An otokonoko wonders about stuff #1



【LGBTQ+ association】 【ohko is ohko!】
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You know how there's the famous saying that there's no girls on the Internet?

To what extent do you think this is true? How likely is it if you point at a self-proclaimed girl, and they're actually a guy? Is one out ten girls a trap? One out of three? Half? Majority?

I have no idea.

All I can say is that I'm part of that statistic. (・∧‐)ゞ

And truthfully there's probably a lot more of us secretly lurking here and there.

For the past six, seven(?) years and the majority of my time on the Internet, I've been an otokonoko.

Otokonoko in Japanese (男の娘 Otoko no ko) a word pun that means "male daughter" or "male girl", and refers to men who crossdress as women, or in the context of the Internet, men who act as women online.

It takes a lot of commitment to be a full-time otokonoko, and it's not the kind of thing people can do halfheartedly or jokingly. When all of your most important online friendships and social activities are tied to your otokonoko identity, it's not something that people are willing to joke around lightly about anymore. Most of the people who I know who are otokonokos are serious, and have special reasons for why they do the things that they do.

For instance, I know several people who are transgender, or wish they were transgender, or have some kind of gender dysphoria. I know some more people who are exploring their identity and trying to figure out how to express themselves more freely without being constrained by societal expectations.

And I know others who simply find it more convenient to pose as the other gender, because they want to get along with community of people who share their interests (e.g. a fudanshi who likes yaoi/BL).

In fact, I actually once knew a girl who was a full-time reverse-trap because she always liked the stereotypical trashy harem/ecchi anime, and she liked joking around with the guys, and wanted to be interact with them as "one of the bros" rather than being seen as a girl by them.

There are many reasons why people choose to become an full-time otokonoko.

I am always surprised when I meet another one, because it feels like there are a lot more of us than I ever imagined in the beginning. And lots of unexpected people turn out to be the sex I didn't expect (but definitely not necessarily in a bad way though! and it's often the people whom who you'd least suspect!)

To some extent, it makes me wonder if we might be considered a third gender online.

We're not exactly female, and a lot of us would probably say we're not really all that "male" either -- at least, in the sense that we lack many of qualities that might characterize a stereotypical or conventional guy. For instance, I have never met an otokonoko that was "thirsty" for women, and most of us have girls as our best friends simply because we spend most of our time with that side of the gender spectrum. Unsurprisingly, a good number of us are bi or gay.

Most otokonoko like being called cute.

What else? I think I'm starting to ramble at this point because I'm running out of things to say.

Sometimes I feel like I don't understand men well, which is odd coming me who is a man.

But I suppose that's just the way I grew up -- as a quiet otokonoko who spent most of her youth on the Internet lurking through shoujo novels, fanfiction forums, HP slash fics, art communities, tumblr, and generally spaces that are dominated by women. Sooner or later, I was bound to get addicted to boys love...........

Is it too late to say I'm a fudanshi?

Or would it be a lie to say I'm a fujoshi?

Bad Storm, Katsono, syc and 3 others like this.


    1. Silver Snake Nov 30, 2018
    2. ohko Nov 30, 2018
      @Silver Snake I have no idea what you’re talking about. You’re being far too vague.
    3. Silver Snake Nov 30, 2018
      @otokonoko You fixate on a part and refuse to accept the whole.
    4. ohko Nov 30, 2018
      @Silver Snake I feel like I could say the same thing about the imprecision of your language as well, in the way that you freely choose to define things outside of the dictionary definitions. XD

      That aside, I think we have some fundamental disagreements about what you assume that I think. The first, is that I don't believe that I am lying, because I don't identify my gender as male in the first place. In fact, I believe that gender identity is somewhat fluid on a spectrum, which implies that nobody should ever apologize for attempting to explore their gender identity.

      If you're the type that doesn't believe gender exists and instead only sex matters -- well, there's nothing further I can say. Our worldview differs based on their fundamental premises.

      You seem to think that I am actively attempting re-invent myself in order to appear a certain way to others. In fact, the way I see it, it is the opposite. Rather than becoming somebody else, the entire premise of exploring your gender identity is to figure out how we can best be ourselves in the natural state that feels right to us. I'm sure it is difficult to understand from an outside perspective, but most trans* people often feel as they constantly needed to fake and pretend to be something they weren't in their old lives as their birth sex -- and that exploring their gender helps them uncover their true natural selves that didn't feel fake.

      So very little about this is about acceptance or fitting in --

      I don't care about being accepted or fitting in. I'm not this way because I'm seeking friends. There are plenty of better and easier way of making friendships.

      Instead, my exploration of my gender identity is something I do entirely for introspective personal purposes.

      However, I would very much like to live my life without being stared at and gawked at as a living walking controversy, thank you very much. You may not think it's "fair", but the reality is that all of us have secrets. Nobody should be obligated to walk around advertising their deepest secrets, and the act of withholding information is by no means a lie.

      It is absolutely not my responsibility to correct you if you mistake me as a certain gender, just like it is not my responsibility to say, "actually, I'm gay!" when you mistake me as a straight person. Similarly speaking, I have no obligation to disclose that "I've been arrested!" if you mistake me to be a perfectly law-abiding citizen with a totally clean record.

      My gender happens to something that hold personally to myself, just like many of those other things. Additionally, I firmly believe that none of these personal details are anybody else's business unless invited.
      AliceShiki likes this.
    5. Silver Snake Nov 29, 2018
      Words have many meanings and I didn't like your easily misunderstood word choice. I don't like the idea of people being afraid of being judged as they are or people lying in order to feel accepted. There's nothing wrong with being a feminine man or a masculine women. So what point is there to go to the trouble of lying about it? You want to be seen as cute, but you don't want to be seen as who you really are. I Once asked a friend of mine this, "Is it fair to be accepted without wanting to be judged?" It's not fair, it's not right, and it's not necessary. You can still have what you want without lying, you just chose the easier path to get it. There's nothing wrong with who you are; you don't have to change it.
    6. ohko Nov 29, 2018
      @Silver Snake I’m not totally sure I agree with your definition of a joke — Merrian Webster defines it as something said to provoke laughter, or alternatively, something not to be taken seriously.

      The other thing is that this blog post focuses on “full-time” otokonoko — that is, people who spend 100% of their time in a space presenting as a different sex.

      One of my main points is that in order to achieve this long term, you do have to be serious because you’re hiding it from everyone. This isn’t like a five-minute prank switch to the other gender so you can laugh with your friends later. You’re keeping silent about it to yourself, potentially indefinitely, usually for very personal reasons.

      What’s the point of a joke if you never reach the punchline?
    7. Silver Snake Nov 29, 2018
      I can only imagine people doing it jokingly, since a joke is a lie that doesn't hurt people and is for fun. It's the definition of a joke...
    8. Katsono Jan 14, 2018
      I can see you have similar thoughts to me about "thirsty" people hur~