Sex, Love and Relationships

Disclaimer: If it isn't obvious from the title, I'm talking a lot about sex in this blog post, keep in mind if there are people near you or if you are at work.



For a long time I thought that I didn’t have much sex drive, and that for as long as my partner was happy with it, I’d be happy with it too.
I honestly discovered I couldn’t be more wrong.

Sex is a strange, lovely, and amazing thing. I remember a friend of mine saying that a relationship was a physical, emotional and committal thing, that it required the 3 of them to work out properly, and I was like… “Eh? Dunno, I think I’m okay with not having amazing sex for as long as my partner enjoys it. I know I need some physical attraction to the other party, but they don’t need to be the hottest person on Earth to make me happy” That was more or less how I felt.

Still, my experience with sex was like… 3 times with a man in a troubled relationship while I had no idea of my fetishes and none of us had any experience with it… It was nice, I enjoyed it, actually craved for more of it for quite some time, but… Wasn’t really the sort of thing that changed my views in the world? Made me understand a lot more about myself for sure, but didn’t quite touch me there, didn’t quite show how important sex was.

I kinda understood it better today. I was having a talk with my girlfriend about some RL problems I have… Well, I have tons of those… I think everyone has, but that’s besides the point, I have tons of those, and I’m not good at dealing with them, I run from them, I get depressive, I mock myself, I just can’t face my problems head on, they scare me, I can’t move against them, they’re right there in front of me, I have all the necessary tools to face off against them, and there is nothing more that I want but to run away as quickly as possible.
And I hate that part of myself. I hate that I just can’t act on my own when I know I should, and more importantly… When I can act, because a lot of times we have many circumstances surrounding us that make us unable to act, make us unable to do what we need… And that is not my current circumstance in life. It is not, but I keep not acting anyway, this really hits me pretty hard.

This talk happened since some… 9-10pm and was going on until midnight or so, which is usually the time we have sex in. And well… My girlfriend is going to start a new job next week, she needs to adapt to her schedule and can’t stay awake for too long at night, while I can sleep at pretty much any time since I work at home office. So… I was pretty much expecting we wouldn’t do anything today because it was already late and she needed to sleep.

Well, she pinned me down and did me good~ <3

The point of it was how much it was an amazingly good surprise, I wasn’t expecting it at all, it’s not like we couldn’t have sex tomorrow, or if we hadn’t had sex yesterday, it wasn’t the end of the world to not have it today… But we did it anyway, we did it even though she needed to sleep because she still has plenty of things to do before she starts her new job… She did it for me, because she loves me, and wants to be with me… And I was definitely needing her company.

It just so happened that my mood took such a big turn upwards… I felt really amazed by it. Our talk wasn’t short, and I was feeling pretty depressive for the most of it, and yet she kept by my side, heard me out and helped me, suggested ways of moving forward, supported me, denied my claims of being pathetic… And somehow I just kept crying. I kept crying because I was sad, because even if I believed her, I didn’t believe me.

Then we had sex and suddenly I felt like I could actually do it… That even if things are bad, I can still do it, I definitely can… It felt strange and amazing. Hearing her tell me “I love you” is one of the best things I could ever ask for, again and again those are words I don’t tire of hearing.
Hearing “I love you” in the middle of a talk in which I feel depressive and am self-loathing gives me comfort, shows me that there is someone by my side, caring for me, my comrade, someone I love that I can rely on and that is with me for all the hardships that come ahead. It’s a really wonderful feeling.
Hearing “I love you” after sex feels… A whole lot different. Feels… Lovely? Feels… Comfortable? It puts me in the clouds maybe? I can’t quite describe the sensation, but it is good. A very different kind of good than it is when I hear it in the middle of a depressive talk. Both are good, and both are very important, but the feeling I get from each is a lot different, and I love hearing that I’m loved a lot more right after I cum than after I cry.

The feeling I got today made me understand how important this is… Not just to me, but to us, to me and her. Sex is not just pleasure, it is special, it is a bonding moment, in which we can both give ourselves in fully to one another. It’s not anyone that I can simply let dominate me. To pin me down on bed and do whatever they want with me, to do this kind of thing needs a lot of trust, and a lot of love. I can only be touched by the one I love, it’s how I feel… And this is a really strong feeling.

I love having sex, but more than having sex, I love having sex with my girlfriend, that is what I truly love about it, it’s not a special moment, it’s a special moment with a special someone. It’s special among the special.

I think I now understand why the physical aspect of a relationship is so important to it, I can love someone a lot, I can want to be with them… But the kind of feeling that I get with sex is not something that I can get with anyone else… And having good sex is really really important.

I’m a person that wants to be dominated and ordered around in bed, I don’t want to take control, I want to lie there being tied up and attacked from above, or at least ordered around to do whatever is the bidding of my partner… If I met someone that couldn’t fulfill those needs, I’m not sure I’d be able to have a relationship as healthy as the one I have right now. Because this is really important to me, a lot more than I imagined.

It is surprising because a few things I did in bed were not things that I expected myself to do, they were things that I thought that I would never ever be able to do because it is not what I’d want for myself in these scenarios… But I did it, I did it and I enjoyed it… Because my partner wanted it, because she wanted me to do something that would make her feel special. And sex is all about making your partner feel special. Making her feel special made me feel special too, because I am the one that did that, she entrusted this to me because she loves me, and I love her, and she is the most special to me, as I am to her.

Though while I can do things that I wouldn’t normally see myself doing, and that I can enjoy doing them, I can very clearly notice how different it is for me to be in my position of comfort or not, and I can very well measure the difference in pleasure I get from those two too. I can enjoy doing something I normally wouldn’t, but I can’t quite do it all the time, I wouldn’t get joy from that. Which is where the sexual affinity with the partner comes in, it’s where the physical aspect of the relationship comes in.

I remember searching a while back about what things Masochists did in bed, I was curious because I know it’s not any time of pain that can make an M happy, most people won’t enjoy being punched in the face for once, so I was curious about it, and I remember seeing an AMA about it… The person in question was in a point of her life, that she decided that she would only date people whose fetishes matched hers. The rest would come later through dating, but the first thing to even start was to have matching fetishes.

I felt it was too extreme… I still think, but I can understand it better now. Sex is a really special thing, and it feels much more special when you’re doing what you love the most, in the way you love the most, with the person you love the most… While they are enjoying themselves the most.

It is a two-ways thing, more than wanting to cum as I’m penetrated, I want my girlfriend to also cum while doing it, I want to moan as much as I want to hear her moans, I need to love as much as I need to be loved.

I’m really happy with my current relationship, we have only started and we already found some troubling issues that can’t easily be solved, that scare us, that we’ll need to work to solve… But we’re together in this, we’re in love and together. I’m completely in love and my love grows with each passing day, this isn’t the kind of happiness I want to give up on, and this includes the happiness I get from having sex with her.

In the end, sex is a strong part of the relationship that simply can’t be ignored. It needs to be looked at it as it is, an intimate and important part of the relationship. Understanding our own sexual needs is a big and important step in understanding an important part of our relationships I think.