A Susurration of Silences

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eminence grise

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Speak if you have something to say, and I became a susurration of silences. I became the negative space between two heartbeats, the hush before the first bowed note, and the visceral clench before sheer panic.

Eminence, my professor said, you’re brilliant—why thank you Professor Leiff—but I would love to hear more from you—why no thank you Professor Leiff.

And so I did not speak for two months.

Lurking, is that what they call it? I lurked and heard compassion from a woman for everyone's life but her own. Love yourself like how you love others, I wanted to tell her. I lurked and heard eloquent thoughts so well-expressed it made me afraid to ever speak again. He spun silver out of sentiments and I spun shit out of syllables. I lurked and heard ramblers who had a mouth for every thought. Build a wall, Trump says, and I would bring him a rambling mason who builds walls from text. I lurked and heard a confession from a girl who was so sorry for airing her heart. I lurked and heard a rejection from the boy who was so sorry for breaking it. I lurked and heard haploid thoughts escaping throat cavities before ever fully coagulating. Thinking is not a prerequisite for speaking for the haploid-prone. I lurked and heard so much from others that I nearly assumed who they were. How frightening, to assume you could know a person. I lurked and heard and heard.

Then I spoke, for I had something to say.



Who wields more power? The man who speaks and steers the conversation? Or the man who listens, taking in all but giving none?

Emmyy likes this.

Comments

    1. Ddraig Jun 14, 2018
      eminence grise likes this.
    2. eminence grise Jun 14, 2018
    3. Ddraig Jun 14, 2018
      I learned a new word today.
      Bad Storm and eminence grise like this.
    4. eminence grise Jun 13, 2018
      I am a Seanchaí who writes not what he speaks.

      There is this concept in poetry of the writer and the speaker. I, eminence grise, am the writer. But what I pen is not always my own voice. I may speak for girls who have the courage to love, for fools who part too quickly with secrets, for sentient spaghetti, or anything in between.

      In A Susurration of Silences, I spoke for the me of yesteryear. It was a year ago, and not now, that I lurked. The italic question was just a tangentially related addendum, an afterthought that interested me, a point of discussion.

      As for who the powerful man is, I'd say it is the man who is listened to.

      Professor Leiff was a communications professor and taught me the power of it. People scoff at the soft skills while putting STEM on a pedestal. Don't get me wrong, STEM is great. But to go far, you also need to know how to be heard when you speak.

      The man who lurks and listens walks away with a sense of superiority from having known others more than they know himself, but that does not always translate into power.

      I agree that money and manipulation go far in terms of power. I'm not sure how it stacks up against my response. I'll have to think on that.

      The shaman example reminds me of the European concept of divine right of kings, where the monarchs sit upon their thrones because God wills it. In both cases, a higher power affirming their rights.
    5. Emmyy Jun 13, 2018
      I edited my post after thinking a bit more about it haha
      eminence grise likes this.
    6. eminence grise Jun 13, 2018
      The 2016 election nearly gave the 1828 election a run for its money in terms of mudslinging. Both sides were vituperative (a lovely word), Trump's side more so. Then there was the whole James Comey fiasco. I didn't know whether to be horrified or entertained. The tragedy of Trump is that he is now pegged as a moron. Morons say moronic ideas, and now some people are too blinded to even give weight to the few valid opinions and proposals he has. Then on the other side of the field, there are the staunch Trump supporters who think he can do no wrong.

      I love the word susurration. It sounds like the very thing it is—a whispering. God, I love the English language. I would support harems on the sole basis that as harem king, I could wed as many words as I wanted.

      If your man wields power, then I hope you do too. Unequal power dynamics in a relationship is a shortcut to unhappiness.
      Emmyy likes this.
    7. Emmyy Jun 13, 2018
      I cannot disagree with you it is a world turned upside down. If you had told me the demographics of the people who ultimately voted for Trump I would have scoffed at your prediction. Clinton's false sense of security coupled with her targeting the the wrong people while compaigning was probably unprecedented, leading to the bizarre alternate Universe that is Trump.
      I was hasty in my answer haha..
      My man is who should wield power..
      The question obviously can not be answered in a simple manner,it would be relative to the situation.
      Now that I put some thought into it, the person who has the power is not the man who steers the conversation.. not the one who just listens.. not my knowledgeable wise man.. but the man who is manipulative and has monetary resources to gain his objective in most political instances.Who is most powerful in a village in the jungle where indigenous people still live , that might be a Shaman who people believe wield spiritual power.
      I do have a question now that Im pondering what you wrote. It seems that the blog spoke of your reluctance to speak, now you felt the need to speak to pose this question. Who do you think is the most powerful man ?
      eminence grise likes this.
    8. eminence grise Jun 13, 2018
      Succinctly echoed up in the phrase: Knowledge is power.

      But what use is it to know something and to say it, but for it to fall upon deaf ears?

      Cue the 2016 US Presidential election. Misinformation won. Anger won. Wisdom fell short. And so, who wields the power now? Certainly not the wise. Certainly not a man who listened and gathered knowledge.