I'm writing a story feel free to check it out Also, the [ ] is a voice in his head and I can't post an external link because this the first place I'm posting this do feel free to critique I'm also using dice rolls for certain events just to keeps things a bit spicy Synopsis: I actually don't have much of a synopsis the mc is a greedy selfish asshole he also has a few loose screws and finds himself in a wierd terrorist situation no this isn't a thriller novel Toc Genre: dark fantasy, psychological, wars
PROLOGUE With the song this ain’t a scene it's An arms race blaring in the background and serving as my alarm I wake up and accidentally kick the half-empty bottle of gin at the foot of my mattress “oh for fucks sake” [well that's definitely one way of starting your day] “can you please just shut the fuck up for a minute? while I figure out what the fuck I need to do” I say while massaging my forehead [normally I would argue with you about being a little bitch, but you do remember what that alarm means right?] “yeah yeah of fucking course I do it means another day of living in this godforsaken life and world,” I say while getting up from my bed and heading into the showers “I am an arms dealer fitting you with weapons in the form of words…” after singing along while taking a bath and drying myself off Having finished Rummaging through my closet looking for my uniform which consists of nothing more than black pants a white collar shirt and a black coat While fixing myself in front of the mirror “Jesus fucking Christ am I hot” [speaking of Jesus fucking Christ, look at this fucking apartment it looks and smells worse than a bloody pigsty, I mean I don't know what they expected when they let you live alone] “fair point” I say while grabbing my bag and shoving in things I might end up needing “let’s see calculator a couple of pens and my solar-powered powerbank” Putting on my kinetic powered watch [it would so much easier to burn this entire building down..] “rather than cleaning a single apartment that will eventually just get dirty again” After Getting my headset, red hoodie a fresh pack of cigarettes and a lighter I head out and during the way down on the elevator I put on my headset and play pumped up kicks [from the way things are going it feels like your about to shoot up your school, not that I’m opposed to that idea anyways in a way that would be mercy from you as you're putting them out of their misery of having to continue living their dull and meaningless lives] That would be just tasteless wouldn’t it I mean think about it a school shooting? How would that immortalize my name at most I would only be remembered for a few months After getting off the elevator I book an Uber to take me to school Checking my watch to know the time “oh fuck it's already 6:40 I’m definitely going to be late” [and is that anything new really?] Fair point Getting into my uber “can you hurry up a little bit I'm going to be late for school” “I don't see how that’s my fault” [asshole] Asshole “fine whatever just get going already” after arriving at school I check my watch “aight nice only 10mins late” [that's real punctual of you, you lazy fuck] Yeah fuck you Sneaking in through the backdoor of the classroom and going as low as someone with a height of 5’8 can go without completely laying down flat on the floor [shameless as usual aren’t we] “punctual as usual aren’t we Mr choi” [smile and wave, smile and wave] How original you should write down “sorry ma'am, there was a bit of a hiccup that happened this morning” “perfect timing then why don’t you give the whole class your interpretation of Niccoló Machiavelli’s quote that states, the end justifies the means?" “logically and personally I agree with his statement for I believe that the only thing that matters, in the end, are the results no matter what you do and who step on or use as long as in the end, you win and that my interpretation of his ma'am” “well that's certainly an answer, you may now take your seat” “thank you ma'am” After sitting down in my chair at the back of the class “bro Choi I’m not really one to judge but you should fix your tone when talking to our teacher” Charlie you seat in front of me and think of yourself as the ‘leader' of this class but please just kindly fuck off [learn to mind your own businesses you annoying self-centered shit stain] “yeah I’ll take note of that” “And that’s the end of our class, Mr Choi please do come to class earlier next time any more lates and I will be forced to drop you” Yeah fuck this I need a smoke Grabbing my bag “yeah imma go take a piss” “Oy Choi you better not be planning on skipping class again, Remember whatever you do on school grounds reflects on Us. Got it?" [fuck off you cunt] Fuck off Sabrina “Do you understand perfectly dickweed?” I fucking get it jack please just shut the fuck up [muscle brained bastard] In the janitors closet inside the bathroom I light one up [I never did understand why you prefer to smoke in here when there’s the school rooftop which would a lot more convenient if you ask me] Nah fuck that there's already a window here for the smoke plus why would I bother going up when there's a chance I might have to deal with more delinquents up there “ATTENTION ALL STUDENTS THIS ENTIRE SCHOOL IS CURRENTLY BEING HELD HOSTAGE BY US WE HAVE PLACED BOMBS THAT SHALL GUARANTEE YOUR DEATHS, DON'T EVEN BOTHER TRYING TO ESCAPE WE HAVE THIS PLACE LOCKED DOWN, SO MAKE YOUR PEACE YOU HAVE 10MINS” [HOLY SHIT!] YES YES we've been waiting for this finally a shot at fame a chance to be remembered “FUCK YES!” [so obviously we're gonna escape and be known as the only survivors of a terrible terrorist attack.right?] Obviously, I'm not an idiot drunk on some naïve heroism “yeah imma light another one up, and also I gotta pick the right music for this” [owww how about Look how far we've come by matchbox 2?] “that’s perfect” Just as I started playing the song on my headset “are there any students here!?” Oh for fucks sake “staying silent won't help you I can literally see the smoke, Look just comply peacefully so you can be in a classroom full of your friends when you die. Sound good?” [so yeah fuck umm. how about we go for his balls?] No that’s retarded we don't even have any info on what his build is “just come out already, there’s nowhere to run” Grabbing a pesticide bottle and putting my lighter in front of it I walkout and see a thin and young-looking women who seems to be just in her mid 20s in all black “who said I was running?” [cuse me what the fuck? That’s just fucking weird who the fuck wears casual wear when doing a terrorist attack] What the actual fuck are you talking about she is literally all black even her face is just blank and black “Look kid you're not fooling anybody, now just drop the I'm not afraid of death act” “what the fuck are you?” “me or do you mean our group?, either way, we're just kind angels here to take you to a better world where you can-" [mention her skirt] What?? “what kind of angel wears a skirt?. But nevermind that no ones going to question a burnt body after this all blows up” [are you sure that's how explosions works?] “wait you can see me?, did I mess up my interference spell no that's impossible. Truly pecu- anyways enough about that just give it up” [did she just say spell?] Holy shit magic is real “how about no. ciao” I use my lighter and spray with the pesticide [BURN YOU BITCH BURN] With the fire spraying all over her body “I#&@%D” “What the fuck did you just say” “YOU LITTLE SHIT!, if I was just a little bit late in casting that I would've been burnt to a crisp” [and she’s reaching for her dagger on her leg] Ok fuck this I'm running I pocket my lighter and throw the pesticide at her and proceed to run pass her “You’re paying for that you little shit” as she grabs my bag and proceeds to swing her dagger upwards [dodge you fucking idiot] Whilst trying to dodge backwards I trip on my shoelace and slam backwards into the wall and then proceed to cough “cough cough, fuck fuck” “lucky bastard” she then proceeds to switch the daggers direction downwards [sweep the leg you retarded shit] I sweep her legs with as much strength I can give She stops her dagger for a brief movement “nice try retard, looks you won’t have a chance at becoming a he-“ Fuck this shit I then headbutt her chin “whut I thik I bit mi tonge” she then drops her dagger “looks like this is my win, eat shit and die” I grab the dagger and stab her in the abdomen and then kick her to the floor and stab again repeatedly “that was fuckin amazing holy shit that was fun” [Holy fuck shit we won ok now time to go we only have 3mins left] “holy shit you're right she is wearing casual wear skirt and everything" [we gotta go fucking move] “Nah gimme a minute looks like miss angel has some pretty interesting things on her person” [fine fine but hurry it up] Let’s see here a red bottle of liquid, gold coins, and another dagger this time with an orange hue around it I shove it all inside my bag “oh shit the dagger inside here I need to bring that home with me” [are you fucking serious we are about to blow up and that dagger is drenched in blood] “fine I'll wash it first also might as well grab the pesticide” [we do have a fucking infestation, anyways HURRY THE FUCK UP] “PLEASE DO COMPLY WITH US AND DON'T MOVE” “so how are we gonna escape this?” [window?] That’s a 24ft drop you do know that right [unless you have a better idea] With the sounds of explosions and rays of blinding light going off in the background I jump out the window with my bag as the scenery slowly changes into that of a Forrest “please let there be a bush for fucks sake let there be a bush" [go limp you fucking idiot remember that story about steve-o surviving a fall by going limp, I mean he did get severely injured but at least he lived] Ok ok relax I go limp and then body slam into the soil “god fucking dammit fuckity fuck” [good job we live to suffer another day] I can't fucking feel my body jesus Bloody fucking christ on a cross “where are we?” as my head rises up from the ground [let's see giant trees, weird ecology, and the sounds of explosions I'm guessing not earth?] Yeah fuck this I need a smoke I crawl over dragging my bag to the nearest tree I rest my back on it and light up a smoke With a long drag “@%@%&#@%!” [yeah something is definitely going on here] “ok so umm..” [nothing?] “yeah wait I got something , listen to me what if we just got isekaid?” [I mean] "status" Status Points to spend 4 class-none hidden class-apostle of greed skills-(gateway to nowhere)cost 2,(tower of Babylon)cost 1 Dex:14,Str:10,Wis:17,Int:19,Cha:11 “HOLY SHIT WHAT THAT ACUTALLY WORKED” [WHAT IN DANTES SEVEN HELLS IS THIS SHIT] “FUCK YES I GOT CHOSEN FOR SOMETHING I'M THE FUCKING BEST” Unlock gateway to nowhere and tower of Babylon And In a genderless voice Selected skills have been unlocked [who the fuck was that] “ok so how the actual fuck do I use these” “£#&@&%@!”a humanoid green creature with pointed ears and a face that can only be described as monster like ,screams while pointing at me [that's definitely a goblin] “I surrender?”
The premise sounds interesting, but the execution is somewhat lacking. Everything is moving way to fast, imo. This needs way more work. And there are other ways of showing that he is a degenerate other than him constantly swearing, which is jarring tbh and talking to a voice in his mind.
couldn't really show him being an asshole in a school setting but yeah I get your point of it being too fast I was actually concerned about that ,the swearing I can see how it could be jarring