Discussion What Are The Funniest Things You've Seen In A Novel?

We all know that there is a bunch of original comedic gold hidden within novels as the story progresses. With the most recent chapter of "The Nine Godheads," the MC gets a new guard in the most interesting way

Spoiler: Spoiler

He breaks a stupid enemy's mind and convinces him he's been the MC's guard

Spoiler: Details to Spoiler

A brawny man stood there flailing his hands non stop and walked towards Aunt Liu and Qingqing slowly while saying, “Tell me, who am I?! Who am I!!! Why can’t I remember?!”



Huh? Isn’t this that stupid bear? When did he get here?



“Guan Juxiong, what are you up to?” said Hong Xiaobao. He didn’t fear Guan Juxiong when he was still sane, now even lesser so given that he had lost his mind. “I’m warning you, leave Qingqing alone or I’ll give you a sound beating!”



“Brother Xiaobao! I’m scared!” Seeing Hong Xiaobao come over, Qingqing behaved like a little girl once again and hid behind his back.



“Guan… Ju… Xiong?” Upon hearing that name, Guan Juxiong stood there unmoving and turned to look at Hong Xiaobao. “I think you seem kind of familiar… Is Guan Juxiong my name?”



It seems that the blow that he had received on his head had shaken him up quite a bit…



“That’s right, Guan Juxiong is your name. That’s you.” Hong Xiaobao sighed and tried to console him. “Alright, let’s not think about it too much. Given your dumb wit, you’ll be easily tricked by others. Go back to whence you came, come on, be a good boy!”



Seeing Hong Xiaobao console that burly man as if he were a little child, Qingqing couldn’t help but laugh out loud while the other guards around them tried hard to resist their laughter. The ninth prince is somehow always involved in such interesting situations… thought some of the guards.



“Guan Juxiong? No, that’s not it!” While Guan Juxiong had regained some clarity in his eyes and wasn’t as crazy as before, he still acted rather unstable. “No, I’m not Guan Juxiong!” he said while pointing at Xiaobao. “You can be called Guan Juxiong!” He then pointed at another guard. “You can be called Guan Juxiong too!”



The expression of the people there was like this: O__O”



When did that dumb bear get smart enough to remember the deep question that I posed to him, thought Hong Xiaobao. Who would’ve expected him to bring up that question again?!



Seeing the confused, naive Guan Juxiong who had stumbled upon him, who still needed people for his Grand Alliance, Hong Xiaobao didn’t intend to let that man leave.



Hong Xiaobao laughed and said, “What you said makes sense! Guan Juxiong is only a name that anyone can use!”



“Then who am I?”



“Great question. I’m afraid that only I among all others between the heavens and the earth have the answer to that!” As he said that, he waved his hands upward and spun two times in front of Guan Juxiong. “The question about your identity has to be explored first from the relationship you have with other people.” Pointing at one of the guards, Xiaobao said, “Before I answer your question, let me ask you one instead. His name is Zhao Four. Who is he then?”



Huh? What sort of question was that? Who could Zhao Four be other than Zhao Four?



“He is Zhao Four, but others can be called the same as well!” replied Guan Juxiong. It seemed that his mind had cleared a bit even though his eyes still looked frantic. However, a hint of logic could be detected from his speech when he repeated what Hong Xiaobao had said the other day.



“Good answer. Now, let’s make it more complicated,” said Hong Xiaobao, nodding. “He’s Zhao Four, one of my guards and ranked the fourth. Tell me, who is he?”



“He… He is…” Despite his simple mind, Guan Juxiong comprehended the implication and said, “He’s your guard who’s ranked the fourth, so that’s why he’s called Zhao Four!”



“Smart!” said Hong Xiaobao as he clapped his hands in satisfaction and laughed. “You’re correct. Even though anyone can use the name Zhao Four, however, the person who is both my fourth ranked guard and called Zhao Four is only him! That’s the true Zhao Four!”



The people present were all stunned. Even though the explanation was a little long-winded, it still made a whole lot of sense! To ascertain a person’s identity, a name wasn’t enough! One still had to consider their relationship with the others around them!



“Oh, so that was it!” said Guan Juxiong as his eyes lit up. He then asked, “Then, what about me? Who am I?”



“You…” Hong Xiaobao was giggling as he pat on Guan Juxiong’s shoulder. “Your name Guan Juxiong is pretty common, but you are definitely different from the other Guan Juxiongs. You are the ninth member of my personal guard, Guan Juxiong. Your nickname is Ninth Bear. That means that you’re Guan Juxiong, my ninth-ranked personal guard! It’s a shame that you have been injured and had your mind confused so much. I have been looking all over for you all this time and finally got to meet you again today!”
(TL note: xiong is bear)



The shameless are truly invincible!



The people around the area were so stunned they didn’t react to that at all. Guan Juxiong suddenly laughed out loud. “Hahahahaha! So that was it! I finally know who I am! I’m Guan Juxiong, Your Majesty’s ninth-ranked guard!” After saying that, he kneeled down on one knee in front of Hong Xiaobao and exclaimed, “Ninth guard Guan Juxiong greets Your Majesty the ninth prince!”



Everyone’s expression turned like this: （⊙o⊙）

So, what are your favorite funny moments within one of the novels you read?

 

One of my favorite moments is in Strike the Blood vol 3 when Aiba Asagi meets Kirasaka Sayaka in the ruined church. I love those kinds of scenes.

 

True Martial World. the brick.

 

“You don’t need to write your real information. You can write whatever you want, such as what you enjoy the most or what you love the most.” That kind young lady reminded him.

The little guy was overjoyed and he raised his hand. He began to move the brush, and smoothly wrote five words at the very top: Love Drinking Milk the Most.

---The stone tablet flickered, and reminded the little guy to add some words. He brushed and dotted, writing down eight big words: "Heaven Warping Martial God. Just, open, and honorable."
(perfect world)

i guess milk baby is one of the funniest troublesome MC

 

sotr prologue
and lms (weed's thoughts)

 

in baka test. the funniest head exploding scene i've ever read

 

One of the most boring books I have read (A Walk in the Woods: Rediscovering America on the Appalachian Trail) had this nugget in it.

Person1: "If I die tell my brother that I buried 3000 dollars in his backyard."
Person2: "Really?"
Person1: "No, but that bastard is going to wast a lot of time and effort looking."

 

This was one of the absolute bests lol

 

Mine would come from Transcending the Nine Heavens. In chapter 168, crudely but aptly named 'Fighting Hard'. Enemies plan a prison raid, to take back one of there own. Within they find many traps, and fall prey to the most insidious of them all...aphrodisiac...how much? Oh about 20 pounds of it.

“Think about it; the first guy only needed to stick up his butt and the person behind him would have a place to solve his issue! Then another one can connect; they can be like a dragon flying into the clouds! They are all martial masters; they would only need a moment. Plus, they would still have two free hands to hold their weapons and fight with us!”

Laughed quite hard when I read this.

Spoiler: Direct Excerpt Chapter 168

Suddenly, the martial masters from Bu Tian Pavilion and the prince’s manor came out from all directions and started punching and kicking.

The moment they appeared, they burst into nonstop mocking laughter.

The others were all wearing tight-fitting outfits; and now there were obvious tents erected under their waistlines.

“Hey, boss! Look at these guys showing off. How did their nether region get so inflated?” One person mocked as he was fighting, “Damn, how are they so big; they must be at least half a pound each!”

Of course they took the antidote so they had nothing to worry about.

“Yes, yes. They seem to be very uncomfortable!” Another person jumped in, “But why are they uncomfortable?”

“Nonsense! The minister used twenty pounds of aphrodisiac; they did not want to waste any and inhaled everything! If it was you, wouldn’t you be uncomfortable? There are no sows in here; it would be strange if they were not uncomfortable! This is the first time I ever heard of aphrodisiac being weighed in pounds!”

While their martial strength was not equal to that of the intruders, and they were all covered with injuries, they did not cease to mock.

“Strange, they could take care of it and get out at the same time; why do they have to be so uncomfortable?” One person said as he was fighting and spitting out blood. These words actually distracted his opponent and made him slow down. Take care of it and get out at the same time? How?

“You can’t take care of it; it’s aphrodisiac!” One another voice cried out, “How could a guy deal with it alone?”

“This is very simple!” The other person continued, “They just need to take off their pants. Ah, no. They just need to use their energy to make a hole. Then the first guy can sacrifice himself and everyone else behind him will no longer be uncomfortable!”

“How?” (walkthejianghu.com)

“Think about it; the first guy only needed to stick up his butt and the person behind him would have a place to solve his issue! Then another one can connect; they can be like a dragon flying into the clouds! They are all martial masters; they would only need a moment. Plus, they would still have two free hands to hold their weapons and fight with us!”

This guy’s mouth was unbearably dirty; as he was still being beaten and spitting blood everywhere, he continued to laugh, “This path is not that long; they only need to run fast to get out! Haha, martial arts can do lots of things! Do you guys see? This is what they call a concerted effort!”

His words immediately caused a burst of laughter, “Not bad, not bad! Haha, one person after another… so romantic! Once they have a taste, they might get addicted! Hahaha!”

“Perhaps we don’t need to fight with them! We’ll just wait until they reach their peak and reach cloud nine, then we can just deal with them as we please! Oh, f*! I got injured again! You think you’re so great with your big junk?”

His words infuriated the martial masters of Golden Horse Riders Department. They all aimed for him, and he became more and more pitiful. When he reached the point where his life was in danger, he smiled strangely and said, “Friends, my suggestion is not bad; you should give it a try!”

“Try, your grandfather!” Before he finished speaking, a master from Golden Horse Riders Department stabbed his heart. Yet, he still managed to laugh before dying.

While Chu Yang planted many martial masters for the ambush, but their quality was not comparable to the Golden Horse Riders. After fighting for a while, the eleven opposing martial masters had reached the door with only half of them injured.

The moment they almost met up with their people on the outside was also the moment the aphrodisiac’s effect was at its maximum. Their eyes were bloodshot, and their mouths were panting.

Their current unfortunate situation was truly indescribable.

A ninth grade Revered Martial Artist along with a few subordinates were still blocking and dealing with endless waves of soldiers outside. They were on the verge of not being able hold their ground any longer when they saw their buddies came out. They cried out in joy, “Hurry! We can’t hold them anymore!”

Suddenly, their happy voices turned to shock, “What is this? Why are you guys like this?”

“Their grandmother! The inside is full of aphrodisiac!” The Revered Command Horse Rider who was carrying Tang Xin Sheng roared angrily. He was so angry, his face changed appearance, “We are all affected!”

“Pooh!” The Command Horse Rider that was outside could not help but spat and cursed, “Motherf*! This is really…!” Looking at their red faces, he knew they could not delay any longer!

Seeing one guy eyeing his ass lustily, he could not help but shudder. He lamented silently, “Damn King of Hell Chu; how much aphrodisiac did he use?”

 

A though through Eternity
MC opponent lose his ass virginity in front of many people

 

ATG: When Yun Che becomes the grandfather of his arch enemy, as he cures him. The reveal is awesome

 

For me it would be IGE when MC gets frozen by his lil' drag

Spoiler

“Who would have thought this little fellow, is an alcoholic.” Ye Qingyu sighed, his left hand lightly tapping on the horns of the little dragon.

The slumbering Little Silver dragon, suddenly went berserk.

“Who? Who? Who is it that hit me?” The Little Silver dragon madly moved, twisting his body, roaring in rage. “Yiya Yiya……to dare hit the almighty Little Silver dragon, you are dead for sure. There is no one in the world that can save you now…..I want to fight one on one with you! Come, lets fight!”

A ray of silver light, spat out from his mouth.

It landed on the face of Ye Qingyu who was not prepared in the slightest.

Kacha!

There was the sound of ice freezing.

Layer after layer of ice appeared on Ye Qingyu’s body, causing him to be frozen like an ice sculpture. His stunned expression was also frozen.

 

You're probably joking but I've got an actual soft spot for "I, your (grand)daddy/father...", somehow it never gets old.


Yun Che's will cut JJ song where he tricks the xiao clan branch was funny as hell.

All those times the MC's are pretending and screaming for help like they're being murdered, e.g. Nie Lie early in TDG is surrounded by all those goons but he has the armor and take no damage.

 

jp novel sefi's program
basically because magicians are rare and he has shown talent for beating a bandit group(gruesomely) he got sent to a magician squad.
His age is almost 1 year old(transported to another world) so when he attended a meeting with different forces in the kingdom a snobbish noble knight tried to show his authority saying something about being a seniour and him needing to be respected. The MC turned it around by pointing out that he uses his nobility and ignores those more seniour than him and have mroe authority than him.

short version: idiot noble knight arguing about seniourity to a year old baby.
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Long Live Summons
There is also when yue yang in the sky shrine(?) after killing the avians. The demons got all cocky when their seal got unleashed so yue yang pops out holy beast, their natural predetor golden thorny queen and loli lamia's diamond grimoire summoning the big four.
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TMW
they are practicing some kind of martial arts that make their stomach so strong it could digest anything. The first step is to eat clay or tree. Next they need to do some sets of move unfortunately they could not do it so to take out that clay when going number 2 they had to grab a stick and poke it out. There were a lot of them, basically a warrior group, so they grouped up and a circle of people poking someone else's behind is made.(MC not included)

 

I think one of the absolute funniest moments I came across was in ISSTH, back when Meng Hao first met Lord Third and shortly after teleporting away to safety started finding bullies for him to convert. In fact, the majority of the Lord Fifth/Lord Third interactions have had me in stitches.

 

You've read a thought through the eternity?

I was laughing when the Phoenix took the aphrodisiac pill and started screwing every chicken in the neighborhood....

Though the best moment would prob Karate Shoukoushi Kohinata Minoru when their latest recruit pulls a ninja move in a karate match that involves a fire torch....

 

When Linley gets his heart broken by Alice.

 

From Returnee

Even the translator says it's one of the funniest lines~

 

Lol it actually happened. MC used a disguise technique to pose as a famous doctor, and built up relationships with the family to eventually become an "uncle" of sorts lol.

 

I-I wasn't that heartbroken! ;~;