Novel The Remnant: Metempsychosis

Discussion in 'Community Fictions' started by Balthazzar, Dec 28, 2016.

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  1. Balthazzar

    Balthazzar 『Reformed Member of NuF Society』

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    So.... howya doin today? JK I dont really care, onto the prologue!
    Also, if u have already read the short story then skip past it cuz there's a specific prologue for this specific story line.....
    ------------
    With eyes that held emptiness similar to space, he had stared at the scenery. It all seemed so superficial now. It didn’t make any sense at all. He had everything he wanted so why? Why did he feel as though a hole had been thoroughly carved in his soul? Why did he not feel….. gratified? He sat on the throne, conquered his enemies, and solidified his place in history.


    So why did he wish that he could take it all back? Why did he want to change what he did? Closing his eyes, he pondered for a short while. Never once did he feel that…. anything was as important as power. Why would he take a wife when all the women in the kingdom were at his beck and call? What was left to do now that everything had been taken? Who could stand by his side when all held fear towards him?


    It wasn’t like this in the past, it shouldn’t have been like this now. He thought that just maybe, he would have enjoyed life more if he had taken the job given to him by his father. By now, he should have had a wife, kids, and a stable income. He should have had happiness. So why was he led astray by his greed? Why did he perceive that his family held him back? Why did he take them for granted and discard them?


    As usual though, no answers presented themselves. he had gone through this many times but he couldn’t understand his younger self. He was now sifting through the memories he had stored. The feelings he had drawn and actions he had taken. It was sad really, an old man on his deathbed regretted most every choice he made. If only he could go back in time and redo everything.


    He couldn’t obviously. This wasn’t some fantasy novel. This was real life and when you acted, you must deal with the consequences. As a young man, he was filled with vigor, passion even. A promising young lad that wanted to forge his way into the history books. With a sword in one hand, a shield in the other, and an army at his beck and call. It was nigh-impossible to foresee this ending.


    An ending filled with the smoke of war and the blood of the innocent. An ending where happiness was not the common thing it once was. An ending where the normal thing to do was struggle. He hadn’t made anything better. He had only destroyed everything he strived to perfect. His reign was near it’s end and he could only hope that the next ruler would fix his mistakes.


    Breathing deeply, his eyes bulged momentarily as he broke into a coughing fit. His condition was rapidly deteriorating, he didn’t have much time left. Even considering that though, he felt the same as always. No one was around to care for him as usual. The quiet was his only company. He laid not as a king, but as an old man, decrepit and calm.


    Too many, he could be considered ancient. He had been lucky to survive so long. With that lifespan however, came endless remorse. Once, he was a young man that felt unkillable. No one could suppress him, he was undefeated. Now though, he was only an old man with enough regrets to fill a sea. No children to take over, no wife to stand by his side.


    Nothing but a remnant of what he used to be. With one last breath, he closed his eyes for the last time and thus, the reign under the Tragic King had ended.
    ___________________
    A resounding cry split through the air. Through the pain, you could distinctly tell that the sound came from a woman. Another voice continued to reassure her, tell her that she was doing good. That was followed by another scream from the woman and quick gasps that came in shortened intervals.


    Soon enough, the cry of a baby was heard. However, it sounded reluctant. As if it didn’t like the prospect of crying but, it was a newborn. How would it not want to cry? The answer to that seemingly impossible question, lied within the soul. Within the child, there laid a soul of great age. It was not yet fully aware or sentient but his or her core values stuck with it.


    It would seem as if not crying was one of the leading principals. However, that seemed to be a drop in the ocean. The soul carried with it, all the memories of it’s past. Unfortunately, without the body being up to speed, the brain couldn’t hold that much information. Thus, the newborn was simply that, a newborn.


    Not long after it started, the newborn quieted down. Quickly falling asleep, it’s senses dwindled away until finally, it was unconscious. That did not mean that the people around it were idle though. In fact, most were overjoyed at the baby’s birth. Celebrating as the mother held her child in her arms.


    In particular, the father of the child was beaming in joy. Through the sweat coated hair though, despite her pale pallor, the mother held a shine in her eyes as she looked at the child. A shine that could brighten stars. A shine so bright, that the sun paled in comparison. However, this shine went unnoticed by anyone, hidden within the eyes of the mother.


    A deep voice cut through the cheers and the origin came from the joyful father who was standing on the sidelines. “What should we name him?” With a bright smile, the woman cradling the baby looked at him and spoke quietly, as if out of breath. “Before, I was set on Cassius but now I have no clue.”


    “What about Alexander or Bentley?” The woman stared at the man incredulously. “Bentley? You might as well just tell the children to tease him!” The man gave an exasperated laugh before trying to salvage the situation. “Then what about Elliot? Or some others like Mason or Landon?” Seeing the look in her eye get better, he quickly headed towards the older names.


    “What about Orion or Matthias?” An appraising eye quickly overtook the woman’s eye as she examined the two names. “Son of fire or Gift of god?” To her, both would be quite accurate as their surname being ‘Aogan’ literally meant ‘fire’ and how could this little bundle of love be anything but a gift?


    It took a long time before anyone spoke but eventually, the woman broke the ice. “I can’t decide.” The man, with a bright smile on his face, clapped his hands and responded to her outburst. “Then go with both, Matthias Orion Aogan. Quite an interesting name to have.” The woman seemed pleased at the proclamation and quickly accepted. “Then the firstborn of house Aogan shall be named as such.” The son of fire and the gift of god, how ironic those names would turn out to be.
     
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  2. Balthazzar

    Balthazzar 『Reformed Member of NuF Society』

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    CHAPTER 1

    A wide eyed boy that looked to be about 8 years old stared out into the night sky. In his view, there were no doubt countless amounts of shiny objects in the sky. A knock on his door shook him from his stupor as a maid walked in with a helpless look in her eyes. “Young master, it’s much past your bedtime. You should be getting more sleep. Don’t you want to grow big and strong like your father?”


    Clearly, the child in front of her was undergoing some internal conflict. “But….. Annabelle, I’ll have more nightmares.” The maid gave a small smile as she walked to the child’s bedside. “Don’t worry young master, with your father here, there won’t be a thing around that can threaten you.”


    Struggling with his inner thoughts, the child clenched down on his blanket as he stared the maid in the eyes. “Please Annabelle, just let me stay awake for a little longer. My dreams only get worse and worse.” After finishing, the boy started to pout. “Then why don’t you tell me about these dreams young master?”


    Looking around the room, the boy agreed and motioned for her to sit on his bed. “Okay, in the beginning, they were good. There was another boy like me, he had a family and everything!” A light that quickly disappeared had revealed itself in the boy’s eyes. “But…… after that was a lot of sadness.”


    Annabelle stared at the child with a slightly puzzled look on her face. “Can you elaborate young master.” Almost too quickly, the boy shook his head. He didn’t want to relive any of those moments. They felt much too real, as if he had personally lived through them. With a sigh, Annabelle looked at the child with an amiable gaze. “Alright, then what do I need to do to put you to sleep?”


    With a small glance, it was clear that the boy wanted something but it seemed as though fear or something else held him back. “Then… then can you tell me a story?” With a mock contemplative look on her face, the maid questioned him. “What kind of story? And it has to be a short one.” The boy’s excitement visibly died down at the final remark but he persisted on. “Tell me a story about my father’s adventures please! When he was starting out, not somewhere in the middle or something like that.”


    Annabelle had a small smile on her face as she began to speak. “Alright young master, but all I know is the story. I wasn’t actually there you know?” The boy nodded his head quickly. With a chuckle, the maid started to begin the story before stopping. “Okay, but first, I’m going to question you about somethings alright?” Without any trace of the conflict the boy had clashed with earlier, he nodded confidently. He thought he was quite smart after all.


    “Okay then, tell me about how time is viewed. The major empires, which one we live in, and their ranks of power.” Stalling slightly, the boy thought about it for a moment before quickly spouting out the answers. There was a story in wait after all.


    “Okay, time is viewed linearly as opposed to places like the Ottonen world’s nonlinear outlook. Time moves in a straight line from past to present to future and will continue no matter what. There are 11 months in a year, 30 days in a month, and each day consists of 26 hours. The hours are composed of 70 minutes each. Each minute is 70 seconds. Our Heslep planet has 5 seasons, each lasting 2 months long besides Bedlam which has 3.”


    Before the boy continued, the maid interrupted. “For a total of how many days in a year? Also add in the average mortal life spans of our world.” While grumbling slightly, the boy took a couple seconds to do the math before answering with a prideful look. “8,580 hours a year and the average mortal lifespan on our planet is 143 years old.” The maid gave him a stern look and he sighed before continuing in a slightly annoyed voice.


    “The average lifespan of a regular human is 106 years old and the lifespan for an icthyis is 483 years old.” With a pleased look in her eye, the maid began to question him on his knowledge. “Then why is the planetal average only 143 years old?” The boy grumbled in his heart before continuing. “Unlike humans, the birth rates of icthyis are quite low but because of their lifespans, they have a sizeable number of them as well. However, humans have extremely high birthrates which skewed the human to icthyis population ratio, thus making the planetal average 143.”


    The maid nodded and gestured for the boy to finish answering her questions.


    “There are 8 empires but only 7 official ones. The official ones, in order of power, are the Brightlane Empire, Azurestreak Empire, Undertemper Empire, Irithyael Empire, Syntomas Empire, Lucrasi Empire, and Gatroeld Empire. The 8th empire is an unofficial place in the universe that is known as the Rhertan Empire. It is not under the jurisdiction of the Callis Court and thus it is unofficial, crimes and the like are common there as there is no justice system. We currently live in the Lucrasi Empire.”


    After finishing, the boy had an expectant look on his face. But before he could voice a word about the story, the maid once again questioned him. “How many planets does each empire control?” With a look that signified that the boy had eaten something bitter, the boy gave a strangled sigh before answering. It would all be worth it when the story came by.


    “Starting from the Brightlane Empire down, they control 64, 70, 53, 47, 49, 38, 32, and the Rhertan Empire holds 94 planets.” Without waiting for the maid to ask another question, the boy continued his explanation. “Although an empire may have more planets, it does not necessarily make it more powerful. For example, the Brightlane Empire holds less planets than the Azurestreak Empire but the Brightlane Empire holds more military power. The power rankings take the amount of mortals and cultivators that the Empire officially has doctrine over.


    In the case of our empire, we our officially weaker than the Syntomas Empire but there are many unaccounted cultivators that would side with our empire.” The maid clapped her hands in approval and looked at the boy. “I suppose you have earned yourself a story then.” Immediately sitting up, the boy’s eyes locked onto his maid and he began to listen much more intently. With a great admiration in her eyes, the maid began to recount the tale.


    “As a young man, master Norton was a promising warrior. He had surpassed his peers in both talent and temperament. He easily broke through bottlenecks one after the other. Some say it’s because he has a hidden master, but most like to believe that he was just an unimaginable talent. By the time he was 19, master Norton was capable besting most foes in his path. In fact, some estimate that he was even more talented than some geniuses in Empire Brightlane. However, he was somewhat of a lone wolf and was differentiated from his peers because of it.


    Oh, you haven’t been taught about cultivation yet have you?” The boy shook his head. He was only 8 years old, he hadn’t even gone to school yet and he was not permitted to cultivate as cultivating before 10 was impossible. It was this way because once someone reached the age of 10, their meridians would open for the first time. That singular moment determines the person’s entire future. “Well, I guess you’ll learn about it in the future but, back to the story.”


    “He was quickly gathered by the one of the most prominent universities in the universe, Synacton University. That specific university put an emphasis on body refining and thus master Norton’s training was fairly smooth sailing.” Adjusting her posture to sit in a more comfortable position, the maid continued speaking. “At the time, it was fairly peaceful unlike now. Your father could have been said to-”


    With a knock on the door, the maid was fully interrupted as she quickly swerved her head around to look at the intruder. As soon as she saw him, her eyes quickly widened as she stood up and took a deep bow. “Master Norton, excuse me, I had no idea you-” With a wave of his hand, the maid calmed and he spoke. “It is okay Annabelle, please retire to your quarters.” Hearing these words the maid didn’t dare raise her head as she left the room.


    “Dad! I was in the middle of story time!” A small smile formed on the edge of Norton’s lips as he looked at his child. “Now now Matt, you were supposed to be asleep.” The boy quickly averted his gaze and looked elsewhere. “Oh, it’s pretty late isn’t it?” A chuckle signaled the failure of his attempt to divert the conversation which was followed by a wry smile. “Just like your mother I suppose, mischievous little devil.”


    He walked over and patted the child’s head. “Go to sleep Matt, I’ll start teaching you about cultivation tomorrow.” The boy's eyes widened significantly as he heard this. “Really?! Are you sure?” With a small laugh, Norton assured Matthias that he was going to teach him. At this point, Matthias had completely forgotten about his ‘nightmares’ as kids usually do. He was quite eager to sleep now. Much more eager than he had been before.


    He quickly tossed his blankets over him and shut his eyes hard. As if the harder he shut his eyes, the quicker he would fall asleep. Norton simply watched his child do so with a grin before leaving silently. If he had not made his presence known, neither Matthias nor Annabelle would have had a single clue he was there.


    In another room


    “Are you really going to instruct him?” A woman using a berating tone voiced her concerns. “Well, obviously I’m not going to allow him to cultivate. You must know that I am not that stupid.” Norton no longer projected the aura he had when talking to the maid and his son. In fact, the air around him seemed to be much more welcoming than before. To outsiders, it was a rare sight.


    To his wife however, she hadn’t once been the target of his commanding aura. If anything, she was the one projecting it. The reason why Matthias hadn’t reacted to it was mostly because he had been around it since birth. However, it was partly because something in his soul felt a familiarity to that specific aura, as if it had once belonged to it. These two things combined made that aura feel very familiar in general.


    “But, didn’t you say that we would do so together?” A moment of silence passed while Norton began scouring through his memories. Oddly enough, he didn’t remember saying anything of the sort, but he had played this game long enough to know the rules. “Yes, of course you did. That’s why I was going to take you with me.” With a roll of her eyes, the woman snorted and spit out a few more words.


    “No need to put on any airs Norton, both you and I know that we never even spoke about it.” With a sigh, Norton scratched his head. Even after so many years together, he still could not anticipate her actions. “Alright, do you still want to go?” The woman gave him a disdainful look and laughed a little. “Of course, he’s my son.”


    With a sigh, Norton began to wonder how exactly he fell in love with this woman. “Alright then, I’ll wake you in the morning.” With those words, both decided to just go to bed. Their relationship could be seen as quite strained but in truth, their relationship could be considered fairly harmonious compared to how she treated everyone else. If she truly didn’t love him, then he would no doubt been cursed at and maybe even hit multiple times. Her only real loving side was shown when she was with her son.

    ______________________________________


    Within a dark, ominous landscape, a single boy appeared. This boy was only of 8 years old and he was of the name Matthias. He was startled slightly and he looked around, he was just going to sleep and….. now he was in his dreams. Those dark and horrible dreams. A grey ball of light was in the sky, but strangely, none of the light was driven towards the floor below.


    Matthias knew what would happen next and he steeled himself. The ball of grey that was seemingly harmless rapidly shot towards Matthias. Unlike the last couple of times though, he did not run. He stood and faced the oncoming light. It slammed into him and although there wasn’t any sign of physical strain, Matthias began to clutch his head and silently scream.


    It wasn’t that he could endure it though, his scream was silent purely because the pain completely blocked out all other sensations. The dark surroundings suddenly started to churn. If anyone saw this happening, they would think that the endless darkness was a living being. One so terrifying that it was avoided by even the light.


    Despite all this happening, Matthias had not noticed anything outside of the pain. Immeasurable waves of pain constantly assaulting his mind. Breaking it down but also fortifying it. Of course to Matthias, he didn’t notice any benefits from the situation, and slowly, images began to fill his head. In some, it was calm day. In others though, he was in the midst of bloodshed using strange techniques to cut through enemies.


    In fact, every image or memory was only shown once throughout his entire life, but they had gone on for close to six years already. The amount of memories just from this fact was extremely terrifying. Once he was of common birth, then he was a dictator, then an old man, and then a young child. It constantly varied painting pictures of horrible scenes but giving life to some of the most touching.


    As this process went on, slowly but surely, the pain was going away. However, along with that pain went multiple other things at a much slower rate. His reluctance to kill. His general protectiveness for women. The joy he experiences. All of it was leaving him at a snail’s pace. However, it stopped moving and Matthias found relief. The images had stopped. The pain had ceased. It was time for him to wake up.

    ____________________________


    Morning


    “Rise and shine Matty!” Within a split-second of that shout, Matthias opened his eyes and looked out the originator. He was no doubt surprised when he found his mother and father staring at him with loving gazes. Usually, the maids would wake him up, so why were things different today?


    Seeing the look on his face, his father quickly tried to get him to recall a certain event that took place. “I am here, with your mother, to teach you about cultivation!” It took a full second before Matthias shot up in a panic and ran to his wardrobe. He had to get ready for today and at his fastest speed yet, he was out of his pajamas and in his training gear. While it was forbidden to cultivate, just training is something that most all kids would do.


    After doing so, he quickly turned towards the direction of his parents and with a bow, he greeted them. “Mother, Fath-” He was interrupted mid-greeting by a forceful hug and a laugh. While struggling to free himself, Matthias exclaimed, “Mom! You said you wouldn’t baby me anymore.” His mother chuckled slightly before retorting his claim. “No, I said that I wouldn’t do it in the future. Right now is in the present.”


    After getting over his mother’s twisted logic, Matthias began to sigh. He didn’t hate the attention, contrary to that, he actually welcomed it. Then, with a large smile on his mother’s face, she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before putting him down. “How old will he be when you stop that Geneva?” A pout formed at the edge of her lips as she bit back a retort. Husband? How could that be compared to her baby?


    “He could be over a millennia old and I would still pick him up and swing him about.” Norton sighed and waved his hand. “Forget it, let’s go to the training grounds.” With contentment clear on her face, Geneva walked alongside Matthias while Norton was confounded at the difference of treatment. At normal walking speed, it should have taken a few minutes. However, with the physique of a cultivator, both Geneva and Norton could cross this gap within a few seconds.


    Only because they were walking with Matthias did they only slightly speed up. In spite of this, Matthias still had to run to be able to keep up with his parents. By the time they got there, both husband and wife looked as though they were taking a stroll. The boy on the other hand, looked as though he had just been through a marathon. Running that distance without stopping a single time was an arduous task after all.


    “Okay, here we are.” Geneva nodded and gave a look of pity to her child. He was drenched in sweat, but she knew that this was part of his training and she wouldn’t help. “So, on the topic of cultivation, what do you want to learn first Matty?” At this point in time, the boy was struggling to get is breath under control. Not to even mention speaking a single word. “You are permitted to use your meditation technique.”


    A glimmer of hope could be seen in Matthias’ eyes. He was never allowed to use them during training so he could build a good foundation. Now however, he was about to learn about cultivation so he put that behind him. Quickly sitting down in a cross legged position, he closed his eyes and soon after, his breathing became more mediated and he felt no fatigue at all.


    Meditation techniques were used as a way to calm and heal the body so it reached its most optimal state. Usually, this would mean that using it alongside training would be very beneficial. However, allowing the body to naturally heal and restore itself without any outside factors reaped much greater rewards than meditating. Why this happened could only be explained by some medical cultivators or someone of their skill level.


    Father, all I know of is the common knowledge and thus I am mostly empty. Start however you please.” Norton gave an approving nod as he stared at Matthias. “Alright, first we should begin by saying that no matter the type of cultivator, they would be countless times stronger than an ordinary mortal. Also, because of your age, I can’t go into extreme detail until you are allowed to legally cultivate.” This was in fact, common knowledge and Matthias had known this. What came next however, was completely new.


    “When starting out your journey, you begin in the ‘Mortal Tier’ where there are 5 stages. Cleansing, Foundation, Sublimation, Liquefaction, and Solidification. Of these 5, the Foundation and Solidification stages are the most important. For an average cultivator, it will roughly take him 7 years to complete each level. It can be said that the beginning of your cultivation lays out the road you take afterwards so you must maintain an excellent cultivation through all of the stages.”


    At this point, Norton had seen that Matthias was processing all of this information and he let him do so without interruption. Strangely enough, Geneva had been quiet for quite a long time and he could sense something going on with her. He didn’t actually get the time to ponder over it before Matthias broke the silence. “Okay, I understand.” This line sparked some pride in Norton’s heart. He knew that his child learned things quickly through his teachers but to this extent? Matthias was only 8 after all. To have a learning ability like this was a great boon and signified that he may have talent in incorporeal paths.


    Feeling proud of his son, Norton continued his lecture. “Among the stages I have told you about, you will only begin to gain any real power at the sublimation stage, that is where you take all of the essence you have built up in the Cleansing and Foundation stages and transform it into a gaseous cloud inside of yourself. Afterwards, liquefaction and solidification are fairly self-explanatory. After breaking through to the solidification stage will your body start unleashing its affinities.


    That is when we learn in what areas you are talented in, and how to train you from that point on. The tier after the beginning stages is formally known as the ‘Transcendent Tier’. It is named that because it is the tier that allows you to break into and transcend into the next tier, the ‘Immortal Tier’. I actually can’t tell you any more but I can tell you that the world of cultivation only opens up to you in the ‘Transcendent Tier’.”


    Despite being dumped with loads of information, whether it was due to the boy’s innate talent or because he had an experienced soul, he picked up the information quickly. “I understand father.” It wasn’t a large amount of information to take in but usually, children found it quite fascinating which actually took power away from their comprehensive skills. However, for one reason or another, Matthias actually didn’t have the same problem as most kids his age.


    Then, the day went on as normal. He trained, he was educated, he went out to play, all just like a normal noble child. Time from then on passed quickly. With each night opening more and more memories to him, he became increasingly more different from his past self. He was more mature, cold even. Despite that though, family still held an incredible place in his heart. It seems that in both this life and in the last, he had shared the same principal.


    Soon enough, a year passed and the immature child from before would rarely be seen. As he grew older and his brain continued to develop, he got access to more and more memories from his past life. Somehow, that also increased his comprehensive and learning abilities at the same time. Despite all of this though, he hadn’t the slightest clue of what those ‘images’ actually meant.
     
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  3. Balthazzar

    Balthazzar 『Reformed Member of NuF Society』

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  4. Cohran

    Cohran [Androphobic] [Humble Baker™]

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    Got it.
     
  5. Balthazzar

    Balthazzar 『Reformed Member of NuF Society』

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    mhm
     
  6. Cohran

    Cohran [Androphobic] [Humble Baker™]

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    I like this part. It is typical in novels for babies to have all the memories like Ji Ning did in the womb. I find it ridiculous for that to happen. A steady development with past memories is best.
    Well I gave the other info on Discord.
     
  7. Balthazzar

    Balthazzar 『Reformed Member of NuF Society』

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    I found it pretty strange too......
    unless the baby has some kind of super brain, the overflow of information could easily cripple an undeveloped brain
     
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  8. Cohran

    Cohran [Androphobic] [Humble Baker™]

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    Also good idea to have the cultivation realms in that way. Naming the foundation realm is a good change as I find some popular novels where I keep questioning where the MC is at in cultivation. Lets see where it goes ^_^.
     
  9. Balthazzar

    Balthazzar 『Reformed Member of NuF Society』

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    yeah..... i figured i might as well split up the standard cultivation things into stages that arent low, mid, high, top, and great circle..
     
  10. Cohran

    Cohran [Androphobic] [Humble Baker™]

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    A system like Douluo dalu is also good.
     
  11. Balthazzar

    Balthazzar 『Reformed Member of NuF Society』

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    yeah...
    except when the MC skews up the reason for cultivation ranks when he can kill someone over 20 ranks than him
     
  12. Cohran

    Cohran [Androphobic] [Humble Baker™]

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    Except that. I always wondered why the MCs foundation must be that much better than everyone who as the lord knows how much resources and family history to help their cultivation.
     
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  13. Balthazzar

    Balthazzar 『Reformed Member of NuF Society』

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    shhhh.... plot
     
  14. Cohran

    Cohran [Androphobic] [Humble Baker™]

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    xD alright. I will wait for the rest~
     
  15. Balthazzar

    Balthazzar 『Reformed Member of NuF Society』

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    riiiight
     
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  16. Cohran

    Cohran [Androphobic] [Humble Baker™]

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    What? not like i can kidnap you and make you write in my room for the rest of your life~
     
  17. Balthazzar

    Balthazzar 『Reformed Member of NuF Society』

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    nope, you cant do that.....
    unless you have free wifi, free good food, free clothes, free pretty much everything i need
     
  18. Cohran

    Cohran [Androphobic] [Humble Baker™]

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    No problemo~
    Even jade like beauties.
     
  19. Balthazzar

    Balthazzar 『Reformed Member of NuF Society』

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    *thumbs up*
    fly over and 'kidnap' me
     
  20. Cohran

    Cohran [Androphobic] [Humble Baker™]

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    You sir are the best kidnap victim ever!