Discussion What are your thoughts of this Prologue?

I suddenly felt like writing again after a depressing day of 'Family Matters'.

Now I wrote this prologue because I had enough free time to do so.

I'm going to continue to write this story whether others like it or not because I'm writing for fun.

Any constructive criticisms are welcome but if your just going to shit on it without reasoning I'd rather not listen to trolls as I stopped writing because of them, and please no swearing at the Author of this.

Prologue

Some say love is an emotion, but I disagree, because the feeling most people have after seeing a beautiful woman is lust. What's laughable is people even talk about 'Love at first sight' as if lovers a fated to meet.

Love definitely isn't an emotion in my opinion because all hearts are fickle.

In my life, I've been in many relationships, and as an adult I have more than enough experience to know that 'Love' can only be a promise.

In weddings, both the husband-to-be and wife-to-be make vows to support each other before the wedding is complete, that moment when their promise is sealed with a kiss could be said to be one of the most beautiful scenes in their future selfs memory.

If only my relationships were that simple, as a billionaire who's the CEO of a multinational company, many woman seek me out of greed.

They act coy, they act shameless, and they even try to grasp me in their ploys.

I remember once my alcohol was spiked with aphrodisiac by my personal assistant once in order to force me to do something in the private room she booked at one of my company's hotels.

It's not like her plan was bad, all my employees know of my personality and knew that I really would take responsibility for her if she succeeded.

Well... That's if she succeeded... It's not like that strict father of mine pampered me into a useless son who can't see through a persons outer charade.

I smile to my assistant after drinking the cup of alcohol in front of me that only left my attention for a moment.

"I'm tired. Take me back to my room."

The billionaire boss, Alex Stuman, said softly to his assistant as he stood. His assistant besides him quickly drank her own beverage and helped him walk.

"Sir, are you sure you're okay?"

"It's nothing. I'm probably fatigued from escaping my own bodyguards."

"Hehehe. Sir, you should listen to him more, isn't he trying to protect you?"

"It should be obvious. I don't want to be surrounded by guys all day."

"...Then?"

As she heard my answer, a look of astonishment appears on her face, it was then that gazed passionately at her beautiful figure. I could tell that deep within her eyes was a shred of hesitation towards what would happen.

"I suddenly want to tell you: Sam, you are really cute, you know that?"

Even though I can tell that the private room she must have booked is right next to us, I use my hand block her path, cornering her to the wall.

"Sir, you're really drunk, please rest."

Her voice was like gentle breeze that caressed my ear, a flirtatious look appeared in my eyes as I put my other hand near her mouth, my thumb gently tracing past the make-up on her lips.

"A natural beauty like you shouldn't need to wear any lipstick, right?"

"...I wanted to make this celebration something to remember."

"Is that so? Well, you've succeeded alright, it looks good on you."

It was at that that I stopped playing with her lips and blocked the exit out of my grasp, but her face was still calm even under the heaviness of my gaze.

"Sam, you're a nice girl, you should treasure yourself more than this."

As those words left my mouth, she looks at me with astonishment, the calm expression on her face crumbles.

"You already knew..?"

It didn't take long for her to remember that I did have several opportunities to change my glass after she spiked it.

She bit her lower lip, seemingly unable to understand how I was still able to resist her seductive beauty, it wasn't even that hard to guess her thoughts.

"Am I not attractive enough for you?"

It was hard for me to tell why her eyes were so filled with rage. I release my hands and stop blocking her path as she tried to get closer to me.

"Like I said before: Do you think I'm gay? Of course I find you attractive."

I said straightforwardly, the bluntness of my words was something she definitely wasn't expecting, especially due to the fact I never showed any interest in her after she was employed.

"Then why won't you pick me?"

Her voice asked questioningly to the man who was barely able to stand before her. She didn't hate him, nor did she want his money, the only thing she was for him to notice her existence notice the feeling she had for him.

"I'm sorry, but I can't return your feelings, please try to understand."

Aw, look at her, it's weird how such a scheming woman can cry so sadly.

"Come on. We're friends. What? Did you think that you're unforgivable?"

"I'm sorry."

"I forgive you."

I bring her towards my chest and let her tears fall on my expensive clothes.

This closeness we had was something others wouldn't be able to understand.

In fact, even we didn't understand how close we had become over the years we had known each other, since it wasn't like we truly had interest in each other after we first met. As she cried on my chest, I hugged her, my heart starts to waver after seeing her this pitifully.

Time passed... and her depression gradually subsided. It's not like I couldn't understand her position. Since I already knew of her secret crush towards me the moment I hired her.

If it was any other day, she wouldn't have went so far, but my sins had forced this girl to take matters into her own hands after her family's death.

"What's your type then."

"I'm more into the innocent and somewhat foolish type of girls."

"Foolish? Why foolish?"

"Since it's easier to keep secrets from them. I mean, if a girl was to know that her groom is as black-hearted as his suit, she would come to hate him."

Although Sam clearly wasn't the innocent type I was looking for, her eyes were still sharp with resolve after hearing my words, then she grabbed my necktie and pulled me closer to her.

"Try me. Tell me everything."

She said resolutely, I look at her trembling hands and couldn't help but sigh. Usually, I would find a way to avoid the subject, but this time was different. How could I possibly avoid the gaze of such a straightforward girl?

"Then let me show you something."

After saying those words, I grab her hand and guide her towards a certain restricted area on the luxurious hotel.

She didn't resist and only watched curiously as I passed several men who seemed to be secretly on guard against her existence. She seemed to have already guessed that her surroundings were suspicious after we finally arrived at an extremely thick vault-like door.

"What is this place?"

She asked nervously but my attention was fully concentrated on the various technological locks I placed on the extremely thick metal door.

"Done."

After allowing it to scan my hands, I opened the door, allowing her to what was inside. She gasped as she saw the various different weapons inside it.

"You're... an Arms-Dealer!"

"Surprised? Isn't this more memorable than wearing make-up for once?"

The guards that were protecting this secret look over towards us, if I wasn't here, I'm sure they would've silence her in order to protect my family's secret.

"The murderer that killed your family also bought one of these guns as well."

"..."

After hearing my words, she trembled with rage, it was easy to understand what she must have been thinking as she stood next to the accomplice of the person who murdered her family.

I know clearly that she wouldn't believe me even if I was to deny my connection to the serial killer that ruined her home. I feel guilt and regret whenever I remember how I didn't pay attention to the buyers as long as I made money.

"I'm a really bad person."

"I know."

"I am one of the reasons your family was killed in broad daylight."

"I know."

"I love you."

At my words, she lifted her head to look into my eyes, a fiery glare that contained resentment shot toward me.

"You don't believe me?"

"I don't."

She said straightforwardly, this is one of the things I love most about her, she becomes less scheming with pressure.

"Then I'll prove it to you."

I close the door and take her to my room, her eyes were filled with darkness as she tried to hold her emotions. Her red eyes were filled with killing intent as she looked for an opportunity to mercilessly kill me.

"You could have kept it a secret."

Her eyes turned stone cold as she spoke slowly, but in response to her question, I shake my head.

"I feel depressed whenever I think about how the girl I love was hurt due to my sins. Sam, you've known me for so long, you should be able to comprehend why I'm telling you this."

"You don't love me."

"Is that so? Do you think just anyone could become my private assistant?"

"Just tell me why you did you bring me here, I don't care if you're telling the truth or not, nor do I care about your obsession towards the words 'love'."

In the office of my special hotel room, a sheet of paper was placed in the hands of the assistant by the evil boss who was partially responsible for her parents death. She skimmed through the paragraphs on it before throwing it.

"I don't need your money! Do you writing a will like this would touch my heart? Don't play games with me!"

As the paper hit my face, I shook my head, it's hard for me to imagine that she didn't understand my intentions.

"I'm giving you a chance to use that knife your hiding to kill me."

I said while opening up my arms.

"..."

Once again, she was lost for words, her eyes looked at me as if I was a stranger.

"Why are so willing to die? You should be struggling to survive. There are so many ways you could have stopped this from happening. You bastard!"

"I've already done enough. I love you enough to give my life to you, if you want it, you can take it from m-."

My confession was cut short by her knife that wedges into my chest. Blood sprayed out of my body as I weakly fell back on the desk with a bloodied suit.

"I hate you!" She cried wrathfully as she pushed the knife into my beating heart. The last thing I saw before closing my eyes was her beautiful face that stained by my own blood.

"I know." I said softly before I died.

---------------------------------

"What a stupid reason to die." In the darkness of my mind. A voice echoes in my ear, one that was indiscernible and unable to be distinguished in any way.

I don't regret what I did, as someone who was the cause of her family's destruction, I don't have the right to.

"Like I said, that's stupid, are you insane? You only had to force her by using your influence to corner her. It's not like scars can't heal and love can't be cultivated with time."

That's not love, that's Stockholm Syndrome, get your facts checked.

"Are you some kind of masochist?"

I'm a feminist.

"More like womanist. Do you have to act like such a drama queen?"

I don't want to hear that from a disembodied entity in my mind.

"I am not a disembodied entity."

Prove it.

"You know what? Maybe I should, but be warned that seeing me will completely destroy your soul."

Actually, I'm fine, continue.

"I'm here to give you an offer."

I don't support human trafficking.

"Just shut up and listen. I'm the entity known as the Arcana God. If you form a contract with me, I'll give you the chance to live once more."

I don't want it.

"Hey hey, you're going to hell if you don't accept my demands, don't you know that already? If a God can exist then why can't hell. Also, why are you so calm? Isn't your world atheist."

There are religions everywhere. So your wrong. Plus, I don't believe in Gods.

"Then what do you think am?"

The Devil.

"You don't believe in Gods but you can accept the existence of a devil...?"

Contradictory right? It's either that or God just doesn't give a shit about us.

"Your insane."

I'm told that a lot.

"Well, I like your insanity, that's why I chose you to become of my apostles."

Are there a lot of them?

"Around a dozen of them."

...That's a lot of people. Am I going to be reincarnated on Earth once more?

"No, you're not, your going to be reincarnated on my own realm."

A parallel world reincarnation?

"Yeah, it's going to have things like swords and magic just like those light novels in Japan, it should be exciting."

If there's magic, there should be a system used to grow stronger, right?

"Oh, you mean like in the Xianxia genre light novels? If so, yes there is."

Such a brutal and unfair world. You want a pacifist like me to die there?

"You've been killing people your entire life, so it shouldn't be a big deal."

You're wrong. I have never personally killed another living being before.

"Not even a fly?"

Insects are below humans. They don't feel pain nor sorrow upon death.

"You always have an excuse for everything don't you?"

Of course, plus, can't you just give me a gun for self defence? Your God, right?

"Let me explain a bit about my world before you continue. Although I said the world is like a Xianxia, it's also like an RPG over the top of that.

People of the Cloudy Sky Continent are able to rise up in ranks through their class. There are Swordsmen, Mages, Archers, Ninjas and whatever other ones you can think of. The first two ranks only requires the users to control the technique they have using weapons.

If you want, I'll allow you to have an extra life in order to help you create the weapon you are thinking of."

What will my first life's class be.

"A Mage."

Are they really strong?

"Yes, as the protagonist, you're definitely going to be a genius."

Wait... Does that mean you're going to reincarnate me into a pitiful orphan?

"You read to much Wuxia's, of course I won't do that, you'll be the successor of an prosperous kingdom of magic."

That sounds too suspicious...

"Does your instinct tell you I'm lying?"

No, you seem to be telling the truth.

"Then just silently become my apostle."

Fine, I agree.

"Congratulations! Now let's go through the paperwork before you reincarnate."

 

"[...]as if lovers a fated to meet."

Mistake in the very first paragraph; I think my thoughts are self-explanatory.

If you want "constructive feedback", then you should at least try to put in some effort.

 

he did put in effort though

 

That wall o' text wasn't effort?

 

ah...and sorry, you lost me when you said he wa a billionare, been reading too much of that shit at Rednovels recently. I kinda skimmed, but it looked good. Just gotta work on grammar.

 

The direction I thought this was heading changed so many times that I don't even know

 

If it's anything like royalroadl where it will get dropped in the future don't bother getting our hopes up. Had decent novels started halfway through stops and that's it quite annoying.

 

hey this was actually good..just that one typo. The background seems detailed enough at the same time not too exposition type.However,you are on the knife's edge here.A lot of novels similar to this so to make this memorable you need to work extra hard~ I like the start.

 

Failed English a few times until I finally succeeded in college. This is the only excuse I can give before saying sorry straight after. I really need someone to correct me when I make such awkward mistakes. Plus it's weird that 'people who write for fun' are criticised for not putting any effort right? RRL was a spam of people telling me my story's shit for stupid reasons like: 'I don't like the fact you wrote Yin Yang. So this story's shit.' Which really gets me.

A guy who writes for fun needs to put in effort to write as well. A story and plot doesn't write itself.

But enough of that, thank you for your honesty and I'll try my best!

 

pretty nice prologue
way better than some novels like http://www.novelupdates.com/series/um-sorry-ive-been-reincarnated/
you should try it and since you don´t have to force yourself for it it should not become mediocre or bad if you put in effort
Edit: just reread the prologue of http://www.novelupdates.com/series/um-sorry-ive-been-reincarnated/ and actually its not so bad and a bit funny but the story after that gets quite... (don´t know how to describe it)

 

Sounds interesting... care to explain.
Truthfully, I'm a dense guy, so asking others if the character isn't too ridiculous is something I usually do since I can't understand myself.

 

hm, your english is better than some native english speakers tho, honestly. Dont worry, you dont truly need to worry about formal english, and proper grammar, unless you're writing some important stuff. So just doing some editing here and there is fine. All you need to really worry about, if you want to make the story flow better, would be word choice and correct spelling. And those two are simple to spot, proper use of puntuation marks and the like aside. Like me, i've a good grasp of english but i aint gonna bother correcting every grammar mistake i spot. Just spelling. This aint no essay, boi. Gotta remember that, gotta not stress.

And yeah. If you just write for fun, then what the fuck is the need to make sure every fucking thing is on the level of a presidential speech and shit?

 

Thank you. I too read some of it and thought the surroundings of the protagonist was too generic. I liked the protagonist of that novel, but it just didn't do justice to 'writing a generic plot interestingly'.

My opinion of that is that the author couldn't really make up his mind about the direction of the novel. If the protagonist finds something he wants to work to achieve later, I'm sure everyone would like it, and thank you for your honesty.

 

yeah that kind of sucked
Good luck with your writing then

 

I'm the type of guy that, once starts doing something, can't stop until it's as perfect as possible. Which is the reason I got a D in English but A* in Science in secondary school.

When someone isn't telling me that it's okay, I usually try my best to make it better and better while I'm writing, Though I guess this is the cause of some of my stress.

Overall: I can't stop rewriting anything I don't like after finishing.

 

does that mean you´ve got a bit of an OCD? if you do then would you care to tell me wheter it disturbs your normal life or not? :O
just curious (no offense ^^)

 

The change in emotions felt really unnatural, one minute she is in love with the guy, the next she wants to kill him. I mean granted he was indirectly responsible for her families death, but she was supposedly in love with him. You cannot just swap between deeply in love, to wanting to kill like you would flip a coin. There are a bunch of emotions in-between you have to get through first.

Also not crazy about the name Sam, though that is probably because I have the same name.

 

I guess it helps somewhat. I have dyslexia so having such an OCD really helps when it's needed.

 

Wow, that really is a weird coincidence... Either way, thank you for your honesty, I'll think about how to make this seem more natural.

By the way, I think 'indirectly responsible for killing her family' is enough to drive her loco. (No offence nor criticism.) Though I get where you're coming from though.

 

wow! props to you then that you can write with few typos even with dyslexia
btw since you want to continue this novel keep in mind that short chapters are the doom of many possible readers