Miscellaneous musings on sexuality #3 (Mature/NSFW/Adult)

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lychee

[- slightly morbid fruit -] ❀[ 恋爱? ]❀
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Miscellaneous musings on sexuality #3
@lychee writes stuff - blog post #12
Accompanying listening music: Emotional Night - Anime Music Streaming
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PSA: I've received comments that some people would like to make anonymous submissions to this blog column. If you'd like me to publish something anonymously for you, please feel free to reach out! I've also opened an ask.fm account for anyone who wants to ask questions, make comments, or suggestions for future posts.

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After a really enjoyable weekend away with Haru, I'm now back to reality and my typical work life.

Exhausting! Sore neck! Sleepy! More desk work!

I always feel tired.

Sometimes in the middle the day I feel like I want to flop over and crawl back into bed.

...Which, for that matter, leads into the next blog post of this series...

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The most precious belonging is without question my bed.

It's fluffy, comfortable, luxurious, and dozens of other words that fail to completely describe exactly what kind of relationship I have with my mattress. I would even go on to say that I would date and get married to my bed if I could — which may sound kind of funny — but is actually hardly a joke.

I'm halfway serious.

I have a special relationship with my bed that not even my fiance (yes, it finally happened >.<) can compare to.

In my undergraduate university years, I used to basically live on my dorm room bed. I would laptop, read, homework, draw, skype, eat (please don't tell mom), cuddle plushies, watch anime, masturbate, crawl under pillows, have sex with Haru, sleep, and virtually everything that didn't require me to leave my room.

I mean part of it was the fault of having a ridiculously small (9.1 square meter / 98 square feet) room in New York City, but I was basically glued to my bed almost all the time.

It shouldn't be too surprising that I developed a slight love affair with my bed.

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All the jokes aside, the main reason why I like my bed so much is because I like sleeping.

:blobsweat_2::blobsweat_2::blobsweat_2::blobsweat_2::blobsweat_2:

Sleeping is probably one of my hobbies.

[...]

...Actually, scratch that—

Writing it this way isn't entirely truthful either.

For that matter, let's ditch this entire blog post and start over entirely.

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After twelve years of dating and various romantic affairs, my true feelings about my bed are:

A lonely bed sucks.​

I like my bed a lot, but it's absolutely not the same when the person you like isn't in it with you.

At least, that's the way I always used to feel while growing up.

Ever since I was thirteen and started crushing over people, the main thing I use to fantasize vividly about was cuddling and sleeping with the person I like in bed.

Apparently, people have a wide variety of things that they fantasize about. Some people fantasize about sex, others fantasize about kissing and handholding, and others fantasize about outlandish fetishes and desires. None of those are particularly unusual. Personally though, I didn't fantasize much about those things.

I think this might possibly be exclusive to me, but for me my primary fantasy was cuddling.

For me, I mainly crushed over people basically because I wanted to sleep with them.

I wanted to fall asleep next to them at the closest physical proximity humanly possible.

And I was terribly thirsty for this!!!

Like gosh, who cares about holding hands! I wanted to crawl under the blankets already! :blobtriumph::blobtriumph::blobtriumph:

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There was a slight problem with this kind of desire.

Specifically, the desire was quasi-sexual.

I wanted to sleep and cuddle with people, yet I didn't want to have sex with them.

:blobdizzy::blobdizzy::blobdizzy::blobdizzy::blobdizzy::blobdizzy:

Where the heck was I supposed to find a guy who would sleep with me without wanting the snu-snu?

It was an enormous conundrum in my brain growing up, and I seriously couldn't figure it out! Also, I couldn't tell if I was basically a slut for wanting this kind of thing with scores of people? I mean, I didn't care for sex part so technically... no? Or maybe yes? I was really confused!

My sexuality was weird!

Over time, I figured out that I had very powerful desire for physical intimacy (touching, hugging, cuddling), but often times my sexual libido was simultaneously nonexistent. In my future relationships, this would often turn out to be a major issue that would lead to various degrees of sexual frustration.

How was it possible that my desire for physical intimacy to be different from sexual libido?

I think there are some guys who struggle with differentiating between the two.

And on my part, I was absolutely sending mixed signals...

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To some degree, I think I might be a bit of a cuddle slut.

Sometimes I used think about what would happen if my relationship with Haru suddenly ended.

It probably sounds horrible that I'm saying this, but after so many years in a relationship, I'm not really that sure how I'd be able to survive without always having a human radiator next to me. I feel like I would go through some form of physical intimacy withdrawal.

I'm pretty sure after a few months of drowning in an empty bed, I'd probably go looking for friends with benefits.

Hey, does anyone know if there any of those that will just sleep with you without doing anything?

I don't really care for the sex, and I could live just fine without it.

But I'd be really curious about the bed partner.......

:notlikeblob::notlikeblob::notlikeblob:

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The past few days, I've been playing the otoge visual novel Men of Yoshiwaru: Kikuya.

The plot of this game is that the player character gets involved with a high-class brothel of male courtesans (prostitutes) after stumbling upon an enormous sum of money by chance. Due to various circumstances, she gets to know one of the courtesans better, learns their tragic backstory, falls in love, and basically spends a boatload of money to buy time with him and potentially rescue him from his contracted service as a high-end sex slave. (...my poor virtual wallet!!! T^T)

It's a pretty steamy game, and I'm enjoying it a lot.

The game inspired me to think about how much I would pay to sleep with a high-class courtesan (without the sex, of course...).

I actually even thought about making a poll about it...........

...But what the heck! :blob_catflip::blob_catflip::blob_catflip:

Probably nobody has this kind of platonic cuddling/sleeping fetish except for me!

I'll be called a lewd weirdo again! :blobdizzy::blobdizzy::blobdizzy:

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Anyhow, today's blog probably isn't very relatable to most readers.

A few questions for the group:
  1. Do you have any quasi-romantic interests that nobody else seems to understand?
  2. Is physical intimacy different than sexual libido for you?
  3. Would you ever spend money to go get a nosebleed at a host club / entertained by a courtesan?
...That's all for today.... :blobsalt::blobsalt::blobsalt:

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Comments

    1. AMissingLinguist Oct 4, 2019
      Do you have any quasi-romantic interests that nobody else seems to understand?
      Physical intimacy is something I have trouble doing. I will give head pats to children for doing good jobs, but I do not think I would enjoy head pats unless the one doing it was taller than me. :blob_patpat:
      Is physical intimacy different than sexual libido for you?
      Physical intimacy is different than sexual libido to me, but I would have to communicate that to my partner in advance so that misunderstandings do not happen. :bloblove:
      Would you ever spend money to go get a nosebleed at a host club / entertained by a courtesan?
      Nope. I prefer time alone, and spending any of it meeting beautiful/handsome people seems like a way to lose money fast. :sweating_profusely:
      lychee likes this.
    2. iampsyx Oct 2, 2019
      My twiiinnnn~ <33333 :bloblove::bloblove::bloblove::bloblove::bloblove:

      It's been a while since I last read Shima Shima so I don't know what happens in the latest updates (put it on-hold at the time since the scanlation was on hiatus). The whole get-a-(hot-young-)guy-to-cuddle-you-to-sleep business sounds very interesting, yeah. But if I were a client, I would have to meet with the "employee" outside my home first — wouldn't it be scary and an invasion of your personal space to have a first meeting with a random stranger in your own home and immediately sleep with them in a few hours? Just the nerves alone would drive away any sleepiness and we'd probably end up awkwardly staring at the ceiling or something! :blobrofl:

      Ohhh but alternatively, I could use the c̶h̶a̶n̶c̶e̶ time to ask questions instead since I'm "not sleepy anyway" and who knows, I might end falling asleep. :blobrofl: Sounds like a plan! :blobthinkingsmirk::blobowoevil_horns:

      About the courtesans and hosts, part of the appeal is probably because socializing is part of their job and they seem to me like good talkers with a knack for reading body language. I watched this video about the "number one hostess in Japan" a while ago and what struck me the most was how...'classy', 'professional' and well-mannered she was — she seemed like the kind of person I'd like to talk to a lot!
      lychee and AMissingLinguist like this.
    3. AliceShiki Oct 2, 2019
      @lychee Well, I honestly can't understand the double standard, because for me it's the same thing regardless of being a male or a female service! >.<

      That said, when things are properly regulated and are within legality, I don't think there is any problem with visiting any sort of courtesan, sexual worker or what not... I mainly have issues with the illegal industry that revolves around it.

      Like... I really don't see any problems with a guy visiting a prostitute if she's working in a safe establishment and receiving a payment that is appropriate for the kind of job she is submitting herself to. It just... Feels okay to me I guess.

      On the other hand, if it was something closer to the historical way courtesans were treated, I think it would be a pretty nice thing overall, paying someone to chat about a myriad of different things and maybe play some board games could be pretty nice~
      I honestly have no clue how this kind of cabaret in Japan works though, so I won't comment on it... But it would probably be fine to me if it's something regulated~
      AMissingLinguist, iampsyx and lychee like this.
    4. lychee Oct 2, 2019
      @iampsyx that manga sounds awesome!!!! :aww::aww::aww:

      Unsurprisingly, I guess we relate to each other most. XD

      That said, I do get lewd fantasies too — although for irl people who I have crushes on it’s almost always non-lewd or quasi-romantic.

      I think it’s really strange!

      Like my imagination can go very smutty and @.@ when it comes to 100% fiction, but as soon as a real person is involved a vanilla switch is turned and all I want is just plain cuddling. >.<
    5. lychee Oct 2, 2019
      @Momoyuki I feel like a lot of people online are more touchy than they are irl! Personally, I’m a little bit hesitant online because I’m paranoid about guys, but I’m only touchy with people I’m super close to irl

      @AliceShiki for me it’s really odd because I think there’s a double standard in my head. Like I think it’s super creepy for guys to visit a prostitute, but for some reason it doesn’t feel as bad in my head it it’s a male courtesan with a female customer.

      I think I may have been influenced too much by the things I read. For instance, like @iampsyx I think the culture around geisha and consorts and high-end entertainers are really fascinating. Like in the old days, the main thing about courtesans was the fact that they were very artful and could play board games/puzzles, talk politics/history, compose poetry, and play music and dance for their clients. In essence, rich clients paid for their company and intellect. Sex was very difficult to obtain with a courtesan because it was thought that sex devalues the courtesan, so the sexual aspects were sold as little as possible and given only to the richest and most loyal clients.

      I feel like the closest irl thing is probably like host clubs or cabaret clubs in Japan — ie. Ouran High School Host Club the manga/anime — since entertainment doesn’t necessarily imply sex, and is legal/consensual in parts of the world.
    6. lychee Oct 2, 2019
      Anonymous comment:
    7. leegood Oct 2, 2019
      (~^o^) Babu bababa dababubaba, dyaaaa bababu!

      *Babu after @Novela made Babu using power puff girl recipe and accidentally dropping in a pile of marshmallows*
      AMissingLinguist, iampsyx and lychee like this.
    8. Cutter Masterson Oct 2, 2019
      I have seen talks between women and I can see the whole cuddle point. A lot of women want to cuddle especially after intimacy. As to men physical intimacy and sexual libido are the same thing for us. Although I could probably handle no sex for the short term, but blue balls hurt like a motherf@#ker.
      At least that’s what I think.
      AMissingLinguist, leegood and lychee like this.
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