It's been more than a year since I've lost contact with my friends. At high school, I made friends with this guys that lasted until we were in college. We were quite close, I really like spending my time with them. But the closeness made me feel uncomfortable. Sometimes I thought this is scary. I am not used to it. This thought always brought up to my conscious everytime I got close with someone.
I have a tendency or thought that every relationship I have, I will screw it up in the end. Whatever the reason is, whether it was because of myself, my family, or my past, indirectly. Because of this thought, I tend to never talk about myself to my friends. I liked hanging out with them, joking around and such, but I tried to avoid any personal talk about myself.
This is indeed unhealthy, but I kinda afraid of open up to them. I hate certain parts about myself, and I don't want them to know. Hahaha such a fool. I know that. Maybe this is just a defense mechanism of myself, scared of getting hurt over again.
Just wanna let it off of my mind.
Ah, I really want to go far faraway from this city, alone. Lol.
Random Thought
Author
orematcha
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