It can be... Surprisingly hard to say goodbye... Just goodbye, not a "Goodbye, we won't see each other anymore", but "see you laters~", something as simple as that can be surprisingly hard.
I tend to over think things a lot... It's just... How am I suppose to go say goodbye? Won't it look like I'm shoving the other person away? Won't it look like I want them to go? But I don't! I just think that they need to get ready for work, because it is about time for them to start getting ready... I just think that we can talk more later, but... But... But I get afraid of saying something that looks as if I'm dismissing them! >.<
Then I stayed silent, silent because I didn't want to start a new topic, afraid that this would make my girlfriend get late to work... But she also said nothing, and we kept silent, and then she said bye, because she needed to go to work and and and... And what's up with this awkward silence for a few minutes!? That felt horrible! Awkward silences are terrible! >.<
On another note, I really hate awkward silences, I desperately want to get rid of them as soon as possible... But an awkward silence with my girlfriend!? The world is ending! It's ending I tell you!!! >.<
Haa... I just felt like saying "I think you should log-off and get ready for work", but I held back on it because I didn't want to look like I'm dismissing her... I'm an idiot, I shouldn't overthink things too much and just say what's on my head properly...
But I get so afraid! I don't want to hurt her! I don't want her to get the wrong idea! I don't want to make her feel bad because I wasn't able to express myself properly! But now I could've made her feel bad anyway because I just yesterday said I hated awkward silences, and today I let it spread freely! >.<
... I'm really an idiot... T.T
Well... I hope she didn't mind it too much though, but I can't help worrying anyway... Though in the first place, why am I making this a blog post instead of just messaging this to her...? I mean, she is the one that I want to hear this, and I'm pretty sure I'll at least link her this post, or just rephrase the whole of it to her... Uhn... Maybe I just wanted to organize my head...
Still, it can be surprisingly hard to just say a "bye", can't it? I remember on the first months after my parents divorced, whenever I got home after meeting my father, we would say "bye" at least thrice before actually leaving, it was just... Hard, hard to say bye for real, not because we wouldn't see each other in the future, but because we would stop seeing each other now, on that instant we were separating.
And well, me, being this girl that overthinks all sorts of stuff... Yeah, it's pretty hard for me!
Especially because... I don't wanna say bye. The truth is, I want to stay with my GF 24/7, I want her her her and only her! I mean, sure, I can understand that being with each other 24/7 would be stressful, we wouldn't be able to get our things done, and lots of other problems would arrive, but... But right now I'm super entranced, okay!? I want her! I want her with me and I want to enjoy her company!!!
I want to cuddle, kiss and talk about anything and everything with her, slowly getting to know each other better, bit by bit, slowly but surely... I don't want to say goodbye just because it's 11pm, like... So what if I need to sleep!? I still want her company! >.<
... I say that, but I do go to sleep anyway... Doesn't mean I don't want to keep awake though!
I don't want to go away, I don't want her to go away, I don't want to dismiss her, I don't want her to think I'm dismissing her, yet she still needs to go, yet I still need to go... It's so... Bothersome...
I wish I could never say goodbye and just stay cuddling day in and day out... T.T
Saying Goodbye, See you Later, See you Tomorrow...
Author
AliceShiki
『Ms. Tree』『Magical Girl of Love and Justice』, Female
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