Smiling Tears, or perhaps a Tearful Smile

Something weird happened yesterday... I cried. I cried, but I was smiling.

It’s not uncommon for me to cry, rather, it’s more common than you might imagine. I really do cry all the time for a lot of different reasons, I’m a big crybaby, and I don’t mind it that much.

But then… Why was I smiling? It’s simple, I was smiling, because I was happy. But those were definitely not tears of happiness, they were tears of sadness, for I was sad… But I was also happy.

The thing is… Something bad happened, I talked about something and received sad news… So I cried.
However… Those sad news were… Delivered in a good way. I was sad because of what I heard, but I was happy because of what I heard… It was so strange, I felt happy and sad at the same time… I don’t think this ever happened to me before.

It just so happens, that this was a really… Strange thing, and I already expected a sad outcome out of it… But just because you expect something to be sad, it doesn’t make it any less sad, it is just… Sad.
However, when what makes you sad, also has a happy part to it… When the people involved are honest with you, when they care for you and try to think of you even when they make you sad… Then… Then it can only make me happy. Why wouldn’t I be happy? They are being so mindful of me, they are being so truthful to me, they are being so kind to me…

It’s not easy to accept that things won’t go the way we wanted them to… But it is definitely a lot easier when people take care to do things in a proper way, when they care for you and stay by your side even while hurting you.

This is not the first I get troubled by this kind of experience, nor do I think it will be the last… I have a terrible tendency of involving myself with the people I shouldn’t, or at least I involve myself with them in the wrong way… But again, what else can I do? When I find someone and want to get close to them, what else can I do but to get close? Even if I know it’s not going to turn out the way I want… It can still turn out wonderfully well, and that is what I think that happened yesterday.

Things didn’t go the way I wanted, but they went in a route that was a lot, a lot better than in the way I expected them to go.

How could I not be happy when things go a lot better than my expectations? But how can I not be sad when they don’t go the way I wanted them to?

I wasn’t sure of why I was happy while I cried when I started writing this… Putting it on paper kinda made me realize though… The paragraph right above this one is probably the summary of my thoughts when it happened…

I hope things keep on having nice turns on my life… God knows it is a lot better than it was 2 years ago, I hope it keeps moving like that.