Life, please let me get drunk this weekend and not get dragged into a wedding I got informed of a day before. Also, please spare me from any social interactions the coming weekend. Amen.
Tell them your clothes got jacked by a stray dog that then took off running through a field, losing them in a snake pit that got torched by Indiana Jones. Oh, and you have the plague. Highly contagious. You're staying away from them for their own good.
Naruin, I would totally take being spoon fed tea. Although the screw and blush emoji made my brain go to a bad place O.o Papercut, if you do that, you need to get a giant broom to look threatening when you shoo them.
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