Whats the point in being filial

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Lurking, Apr 2, 2020.

  1. IceLight303

    IceLight303 Well-Known Member

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    Kinda feel like your expecting a lot from your parents? Parents aren't required to be loving and supportive. I also had a Dad who was abusive and didn't care if we had food. So I can see your point. I don't care about the biological. My siblings also had this issue with my mom. Some felt that she only saw them as a wallet, servant and she didn't love them. Not really Moms just not really cuddly also they were under he misconception that they would be taking care of her in the future. I'm mom's retirement plan.... Now they are offended that she doesn't find them reliable and the money she asked them for was money she lent them and they forgot.

    I don't know your situation but if it really makes you miserable cut them out of your life. I did it for a lot of ex-relatives and don't regret it. However be sure this is what you want because parents have a habit of dying when you least expect it. So you might not have a chance to salvage your relationship in the future. As for the grandchild issue, having your own kids sucks and your reward is the grandkids. Mom was angry and hurt when I said I was not having kids. Years later she got over it.
     
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  2. Megatron

    Megatron Decepticon

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    If it's that bad just leave, my best friend had a really bad relationship with his parents so he moved out at 17 and never looked back
     
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  3. Lurking

    Lurking Do the dead suffer, or is it a sweet release?

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    Thanks. I am in the process of salvaging relationship. some efforts coming from both ends.

    my older sis did the leave and never look back schtick.

    sometimes you just break down tho. feels like itll never work and dunno why your trying.

    i dont see having your own kids as being a suck experience. im looking forward to it and dont care bout grandkids, but wont do it if im not able. im just going to tell them my parents are dead and ensure there isnt any contact.
     
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  4. Fulminata

    Fulminata Typo-ist | Slave of Evil Inc. | Cactus Farmer

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    First of all, I'm currently lacks the proper informations and qualifications to asses this issue, and i have no idea about the things that you're experiencing right now. So please do take this with a grain of salt.

    Regarding the question of fillial piety,

    I believe that morality, such as fillial piety and basic goodnes, is a social construct. It exists because society--and people inside it, in general--willed it to exist. Like an idea, a thought or a belief, it partially depends on your validation to continue its existence and to hold any particular meaning.

    Yet to simply deny its existence is by no means an easy matter. Sometimes, a certain value has seeped so deeply into our blood and bones and environment that we could not entirely separate ourself from it, no matter how much we hate it or how much it poison us. This situation is indeed frustating. Perhaps one day, we could rid ourself from its effect. But it'll still remain as a part of our history and is one of the things that have made the current us.

    If you currently choose to believe (or feels that you're forced to believe) and put a faith on a certain value, it's alright. The most important thing is the meaning that it holds to you. Outside interference can and will definitely affect your judgement, but you're the one who have the ultimate power to choose whether to keep on believing or no. And there's no wrong or right answer on this one.


    Regarding the situation with your parents,

    sorry, i'm not much of a help on this one. Just remember that humans, whatever clothes, title, or rags that covers their body, is still humans; that weirldy fuk up, ridiculous beings that has been dragging the earth to an early grave. I would advise to not put too much faith on them, but again, it's your choice.

    Idk why but lemme just put it right here. One of my favourite.


    "Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could". - Louise Erdrich


    Wish you the best of luck, and please take care of yourself
    xoxo
     
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  5. Kadmos1

    Kadmos1 Well-Known Member

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    I don't know how many years ago it was, but I saw a bumper sticker or something similar that something like "Respect your kids. They choose your nursing home."
     
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  6. IceLight303

    IceLight303 Well-Known Member

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    You have to work, discipline, deal with the sick/doctor appointments and cost. With grandkids you spoil and give them back to their parents when they start causing mischief. That's what most grandparents I asked said. I wanna enjoy life for as long as possible. Kids tend to take up a lot of time, and effort for really no payoff in the long run. So I'd rather not. Sterilization is my ticket to a child-free life.
     
  7. Martialegg

    Martialegg [World's most powerful Egg] [HazyPrecise's Senpai]

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    In Chinese culture, being filial to one's parents is something worth a lot of respect.
    As for me personally, I think there are two major points for why filial piety is important.
    1. Society will respect you far more than you imagine.
    It doesn't matter whether your parents don't care or even betrayed you. The important point is that you have fulfilled your filial obligation. This in turn will make other people to respect you and value you more as a friend. Especially, when they know your hardship and how responsible you are.
    In long term, this could turn into trust and propel your career or business in the future.

    2. People could change, but the heart won't as easily. This applies to your parents too. Avoid a lifetime regret.
    This is a bit vague and harder to explain, but the key essence here is that you need to understand that although your parents seem to not care about you, the most important point here is about your heart.
    Sometimes, we feel that we dislike and hate about our parents. But, most of the time, they will feel regret when their parents passed away. This is because you have some unfinished business with your parents.
    There are something within in our hearts that is actually want to be close to our parents. But, because of pride and many circumstances, we intentionally ignored the problem until it is too late.
    Vice versa, your parents could be feeling the same as well.
    As such, it is very important to listen to your heart, while ignoring your ego. All to relief your everlasting knot in your heart.
     
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  8. Lurking

    Lurking Do the dead suffer, or is it a sweet release?

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    outta likes
    TRUTH
    meh true enough. im of the sort that looks forward to kids taking up time tho. also i didn't really get expereince with grandparents haha. dont have expectations to grandkids.
     
  9. Lurking

    Lurking Do the dead suffer, or is it a sweet release?

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    My heart says kill him or get as much as i can and then discard

    i am not chinese so ...filial piety doesnt really exist in my culture? its just something in my heart- for the other one of my parents/
     
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  10. Martialegg

    Martialegg [World's most powerful Egg] [HazyPrecise's Senpai]

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    There is no culture without filial piety. It's just in your culture, the filial piety is not as important as it is in my culture.
    Nevertheless, the points remained. This is something that you can't fully understand if you don't have children yourself.
    Human is not a perfect being. We cannot absorb all knowledge and information as well as personally experiencing it.
    No matter how genius you are, you cannot fully understand a woman if you're a man. All you can do is just to listen to the woman or listen to the man who has more experience in woman than you.
    This is because when you actually experienced the woman yourself, it will be too late and you'll be in a lot more pain.
    Same thing with this filial piety.

    Thus, it is very important for the younger generation to listen the wisdom of the older generation. Especially if they gain no benefit in telling us such information.
     
  11. Chilli_Chiia

    Chilli_Chiia Just a normal civilian obsessed with cats.

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    If there was no filial piety, it'll be like that video of the Asian guy who beat the crap out his literally poor parents in public who bought an apartment and car for him when he was about to get married. Like he wasn't even that grateful. Like what a piece of shit. AND if there was no filial piety, there'll be little shits everywhere. BUT if they don't deserve your respect, ignore their existence because if you retaliate against them, you're acknowledging their existence in your life and they don't deserve any.

    Hope this made sense^^^
     
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  12. IceLight303

    IceLight303 Well-Known Member

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    I love this. I am gonna have this made into a sign or pin cushion, T-shirt or something give it to everybody.
     
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  13. Lurking

    Lurking Do the dead suffer, or is it a sweet release?

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    does.

    also thats less lack of filial piety and more lack of common decency
     
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  14. Lurking

    Lurking Do the dead suffer, or is it a sweet release?

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    ...okay filial piety is low key and women are almost completely ununderstandable. i agree with those sentiments- also i understood nothing else of what you were trying to convey.
     
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  15. Martialegg

    Martialegg [World's most powerful Egg] [HazyPrecise's Senpai]

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    Ofc you won't. xd There's no point to understand it anyway. It won't make a difference whether you understand it or not.
    Would a kid need to understand life to become an adult? Ofc not. They only need to experience pain. That's it.

    Simply, you only have two choices.
    Either you listen to my advice or just ignore me and do it according to your own judgement.
    That simple (y)
     
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  16. Lurking

    Lurking Do the dead suffer, or is it a sweet release?

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    ohhh. thats what you meant.

    the thing about women and advice was not something i understood. also guaranteeing you, women dont understand women. which makes me doubt that men understand men
     
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  17. Martialegg

    Martialegg [World's most powerful Egg] [HazyPrecise's Senpai]

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    If you ask me, let's not mention other people. Even we sometimes don't understand ourselves.
    The point is not about understanding others. It's more about how hard it is to fully understand other people.

    Just like you said, even women can't understand women. Much less men trying to understand women.
     
  18. IceLight303

    IceLight303 Well-Known Member

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    Not all wisdom is equal just as not all elders are wise. I've known plenty of elders who have tried to spread their wisdom to me. Some is good, some is okay, some is stupid. For example your Relationship will never be complete until you have kids. Have lots of kids so you have a lot of people to look after you when your old. Do the bare minimum in a relationship that way expectations are low and everytime you do something nice your treated like a hero. Everyone is better drunk. Stay away from credit. Put everything on credit. You get what you paid for so always by brand name. You can't take it with you so don't save. I've had sooo much bad advice from people. The one thing I learned when I was very young was,, "Everyone in the world is figuring it out as they go along. Every new stage in life has its own problems that need to be solved. So I don't listen so much to what people say but I watch what they do, see the outcome and learn from that. "
     
  19. TooLazyToThink

    TooLazyToThink Well-Known Member

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    I can truly relate. Filial piety is an Asian thing and I thought being filial is a good thing but it's just being naive. I gave most of my money to my parents and paid all what they spent to me with interest but they still think I owe them. While they are just giving their land properties to my siblings. That's the point I woke up and started being selfish. Not worth it. Live for yourself and only serve yourself.
     
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  20. Martialegg

    Martialegg [World's most powerful Egg] [HazyPrecise's Senpai]

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    A very fair point. That's why it is important for us to choose to follow such advice or not. Do not blindly follow any advice.
    You better see their life achievement with your own eyes and ask what did they do when they're still working xD
     
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