Discussion in 'Community Creations' started by brasca123, Oct 22, 2016.
i should probably put that up too..thanks for the heads up
Title: Stuck Here
Theme: Here I'll Stay
Date: Aug 17, 2017
Word count: 975 words, 5092 characters
Synopsis: A boy reminisce about a girl and the unequal hurt they suffered.
Love. Romance. Lots of phrases and proverbs to describe this concept and like 'love is strange,' 'fools rush in,' the closest is 'love hurts.'
His eyes tear at the thought of her.
She was pretty, friendly and seated next to him in class. A tall, dark-haired girl, he has to tilt his head a little to look her in the eyes. She has a wonderful, sincere smile when she does smile and her eyes would twinkle. She has a voluptuous body that sets her apart from other girls her age, so his notice of her began with a carnal eye.
But there was nothing between them, neither bridge or wall, just the cavernous space between their desk. It was only greetings, school related, and good byes. His attraction to her was sexual but not deep enough for him to build a relationship from it, occasional fantasy and that's it. And it would stay that way until a school ski trip
The spark that drove him to act was by itself nothing and pointless. As he got on the gondola to take him and a classmate up the mountain she called out his name followed by a hi and a wave of her hand. He spent the rest of the week thinking of her. At first it had the carnal aspect, but as he paid more attention to her that fell away to just him wanting to be with her. That obsession made him act, to talk to her more and do more activities with her. A few weeks later with his heart beating in his mouth he proposes going out. When she said okay he could feel his heart stop beating for a few seconds.
The next two months were a bliss. They'd talk more, eat, hangout, he'd walk her to the bus stop and then he'd call each her on her phone and continue talking. He wants to spend more time with her and they went out on a date. Mall, park, restaurant, nothing courageous or bold. Just fun times. She seemed to have liked it too and called him more. Their time spent together increased and he was happy for it.
His academic grades had suffered, his constant thoughts about her had pushed out knowledge from his mind and made learning difficult. It doesn't help when he's not with her he'd spend time fantasizing about her. His parents were concerned about the grades and wanted him to cut back on his socializing. He didn't agree with them on that point but he knew if he resisted they'd crush him especially if they realize he has a girlfriend. Too early they would say, build an academic foundation that can support a family then you build your relationship. His time with her became shorter but at night when his parents were asleep they contact each other and talk.
His grades stabilized but he noticed that her grades continue to drop. She was much smarter than him, wanting to become a surgeon when she is older so she had a lot of room to drop. He was concerned and suggested cutting more time together. Her face froze and she had hurt in her eyes but she acquiesced. It gnaws at him that he had cause her pain but he didn't want her dream to suffer because of him. Her grades continue to drop, changing the time they spent together to be purely academic didn't help either. He knew he had only one option left and she knew it too, her lips were trembling and her eyes were shining at the start of the conversation. At the end she only nodded and asked for one last hug and he agreed since he wanted to hold her too. They embraced each other, he didn't know she had such strength to her but maybe he too is exerting the same strength on her from the depth of desperation and regret. Then when it was over they parted ways. He was convinced that as soon as her grades are back on top they can be together again with the knowledge of how to keep up their grades and be together. If he only had known this would be the last time he held her or walked with her.
The next morning he woke up groggy, possibly from the painful regret of their parting and it took him a while to notice the strange ceiling. And the gag in his mouth. And the restraints on his limbs. He screamed through the gag and pulled at his bonds hoping to be free but to no avail. He heard a door unlock nearby and the clear sound of footsteps descending from above and approaching his room. He was greatly surprised when she entered. Perhaps somehow she had come to save him but it was dashed when he saw the twinkle in her eyes as she smiled.
"Oh, you're awake. That's good, that will help when I begin the operation and apply the anesthetics. Don't worry it'll be over before you know it."
He looked at her in incomprehension and then he noticed the marks on his arm, they were black lines as if drawn with felt pen. He looked at his other arm and the lines were there too. It was something she had shown him when she talked about her aspirations and his head snapped to look back at her in panic just as she brings in the tools. He screamed in terror and pulled hard at his bonds and continued pulling until he felt the needle inject into him and he fell asleep.
It has been a week since his operation. She had removed his four limbs and placed him in the center of her bed. Here he'll stay.
His eyes tear at the thought of her.
Please someone, help me.
Hello, you have reached the Thought Police, all of our staff are currently busy, we will get back to you for processing and gulag sentencing as soon as we can.
Thank you for the story. I need to lie down .
Hi im newbie novice , hope seniors will guide my writing so I could improve. Here is mu short story , with 637 words. Title: Yun Xes Life story
Chapter 1: The Death of Yun Xes Parent
Hi im yun xe, 5 years old. Today both mom ajujUnd dad died. I have no uncles and aunt.
Today both mom and dad died, I have no where to go.
Today both mom and dad died. Im all alone, what should I do?
Today both mom and dad died. I have no relatives.
Today both mom and dad died, I burried them myself with my own hands.
Today is my birthday, mom and dad died.
Today, dad and mom hugged me for the first time and after it they died.
I.....I....dont know what to do,
I need someone to talk with,
Mom told me to believe in god.
God, why did you gifted me this?
Today my parents died..I
I love you mom, I love you dad.
I...... I will miss you.
Today im crying all alone,
Today my parents died
Im yun xe, 5 years old. Arent I lucky?..
Chapter 2: Yun Xe first love
Its been a year now since my parents died.
I am doing my best to live.
I work on church cathedral, I deliver milk to the village. Fathers pastured milk are good. The village like it.
Every morning, I rode my bicycle and deliver the milk.
Today, I found a little girl.
She is like me, no parents.
Today my heart beats fast, I dont know why..
Today, I guide her to the church and father accepted her.
Today, I have my first friend.
Her name is Xiao Wu.
Xiao wu is beautiful and good girl.
But Xiao wu dont like me
Today , my heart is painful
I guess this is a one sided love.
Chapter 3: Ending
15 years now have passed and
unluckily today, the church is on fire.
Father and the villagers are doing their best to put down the fire.
Today, I and xiao wu are left alone again and trapped. Xiao wu is crying hard, as I lead her to go out.
It is hot, very hot. I covered xiao wu with my own shirt.
Today Xiao wu confessed that she like a guy, which is our neighbor. I tried to do my best tell her I like her.
But xiao wu did not bother.
Today , while trying to find a way making xiao wu exit safe,my heart is in pain.
Xiao wu and I need to get out as soon as possible.
Today I got injured because of fire. It is my first time to see xiao wu concerned.
As I saw the exit, xiao wu runs faster while me, I am caught by the blazing fire.
Today I guess, I will finally die.
But luckily a fireman save me.
The next day I only found out during medical examination that im dying.
So I hurriedly prepared for the worst case.
I tell xiao wu how I feel,
But ofcourse, how can she accept my feelings if its not meant to be that way.
So I humbly accepted the rejection.
Until my last moment. I keep on telling that I like her, but I did not reveal my situation.
Sigh..... this is life, no matter how hard it is , I should live on. So I write this short story of mylife to live on. Even if I die, the essence of me will still remain.
If one day , xiao read this book please let her read this.
Yun xes: final message
Xio wu, im sorry for liking you, I know you dont like me, it pains me but who am I right
Xiao wu, if I die id like to say, thank you, take care and good bye.
Today, I guess id did do my best.
Xiao wu,.I.like you.but you.dont.like me
This is my last, and my last is yours. Good bye."
Surprisingly for this month writing prompt we got a lot of stories
It's thanks to Pyoo-san's advertising
Title: Let Me Stay
Word Count: 994 Words
Genre: Drama (if you end up reading this, do tell me what others genres this might be. I'm a little lost.)
Theme: Here I will stay (September's Theme)
Synopsis: Jonah is afraid this might be too good to be true. Will things be different this time around or will she be like all the others and leave him behind?
I'm so nervous. Everything is so new. I've been in this situation before. Too many to count. Whenever it ended, I always wondered why.
Was I not good enough? Was I too clingy? Did I not show her I loved her enough?
It hurt the first time. Being left without a reason. The memory is so traumatizing I feel myself shake but then I forcefully brush it off.
I'm okay. I'm here. Someone loves me again.
But then, I remember, she's the seventh. Will there be an eighth? Is she going to leave me too?
Please, no. Not her. I can't lose her too. I've never been with someone who holds me like she does. I've never been with someone who always tells me she loves me. When I wake up, she hugs me. When I cry out in terror from nightmares, she lets me cling to her until everything is well again.
It's embarrassing. At my age, I shoudn't have to rely on someone so young but I can't help myself. I love her. She makes me love her. Everything she does is lovely.
When she cooks, she has a sway to her hips that is amusing. Whenever she vacuums the living room, she dances around like no one is watching. When she sleeps, there's a curve to her lips that make me feel like all is well with the world.
The idea that one day she might leave me too makes my chest heavy with fear. I don't want to be alone again. Please, no more of that.
It's frustrating how the past takes hold of you and never lets go. Because of it, I always have this nagging feeling that I'm not enough. That I am worthless. That I am…less.
It doesn't help that I am partly deaf and that I'm a cripple. A remnant of an accident from when I was younger. I think that was why I was always, in the end, left behind.
At first, they loved me but then, after a while, once they realized how hard it was to live with a cripple, they apologized and left. I was never good enough. No matter how much love I gave, it came back lacking.
I try harder now. I make sure I contribute to the chores at home. It's the least I could do. After all, she let me move in.
Can you believe it? I've lived with others before but this feels like the one. She's the one person in the world who, if she ever decides to leave like the others, would break me. I just know I wouldn't survive it. I'm too old for another heartbreak.
But then, I did something. I was going to the kitchen for some food when I lost my balance and nudged the small table in the living room. The mug of coffee she had there fell.
I watch as the hand knotted rug left behind by her mother become stained. This is not the first time I've ruined something of hers. This one, however, might be be the last straw.
That rug holds a special place in her heart. It had originally been her grandmother's which was then passed down to her mother. Now, it belongs to her. She told me so many times to be careful here. A rug like this, she said, belongs in the brightest room in the house.
I know how much she loves that rug. I don't know what to do. Feeling the familiar crawl of fear and anxiety enter my chest, I want to give up.
But, I can't. I love her too much. If she asks me to leave, I'll do everything to come back. I can't loose her. Not her.
Please, I am so sorry.
My keys jingle as I toss it on the table by the front door. I'm surprised to be greeted by a silent house. Did something happen?
Sure enough, upon reaching the living room, I see it. There's a fresh stain spreading on my rug. Panicked, I run to the kitchen and grab some towels. I rush back to the living room to dab and dab until the spot grows dry. I sigh in relief. Thankfully, it doesn't look too bad.
Suddenly, I wonder. Where is Jonah? I stand up and start to look for the culprit. It takes me less than five minutes to find him. The poor guy looks frightened.
I approach him and he whimpers sadly. My heart melts. I crouch down to where he is and pat his big head.
Jonah, or Jojo as I fondly call him, is my 9 year old, greying labrador. My family told me it was stupid to adopt an old dog. Even more so, an old dog who has medical issues. I didn't care. The moment I saw him at the shelter, he had my heart.
The poor guy was still whimpering quite pitifully. He knows he's done something. Well, I am partly at fault. My dad has always told me to set that rug somewhere else. Shame on me for not listening.
"It's okay Jojo. Thank you for feeling bad about it but everything's fine."
I kept on repeating it over and over until he crawls onto my lap and let me hug him. It's a struggle, this hugging position. I could feel my legs cramping.
I am an amputee. My right foot was amputated mid-shin when I was in middle-school and the prosthetic pinches at me uncomfortably while I coddle my dog. Still, I keep at it. Jojo needs the comfort and I needed the hug.
After a few more minutes of this, I finally let go and start rubbing his neck.
"Jojojojojooooo, do you want some ice cream?"
Hearing the now familiar words, he becomes very excited. Laughing, we head to the kitchen. Me, with the clippity-clop of my fake foot, and Jojo with his clumsy limping.
The perfect duo, I say.
Note: Tears? What tears? Sorry, this is dedicated to all of those Jonahs out there. You deserve all the love in the world.
Also, I hope I wrote this right. Did it fit well with the theme?
50% sure it went in the opposite direction of the theme, but it loops around to being the theme.
And finally, a doggo story.
Write about someone (or a relationship) where they have been hurt yet still doesn't leave.
^ I kept on rereading that to make sure it would be ok lol. I pushed it. Egads.
Title: Nothing changes
Word count: 663 Words
Theme: Here I'll Stay
Woken up by the dull noise of a half-full bottle thrown against the wall Jaime sits up in her bed.
Her shirt tightly sticks to her sweaty skin. Trying to ignore the shouting voice of Catherine, she looks at the thermometer on her nightstand.
36°C, way to warm for her liking even the AC didn't stand the heat and lost it's will to go on.
“Stupid piece of shit! You're not even able to do the easiest things I say too you”, Jaime can hear every insult her mother throws at John, her father.
“She's on it again,” Jaime sighs to herself, “I wish just a single day would pass without that garbage getting drunk.”
“What kind of man are you? Humph, why do I even call you a man! Where others have balls you've got a gaping hole! Can't care for the basic needs of his wife and just sits there without the grit to say anything. You are an insult to mankind”, yells Catherine in the room next door.
“I can't understand why dad still stays with this woman instead of leaving together with me. Maybe he still thinks we could go back to how it was before. Maybe he simply doesn't have the strength to let go. Either way lamenting about it won't change anything”, Jaime says to herself, fiddling her mobile phone out of her pockets and plugging her headphones in.
I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here
Hurt by Johnny Cash, not a song you should listen to in such situations. It makes your mind wander to the darkest thoughts you ever had. This melancholic feeling of having lost everything but still not being able to let go. This feeling of not even knowing if you really live or if you just operate like a mechanic doll. Maybe that's the reason Jaime likes it so much.
There once was a time where everything was alright. Back in the day when they lived as a happy family of four, not having a single serious concern, but also not valuing what they had. You only come to realize what you have when it is lost, and when you lose something important it leaves scars in your heart and in your live.
While drowning in music a loud rumbling noise tears her out of her thoughts and she comes back to reality.
A grimace appears on her face and she furiously shouts,” Just shut your trap and let dad be! If he wasn't here you would live in the gutter where you belong!”
A second of silence follows, then the sound of raging steps can be heard through the house followed by the drowning sound of a fist beating against a door.
“You bitch, come out here and say that to my face,” Catherine screeches outside Jaime's room,” I don't need a useless accident like you to lecture me about what I say!
Don't you dare come out of this room or you'll reap what you sow! I wish it would have been you who died, not your brother! He knew how to behave”
Silent tears roll down Jaime's face and faint sobbing could be heard if someone was willing to listen.
It had been a long time since Jaime cried, not even on her brothers funeral would as much as a single tear appear on her face. She eventually came to believe her tears to be used up and her feelings to be drained. But here she was sitting back against the door crying and feeling lost like never before.
After she calms down nothing of the turmoil from before remains in her heart, just a feeling of everlasting emptiness and sorrow.
It's been a pretty long time since I wrote something in english, I hope you don't mind the (possibly) mixed up tenses.
Pretty good. It seems a bit jumbled in some parts. I didn't quite get what it meant with this line "I wish she told me to stay before the year." Before what year? Overall, I think the emotions came through. I could really feel the narrator's love for the girl, and that sort of frustration from unrequited love. One thing I would like to criticize though, is that you could have condensed some slightly irrelevant parts. I feel like this was extraneous information:
Also, it feels like some story-of-my-life sort of thing, which is not necessarily a bad thing.
An enjoyable read overall. You captured young love very well. Brings back memories
Replied. Read. Seen. But still unknown.
All I can say is, you are a lunatic if you sleep with 5 bed sheets. That's four too many.
Though you say it was third person, it felt like first person with that giant monologue. The semi-graphic end reminds me of American Psycho. I like how you ended it though. It really gives the reader something to ponder.
This was adorable! I find the "so arrogant I stare down the sun" part hilarious. I also loved the ending. Overall, I felt like it was bittersweet. Sometimes, life just doesn't work out.
Wow that got dark real fast. You're a good writer! At first, I thought it was going to be the run-of-the-mill romance story. Turns out I was very wrong. I enjoyed it very much! It aligns very much with my dark sense of humor. Your take on the prompt is also one of my favorites so far.
LOL this line: "unluckily today, the church is on fire."
Mmmm yes. Very unlucky.
The ending came straight out of a kdrama. I think that the chapter stuff was unnecessary. You could have just used a line break or separator of some sort to indicate the time jumps. Overall, I think you captured that childhood innocence very well in the first two chapters. It reminds me of my diary from first grade.
If you have not watched this, you must: . Also, I think drama is an apt tag.
You wrote it very well. Personally, I think the last line was unnecessary. I would have liked it to just end with the two going off into the distance. Also I think your weakest point was this line:
It felt unnatural. It feels like it's breaking the fourth wall, where the narrator purposely drops that line to explicitly explain to the readers who the hell Jonah is. I feel like there could have been a smoother or at least, more subtle transition.
Other than that, I enjoyed reading it a lot! The feels.... I think you did superb job at writing Jonah's thoughts. Also the twist! Loved that too.
Feels like a snapshot of an abusive family. The "trying to drown yourself in music" seemed very realistic. The ending leaves me slightly unsatisfied though. It feels slightly inconclusive? I'm curious about the brother. Overall, good job! I love the use of the song lyrics.
I didn't even realize that. Thanks for the heads up. And yes, I have seen that short film though I actually forgot about that until you shared it Been a while since I saw it.
First time... subject not my fav as well, but lemme see what I can do~
Word count: 718 words
Theme: Here I'll Stay
Spoiler: Here I'll Follow
'Here I'll stay' were my words.
'I will never leave you' I remember saying to her.
However fate wasn't the sort of guy that would help...
An accident, a small fight was all it took.
A love thought to be eternal, was at the end... just a thought.
Who wouldn't want however their dream to come true, a true love, one that is really eternal...?
Was all I asked really that hard, that much?
Am I really comparing myself to those that asked for riches and got them on a sliver plate?
I know, love is not something equal to riches, for you could have mountains of gold, yet also be unable to buy true love.
One blames another, yet no one looks at himself... for it is our ego holding us back.
I left, I couldn't hold on any longer... I almost gave up...
No wise men came to my rescue and I further drifted away as the endless torrent of life swept me.
I comforted myself, saying 'What else could I have done?!', saying 'What would others truly have done in my position?'
Yet I never really looked at the root of the problem.
I knew that... It was the only thing I'm proud of... I always knew my options before it was too late, I could always see my paths clearly.
Yet this time I refused to.
I searched for help, while refusing my own...
'If our love is as fragile as this, then maybe it deserves to be shattered' Is what I thought.
Yet at the same time I remembered, remembered the time I loved her so dearly, the day she confessed to me... 'Oh such happiness, what right do I have to feel so happy..' I remember...
But that's life for you...
Only one day had passed... I could still be the one to take the first step, but then?
Wouldn't it make me look weak?
If she does not forgive me?
It turned out, that not only my ego, but fear as well prevented me from taking an action... from living.
My breath was getting shorter and shorter.
I stood up!
'At the end it didn't matter... She wasn't my chosen one... life was still long, I could search for another...' I thought as I took a step, as I walked towards her bedroom.
To tell her what?
I didn't lie to myself, I didn't know what to say...
What should be said, what I wanted to say... I didn't know...
I reached outside of her door. I knew she was inside, yet, I wasn't brave enough to open the door.
It seemed silly, for a small fight to escalate that far... yet, it happened.
Weakly, I stood tall in front of the door and said "I'm sorry." Just three words...
As I turned, all to my surprise, I found my wife, silently staring at me... she saw me.
Darn, I was so embarrassed, I wanted to dig a whole and burry myself alive...
I didn't run, yet I couldn't bear to see her expression...
I turned my head up, and noticed she was smiling, smiling and crying at the same time.
It was a warm smile.
She herself had been facing the same thoughts... and yet, much to her surprise, she found her Husband, an almighty Lion who never bowed down, saying sorry... lowering his head..
She herself was ashamed... Ashamed of her previous thoughts. She felt unworthy, and yet... she couldn't bear to part with him.
They loved each other.
It was true love. And when times difficult came upon them, when the man's wife had to go in a hospital in another city, the man gave up everything he had to take care of her.
When the man himself got in trouble with some dangerous men, when the woman's friends all urged her to quickly give him up, when the whole world was turning against him... She didn't.
She saved him, took care of and supported him.
They were pillars, each supporting not himself, but the other.
And when the time came, and the man's wife died. At her funeral, he softly whispered to her ear "Thank you." With tears in his eyes he again whispered "Please, wait a bit longer, I will soon join you my love."
Not sure how well I did...
Nice story you've got there, though it seems to skirt around the topic of the month like everyone else's work as you wrote about how people can indirectly harm others in a relationship between the two.
my stage to shine
Title: The Voices
Word Count: 1296 words
Genre: Betrayal (not good at classifying genre, do give an idea what it might be also)
Theme: It's all about you! ( one of the October's Theme)
Synopsis: A Dark surprise is waiting for Alice this night, a kind of surprise that will haunt her for the rest of her life.
PS/ at first I wanted to write a 2nd person perspective into the mind of the murderer ( I’m of a dark mind I should warn you) but the idea shifted and evolved, from medieval times to the minds of witch hunters before settling into a simpler perspective. Hope you enjoy as it took a day and a half of writing and full editing to finish this. Feel free to give me your thoughts
PSS/ this was inspired by Senus’s Hellblade and the rest was my imagination on how a person who was driven insane will be after being surrounded by the voices. Read on and you will understand
Spoiler: The Voices
You sat there in the darkness, on the familiar couch in the familiar living room. Silence enveloped you as you waited, with baited breath under the cloak of low chirrups of cicadas and murmurs of the night.
We should go…we can’t stay here…
It’s all that bitch’s fault that we are here….she has to pay..
The voices disconcerted around your mind in a cacophony of screams and emotions.
Silence ensued in the house. The kids were sleeping, you made sure of that. You wouldn’t want to be interrupted as you were finally facing her, would you? Everything is going exactly to plan, your gun ready, pointed at the door, and the lights out, perfectly covering you in darkness.
This is exciting...can’t wait to pull her down her horse,
But-but…don’t we lo…
“Shut up she is here” you whispered harshly at the voices. And all of them, as if they really understood you, muted their voices giving you a rare moment of silence, and you treasured it.
You have had weeks and weeks of waiting and preparing as you watched her habits, she would open the doors first and the lock it when she is inside, no doubt meant to keep you away.
She would then place her bag over the table and turn on the lights and then the show will start. You laughed in glee and sorrow as you anticipated for the big reveal.
And it happened exactly as you imagined it, she opened the doors, entered swiftly, her figure lithe and graceful untouched by your few years of marriage. You stare at her here …and even in after all these months those same breast perks, soft buxoms and the elegant hair still excites you like ever.
The play started out on Que, she closed the door behind her, locked it and then wore off her shoes, her face relishing the release and the stress she had the whole day. It was only after taking a few contented sigh that she flashed the lights on that she froze.
“Hello Alice” you said as you saw her first instinct to run. You pulled your gun, endowed with a well sized silencer that went off towards the door and she grew still, as you saw her despair and fear taking up her eyes swiftly no matter how much she tried to hide it
“Don’t run. No funny business and this gun won’t have to shoot anyone this night. I only came here to talk”
At first you saw her croak, and then her voice emerged “People usually don’t talk with guns waved at them”
Oh god. Her voice, how much we have missed that…
Shut up-shut up dammit. We have to focus, we came here for Revenge… for she is the devious one, the one who betrayed us alllll…..
Make her pay…
“It’s all your fault…I have tried talking to you, have tried contacting you but…but you were ignoring me, and then you filed that Restraining order and I couldn’t get to you any nearer”
“If trying to talk means terrorizing me and my child and then no, we have no need of talking any longer….”her voice quivered with determination.
You started trembling.
“See!” You wave your hands in expiration. “What can a guy do around here to have a decent conversation, what can I do make you understand” you wave your hands as your voice came out with a yearning. You can’t help it…you have missed her so much…So much it drove you mad and wild and crazy that your thoughts shattered and the voices came..
Grrrr that whore …
Don’t call her that…
We came here for her, to get back everything…everything she took from us…
We hate her, hate her, hate her, hate her, and hate her…we hate everything of her…
Your smile changed and your face showed, the pain of being ignored and robbed rushing through your body.
“But today, today we are finally going to talk…and today you’re finally going to give me back, everything you owed, everything you robed from us…”
Then the voices shouted with a glee.
Shoot her dead,
She took all your money that despicable hag, as she pranced around letting everyone know of the shame you are, of that little mistake she is still punishing you for,
Do it, do it now…what are you waiting for …
DO IT NOW
“Shut up” You say to them, you raise your gun “Now Alice, You’re going to do exactly as I say,”
The moment when you pointed your gun at her, her feet finally gave way. You rushed immediate concern on your face.
“Alice…” and just when you neared her flustered, you heard a big bang and your eyes flashed like neon, a throbbing pain appeared behind your head and then you realized.
That sly bitch pretended to faint so she can plaster the vase on you…
You immediately saw red, your hands free at the moment since the gun slipped when you were caught by surprise and it didn’t finish there. As you were getting your bearings Alice slammed you again, connecting her feet to your private parts and this time the stars were bright and twinkling and you groaned and you scrunched up and had a horrible thought that you won’t be able to have future children ever again.
DIE!!!...she deserves to die, she deserves to chop up in a thousand pieces and then roasted for the all the dogs to eat…
Rise up, chase her, you can’t let a woman kick your sorry ass like this…
“SHUT UP!!!” You screamed in agitation. For once the voices proved to be even more painful than ever but then a sense, a feeling rose, a feeling so cold you thought you imagined it. You look around in haze of pain and you saw it…she had just picked your gun and sweating like windmill pointed right back at you. You stared a coldness spreading like an ocean as you rose up in the midst of panic trying to take the guns off her hands.
The sound deafening, a sharp glint of pain and you found yourself looking at your chest…she fired…that bitch totally just fired at you...and a wave of weakness hits you right in the gut, you slump and weirdly enough you feel as if you‘re a balloon and a pin popped you and the air is ever so slowly draining away from you…
GET UP! get up get up get up get up, you’re not gonna die here, not like this... get up and kill that whore...she dared shoot at us…
Get up get up now!,
But …a tiny voice wanted to be heard… and then you knew what it wanted to say…
But we love her…
and that sentence said it all…as if it was an explanation of why you entered here late in the night like a burglar, half-drunk driven by the voices and a gun in your hands, and the end left you there bleeding on the floor dying.
And she ,the ever blazing sun in your life, you left her there her eyes full terror of what she had done and her hands trembling , the gun wielded very precariously….
And you admit to yourself, laying there dying feeling very gratified…
Now she won’t be able to forget us…
.the voices glee weakly but the other voices, the ones usually pressed and silent got the final say.
“We love you” You said to her as the darkness settled heavily….diminishing the stars forever.[/SPOILER]
But... It's not even October.
Guess it works too.
A few complaints about grammar, but I like how easily understood what were the voices and how you used them, though there's probably room for improvement for that.
Maybe would've been better if you didn't have any dialogue from the woman at all, and kept consistent with the use of pronouns to make the stalker seem insane.
In the story, there's us, you, and her. If you kept first person to the thoughts, second person to the character, and third person solely for the woman, you could really play around with it to show how the thoughts are the sane part of him or something.
Genre: Slice of Life.
Word Count: 1060.
Title: Peaceful Everyday Life.
Spoiler: Peaceful Everyday Life
"I'm back honey."
"Welcome back dear!"
Oh, he finally arrived...
I hugged him and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. "Work was rough today?"
"Oh yes, but... It seems like things are finally settling down, maybe I won't have to work overtime soon."
Really? What will be the next excuse then...? A second job?
"I'm quite tired, so I think I'll take a shower and go to sleep honey." He kissed me.
"Of course dear, please rest well, working this much must be tough."
"I'll do a lot more if it's for our sake."
Our...? For how long did 'us' exist? Why do you have to keep spitting lies on my face?
"Oh dear... You're really the best thing that could have ever happened to me... I love you." I kissed him again.
"I love you too..." He kissed me one more time. "I'm going now, alright?"
"Of course..." I separated from him and he left towards the bathroom.
Love... Do you really? It's hard to take you seriously these days dear...
"Are you really alright like this mom?"
"Again...? Didn't we have this conversation before Ana?"
"I can't accept it though! He doesn't even try to hide it anymore! Just confront him already!"
"And then what? Separate? Divorce? Would that make you happy!?"
"I... That's not what I meant..."
I approached my 16 years old daughter and hugged her.
"I know... I know... But I can't do it okay? Please understand it..."
"But... How can you just accept him to cheat on you like that..."
I wiped the tears that were falling from her eyes with my finger.
"I don't accept it... But... I can't sacrifice you two for my selfishness."
"Sacrifice!? Mom! It's your life here! We can handle it somehow!"
"We...? Don't you mean you can handle it?"
"You know... Handling it somehow isn't the kind of way I wanted my daughter to go to university... Don't give up on your dreams, you are finally getting high enough grades on the mock exams to get to your dream university... I can't make you give up on that."
"Let's not even talk about how your little brother would feel to suddenly see his parents fighting, or how he wouldn't be able to see his friends anymore because we can't pay for his school... You think that would be fine for him?"
I hugged her tightly.
"Ana... You're a wonderful girl, and have a great and bright future ahead of you... I'm happy that you worry for me like this, but really... I'm old enough to take care of myself. Let me take care of you for a while longer, okay?"
"I still don't think it's right..."
She hugged me back.
"Right... Of course it isn't right silly, but life isn't always right, we just need to do what we can to deal with it."
"Okay... But please mom... Don't force yourself too much, if you think you can't handle it-"
"I know... I may not be the smartest pea in the pod, but I won't go letting excessive stress give me a heart attack."
We separated and looked each other on the eyes.
"I will make you proud mom, I will be the best student ever, just you wait!"
"I know you will, but remember... No matter what happens, I'll always be on your side, okay? You're already the best daughter in the world, being the best student is optional.
Go rest now, okay? You need to rest properly to go to your classes tomorrow."
She nodded. "Okay, hang on for me then mom... I love you... I really do."
"I love you too... You're the best thing that ever happened to me, I can tell you that."
We hugged once more, and then she went to her bedroom... Tears started falling from my eyes... No, this is no good, I can't let them see me like this... I wiped my eyes and headed to my 8 years old son's bedroom.
I quietly opened the door, and saw that he was still sleeping... Good, I didn't want him to hear that talk... *sighs* Things will be fine, we'll still be okay.
I entered and gave him a small kiss on the forehead... "Sleep well." I whispered, then left the room and headed to my own bedroom.
The room was dark, and I could hear the sound of my husband showering... Alright, it won't do to just keep on getting depressed over things. Let's try doing something for a change.
I undressed and then opened the shower door, my husband turned towards me and showed a surprised face.
"Dear... I think it's been a while since we last had some time for ourselves... I thought that maybe we could... Enjoy the night... Slowly~"
I carefully walked towards him, step by step while trying to show myself off... I saw him a bit flustered~
"Honey... I need to wake up early tomorrow, today is not a good day..."
"Not even for me dear...? Just for a bit...?" I asked with pleading eyes.
"Honey, I... I'm sorry okay? I just don't want to mess up now, my boss would kill me if I slept on job or arrived late for oversleeping."
"I... No, I'm the one sorry, I shouldn't have pushed you dear... I love you."
"I love you too honey... Thanks."
I turned around and left... Idiot. Can't he even give me a bit of a look? What does that bitch have that I don't!?
I fell on the bed while still naked and started to cry... Why... Why did I have to fall in love with a man as stupid as this...?
Just for a while longer... Just for a while longer... Just until my son finishes his own university... It will be fine then, right? I will no longer have to keep up with it then, right...? I won't have to endure seeing the man I love going out with another woman then...
Haa... I wish these feelings could at least fade... It would be easier if I just didn't love him anymore... Idiot... I guess I'm the biggest of idiots in the end...
It's okay... Tomorrow will be a good day... Tomorrow will definitely be... A good day...
I felt my consciouness fading, while I entered my sleep...
This was a story that actually flowed very easily for me... It's kind of a scenario I thought of a few times on my head, "What if I was cheated upon? What would I do?" I feel like my reaction would probably be similar to the one of the MC of this story...
While the process of writing it actually flowed with ease, I kinda felt like I was hurting myself with writing it... I thought about depicting her dream, and then writing a bit more until she got a breakdown, but I decided that it was better to end it just there... It is a story without a proper climax I guess, it just flows and flows then abruptly ends... Which is a bit weird, but at the same time, I think it fits the title. "Peaceful Everyday Life", our everyday life doesn't have a climax, it doesn't have a high point and end a down point... It's just... There, it starts with we waking up, and it ends with our sleep.
I could've also written it with the start at the time she awakens, and letting the end be when she sleeps would be a bit better... But I didn't have much of a plan when I started, so I just went along, and the story ended up being only a few minutes of a night.
Hmmm... I hope it's a good read I guess.
Reminds me of harem protag gone wrong
Separate names with a comma.