Hollowness...

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Author

SylviaViolet

Toast to the ones that we lost on the way⚓️
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This blog was inspired by a Japanese song called Hollowness, by Minami.

I honestly don't know how to start this blog off, but there's usually a point in everyone's lives where you're with a crowd and everyone has a particular opinion on something. It's very tempting to craft a simple lie to fit in and mingle in amidst the discussion. This very lie is a door that opens into the depths of an unfathomable darkness.

One day, there came a time when I felt unloved and not really liked by people. And that that innocent lie was used all over again. Nothing big, like claiming to be able to do amazing things or having things that I do not. But small innocent lies. Lies about myself. Shaping myself up into someone I wasn't. I stopped being the nerdy girl who loved books. I became the girl who liked to talk about fashion and boys.

And it worked. almost magically,drawing me deeper into the abyss. I made many friends that I wouldn't have been able to if I remained who I was. And for a while it was great. I had fun being with many people, talking about lots of different things and I had fun not being myself.

But slowly, over time, it wore me out. I didn't want to spend my free time arguing about what shade I had to paint my nails to go well with my dress. I wanted to sit in a quiet corner and read my favourite novels, escaping into various unique worlds. It was too late. There was no one who knew me at this point. I was even in a relationship in this fake persona of mine. I would lose everything I built in years with a small slip.

Luckily, there was salvation in the form of graduation from school. I was able to fix myself, away from the connections I had made over this period. Even breaking up with my first boyfriend over deciding against a long distance relationship made me glad rather than sad. I couldn't tell you how elated I was when my brother told me it was nice to see me being myself again. He knew me. And that felt more precious than being validated by countless people who didn't.

And yesterday, imagine my surprise when @zetsuen_dark literally brought me a song that gave life to my internal struggles. It might be a lot more extreme compared to what I faced, but I haven't ever heard another one that feels this relatable. Please watch the expressions of the animations along with paying attention to the lyrics. It was done beautifully and it brought life to my thoughts in a way I never imagined possible.
-Syl​


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Comments

    1. SylviaViolet Jun 17, 2021
      @A Certain G.I.R.L. I've read a few of your longer posts before and you've had a really hard time in figuring out your identity, I'm glad it seemed to have worked out in the end. As for the relationship, it might have been best that it ended in a cordial way like it did. I'm still in touch with him and some of the friends I've made at the time, although they think I've changed a lot since then.....
    2. SylviaViolet Jun 17, 2021
      @AliceShiki yeah the main reason for it was probably having completely different kinds of people around me. Also, the song fits so well, otherwise I probably wouldn't have even written this.

      Thank you by the way, I'm glad I was able to get out of it too. I would have done it eventually even if I didn't leave, but it would have been a lot messier.
      AliceShiki likes this.
    3. SylviaViolet Jun 17, 2021
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    4. A Certain G.I.R.L. Jun 16, 2021
      This is something I could relate to, but not in exactly in the same way.

      I wasn't quite aware of my persona, or aware that what I was doing was hurting me, or that I was not being myself. I just acted in the way I thought I wanted to act.

      I didn't understand myself, and I couldn't love myself because I didn't quite understand who I was. And once I came to understand myself, it became unbearable to look at that fake life I had lived through so far.

      I wanted people to stop. I wanted them to look at who was the real me. I wanted them to realize that what they knew was nothing more than a facade. A facade that not even I was aware of.

      It's hard to convince them of those kinds of things though. When they find out that they simply knew nothing about you and that you were completely different from what they expected. It's hard to be accepted once you just decided to be yourself.

      I'm glad you decided to stop lying and behave like yourself again. It is a shame that you couldn't maintain your relationship, but I suppose that it might not be that bad when considering you felt glad about it. I hope things turn out for the best for you.
      SylviaViolet likes this.
    5. GREED444 Jun 16, 2021
      Go syl


      I like the blog hehe
      SylviaViolet likes this.
    6. AliceShiki Jun 16, 2021
      *hugs tight* Glad you were able to find yourself again! \(^^)/

      It made me rememeber my own time at uni... Surrounded by a bunch of "normies" who loved talking about politics, sports and whatnot... And I just... Wanted to run away to the engineering department to talk about games with some of the people there, because I just didn't feel comfortable in the environment of the history department.

      It's not too hard to stay there for a while, but... The more time passes, the harder it is to keep up with that... I'm glad you don't have to lie to yourself anymore, Sylvia-chan, it would hurt way too much to keep that up~

      (Will watch the video later once I'm on pc)

      Edit: I watched the video just now and... Well, I can see why you related to it so much... I don't have much more to say tbh, but... Well, the imagery there was very strong, it was really well made.
      SylviaViolet likes this.
    7. SylviaViolet Jun 16, 2021
      @Agentt I didn't really mean to write a sob story or anything, just something that the song reminded me of. I wouldn't have thought I'd ever find such a perfect fit for me.
      zetsuen_dark likes this.
    8. SylviaViolet Jun 16, 2021
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