Discussion For Parents!!!

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by SpeedGirl, Dec 9, 2021.

  1. SpeedGirl

    SpeedGirl Well-Known Member

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    Ok. The situation is like that. We have a group chat in the WhatsApp with neighborhood girls. And in that is parents and non-parents. We have made plans for party. But suddenly in the chat one of the girls made fuss that why we should do parties without children.

    I explained to her that it is because we want to relax from studies and children and just have little fun.

    Don't misunderstand me. I have one child and I'm 24 years old. I don't want to lose myself just because I'm mother. But it doesn't mean that im irresponsible parent.

    Or what do you think?
    It's just she is so passive aggressive to me saying " oh, so you need to relax from your child? I didn't know that"

    Am I not good parent?
     
  2. otaku31

    otaku31 Well-Known Member

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    And there you have your answer! As random people on the internet who hardly know you or have the opportunity of witnessing your parenting finesse up close, who only have your side of the story and your word to go on, we can only trust your self-assessment and hope you trust our judgement. :blobsalute:
     
  3. ANonMouse

    ANonMouse Well-Known Member

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    I think it's fine, as long as you make sure your child's still being taken care of as you relax. Moms need time and space away from being a mom. Having "momhood" swallow your entire identity isn't really healthy.

    Also, for what it's worth, I hated when my parents would take me to socialize with their church group because I hated some of those parents' kids. Funny thing is the dad of the kid I hated the most apparently was scamming the group by claming to have investment opportunities when all he did was directly spend the investment money people gave him to host those expensive group meetups. No wonder he was such a shithead : was raised by one too.
     
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2021
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  4. Aqualistic

    Aqualistic Well-Known Member

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    Not sure of your situation but from what you’ve said, you’re definitely not a bad mother. Would say you’re a good mother if you meet your child’s essential needs and be respectful them. It’s okay to feel and want to have your own time as long as you have someone trustworthy to leave your child in their care, as long as you don’t make it a habit and start neglecting your child.
     
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  5. SpeedGirl

    SpeedGirl Well-Known Member

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    I just feel guilty because of her words. We had planned it for weeks.
    For just one day be a young girl and don't think about my everyday problems.


     
  6. Viator

    Viator [Cult of Pyoo: Pyoo's Oak Tree]

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    Every parent cherishes moments of peace, and needs to reconnect as an adult once in awhile.

    What you want isn't bad in moderation, as long as it doesn't turn to neglect. I believe that even if your children are the most important thing in your life, they shouldn't be ALL of it. That person is going to think what they think. You shouldn't feel guilty for practicing a little self care from time to time as long as you maintain your responsibilities.

    *If you feel guilty, ask yourself if you're doing everything you need to as a good parent. If you can say yes, you don't need to feel guilty for setting aside time for you. Act in the way you want to teach your child to be. If you want your child to take care of themselves, you have to model taking care of yourself.
     
  7. asriu

    asriu fu~ fu~ fu~

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    its ok to relax yourself~ really~ being a parent mean you need to ensure the child is ok while you go away, it can also teach independence so the kid not to clingy~

    judge bad or good parent is hard unless there more detail ya know~ so just enjoy your time~
     
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  8. ANonMouse

    ANonMouse Well-Known Member

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    unfortunately we live in a society that puts martyr moms on a pedestal, and that's the result : people can make you feel bad about yourself by insinuating you're not a good enough mom because you don't do _____. Then they'll force you to sit through them bragging about their kids' grades or their husband's promotion because they have nothing else going on in their lives and you exist soley to compete with them as a "mom". So fuckiing toxic.
     
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  9. Bachingchung

    Bachingchung Well-Known Member

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    no need to feel guilty, you need your personal time too. Nobody is forcing anyone to go, so if some parent complained just ignore or uninvite them.
     
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  10. SpeedGirl

    SpeedGirl Well-Known Member

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    I will leave my child with my mom. So grandmother will babysit while I am away

    I hope I'm good parent. If we are talking about clothing, toys and other materialistic stuff I think he have all of them. I mean I know he don't have best of them but he have it all.
    I'm a single parent and I think I manage it just fine.
    He is going to kindergarten and likes to read books just like me. So we buy books often.

    But sometimes looking at other children I feel that I'm not good enough and her words just touched my sore spot.
     
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  11. Cutter Masterson

    Cutter Masterson Well-Known Super-Soldier

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    Just like there is no perfect person or normal person. We are all people with no set standards. Everyone is different. There are set points we can majority agree is good or bad, but than again there are far more gray area too.
    As to your question. Are you a bad mother. The answer is no. For the simple fact. That you question if you are. And the desire to do the right thing.
    Some have already stated. All people need breaks. Being a parent is a huge responsibility and one not to be taken lightly. This is a human being we’re talking about here. So taking a break away before you crack is a good thing. It’s not a selfish one.
    Some people believe thinking about yourself in any way is some how bad. While I can see how they came to that conclusion. It’s usually because of two reason. One their projecting their issues onto you or two. They have no real long term experience and all they really do know is theory.
    Life is not a simple black and white answer. Feelings, experiences, environment and etc. play a role. No one here will know what you go through from being a doctor to being a teacher. And that’s just when your at home. A mother’s time with her kids is not a simple task. That not anyone can do. In fact they don’t get enough acknowledgment in all that they do. Also it’s not a 9 to 5 job, but 24hr 365days deal.
    In any other career. A normal person would snap in those conditions, but somehow. They still have a smile on their face and a kind word for you.
    Yeah, no. I am all for mother’s taking breaks. If any man says no to a mother not taking a break. He had better have a really dam good reason. Even if he has to take off work. He better say yes. After all what’s the most important thing in his life. If the answer is anything other than family. Than he needs to stop and check himself because obviously there’s something wrong with him.
    One qualifier. To much of anything is bad for you. So keep everything in moderation. From exercising to going out. Don’t neglect any other parts of your life either. Especially, your family because in the end. As I have said they should be you reason. That includes taking care of yourself.
    I wish you luck
     
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  12. Viator

    Viator [Cult of Pyoo: Pyoo's Oak Tree]

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    You're handling all alone what a lot of people have to do in teams. If you worry about being a good parent and you are trying your best to be one, you probably are. You are good enough. Sometimes when you're alone it's hard to feel that way, because you need someone to say it. You are good enough. You don't have to be perfect, you'll make mistakes. There is a saying that no child survives their parents; meaning we all screw them up somehow. But I promise you that no matter what struggles you go through, if you loved your kid and do your best, you've done enough. That's all anyone can ask of you.
     
  13. asriu

    asriu fu~ fu~ fu~

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    ou single parent is hard~ for non materialist stuff you can consult with your mom~ hey atleast she have experience parenting you! children sometimes can be very very hmm perspective? sensible? they have general understand about their situation~ on kindergarten huh depend on how close you are maybe its good idea to call him before his bed time or ask what his done while you away~



    btw here and maybe advise from this cat own experience~ do not let children too dependedependent on smartphone or stuff like that.... it was nightmare babysitting such child....
     
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  14. SpeedGirl

    SpeedGirl Well-Known Member

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    Thank you for all the answers. :sushi_thankyou:
     
  15. AliceShiki

    AliceShiki 『Ms. Tree』『Magical Girl of Love and Justice』

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    I personally can't wait to be a mother myself, so I often think about this kind of thing, but... Well, I'm not in a stable enough situation to be able to adopt a child, so for now everything I know about motherhood comes from research I made, things I imagined doing, and my own experience with my parents.

    I know that my children will be the most important people to me in the world. I know I will try my best to be a good mother that they can rely on and trust on... And I know I'll probably make mistakes along the way. Nobody is perfect, but I'll try my best to be the best mother possible, and to apologize to my children when I mess up with them.

    But uhn... I just can't see what you're doing as a mistake in any way? Like... It's no secret that being a parent is hard? It's a big responsibility, and a good chunk of your life will end up revolving around your child... And while I think it could be a problem if you thought of taking care of your child as a chore, this doesn't seem to be the case. You seem to just want to relax, and like... Who doesn't want to relax? And it definitely can be hard to relax near young children, no matter how much you love them, because... Well, they demand a lot of us, and also have a lot of energy to burn and stuff. I love being with children, but it can also be quite tiring... And well, I don't deal with children that often, it's definitely a lot more taxing if you have a child with you every day.

    I dunno, I remember how my mom basically had no life of her own back when she was married to my dad. Everything she did was in family or was work... That was it. Her entire life revolved around her job and around her children. I don't remember a single time she went out with her friends in all the years from the moment I was born to the moment she divorced... She also almost never had some time alone with dad, to like... go on a trip somewhere or whatever, to like... Have some couple time and stuff.
    ... And well, mom was always super stressed, and her escape from day-to-day life was basically diving as deep as she could in work. That's not healthy. It's not healthy in the slightest... Of course I appreciate mom dedicating a huge chunk of her life solely to her family, but I really do think she deserved to have hobbies, to have friends, and to have time for herself... And she had nothing of it. Which just made her be stressed 24/7.

    I think it's good that you're acknowledging your own need for relax and for time for yourself, and that you're giving this to yourself while also making sure that your child is with someone you trust. You're doing great, keep it up~
     
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  16. Little Evil

    Little Evil *pat* ^^

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    You should make sure the child is safe, but theres 0 reason to take it along for a party...
    I mean, you go relax, not be stressed in a group, taking care of little ones all the while~
     
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  17. SpeedGirl

    SpeedGirl Well-Known Member

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    Thank you for your answers ^^

    I'm not gonna hide. The other person herself have 4 children.
    I hoped that she would understand me. But apparently it's not like that.
     
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  18. Cutter Masterson

    Cutter Masterson Well-Known Super-Soldier

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    Only a guess, but… I feel she maybe projecting her own misgivings and pain. The only way to understand anything is through communication. As I and many here agree. You are not a bad mother. Personally, if this person opinion means so much to you. Why not ask her? Her reason on why she feels this way, but be aware the answer you may get. May not be the answers your looking for or even any answers to begin with.
    Besides all that. The main thing is. Are you ok with the answer you found. Beyond us or your friend. The answer lies within you. Is this something you will be ok with.
    Personally, I think you should try it at least once. If it turns out like it’s not something you care for. Than stop. This is not something that needs an answer right this second. Life is like that. Taking bold steps. Failing. Achieving. It’s all part of life. You take in as much as you can and give it your best shot. You can at least say. You tried
    We As Your Friends. We Are With You. And Will Always Be Here. If You Need Us
     
  19. FIEND

    FIEND copium dealer

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    Bruh commendable enough that you are my age with a child
    I’m barely handling my inner child lol
    Your doin great, ignore the hoes and focus on havin fun and being you before you waste your 20s
     
  20. Zeusomega

    Zeusomega M.D of Olympus Pvt Ltd. Seeking [Boltzmann brain]

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    ... You're u and no one else can judge you for it.

    Seems like that mother is just too invested in motherhood and feels offended when other mothers can have a life outside.

    Just tell her " if you feel you'll lose your motherly bonds with your child in just a night...girl that child is better off in foster care"