yize had only returned just recently to serve the original Su Jing Fei, but Su Jing Fei could tell that this body and the original Su Jing Fei trusted Yize a lot. And it also seemed like Yize treasured Su Jing Fei quite a lot because the young girl had saved her from a life of begging. Hopefully, the loyalty was real because Su Jing Fei needed all the help she could get to survive through the next couple of days.

There was a knock on the door before Fu Bao Zhai entered, greeting Su Jing Fei respectfully. “Young miss Su Jing Fei, the third prince Chen Hui Zhe has left for the imperial palace, and instructed us to help prepare a carriage to take you to the imperial palace as well.”

Su Jing Fei nodded her head, careful of the movement of the bandages to avoid reopening her wound. She knew what was going to happen next, so she had to be very careful about the words she spoke to the Emperor. Fu Bao Zhai led them out of the room and to the entrance of the courtyard and into a small carriage. Before they were about to leave, Su Jing Fei turned and bowed respectfully to Fu Bao Zhai. “I thank madame Fu Bao Zhai for having the doctor take care of my wounds. When I get home, I will send the necessary money for the cost of the doctor to this courtyard.”

Fu Bao Zhai shook her head and respectfully declined. “No need. The third prince has already taken care of the payment, but I thank young miss Su for her generosity.” Fu Bao Zhai had been surprised at Su Jing Fei’s offer. The rumors of the capital spoke of a haughty and bragging manner that Su Jing Fei usually conducted herself in, but the girl before her is neither haughty or a braggart. Instead, she carried herself respectfully with a polite manner that was neither overbearing or too familiar. Her appearance was a little disheveled from the injury, but she stood upright with grace and her dark ink eyes reflected pools of calm and coldness. It was an appearance uncommon for any young miss from a noble family, much less one of only 16 years of age. But she shook her head with a sigh and made sure the carriage carried on down the path safely before returning into the Oak Tree Courtyard.

 

pass

 

Looks about the same in story/quality/writing/pacing/etc of the typical chinese revenge novel, probably get a lot of 3/5 ratings on here unless the writing gets dramatically better or worse

 

Seems interesting.. Could you please provide the link for novel update?

 

Sorry to hear that you didn't like it! Unfortunately, I am aware that this type of story is a niche thing and I haven't uploaded much yet, but maybe in the future you'll find it more to your liking. If not, that's okay too.

 

Honestly, that's a great thing to hear! I wanted to try to bring about the story in a similar style to those typical Chinese revenge novels (because I love them) and even with a 3/5 rating, honestly I don't really care as long as someone enjoys the story. I know I'm looking forward to writing more. Thanks for the honest opinion! (Also, do you have any feedback on how to better improve the writing? Is it too long? Is it too short? That would be helpful too, thanks!)

 

Hi, glad to hear you like it so far! This story is still honestly in its early stages, but I hope you enjoy the story as it continues! In regards to the link for the novel update, I'm not familiar with what you mean by that. I'm not sure how to provide a link for the novel updates. Let me know what I can do to help with this! Thanks!

 

Perhaps they thought you were translating this from an already existing webnovel? That's one interpretation, anyway.

I'll come by with a more in depth response but it definitely is interesting so far. Just a question but. Would you consider putting this on Scribblehub, the sister site to Novelupdates? It's for original stories and I feel like it'd provide you with wider audience. ^^

 

I just finished part one, I'll do part two next, but just some typos and odd sentences I caught:

Spoiler

Should either be "I won't stand for your evil ways any longer!" or "I will stand for your evil ways no longer!"

The repetition of the word "courtyard" three times in the sentence makes the flow feel a little awkward. Suggested fix:
"Although the Oak Tree Courtyard was usually a place of scholarly discussions and occasional entertainment, this particular courtyard seemed to always have some kind of disruption (in peace < feels redundant, you don't disrupt much besides peace, could remove) due to the nature of young men and women only being able to mingle here."

Should be "but Su Jing Fei saw it, the other girl was unharmed" or "but Su Jing Fei saw it, the other girl wasn't harmed at all".

I can't tell if this is a typo or just really awkward phrasing. I can see you tried to walk this line between the really stilted, formal language structure of an ancient civilisation, but some of the phrasing feels overly stilted. Suggested rewording:
"nothing is more important right now that taking care of these guniangs' injuries and preventing them from scarring, for the sake of their futures" perhaps. Either way, "take care of leaving no injuries to scar" just feels really off. Using formal tone is great for setting building, but try to find a way to construct them so they still flow naturally!

First, "the daughter of a concubine who was known for her kindness" needs a comma after concubine, or it looks like you're saying the concubine was known for her kindness, not Jiang Li Ling (Also, this is just nitpicking so you don't need to listen to me but: known for her kindness by who? The viewers of the movie, or the ancients of her world?). Second, starting off a sentence with extremely similar phrasing to how you ended the previous sentence is awkward ("...they fell in love. He fell in love..."). Also, I find something awkward about "Character A was known for their kindness, happened to meet character B, character B fell in love with their kind demeanour". I'd rewrite both sentences altogether to make them flow better. Suggested rewrite:
"In the movie Jiang Li Ling was the daughter of a concubine, and had a reputation of gentleness and benevolence. In the plot of the movie, she happened to run into the third prince Chen Hui Zhe, and he fell in love with her kind and quirky demeanour, and she fell in love with his heroic nature and handsome face."

Anyway, I enjoyed part one and hopefully you find this useful, I can give feedback for the second part if you'd like. If you'd rather not, I'll probably just keep reading and lurking.

 

Mmm, I planned to wait and see if you actually wanted further betaing on part two, but I'm just doing whatever I can to avoid work, so here's my notes on typos and issues in part two:

Spoiler

Just some small grammar errors. Speech is like any sentence structure - you use a comma (,) to designate a pause, and a full stop (.) to designate an end, so unless the speaker is going to say more afterward, you'd end the speech with a full stop not a comma. Also, a new speaker needs a new paragraph. So it should be:

"It hurts, wu." Sniffled the young girl on the bed. Her arm was being tenderly held by Chen Hui Zhe.

Fu Bao Zhai's face stiffened, and she announced in a sharp tone, “The imperial doctor has arrived!”​

Nitpicky, so you can absolutely ignore this but: the doctor isn't introducing himself, he's making a greeting. An introduction by definition would need the doctor to make himself known by name. So yeah, like I said, just a small nitpick and not important, but it's just one of those things that can be jarring and pull me out of the flow of a story personally.

Another one of those sentences that are functionally okay but just flows awkwardly enough that it pulls me out of the story. Suggested rewrite:

She knew the er xiaojie of the Jiang family was shu born, and at 14-years-old she wouldn't even reach marriageable age yet for another three years.​

Awkward sentence. I think what's getting to me is that some of these sentence are almost constructed like two different sentences that were reverse engineered to fit together into a single sentence, so every time I hit one of these, I kind of have to stop dead and rewire my brain to sort out things out. Suggested rewrite:

Luckily, it was only a small cut. It had only bled a lot due to its location on the head, where wounds tended to bleed more profusely.​

It should be "if" the wound festers, not "once", surely? A festering wound is one that has become septic. You can prevent wounds from festering by simply cleaning it regularly, let alone a very shallow cut. Either you made a typo, or you meant "once the wound scabs".

Okay, that's it for pure editing. There were a few very very minor things I noticed that were just too nitpicky, so these were just the main things that made me pause.

In terms of more generalised feedback: as others have said, there's not really much to go on. The fact that she was (seemingly) an adult who transmigrated is refreshing, and hopefully this will lead to a) a main character who is much more calm and level headed and b) one who is able to recognise that she is an adult acting amongst children - even if women were forced to grow up much faster and considered an adult much younger in the ancient era, the fact that so many of these transmigration stories essentially place a full matured adult woman (usually a super spy or something dumb like that to boot) up against, like, literal 14 year old children who have no practical life skills always sat a little... weird with me.

But so far, I haven't seen enough of SJF and her thought process to know what sort of character she is. This has all more or less been exposition so far, and SJF seemed either concussed or unconscious for a lot of it, so I really don't have any idea of who she is, just kind of inferring by the fact that she had reached a managerial position in her field that she was mature and adult.

So I guess pros:

• I like that you're working in real Chinese terms and positions (yatou, guniang, etc.) in a way that feels natural, not overusing them unnecessarily just for the sake of Real Authentic Chinese Web Novel™ feel. It's kind of a risky choice, but so far it hasn't felt particularly forced.
• Mature MC with a fairly normal life previously - not a super secret agent spy mega doctor, nor a teenager. I am looking forward to seeing how she handles the shift in her age and status with that in mind.
• Apart from a few grammatical errors and awkward syntax, the writing is mostly polished. You know how to use punctuation and proper capitalisation, which is neat. I like it.
• Maybe unwittingly, but you've created an interesting hook - the title of the novel is "Wanfei's Desire for Revenge", but so far we've seen the MC mostly just want to follow the natural tide and retire peacefully in the country. I'm genuinely intrigued to see what happens next that causes her to make such a heel turn.

Cons:

• There's really nothing much else to go on. By your own admission, everything so far is just scene setting and getting the reader caught up on the details of the world.
• It's a cliched story setting, which isn't necessarily bad (you love the genre, and I'm certainly here in this thread reading your story because I also love the genre), but I think going forward you'll need to really pay attention to walking that tightrope of indulging in the cliche drama of the genre that makes it so fun, but not totally falling into it and having your own voice and story lost in it.
• Messy syntax. The best and simplest writing advice is "read your story out loud". A lot of awkward sentences become much more obvious when you have to actually say the words out loud. It's the same advice for writing dialogue that feels real and natural.

 

Thanks so much for your suggestions! Most of what I write is unedited, and usually just an initial writing with maybe only one or two read-throughs so your suggests are much appreciated! I've gone back to part one of the first chapter and edited the parts you suggested. Hopefully it reads better! Thanks so much for enjoying the story so far! (I'll be working on editing the second part of chapter one and then posting chapter two shortly!)

 

Also edited! Thanks so much again for the suggestions! And yeah, I meant scab instead of fester, but when I was writing it I totally couldn't think of the word Thanks!

And I've been thinking of certain ideas of how to make the story more interesting as well. I did want to stay away from the super-spy-cop-etc. protagonist and instead, have a more realistic mc, so I'm glad you like that aspect! It's a little "boring" compared to the background of other mcs but I wanted to showcase the mc's character development within the setting of the world rather than having her OP from the get-go. I'll be continuing on with the story and once I hit every 10 chapters, I'll be planning on going back to reread and possibly rewrite parts for easier flow and reading. Thanks!

 

Sure! I can definitely put this on Scribblehub. I've only become familiar with Novelupdates quite recently, but I can definitely check out Scribblehub and put my story on there too! Thanks for your suggestion!

 

Chapter 2 Part One

Spoiler

Su Jing Fei sat in the carriage with Yize and occasionally caught a glance of the world outside from behind the curtains. This was indeed no longer the modern world that she remembered. People bustled around outside walking and viewing vendor stalls filled with goods and foods. She let out a long sigh, partly relieved and partly troubled by the era she found herself in. In the modern world, she had been a manager of an old inn that was styled of ancient Chinese historical manors similar to this world. In her training, she’d held strict standards for matters of conduct, propriety, and manners that any woman of a noble family should receive; as well as learning the arts for entertainment, such as dance, music, poetry, and painting. She could carefully blend in, but she knew that she still had to gather much information about this world from Yize and others. However, Su Jing Fei remembered some aspects of the movie that would help her avoid trouble as well. For example, she knew that the result of her ruined engagement would be a forced move to the countryside manor by her father. This was honestly the best result for her to acclimate to this world while being removed from everyone’s prying eyes.

It wasn’t long before they reached the imperial palace. Luckily, the guards had anticipated her arrival, and so she was let in without too much trouble. A eunuch greeted her upon exiting the carriage and guided them into the imperial palace. Su Jing Fei kept a calm appearance and gracefully walked behind the eunuch, keeping up to his quick steps effortlessly. The eunuch was surprised at this young miss’ graceful appearance, but he had been even further surprised to see the bandage wrapping around her head. He hadn’t heard much and only knew that the Su Jing Fei was the da xiaojie of the Right Minister Su’s family and also the third prince’s betrothed, and he had been instructed to bring her in to meet with the third prince and the emperor. He had also heard the rumors about this young miss having an arrogant and haughty attitude, but he saw neither from her. He could only see a graceful bearing with elegant movements. Her figure wasn’t too tall or petite and her face wasn’t especially beautiful, but the refined elegance of her upright posture and undisturbed calmness of her face betrayed the youth of her appearance. This young miss definitely exuded a unique beauty in contrast with the shy and gentle demeanor of most young female nobility. The eunuch was impressed, but didn’t speak a word as he led them into the palace.

“Long live the Emperor and Empress!” The eunuch kneeled upon entering the hall and stopping before the two figures seated on a raised floor.

Yize stopped a while back and kneeled, but Su Jing Fei continued forward to the eunuch’s side and kneeled as well, repeating the same words. “Long live the Emperor and Empress!” She was well aware of the eyes bearing down at her, and there was also the glare of the third prince from her side but she ignored him.

Her calm and elegant demeanor surprised the Emperor and Empress, and it took them a moment to see that it was Su Jing Fei who stood before them. They had only met Su Jing Fei a few times prior, however what they remembered was a slightly clumsy girl who only had eyes for the third prince. But when she had entered, Su Jing Fei hadn't even spared a glance in the third prince’s direction. The Emperor furrowed his brows because the third prince had already told him what had happened at the Oak Tree Courtyard, and he had been originally angry with Su Jing Fei’s shameful behavior. However, seeing her now, her pitiful appearance with the bandage wrapped around her head caused his anger to calm a bit, and he sighed as he began to speak. “You may rise. We heard from Chen Hui Zhe the matters that took place at the Oak Tree Courtyard, but we would like to hear your side of the story as well. Do you have anything you want to say before we continue?”

Su Jing Fei stood up. Her expression was undisturbed at the mention of Oak Tree Courtyard, and those dark ink eyes were calm and unyielding, reflecting a calmness as deep and unfamiliar as the ocean. The Empress furrowed her brows and could not see through Su Jing Fei’s emotions and neither could the Emperor. However, the third prince misinterpreted Su Jing Fei’s calmness with fear and thought the girl was trying to illicit pity from the Emperor and Empress. Just as Chen Hui Zhe was about to speak up, Su Jing Fei respectfully bowed and addressed the Emperor and Empress. “The happenings at Oak Tree Courtyard were as the third prince has said, and this lowly one will readily accept any punishment that your Majesties deem appropriate.” With this, she kneeled once more and kowtowed before them.

The Empress sighed, watching the young girl pitifully kowtow before them. She didn’t have the heart to be angry because she knew the selfish and stubborn attitude of the third prince was the same as his concubine mother, and though she had originally wanted Su Jing Fei to speak up, it didn’t look like this would be the case. “Please rise. You have to remember to also take care of yourself. A young girl like you receiving such an injury has to make sure it does not leave a scar.”

“This lowly one thanks your Majesty the Empress for her concern.” Su Jing Fei stood up and kept her head bowed in respect.

The Emperor watched the scene before him with furrowed eyes. From the testimonies he had gathered, Su Jing Fei had indeed instigated the matter and he had originally intended to punish her for her shameful behavior, but Su Jing Fei’s calm demeanor and pitiful appearance was making it harder for him to think of a proper punishment. He sighed, well aware of the common youthful arrogance of the young nobility, but it seemed that Su Jing Fei had properly reflected and even maintained proper courtesy and manners. A slight irritation struck in the Emperor and his glare landed on his son, the third prince Chen Hui Zhe. “We were told that the wound on your head was a result of the third prince Chen Hui Zhe’s actions. The imperial doctor has informed us of the injuries at Oak Tree Courtyard. How do you explain yourself, Chen Hui Zhe?” Though Chen Hui Zhe was his favored son, the Emperor was a fair and just man who would not tolerate a man injuring a young woman in broad daylight, especially a young man’s own betrothed. This would make them lose face and have the commoners saying that the young prince beats his own betrothed. If there were no reparations for the prince’s actions, the Emperor would face backlash saying that he was bias and unjust. That was something that he could not tolerate as well.

Chen Hui Zhe stepped forward, giving a glare in Su Jing Fei’s direction. When he saw that she didn’t even spare him a glance, his face stiffened as his anger rose. “This lowly prince acted in protection of another. He hopes the Emperor can see his actions were justified in retaliation to Su Jing Fei’s shameful actions.”

The Emperor frowned at the answer, and Chen Hui Zhe felt himself growing a little fearful. His father had never given him this look of disapproval before. “Your actions resulted in the injury to your betrothed. Do you not worry about how the situation would be seen in the eyes of others?”

Chen Hui Zhe froze as he took a moment to process the Emperor’s words. Indeed, it would look bad, but he had truly done it so that Su Jing Fei did not harm any others in his name. “I am aware of my actions, and this lowly one accepts any punishments that father Emperor hands out. However, I could not accept Su Jing Fei harming others in my name, and I cannot accept it any longer! I respectfully ask for father Emperor to please cancel the engagement between this prince and Su Jing Fei!” At these words, the prince kneeled and kowtowed before them.

 

Chapter 2 Part Two

Spoiler

The Empress took in a breath of surprise. She knew that Chen Hui Zhe had no feelings for Su Jing Fei, but for him to request the cancellation of the engagement, that was truly a decision that she had not expected. Their marriage was one that was requested by the Empress Dowager herself. However, reflecting on the actions and results of the Oak Tree Courtyard incident, she knew that there indeed were no positive feelings between the two. Su Jing Fei hadn’t even looked in Chen Hui Zhe’s direction the entire time while Chen Hui Zhe couldn’t even mask the hate and resentment from his face that was directed at Su Jing Fei. If they forced the marriage, it would surely doom to fail. The Emperor had also noticed and understood these things as well, and he sighed. Even though he was angry at the third prince, the third prince was still his favored son, and he could not bring himself to force any marriage upon him, especially since the situation had reached such an unfavorable condition. “The marriage between you and Su Jing Fei had been one arranged from the Empress Dowager herself. Are you going against her well wishes for your future?”

“The Empress Dowager has treated this prince kindly and has his well wishes in mind. However, the betrothal was decided since youth and neither had a say in the decision. This lowly prince will go beg the Empress Dowager for forgiveness because I truly cannot bring myself to marry Su Jing Fei. This lowly prince requests for father Emperor to cancel the engagement and will accept any punishment for his unfilial actions!” Chen Hui Zhe kowtowed two more times to show his determination.

The Emperor could only shake his head in response before turning to Su Jing Fei. “And what do you have to say about this matter? Does miss Su Jing Fei agree in the cancellation of the marriage?”

“This lowly one will accept any decision the Emperor makes on her behalf!” Su Jing Fei managed to respectfully answer, allowing the Emperor to make the decision for her. Therefore, any conflict of the decision would not be from her.

The Emperor was truly surprised because he had known about Su Jing Fei’s intense adoration for the third prince. He had expected to hear at least some words of denial from her, but there was none. It seemed this young girl had fully accepted the course of this conversation as well as the end result. He knew of the third prince’s stubbornness, and that the prince would not back down from wanting to cancel the engagement. With another long sigh, he fixed a hard stare at the two young people before him. “We will present the punishment for disturbing the Oak Tree Courtyard to the third prince Chen Hui Zhe and the da xiaojie of the Su Family Su Jing Fei! In regards to both of their shameful actions, their engagement will be canceled henceforth! Their respective punishments will be to kowtow in front of the Empress Dowager’s palace ten times. In regards to Chen Hui Zhe, he will have to go to the Empress Dowager and kowtow another ten times!” Everyone knew the latter punishment of Chen Hui Zhe was truly because the Emperor needed to teach the third prince in joining a fight between women and even injuring one; these shameful actions were truly distasteful for the Emperor.

Both Chen Hui Zhe and Su Jing Fei kneeled before the Emperor as he spoke his royal decree. “We thank the Emperor for his kindness and just actions and accept the punishment!”

The Emperor dismissed them both with a wave of his arm, and the two of them were immediately dismissed from the hall. Chen Hui Zhe stormed ahead, not bothering to wait for Su Jing Fei, but luckily the eunuch anticipated this and led her to the Empress Dowager’s palace. The Empress Dowager’s palace was not too far from the imperial palace, so they did not have to walk far. Upon reaching the front entrance, both Chen Hui Zhe and Su Jing Fei kneeled and kowtowed ten times in silence. As Su Jing Fei got up, Chen Hui Zhe stood before her with an angry expression. The eunuch looked on nervously. He knew the third prince was usually an amicable person, but the third prince was also equally hot-headed and quick to anger. The eunuch was afraid of more conflict, but as a person of lower rank, he could only watch on fearfully.

Finally, Su Jing Fei rested her eyes on the third prince Chen Hui Zhe. He had a strong appearance with handsome features, but they were twisted in anger. Whatever feelings the original Su Jing Fei had for the third prince had been doused in cold water upon her death, and the current Su Jing Fei looked at the third prince as if watching a child throwing a temper tantrum. In the movie, Blossoms of the Wind, Chen Hui Zhe had seemed righteously upset about his evil betrothed hurting the one he actually loved. However, without the movie bias, his actions were honestly shameful to physically injure his own betrothed for a woman who did not even know her place and had acted so familiar with a betrothed man and prince. Honestly, Su Jing Fei had never liked the movie anyway; her original opinion had been that Chen Hui Zhe and Jiang Li Ling’s relationship was superficial and she never liked both of them. Now, standing here in this position, she liked them even less. Her black ink eyes grew colder as Chen Hui Zhe glared at her. When their eyes met, Chen Hui Zhe was slightly taken aback; he was unfamiliar with the coldness of her eyes and the imposing aura she bore before him. He had only known the one where she looked at him with love and adoration.

He shook his head though, thinking that she was merely putting on airs because she was angry that the betrothal had been cancelled. “Your actions today were truly shameful, Su Jing Fei. This prince will no longer tolerate you doing such things in his name! Never appear before me again, and leave Jiang Li Ling alone!”

Su Jing Fei wanted to laugh. This stubborn and hateful man indeed acted the part of a protective male movie lead, but she knew the truth that he had actually killed his own betrothed for a woman who shamelessly threw herself at him. His blind eyes couldn't even see that much. He was truly the shameful one! Though her heart was full of hate and disdain, Su Jing Fei’s appearance remained calm and relaxed. She would not be fighting like a child with a boy who was barely twenty years of age.The only indication that she had heard his words were the slight movement in which Su Jing Fei gave a respectful bow. “This lowly one will honor the third prince’s wishes. I’ll be taking my leave first.”

Chen Hui Zhe felt truly speechless watching Su Jing Fei showing no emotion at all at his words and even responding respectfully. There was a small part of him that even doubted his earlier actions, but he shook his head to clear his thoughts and turned to depart without another word.

The eunuch looked upon Su Jing Fei in awe. The third prince had been harsh with his words, and he had expected Su Jing Fei to be mad or even cry, but he had never expected such a young girl to have such a cold and imposing aura as well as an emotionless expression in which one could not tell the emotions behind those clear dark eyes.

Su Jing Fei didn’t waste another moment and left the palace without another glance. She had carefully conducted herself to avoid trouble, and she’d hoped to make her actions seem as though her love for the third prince had died upon his request for the cancellation of their marriage. Luckily, the Emperor and Empress had few chances to interact with Su Jing Fei, according to her memories. Thus, this would not seem a far-fetched idea. However, the real battle was only beginning as she boarded her carriage. Next stop, the Su residence!

 

HJLKSHFDSF that's valid, I also don't do a comprehensive read through and edit of my work. I'm happy to help edit if you don't mind it, but if you intend to do it yourself that's fine! (Just finished chapter 2, there weren't as many things that jumped out at my this time anyway, maybe just one or two small things.)

I don't think it's boring at all! "To Be A Virtuous Wife" is one of my favourite CH novels, and the MC in that had a background as a talent manager. Thanks to that, she was very good at reading people and adjusting to their moods, but also very cynical. I really liked her, haha.

Similarly, I think that SJF's background as a manager is also an interesting setting that will give her her own set of skills that is different from the standard "super doctor spy assassin". Having finished CH2 part one and two, for example, I really like how you used that background to give an actual real reason as for why she'd be able to so quickly adjust and blend in with her new identity, and act with the formal mannerisms of the time period.

Pros:

• Learning more about the main character!
• Great job of showing her personality and character strengths through her actions and the way she interacted with people and acted in her current circumstances.
• The emperor is actually competent and fair-minded, which is a refreshing change.
• I like SJF's calm under pressure, cool and collected women are my favourite type of lead character.

Still early days, but overall I feel you've laid some good foundations in terms of character building.

 

I definitely won't say no to more help! I'll gladly take any suggestions for edits especially because I don't really like to reread too much or else I get stuck on a spot sometimes and get in a writer's block

I liked "To Be A Virtuous Wife" a lot as well! Her unique background was definitely an aspect of the novel that I liked, and while I can tolerate the "super doctor spy assassin" mc, I still prefer ordinary-ish characters with ordinary backgrounds. Glad I was properly able to convey Su Jing Fei's background without it being too complicated!

I'm honestly on a writing craze now, so hopefully this continues and I can finish another chapter by tonight.

Also, just read your novel in your forum post! It sounds really interesting, and I love rpg settings! (Also genderbent characters are another guilty pleasure of mine, so it was perfect ) Good luck on your writings and can't wait to read more!

 

HELL YES!! Well I'm definitely pumped to read another chapter! I'm excited to see what SJF's home and family is like. I think this story is definitely building up in a good direction.

Also HDFSJKLHFSF thank you!!!!!! It's been better received so far than I expected honestly.