When you wake up and you are still depressed

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Scarlethail

Active Member, Female
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I woke up this morning and thought….. (disclaimer this is some “heavy” shit? Maybe? Just trigger warning.)
  • First. I could kill myself.
  • I could fall in love?….it always seems to fix things but then again fairytales do not equal real life. But if I were to fall in love what would it be with?……. life? (Yeah, right. Go to first point for references) A boy? Or girl…. Not sure yet.
  • I could continue struggling to do the bare minimum…..? (I seem to be good at that.)
  • I could try. I could try and try and try and try until I either get whatever it is that I crave or until I’m too broken and beat down to give a sh*t.
  • I could give up and fall deep into depression (note to self: this point is already checked out. Don’t f*cking bring it up again.) become a hermit, hide in my room day in and day in,(cause my body does not consent to the outside world.) losing myself in “what if” and “what could have been”?✅
  • I could hurt myself like I do now but worse. I could hurt myself again and again until there’s no more pain or fear. Until I’m laying in bed. My sheets dyed red and dripping with blood. My empty eyes looking up at the ceil and the once messy room filled with piles of clothes on the floor and boxes from fast food restaurants would be clean. Only a letter by the bedside table and a body remaining. Emptiness would envelopes the room.
    *I could be a poet cause damn. (⬆️For reference)
  • I could push on and ignore the pain until death grows tired of waiting and comes to get me.
  • I could learn to love, relax, breath in, be at peace, accept that I’m stupid and so is everyone else. Accept that we are all very pitiful. Accept that we are all a little fucked up and that’s okay….?
  • I could just exist? Or not. I could just be. Or not.
    Or I could just get the f*ck up and go to school.

Comments

    1. Bad Storms Wall Jan 14, 2022 at 8:35 PM
      My coping mechanism for depression is work, food, and sleep. And people think I'm actually well. It's really strange. I feel like it's been years and nothing changed. Not weak enough to die, not strong enough to do better. Forever stuck in the in between. And so, i live one day at a time. Some days, i wake up feeling like it's a no getting out of the bed day. Some days, i wake up feeling like i could be my best me day. Some days, i just wake up and i don't know how i got through the day, i just realize that i did when i wake up the next morning again. So yah, let's take it slow and figure things out as we go.
      Scarlethail likes this.
    2. Hoouuujae60 Jan 13, 2022 at 4:38 AM
      How about getting up from bed, wash your face with refreshing cold water and not think about those things(specially the first one:blobfearful:)

      You know, you don't necessarily need to fall in love to be happy or you could if that's what you want, as they say "love yourself first so others can love you" if you resort to selfharm or any other things that can hurt you, whether physically or mentally, in the end, wouldn't it be you who would suffer? And if you already are, wouldn't you suffer even more?

      It might be easily said than done, actually I never experienced it first hand so I could never say I truly understand you, but I know someone who does(I won't go to details). Perhaps you need to change your environment, clean your messy room, laundry and fold your clothes, open the curtains for sunlight, make your body more active, and have a heart to heart talk with someone who's there for you. Everything will be okay! Fight on!:blobfistbumpR::blobfistbumpR::blob_pompom:

      "The day you lived in vain, today. Is the tomorrow of someone who died yesterday truly wanted to live."

      Ps. Sorry if I talked too much:blobtired::notlikeblob:
      Bad Storms Wall likes this.
    3. Jevanka926 Jan 13, 2022 at 1:45 AM
      Anyway, this may be useless, ( I know because I've been through it too). But keep on living. I lived like a zombie and now I've survived that time
      Scarlethail likes this.
    4. Jevanka926 Jan 13, 2022 at 1:44 AM
      I won't truly recommend the second one. Unrequited feeling sucks
      Scarlethail likes this.